tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post3830461390762267653..comments2024-02-23T03:38:53.049-05:00Comments on The Pervocracy: Let's Read Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 16!Cliff Pervocracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comBlogger152125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-56222188928824020082014-08-01T07:49:52.187-04:002014-08-01T07:49:52.187-04:00Yes, completely agree!
I think it's almost go...Yes, completely agree! <br />I think it's almost good to have a piece of writing like this because, as you said in this chapter, it so accurately portrays what an abusive relationship is like! <br /><br />How handy for people explaining to others to be able to whip this text out and say "this chapter here depicts very common emotional/psychological abuse patterns" etc etc.<br /><br />Just seems to have been mis-labelled as romance... should be a "Guide to spotting abusive relationships!"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-80322356072841549452014-07-06T18:00:08.941-04:002014-07-06T18:00:08.941-04:00Anita Blake would kill the hell out of Mr Douche S...Anita Blake would kill the hell out of Mr Douche StalkerPsychopath- preemptive self-defense, and all that. And while Jean-Claude has the obligatory impossibly hot but dub-con stalker-y vampire thing going (y'know, like Angel in Buffy... of course then Joss goes and makes it pointedly actually creepy by giving us Angelus) in the beginning- I might not have read the books in a few years, but he's light-years from Mr Douche. Now, the nice werewolf... let's just say I think he's got more issues than Anita, and that's saying something. But, really, at least these guys are actual characters with good and bad sides and back stories and all... (Sorry, something of a Jean-Claude fan, and if asked for the literary character I hate second-most to Mr Douche? It might just be Richard. Or maybe Cersei.) Then again, I was much younger when I read the books- I might have far less tolerance for JC's behaviour if I re-read them now. <br />Also, I have to say it makes me sad to read in so many comments that people have first-hand experience with abuse- what the hell is wrong with our world? I wish you all that you may live wonderful, full-filling lives with caring people, doing whatever it is you love and want to do. It is true, I would say for me as a non-survivor that I can't even conceptualize this sort of crap. I don't think I could write a relationship, a character, that true to these dynamics no matter how much research I put in- I just don't have the framework. Which makes me wonder about EL James, like so many others, since that is the one apparently unfailingly realistically-portrayed part of the whole thing. Her metaphors and similes are at best awkward, at worst just terrible, her characters are flatter than three-day old road kill, her grammar is bad, the settings inconsistent etc. etc., all the signs of bad writing- but this one thing, this ONE thing is spot-on, says everyone who can judge that matter. How?<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06555962067749932071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-64507531740899098602014-07-06T17:01:17.847-04:002014-07-06T17:01:17.847-04:00You know, that might be the most positive aspect o...You know, that might be the most positive aspect of the horribleness that is FSoG: it is so frustrating that people have to go and write good BDSM fiction, just to get over the horror. I'll have to go and check out those books... Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06555962067749932071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-32903600932860880962014-04-07T21:58:12.672-04:002014-04-07T21:58:12.672-04:00So, there's so much wrong with this that I can...So, there's so much wrong with this that I can't stand it, so I'm going to comment on the one thing that isn't mind-numbingly stupid.<br /><br />I'm from Georgia, and I've never heard any parent refer to their child as "darling" in my life. That is not a thing that Southerns say where I'm from. You're more likely to hear a kid referred to as "honey," "kiddo," stuff like that.<br /><br />Yet again, I'm not comfortable with the fact that James gets something like this wrong yet the depictions of abuse are completely accurate.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-81465139846067322432014-04-01T00:54:45.061-04:002014-04-01T00:54:45.061-04:00You and your blog have been and continue to be a b...You and your blog have been and continue to be a breathe of fresh air in a suffocating world! I want to echo the above messages of thanks. All the way down here in New Zealand your combination of clear thinking and courageous honesty has profoundly affected my life and my friends. It is an ongoing grief to me that I don't live in the US and probably will never have a chance to meet you!<br /><br />I suspect you can't hear positive stuff right now but I hope you'll come back to this later when hope is a bit more possible.<br /><br />You make a difference!<br />The world is more beautiful because of your presence in it.<br /><br />Thank you for being you.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00669730181035624468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-91293145998381688122014-03-27T13:56:11.061-04:002014-03-27T13:56:11.061-04:00I am perfectly capable of eagerly anticipating and...I am perfectly capable of eagerly anticipating and looking back with glee on experiences I loathe while they're actually happening. It's a thing. But I am not sure the people in that article were really doing that thing.<br /><br />(This is a totally new Anon, btw.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-146178585686086702014-03-27T04:13:56.264-04:002014-03-27T04:13:56.264-04:00(Responding to second paragraph) One of the things...(Responding to second paragraph) One of the things I love about these posts and the replies is that I understand my own childhood and relationships better because of it. Because the most routine parts of the abuse were "just" emotional, I still have trouble feeling like it was real or that I have any real right to complain. Then I read things like the "not a monster" bit that make me feel more rueful over the familiarity than anything else and I hear comments like "I think it's hard for non-survivors to even conceptualize let alone describe in intimate detail" and I have a moment of quiet shock where I think, "Oh, right--I guess that means the abuse was real after all. All these people are saying I wouldn't 'get' this otherwise." Talk about having internalized the abuse, I guess. :-/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-67743665657067199132014-03-27T04:07:44.898-04:002014-03-27T04:07:44.898-04:00Ewww. I never thought of the not-hugging thing. Th...Ewww. I never thought of the not-hugging thing. That's just disgusting. Can we talk about scat or blood play or something else that doesn't gross me out in the least for awhile? Not hugging in an ostensibly affection-based relationship makes me want to barf. That's a hard limit for me. I'm not even joking.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-90919424336740957492014-03-27T02:27:04.899-04:002014-03-27T02:27:04.899-04:00Dying laughing...I wish it weren't so late so ...Dying laughing...I wish it weren't so late so I could come up with a clever twist, too!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-40522307662467684132014-03-25T11:58:34.776-04:002014-03-25T11:58:34.776-04:00This book makes all those jokes about Twilight bei...This book makes all those jokes about Twilight being a bad romance novel look petty, at least it was ACTUAL, consensual love and sex. Sorry to hear you're going through a period of depression right now, I guess knowing what you have to write about when you get back to your blog isn't a great help since it's not an exactly upbeat and mood lifting subject. Fox Rambleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07730038330228317682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-73166740467532132532014-03-24T16:24:21.562-04:002014-03-24T16:24:21.562-04:00...Christian Grey, is that you damning this blog w......Christian Grey, is that you damning this blog with faint praise? Shoo!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-58230165662467322402014-03-24T01:27:27.746-04:002014-03-24T01:27:27.746-04:00You guys have some really good points here.
~some...You guys have some really good points here.<br /><br />~someone who is submissive but very much not a masochistmpclnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-67980626336425592512014-03-23T07:56:34.896-04:002014-03-23T07:56:34.896-04:00Sorry to hear about the depression. I've got ...Sorry to hear about the depression. I've got bipolar disorder and a handful of anxiety issues, and other crap. So, in a sense, I hear you, even if my depressions stem from something different. I hope you start to feel better soon (like, I know how this kind of thing can go, better for a while, then less so again, so... even though I truly do hope for the "get better and stay that way forever" result let me just say I'm used to the up-and-down. And I have trauma issues as well. Anyway.)<br /><br />You know I never realized just HOW BAD this series really is. This is fucking awful. This is absolutely terrifying. The book series, I mean. Your fisking is very good, and spot-on. The portrayal of abuse is just scary in its accuracy, and yeah she really doesn't seem to be enjoying it. Just getting groomed.<br /><br />It makes me ever so glad that at least, when I worked in that adult store, all those folks who came in to pick up their first kinky toys 'cause they "got inspired" by the books, if they were my customers they got a good solid grounding in convo from me. I hope they listened, I really really do.<br /><br />I know so many people who've read and loved these books. They're flat-out awful in the writing style, but the rest of it makes it even less understandable to me. I'm really... seriously I'm hoping there's fantasy displacement or something similar going on with the folks I know because I honestly did not know it was this bad until reading your fisks.<br /><br />-J.M.M.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-68052788735879615302014-03-23T07:45:58.724-04:002014-03-23T07:45:58.724-04:00SOME folks use "consensual non-consent" ...SOME folks use "consensual non-consent" as a different way to describe what others might call "rape play." Consensual roleplay revolving around supposed non-consent. I actually prefer using the term consensual non-consent in this sense, rather than the other.<br /><br />Doings stuff as a bottom, submissive, whatever, that you don't actually want to do, that can be a sort of kink for some. I like to push at limits and boundaries with a partner that I trust, when I'm subbing or bottoming or whatever, but this is with someone who has earned my trust, who reads me very well, and it's a boundary that I've consented to pushing at. I can kink a little on doing stuff the top/dom enjoys a lot more than I do, as part of a service-oriented thing. But even within that I have a very specific set of things I'd be willing to do for them, and a whole lot that I still wouldn't do.<br /><br />Some folks who are into that kind of stuff can be all "this is the ultimate in TWUE SUBMISSION" and bullshit like that. It's bullshit. I do what I described above because I'm still enjoying it, getting hot from it, whatever. And folks who do this sort of thing but to an extent that I flat-out never would, I mean, I don't get it. Because it's not my thing. I do believe there's a line where it gets unhealthy, but I'm not going to necessarily draw that arbitrarily - shit like what's being laid out in this book series though is just so obviously toxic like woah.<br /><br />No safewords - some folks don't use safewords and not in a "kinker than thou" sort of way. Some folks safeword is NO. Or stop. Or moving away. Also, while former top/dom partners I've been with have kept up safewords with me, and respected them, after a very long time of being and playing together they often get very good at reading me - checking in is standard yes, but they usually develop a knack for knowing when to check in or stop something right as I'd be about to say the word anyway.<br /><br />Some folks kink pretty hard on the "no limits! no safeword!" thing. That could be something hella toxic, or at least presented in a way that makes it look hella toxic. A fair amount of folks I see doing that, at least experienced ones, they're in relationships similar to what I just described. They know and trust each other, the top/dom isn't about to make the sub/bottom do a bunch of stuff they honestly really would never ever want to do. That kind of thing. Like roleplaying a non-consent scene, it can be more of playing with the dynamic but it's not REAL just a sort of dress-up 'cause they kink on that particular "costume." Again, it could be hella toxic though.<br /><br />The no safeword thing though, again, folks can get very TWUE SUB/BOTTOM/SLAVE or whatever about it. Again, bullshit. Folks can get manipulative about this stuff too, trying to claim "oh if you're a true slave/if you want to be my sub/etc. you don't get a safe word." That sounds like some scary-ass shit right there to me and I'd whole-heartedly advise running in the other direction.<br /><br />For me, the whole "I only do this/if I were ever to do this" thing, happening only with someone who has built up a lot of trust with me, that's a huge part of trying to ensure it's NOT coercion or abuse. I realize this is not necessarily a guarantee. I believe in keeping communication open, and part of that earned trust (and continuing-to-be-held trust) is how they communicate with me.<br /><br />-J.M.M.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-2430436414046923612014-03-23T07:02:16.038-04:002014-03-23T07:02:16.038-04:00People in our lives who do these kinds of things, ...People in our lives who do these kinds of things, that I call abusive, they are real people too. They can be quite capable of helping us out in good ways, giving us good advice, having their own struggles. They can also simultaneously be abusive and toxic. We have every right to make our own decisions about who we want in our lives, even if they're family. I left my father and stepmother behind ten years ago to the day, and I haven't seen or talked to them since. They weren't all bad, evil, mythical monsters - they were doing the best they could with what they knew, and also very very ill (I say this as someone who also has serious mental illnesses - but I'm in treatment.) However for me, in my situation, my life is infinitely better without them in it.<br /><br />I'm not saying you have to or should draw the line where I do, but I hope for your sake that your situation improves. I really do. To wherever you need it to be.<br /><br />I miss my dad still, sometimes, even now. But I still don't contact them, because it would entail being entangled with everything they're about. They're abusive and they have zero respect for boundaries - if they even see the boundaries at all. My life has steadily improved, even with the rough patches, ever since.<br /><br />-J.M.M.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-78599804566756348682014-03-21T18:15:52.324-04:002014-03-21T18:15:52.324-04:00I once had the pleasure of reading an otherwise so...I once had the pleasure of reading an otherwise somewhat cheesy paranormal romance where the lead finds her 'destined soulmate' and wants nothing to do with him.<br />He keeps stalking her and sexually assaulting her, though. She finds this annoying at first and enraging in the end, and throws him off a high walkway onto the concrete.<br />I cheered. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-62067674519727821252014-03-21T10:11:53.546-04:002014-03-21T10:11:53.546-04:00I love your writing! I love your writing! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-77632994692492025972014-03-17T16:45:43.554-04:002014-03-17T16:45:43.554-04:00was anybody else squicked out by that whole bit ab...<i>was anybody else squicked out by that whole bit about maybe something being hot three weeks from when it happened? </i><br /><br />I'll admit that the statement sounds gross. But I've talked to subs who kink on being made to do things they don't want to do (things they FOR REALZ don't wanna do, not "Oh noes, don't force feed me chocolate!1!!!" play-acting), and some of them have described it kinda like that. In the moment, they don't like what's going on, but afterward they jerk off to it because it's hot that the dominant was totally "using" them with no regard for their feelings.<br /><br />So I guess for some people it <i>does</i> kinda work like that. But I could also see that idea being used as coercion "Nah, you're fine, don't be a baby, in three weeks you'll think this was totally hot."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-11590518742469063402014-03-17T14:51:12.152-04:002014-03-17T14:51:12.152-04:00I feel bad about laughing at this comment. XD It&#...I feel bad about laughing at this comment. XD It's funny because CG really is THAT awful?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-10314161236545804562014-03-17T08:58:53.116-04:002014-03-17T08:58:53.116-04:00I started reading the Anita Blake series of books,...I started reading the Anita Blake series of books, and Jean Claude the vampire makes me think of Gag StankButt. I hope I'm not spoiling too much for people, but Anita meets a nice werewolf and wants to settle down with him, and the vampire guy says "If you don't date me and give me a chance, I'll kill your werewolf lover". He stalks her, he manipulates her, he forces vampire powers on her she doesn't want, and the whole time I'm thinking "just stake the bastard!" I take it from all the things I've heard about the later books she never does that, it's a shame. Reading these recaps has given me even less tolerance for romance novel manipulative abusive jerks, and I had very little to begin with.<br /><br />Gah I remember the thing where I'd flinch back from a raised hand and have to deal with the whole "I'm not a monster!" So not only are you not allowed to be afraid, you have to worry that being afraid will set off more rage. You have to shut down emotionally just to get through the day and even then you're not safe. If you're lucky enough to have friends left, they don't understand statements like "I'm not allowed to cry." If you have to break down in tears, you do it where you can't be seen because if he sees you, he uses your tears as a reason to make everything all about him and his anger. I can't imagine E. L. James hasn't seen this dynamic in action up close if not lived it herself, I think it's hard for non-survivors to even conceptualize let alone describe in intimate detail.Ms. Heathenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02149409248793481209noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-48421363830284217632014-03-17T04:32:24.493-04:002014-03-17T04:32:24.493-04:00Ana runs, doesn't she? She should know that fe...Ana runs, doesn't she? She should know that feeling. And she has a much less painful way to get it.Amtepnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-25753213476144722182014-03-16T23:04:38.368-04:002014-03-16T23:04:38.368-04:00I get some of that happy, relaxed feeling after a ...I get some of that happy, relaxed feeling after a (small) panic attack. It's definitely not *the same* as I feel after being spanked, but I'd say it's in the same general category? So yeah, "relief that it's over" can feel similar.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-53713681320519802562014-03-15T21:59:33.323-04:002014-03-15T21:59:33.323-04:00“Well, I think you’ve got that the wrong way aroun...“Well, I think you’ve got that the wrong way around,” he whispers. “What?” “Oh, Anastasia, you’ve bewitched me. Isn’t it obvious?”<br /><br />Shades of Judge Frollo, here??? Do not want!Cereushttp://cereus.dreamwidth.orgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-43118945686316265082014-03-14T16:31:53.950-04:002014-03-14T16:31:53.950-04:00I see what you mean now, though it's a bit dep...I see what you mean now, though it's a bit depressing :)Amtepnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-21460258514246438142014-03-14T13:00:50.920-04:002014-03-14T13:00:50.920-04:00Although come to think of it, the Tolkien excursio...Although come to think of it, the Tolkien excursion was fairly superfluous. Just look at how people actually defend Twilight against abuse charges. Sure, they might mention some fantasy fact about vampires in the justification; like how Edward being so much stronger and more powerful than Bella justifies him trying to control her, spying on her and so on in order to protect her. Still, that implies that superior strength/power justifies treating another person that way, which is still fucked-up. No one ever says (at least as far as I've seen/read) that sure, in real life it's terrible to stalk and control someone like that, but in THIS made-up universe it's romantic. Instead people go out of their way to explain why all that behaviour just shows that he loooooves her.Jeppssonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05016901164247140438noreply@blogger.com