On my way back from Germany, I had a layover in London (or more specifically in a hermetically sealed airport terminal that they told me was London but could have been the moon for all the city views and local color it offered), and I picked up a copy of UK Cosmo. It's definitely all different content from US Cosmo, so let's get reading!
White cover! Someone named Holly! Whoo! And she appears to weigh more (not a lot more, but I take what I can get) than 100 pounds! She's still been Photoshopped to death, though, she has an Amazing Disappearing Right Leg! Sort of a white lace dress thing, but not fine sexy lace, more like doily lace! The word "SEX" is, true to form, in very large font on the cover!
It came with a free bag, too. It's actually a really nice bag--it's a tote bag made of durable-feeling fabric with a cute and very British sailor-stripe pattern and bow, and it doesn't have any annoying logos on it either. I would pay the cover price of the magazine just for this bag.
Oh boy. One of the first articles is a point-counterpoint about whether men have to fight anti-male sexism. Let's read the "yes" viewpoint and grit our teeth...
Last year, an oven-cleaner ad drew a thousand-plus complaints for the slogan, 'So easy, even a man can use it.' But it stayed on air, and anti-male sexism in the media--and beyond--continues. Can you imagine the outcry if one of the most popular TV shows of all time featured a drunken, fat, stupid woman and her long-suffering husband? Or if a clothes store asked its female staff to go topless? As The Simpsons and Abercrombie & Fitch have shown, if man are the targets, portraying them as stupid or as objects of lust doesn't seem to matter.
Of course, women still have a long way to go in the war against discrimination--even now we earn, on average, less than men. But it doesn't do us any favours to turn the tables against them. It's time to remember it's equality we've been fighting for--not the chance to get our own back.
...gosh. She's kinda got a point there. I was expecting a "feminism has gone too far!", but no, this is actually quite reasonable. If anything the "no" editorial is further from my own viewpoint, although when she points out that guys may have "image" issues but women still have far less financial and political power, she's kinda got a point too.
UK Cosmo's nipple stance is intermediate between Germany and the US; it's not a tits-out nipplefest like German Cosmo, but they don't Photoshop them out of bra pictures the way US Cosmo does. Although there is one picture of a guy who must have had his junk Photoshopped out, you can see all the way up his thigh and there's nothing there, I refuse to believe this was just done with angles. (He's very good-looking, but it's all for naught because I can't stop staring at his Invisiballs.)
[on handjobs:] Learning how to please a man is simple: ask him. Treating it as a guessing game can be dangerously hit and miss (and more bad guesses could further dent your confidence). Or simply listen for his cues ('slow down,' 'firmer,' 'gently,' 'faster,' etc are directions, not criticisms).
Man, British chicks get this and we get fucking shoelaces.
Is there anything you should avoid wearing if you're tall?
Yes, flats! Rock it if you've got it. Many people would love to be tall, so flaunt it ladies.
I know it's weird to see telling women to wear high heels as progressive, but this is such a breath of fresh air compared to US Cosmo's constant "minimize all deviations" fashion philosophy.
The most memorable football games are when your team pulls off a miraculous win in the 90th minute, right? It's the same with sex. The more tension you create, the more arousal. And that's what foreplay's about--building anticipation.
Yes, but when do we compare our favorite trees or eat bananas or rub a hairbrush on his junk? This stupid British-people magazine has no concrete advice, that's its problem.
Well, that and being written by sane people. The reason I haven't quoted that many parts is that there's just huge swaths of decent, reasonable writing. It's not amazing or anything, but it's respectful of the audience and... it's just not bizarre. There aren't any howlers. I could probably cherry-pick some things I disagree with, but there isn't a mountain of wrongness. There's no British equivalent to the shoelace trick.
Don't copy your friends. Sheep do that and they end up on a plate with mint sauce.
I... I think I love you, UK Cosmo.