Monday, February 25, 2008


I have breasts. They're awesome.

Breasts are pretty. All sorts. Even man-breasts, usually. The good-looking ones are usually called "pecs," but they've got fat and they've got milk glands.

Mine are exquisitely sensitive. Not just the nipple but the whole damn thing, from the corner up in my armpit down to the base. My nipples have been bitten so hard they bled and liked it; they've been barely brushed with a fingertip and liked it.

They're slightly scarred from being bitten and clamped and fingernailed too hard, but you'd have to look very closely to notice. Maybe breastfeeding will be easier for me, someday; there certainly won't be any "just wait til they toughen up" period because after having unpadded alligator clamps yanked straight off, my tits are pretty fucking tough.

I have average-size breasts, I think. They're not well matched; Righty's a B and Lefty's nearly a C, which probably doesn't meet anybody's beauty standards, but I've noticed that once men actually get them in their hands they don't tend to criticize. Maybe they're just being polite.

Because of his smallness, Brandon can suck my nipples while he's fucking me. Jon can only pinch them--but he does, and hard, and I love it. Having my nipples pinched really hard (nope, harder than you're thinking, seriously, hard, if you aren't a little worried they might come off it's not hard enough) just as I'm coming is one of the best feelings I know.

They sell ridiculously "enhancing" bras at the lingerie shop, enough gel and padding to make me a believable D, and to be honest they look great with a shirt on, but I don't quite see the point, because if the aim of the things is to get me laid... it would be pretty damn embarrassing to pick up a guy with my "enhancements" and then take them off in front of him.

Of course there's another way to enhance but I don't much like the idea of general-anesthesia prosthetic surgery as a cosmetic. I've felt fake breasts and they're not all soft and squooshy like mine; they feel like something swollen, like a giant pimple that you hope to God doesn't pop. And you're risking loss of sensation. I wouldn't give up the feeling of lips (or alligator clamps) on my tits for anything.

Also, fake boobs tend to look absolutely bizarre to me; to say that the ideal breast is a taut sphere is as unnatural as saying it should be shaped like a firetruck. I've read that there are natural teardrop-shaped implants on the market but they don't sell as well because women want people to know that they've had the surgery done. It seems sad that someone would have a sexual preference for a look that can only be created through major surgery.

Several women in my family, including my mother, have had breast cancer. I'm supposed to get tested for the gene but I keep putting it off. My breasts are so great I want to have them forever. I guess wanting it doesn't make it true though.


  1. I love being a lurker, but after his post I just had to de-cloak - a little.

    I agree with you on everything. Except 8 years ago I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of BC. Even with a family history and regular exams, I was stage III when discovered.

    I loved my breasts too. But I love life more. I can honestly say that my sex life is great and, in fact, I think it is better now, as I have found other, creative ways to be satisfied.

    I learned to not only open up and be honest about my body, but my feelings toward my own sexuality. On that point alone you are way ahead of the game!

    Its been a great journey. All I can say is that don't put off the decision too long. My mother and I were in our 30's. (My mom in her early 30's)

    We are both still here and loving every minute of well as those still in our lives - those who were not afraid, or turned off by our decision not to have reconstruction.

    I love what you do here and I admire your frankness, tenacity and honesty. And if I can be so bold - I don't ever want to see it end prematurely.

    Thanks for this post and the opportunity to share - even if it is anonymously.

  2. Anonymous - Thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm glad to hear you and your mother are doing well, and although I know it's a difficult choice and I don't disagree either way (it's a way different issue from cosmetic implants), I admire your choice not to get reconstruction.

    And you're completely right--I'd definitely rather live without boobs than not live at all. And pretending it'll go away if I don't think about it won't help. (I wrote this post partly to make myself think about it.)

    I've got the brochure for the screening sitting here on my desk and I'll call them in the morning.