tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post2949744819037168161..comments2024-02-23T03:38:53.049-05:00Comments on The Pervocracy: Why I didn't just call the cops.Cliff Pervocracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comBlogger191125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-68963739198828864442014-02-17T06:19:04.283-05:002014-02-17T06:19:04.283-05:00Thank you for posting this. I never reported my ra...Thank you for posting this. I never reported my rape/gang-rape which happened multiple times at the hands of my then dom. These are all my reasons. I see your red-flags. I see also me being to young and inexperienced to know about safewords. All my previous experiences I hadn't needed a safeword. It was me in control and if someone said stop or even looked upset or uncomfortable I stopped. That was not the case when I decided to finally explore my submissive nature. I had always wanted to be like the girls that I had domme-d for. I craved it so much I couldn't get off anymore. I found a man I thought I was safe with. I didn't realize until some time after my virginity was taken by gang-rape that I was in a VERY abusive relationship. There were signs. He knew I hated the cane and yet he would use it with glee. I thought this was normal he was challenging me to go past my limits. I knew really that when I said stop he should have. I always had. I knew but I wanted that submission so badly that I set it aside. I came with him. Every horrible thing he did I eventually came to. EVERY single one. When I finally agreed to give him my virginity and he invited friends of ours to take me too saying I had a rape fantasy, which I had confessed to him when he said what was the scariest thing that turned you on yet I had expected that to stay private or at least be talked about before we did anything like that. These friends had been told I would fight that I would say no and that it was part of what I wanted. They had no idea they were really raping me. I told them after other times of it happening that each time I hadn't wanted that but it scared me that it made me cum harder than I ever had. I cried into their shoulders. They were just as much victims as I was as far as I am concerned. If I had turned in that dom they could have gone to jail too. I couldn't live with that so I never reported. There are many other reasons but that is the reason that makes me see that I made the right choice for myself. I have immense guilt/worry sometimes over the fact that that man is now in jail for raping another woman. I could have saved her but I didn't and that took a lot of therapy to get over. It took a lot of therapy for my friends to get over what happened and even worse that I didn't leave him the first time I was violated. I didn't confess to these poor men that they were really raping me till after many occurrences that ate at them. I helped to keep them alive after they found out. One of these young men tried multiple times to kill himself an the only thing that kept him from doing so is that I kept going after everything he had done. That I did walk away in the end. I was scarred for a long time after and thought I could never allow myself submission again but I ended up married to a wonderful man who would never ignore my safeword. A man I can trust with my life. I am better now and I have let go of all the pain and shame that used to consume me. I am so grateful to that other woman who was brave enough to put that monster away I still wish though that I had been able to be that brave for her. Thank you for putting your pain out there and helping others see that rape is not a cut and dry crime. Hopefully something will change and the victims of rape will stop being put on trail for what has happened to them but until them there will be countless victims who never confess their pain just because of their own fear like you and I of the reasons of the trail of their character and circimstances. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-53778413231540969912014-01-11T19:38:37.591-05:002014-01-11T19:38:37.591-05:00A very similar thing happened to me when I was you...A very similar thing happened to me when I was young and new to both sex and kink. Now, nine years later, I've only just been able to start calling it rape, and then only because two people I know who got "rape-raped" confirmed to me that they would count it as rape (and even then one of them had to minimize it to "date-rape" as if it didn't really count).<br /><br />I don't even know that I would want the guy punished; he struggles with Asperger's syndrome, so one of my "reasons" is that he didn't understand that no meant no because he can't read people, so maybe there was a greater chance that he genuinely thought it I was joking when I said to stop. Intellectually, I know that's bullshit, that if anything, Asperger's makes people *more* literal and not less, and besides, knowing he has Asperger's, he should be erring on the side of taking people at face value for their words. Emotionally, I still feel vaguely protective of him, and there's something in me that says, "Aw, but he didn't really *mean* it."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-73722102511337505642013-09-25T16:55:53.801-04:002013-09-25T16:55:53.801-04:00"Why didn't you report" is a questio..."Why didn't you report" is a question that makes me sick to my stomach. I was in an almost perfect situation to prosecute. I understood right away that I was violated (unlike the many times before when I was abused or "taken advantage of" but felt like I had some culpability.) I was in shock for most of a day - sobbing and couldn't say anything but "he raped me, he raped me, help me." I am a white woman with the money for a lawyer. I was a clean-cut 21-year-old who was physically much smaller than my attacker. It was not a date rape situation; he was a much older friend of the family whom I trusted to walk me home after having too much to drink. There was no flirting, no kissing, no implied consent. He just pushed me down, pulled down my underwear, and then left me lying in the woods stunned and alone, still half-undressed. It happened so fast I had no idea what he was doing at first - I thought he was bending down to help me up after accidentally pushing me over. I called the police the very next day, as soon as I could stop crying long enough to speak and was thinking straight enough to find a phone.<br /><br />The dispatcher on the phone said it was my word against his. That because it was too late to do an effective rape kit, it was impossible to prosecute. She said that since it would never go to trial, I "shouldn't bother coming in to make a report" because it was "a waste of time." Whose time, they didn't say; I suspected theirs, and that they knew best. But I knew it was "really rape", even if the law couldn't help me.<br /><br />I told my sister, who was the closest to this man. She said that I was either lying or it had been my fault for coming on to him (this supposedly happened in the woods, after we left the company of any witnesses.) I told my mother, who said that since my sister refused to believe it happened, neither could she because she "couldn't take sides." I told my boyfriend; I don't know what his excuse was, but he apparently didn't take it very seriously. The day after it happened, when I was still sobbing and in shock, he bought everyone lunch (including my rapist) and was annoyed with me when I wouldn't stop crying long enough to eat.<br /><br />I left my boyfriend. I cut off all ties with my sister and I rarely talk to my mother. I will never forgive her for not helping me. I have lost my faith in human decency and the legal system, except in very rare cases where I have extensive evidence that they can be trusted. I'm now with a very good man who was patient enough to move at my pace and build trust over many years. I also have a very good psychiatrist.<br /><br />I only think about it now some of the time. And then I cry. And I write about it. I still need medication to get through the day and I still have nightmares every night. I am working hard on getting better. I wish I could do more.<br /><br />- SashaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-53438752339844676632013-09-25T16:11:07.439-04:002013-09-25T16:11:07.439-04:00This is one reason why I didn't tell many peop...This is one reason why I didn't tell many people about being raped. I knew at least two men who would have killed him for it. I didn't want to be responsible for murder. Strangely, deciding not to risk getting him killed made me feel better... like there was something in this situation that I had control over and could make a choice about.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-85193181611736523652013-07-27T13:14:08.674-04:002013-07-27T13:14:08.674-04:00Thanks, Holly, I really appreciated hearing your s...Thanks, Holly, I really appreciated hearing your story and I have a similar story but a little less kinky. I did have some red flags from this guy previously and didn't take it seriously and I really did forget about it. when I reported the rape the detective basically said "why did you go over there then if you knew that is what he's like?" WTF I already blame myself and my fucked up self esteem and to be told this and interrupted while I'm telling my story just made me recoil. :( So I believe you were right to not report it. Nothing has happened to the guy who did this to me, he gets to continue his blissfully detached life. <br />And the answer to why I went over there in the first place is: I spoke to him on the phone and said the only way I would come over and stay the night is if there was NO SEX. I then went to his place, told him no sex again and he manipulated the situation to his benefit and forced his way inside me. So if that's not rape, what is? Of course the way I handled it after it happened was totally "illogical" I pretended like everything was okay, because I was exhausted wanted to forget about it, wanted to be hopeful, wanted to not be scarred once again but I am scarred. Molested when young and now Raped. My life is looking up... <br />Is it wrong that I would like to speak to him and ask a series of questions, b/c I really think he's a psychopath and would like to know for sure.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-79714556157560473862013-06-08T02:04:20.657-04:002013-06-08T02:04:20.657-04:00This was a good article. I learned a lot. Thankyou...This was a good article. I learned a lot. Thankyou for bravely sharing your experience. Until today I had no idea how most of this worked.<br /><br />Anon Malenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-38498408718023247492013-03-29T18:08:48.927-04:002013-03-29T18:08:48.927-04:00First of all, Holly, I am so sorry that you had to...First of all, Holly, I am so sorry that you had to experience that but I applaud you for being willing to talk about it in an open forum like this.<br /><br />Holly...and to the rest of the BDSM readers,<br /><br />Until our scene is both accepted in society and in the eyes of the law, it is up to us (subs or Doms) to protect ourselves. Everyone in the BDSM scene needs to understand the heresy of violating the safe word and we in the scene need to treat it just like that...heresy. And its the sort of heresy that carries Biblical consequences.<br /><br />Its up to all of us to do what the Law cannot.<br /><br />I've personally only had one Dom violate my safeword. Long story short, I went for my nine mil and kicked him out of my bed, my house, and my life. He tried to bring me up on assault charges - DA wouldn't prosecute.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-31818377227822770102013-02-05T07:49:54.500-05:002013-02-05T07:49:54.500-05:00Reason 5 sounds very familiar. I have an ex who ta...Reason 5 sounds very familiar. I have an ex who talks to me an uncomfortable lot about his sex life, and I tried to explain to him my thoughts on bdsm, because he had really weird and unhealthy opinions about it. I just really didn't want him to hurt any women in his life because he didn't get the concept.<br />When one evening we got into a fight he grabbed me and wouldn't let me go, i tried to talk to him about this, and he said: If you are into bdsm (which I never said I was), how is there a problem with me pushing you around?<br />How can one even begin to explain what the problem with that is?<br />It is really not that hard to understand, and I thought it was already widely understood that people like a lot of different things in bed, and pain is one of them.<br />But with that he basically told me that if I like sex with men I shouldn't mind if I had sex anytime with anyone.<br />I tried that argument. After his reaction to that I suddenly realized he was just batshit crazy.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-71516958052403702642012-11-15T05:16:24.634-05:002012-11-15T05:16:24.634-05:00So glad I found this blog post again! I've reg...So glad I found this blog post again! I've regretted not bookmarking it (to show anyone I know who ever asks "why didn't she call the cops") ever since I first read it a couple months ago, but will be sure to fix that!<br /><br />Before I read this, I intellectually accepted that not every victim feels able to go to the police, and that this doesn't mean they weren't really assaulted. But despite intellectually accepting that, I didn't really understand it. I still thought to myself "Yeah I know it can be difficult, but still, wouldn't it make more sense to at least TRY?"<br /><br />You managed to get through my thick skull. The way you described your reasons, it just somehow clicked and made perfect (albeit heartbreaking) sense. Thank you so much for your willingness to speak out and educate people who, like me, just didn't "get it." Obviously, no one needs my, or anyone else's, "understanding" as a stamp of approval to validate their experience. But I hope that it'll make me a better ally.Jakenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-39188668960893391812012-11-13T22:15:35.908-05:002012-11-13T22:15:35.908-05:00Um, yeah, I'm not fucking Rambo, sorry. I was...Um, yeah, I'm not fucking Rambo, sorry. I wasn't Rambo to begin with, and I sure as hell wasn't Rambo in my state of "oh my God did that really just happen" immediately after being assaulted.<br /><br />Plus he had about a hundred pounds and a foot of height on me.<br /><br />Plus what kind of fucking question is that? Seriously? That's not remotely an okay thing to ask a person.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-59002353179256608632012-11-13T08:18:26.580-05:002012-11-13T08:18:26.580-05:00This is an old post, but I want to ask: Why didn&#...This is an old post, but I want to ask: Why didn't you beat him up after he untied you?<br /><br />I will not go into details, but all four of them gave up after I put up a fight(I drew blood, broke tallest's guys nose)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-66617831223986136892012-09-04T12:11:26.869-04:002012-09-04T12:11:26.869-04:00I really appreciated this post. Eight years ago I...I really appreciated this post. Eight years ago I lost my virginity to the guy I was seeing, and it left me with all sorts of bad feelings. We had sex a totally of three times, and the third time I said no, but it didn't feel like rape because he was my boyfriend, and it wasn't forceful or violent. We broke up shortly after that, but it left me confused, hurt, and ashamed of my sexuality. It took several years to admit to myself that it was rape, not just "sort of non-consensual." Even now, I haven't told anyone else about what happened. He was just that jerk I used to date. Rachel Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04857549904840293381noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-41633534205233474312012-08-07T18:34:42.997-04:002012-08-07T18:34:42.997-04:00I already know that, but thanks for telling me, bu...I already know that, but thanks for telling me, buddy. Glad you got the situation well in hand.<br /><br />Sorry if I'm touchy here, but you're being condescending.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-37443274973504281502012-08-07T06:45:58.544-04:002012-08-07T06:45:58.544-04:00I guess my question is...At what point do you real...I guess my question is...At what point do you realize that you were not raped the last time by Benny....you were raped MULTIPLE times by him?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-72348406552045932122012-08-05T01:22:29.767-04:002012-08-05T01:22:29.767-04:00Yes, I was just commenting that, god-forbid, anyth...Yes, I was just commenting that, god-forbid, anything happen again, don't feel any hesitation calling the cops based on that reason. Plenty of serious crimes take only five minutes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-39256609426646917342012-08-04T11:33:47.883-04:002012-08-04T11:33:47.883-04:00These aren't reasons you shouldn't call th...These aren't reasons you shouldn't call the cops. They're reasons I <i>didn't</i>. I know they're not all rational; they were still real.<br /><br />I'm trying to promote understanding here, not claim that I did the right thing for all the right reasons.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-6394134192247550132012-08-03T19:36:19.688-04:002012-08-03T19:36:19.688-04:00I don't mean to victim blame and text is reall...I don't mean to victim blame and text is really not good on getting across tone, but I wanted to comment on "REASON 11: Doubt. [...] Can I justify ruining someone's entire life over something that only lasted five minutes? To be honest, even now I can't give an unconflicted "yes" to that question." I'll point that it takes only a few seconds to shoot a gun (and probably kill someone with the right shot) and I'm sure you'd agree murder is a great reason to go to jail/ruin someone else's life. You could probably steal a car in five minutes and that's grand theft and enough to ruin lives.<br /><br />While I can understand doubt over whether you were traumatized enough to ruin his life, but never feel doubtful over the short duration of the crime.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-34413782522504616662012-08-03T11:51:12.998-04:002012-08-03T11:51:12.998-04:00I ran across this while going through another kink...I ran across this while going through another kink social media sight. I've read the post, the replies, the comments, and put some time into thinking about what can be said. All the platitudes and sympathy are echoed by me, and indeed you are a braver person than I can imagine for posting this, and learning, day by day, to move forward with your life. I struggle with my response here, not because I have no sympathy or understanding, Ive, both seen and stopped abuse in the past, from a good friend physically abusing his girlfriend, to a stranger I heard screaming down the block(turned out to be a rape in progress, who DOES that in public?). I think my struggle is more about personal disbelief and my own sense of morality and right and wrong. My mother was abused by my father until she left him, and I saw it first hand... I suppose some people can see that and decide that it is a proper state of things, and go on to abuse or be abused as an adult, me I went the other way. I find even the THOUGHT of abusing someone, or taking any kind of advantage to be repugnant and sickening on a very personal level. I literally can't seem to comprehend the mindset of someone who does things like this. Reading post after post about people who have suffered and shared similar experiences is heartbreaking, and all of you have my deepest sympathies and respect for your courage. No one should be forced into such positions, and no one should be forced to go without any sort of justice for these crimes. I got involved in the kink community late in life... and the freedom and ease that so many of my friends in the kink lifestyle have with personal expression still amazes me at every turn. It is helping me to recover from my own trauma, which his post has helped me to put into much better perspective. I was severly injured in a work accident several years ago, and it has left me with permenant damage to one leg that has made the simple act of living that much more difficult, forced me out of a 12 year career, and back to college at the age of 40. But I can at least have those options to improve my life... options that suddenly seem like a much more precious gift than they were a few hours ago. I hope that everyone who reads this post, and is involved in ANY sort of kink, comes away with a simple understanding of a truth that is now even more clear to me than it was before. You as a person have a resposibility to everyone else you are in contact with to aid in ensuring their saftey in this lifestyle. Best friend, casual acquantince, total stranger, it doesn't matter. The responsibility lies with all of us to make sure that play scenes, events, anything involving groups of kinksters gathering to express our sexuallity and desires, are safe, sane and consenual... stopping somone who goes to far is not bad play party etiquette, it is personal responsibility to the victim in the scene, and to yourself. I for one would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I knew I could have done something to stop a bad situation and didn't act. And I believe that if you are someone who is being vicitmized, or whos' safeword is being ignored, or ANYTHING else that is scaring you, or confusing you, or making you uncomfortable, you have a right and a responsibility to yourself to call for help.... there are more people like me in the lifestyle than you might think or believe, and I pray that they are willing to act to keep you safe.J.R. in Ohionoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-40090004866272442752012-08-02T12:06:27.206-04:002012-08-02T12:06:27.206-04:00I read "The Gift of Fear" years before B...I read "The Gift of Fear" years before Benny assaulted me. Shit isn't magic.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-18830114272195051142012-08-02T12:05:27.690-04:002012-08-02T12:05:27.690-04:00So, why do we overlook/ignore red flags? WHY? I...So, why do we overlook/ignore red flags? WHY? I've done it, you've done it, we need to stop it.<br /><br />EVERYONE should read the book "The Gift of Fear." <br /><br />It's an excellent guidebook for protecting yourself against stalkers, predators, sociopaths, assholes, and selfish bastards.<br /><br />It tells you what cues to look for, and reassures you that your gut and intuition are correct, and you should not doubt yourself. <br /><br />Empower yourself. Train yourself to be aware of red flags, and when you see them, remove yourself from the person or situation before it gets worse. <br /><br />Too many times in the past I've been too nice and forgiving, and I got burned. Nowadays I'm wiser and realize there are only so many hours in the day. I prefer to spend time with quality people, good people, RESPECTFUL people. <br /><br />Benny is undeserving.Kendra Hollidayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01854949040842771326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-75827653845967248392012-07-20T20:29:58.844-04:002012-07-20T20:29:58.844-04:00Thank you so much for your post. I stumbled upon i...Thank you so much for your post. I stumbled upon it randomly. I finally know that I am not alone. I consented to be hand cuffed but was sodomized against my will. That was over 2 years ago and I still think about it. I wish now that I had gone to the police. But reading your experience has helped me to understand that I'm not the only one that has had to struggle with such difficult circumstances. It gives me a lot of clarity.AnonymousAngelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-38508244787300911452012-07-18T09:34:14.045-04:002012-07-18T09:34:14.045-04:00I don't know how to reply to any of these comm...I don't know how to reply to any of these comments or even this blog post. It all makes me really upset that such horrible things can happen to anyone and that people feel that they can't feel safe/happy/secure/ect. any more. I can never fully understand the pain someone has gone through because I've never experienced something so horrid but I am really sorry that anyone has had to endure that whether they're over it now, or they're still dealing with it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-5136294620883289562012-07-04T15:32:31.926-04:002012-07-04T15:32:31.926-04:00There's such a thing as consensual theft! It&...There's such a thing as consensual theft! It's called gift-giving. And "but I thought it was a gift!" is actually a very common excuse for theft between friends.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-83100679625898137712012-07-03T19:49:16.158-04:002012-07-03T19:49:16.158-04:00The thing about rape is that sex happens all the t...The thing about rape is that sex happens all the time. Consensually, not classified as rape. There's no such thing as consensual murder or consensual theft. These things are clear crimes. You can't say "Well, you obviously gave him your xBob but now you regret it so you're calling ti theft when it clearly wasn't." or "Officer please. If she didn't want to get beat up, why did something so stupid as fear of retaliation stop her from reporting it earlier?"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-17849276939355590352012-06-25T03:02:25.459-04:002012-06-25T03:02:25.459-04:00In my case, I couldn't report it because:
* I...In my case, I couldn't report it because:<br /><br />* I let him stay over at my apartment (as a friend) for an event in town (he did not live there) and my husband was there most of the time, but he had to go to work in the morning on Saturday and it happened after he left.<br /><br />* The apartment was a studio and there was some point where I was taking a shower and walked around in various amounts of undress while he was around. We'd been together for years in the past and were "still friends" so I didn't care about him seeing me naked and I asked him and he said he didn't care.<br /><br />* He didn't penetrate any orifice. He simply shoved his penis into my breasts and there was a very tiny bruise under the breast near the rib area. It still made me feel like I was drowning and losing my sense of Self. I could barely breathe and felt like I was paralyzed. The bruise went away after a couple of days. There was no evidence.<br /><br />*I was asleep when he climbed on top of me and started doing it to me. I pretended I was asleep until he was done. Then I took him to the bus station, and we didn't talk about it and he went home. He called me a couple times after that asking what I was up to like nothing had happened- I didn't return his calls.<br /><br />*I still have nightmares, but you can't get someone arrested for a bad dream.<br /><br />I think that I am doing a lot better than if I had accused him of rape or tried any legal charges. Mainly it's because we had a sexual history, I was naked/nude around him at some point (in a non-sexual way according to him), and I had kind of been woken up a couple times the night before with him reaching up into the bed (he was sleeping on the floor) and trying to fondle me while he was obviously jacking off or something....while my husband was right there....and I didn't do anything- I just climbed over my husband and went to sleep for the rest of the night with him on the other side. I had alarm bells going off, but I didn't believe he would do something so horrible- I didn't believe that after all I had gone through with him, how well I knew him, and how geeky and awkward his personality was, that he would actually engage in sexual assault.<br /><br />But he did.<br /><br /> Sometimes I wonder if he's ever done this to anyone else, but luckily I don't have to see him, and he's moved out of my hometown so if I ever do move back, I should never have to worry about encountering him.<br /><br />The worst part was after what happened- the aftermath of how I felt, and the simple fact that it made it hard to trust people because if *he* could do it, then anyone could do it. And if no one believed me or tried to minimize it when I did tell them...that just made it al the more worse in my eyes. My husband believed me when I finally broke down and told him about it (thank goodness- I was terrified he'd think that I had cheated and simply felt remorseful because the guy who raped me had been in a polyamorous relationship with both of us in the past). It's just all kinds of complicated. And there is no clean or easy answer.<br /><br />But at least I feel safe.<br /><br />And honestly? I've come to the conclusion that next time (if there is a next time), I'm simply going to have to kill the assaulter if I possibly can. They say the same thing if you have a gun and you try to stop a home intruder- shoot to kill because the home intruder will make up a totally different story when it goes to court and a dead criminal can't make up lies. So I'm doing my best to get better at lethal self-defense. If I have the option, I will strike to kill without hesitation. I will know the signs. I will take the power back. And perhaps rapists will take pause in the future if they know that they might be visited by death if they engage in their abusive behaviors.<br /><br />But maybe that's just part of the fantasy I'm using to cope with all this shit. I'm not really sure anymore.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com