tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post7622342659465709369..comments2024-02-23T03:38:53.049-05:00Comments on The Pervocracy: The end of normal.Cliff Pervocracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-77765522915502834852013-08-05T00:15:32.911-04:002013-08-05T00:15:32.911-04:00Penis In Vagina.Penis In Vagina.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-38686037396368093492013-07-11T20:37:43.409-04:002013-07-11T20:37:43.409-04:00What does PIV mean?What does PIV mean?Gina M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09723475337952721633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-36837992093258513152013-02-08T12:12:38.705-05:002013-02-08T12:12:38.705-05:00Thank you so much for writing this utterly brillia...Thank you so much for writing this utterly brilliant post. *goes off to share*lipsticklorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01509292962165806049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-60321218467707286142012-08-18T16:27:05.129-04:002012-08-18T16:27:05.129-04:00I think the point of this article is that your fee...I think the point of this article is that your feelings are fine, as long as you communicate that with your partner and they feel okay with that. There is nothing wrong with jealousy, just with the coercion and lack of communication that often show up in jealous relationships.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-13607648974245123132011-10-13T04:19:36.865-04:002011-10-13T04:19:36.865-04:00The best part of being a grown-up is that we can p...The best part of being a grown-up is that we can play any game we want, with whomever is interested as long as we all UNDERSTAND AND AGREE TO THE RULES.<br /><br />It's even better than the run-around-in-circles-faster-and-faster-until-you-fall-down game.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-23627079339334044932011-10-09T21:54:42.586-04:002011-10-09T21:54:42.586-04:00Um, way to miss the point, Yom Kippur anon.Um, way to miss the point, Yom Kippur anon.Hershele Ostropolernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-42187171192938815912011-10-08T20:30:16.402-04:002011-10-08T20:30:16.402-04:00Hey, we never specified how many people *I* might ...Hey, we never specified how many people *I* might be fucking.<br /><br />But even if I'm not, it's still a relationship structure that works for some people. I honestly *don't* care who my boyfriend fucks. Some people will be secretly choking back resentment if their partner isn't exclusive, and some won't. People are different.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-53404958723683040172011-10-08T20:19:45.144-04:002011-10-08T20:19:45.144-04:00Holly - Cuckolds and/or doormats are amazing peopl...Holly - Cuckolds and/or doormats are amazing people.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-70122663697618387832011-10-08T16:27:44.288-04:002011-10-08T16:27:44.288-04:00Anon - I'll support someone who loves me and w...Anon - I'll support someone who loves me and whom I live. If they *also* love and fuck other people, that's okay.<br /><br />I'm not saying you have to, but not everyone views that as a dealbreaker.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-64379129065316427182011-10-08T16:15:32.426-04:002011-10-08T16:15:32.426-04:00Maybe I'm too old fashioned, but I think I nee...Maybe I'm too old fashioned, but I think I need to bring attention to the fact that relationships like this will practically require that all participants be fully independent in all ways or it's going to have that many more problems. I think the longer a relationship lasts, the more it becomes about more than love and sex.<br /><br />Like, personally, if my partner wants to be completely autonomous, then they need to be taking care of themselves. I'm not going to be working and paying to take care of someone while they go love and fuck whoever. If anyone's willing to do this, can I have your number? I'd love to be able to retire before I'm 30.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-2552757321624159012011-10-05T21:22:12.052-04:002011-10-05T21:22:12.052-04:00I wish I could show this to some of my old co-work...I wish I could show this to some of my old co-workers. They're young, but it was still kind of maddening to hear them react with disgust at the mention of doing anything outside the bounds of a committed relationship, then come back around mentioning a one-off with an ex or some such. Or blech at the idea of acknowledging anything at all, then come to work with a hickey and get mad when people see it. It doesn't matter what you do, just be aware that there are other options you're choosing not to explore, and be honest about the fact you know those options exist.<br /><br />I realize the post deals with actual relationships, and that in this case there's no question those co-workers were playing to expectations of what girls are allowed to admit in public. But being forced into dishonesty does everyone a disservice, especially since they're around a number of young men who could stand to witness a few women who are fully aware of their sexual options holding court. We have one, but for that reason she just ends up seeming like an outlier.DJnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-71242354535988924262011-10-05T05:21:02.577-04:002011-10-05T05:21:02.577-04:00Collect everyone in a room and average their heigh...Collect everyone in a room and average their height. It's representative, not definitive or "normal".<br /><br />It also means that say you come up with 5'8" as your average, that the 4'10" person or the 6'5" person would be considered abnormal.<br /><br />You also have many variations around the average mark and it's even possible that not a single person in the room that you got this average from is 5'8"!<br /><br />We do this with <i>everything</i> and then we put labels on it all. There was a time I tried to define what my relationship was and label it but after a while as it didn't fit with societal preconceived notion of the average I stopped trying.<br /><br />My spouse and I are happy and that's all I really care about.Kai Rolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07661270900859429435noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-36646901190445045722011-10-03T12:10:32.093-04:002011-10-03T12:10:32.093-04:00This is why I love this blog--no shaming for my co...This is why I love this blog--no shaming for my consensual, healthy relationship. I just got into an argument with a poly friend a few days ago because she believes monogamy is "unnatural," biologically speaking. I can't blame her for fighting back, since I have monogamous hetero relationship privilege, and that sort of thing is often used to hurt other people. Still, that doesn't make her views correct.<br /><br />Monogamy is my kink, and MKINYK. My partner and I get off on the fact that neither of us is "allowed" to fuck anyone else. It's hot, end of story.Tnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-34816701368614646212011-10-02T14:52:31.576-04:002011-10-02T14:52:31.576-04:00I have to say this was extremely refreshing to rea...I have to say this was extremely refreshing to read. <br /><br />As someone who was in a long-term open relationship not too long ago I was turned off a great deal by most of the books and discussions around polyamory (to the point where I deliberately avoided the term and chose "open relationship" instead) because of a consistent underlying self-righteousness.<br /><br />I was also turned-off by the group-think and competition in the poly-community-types I encountered. There seemed to be this underlying assumption that the more poly you were (the more primary partners, the more fuck buddies) and/or the more you had checked off on your "kink list" the more progressive/enlightened you were.<br /><br />I searched out writers who weren't quite as "evangelical" as you say. It wasn't easy to find, and I only found you through the Daily Dish.<br /><br />I think it's absolutely critical, if poly folks are serious about this lifestyle becoming more acceptable, that they have to be more inclusive - people pay lip service to being accepting, then frown on folks who, for example, just aren't into BDSM, or only want one primary partner. <br /><br />Otherwise even folk who do question the status quo, like me, just aren't going to want to sign up for it, because there's just too much unnecessary and pretentious bagage that comes along with it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-43924070939408564562011-10-02T12:58:56.765-04:002011-10-02T12:58:56.765-04:00I saw! It's terrifying!
Hi Andrew Sullivan r...I saw! It's terrifying!<br /><br />Hi Andrew Sullivan readers! I'm Holly!Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-26857250460881700072011-10-02T12:33:09.186-04:002011-10-02T12:33:09.186-04:00This post was quoted and linked to on Andrew Sulli...This post was quoted and linked to on Andrew Sullivan's blog at the Daily Beast, read by millions. Uh....good job?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-392759749549728152011-10-01T22:16:18.805-04:002011-10-01T22:16:18.805-04:00Well said!Well said!Momma Jorjehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17736034293320117257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-26441045900020405222011-10-01T08:23:57.691-04:002011-10-01T08:23:57.691-04:00I get the feeling sometimes that it may be more di...I get the feeling sometimes that it may be more difficult for monogamous and/or heterosexual people who don't want quite the standard package, just because there is a standard package (or overlapping set of standard packages): queer and poly people are less likely to find ourselves well into a relationship and discover that our partner(s) have assumed we agree about whether to have children, how to raise them, or how to handle finances. <br /><br />That doesn't mean being bi and poly makes me inherently better: it means that this is a place where it makes my life easier. (That's separate from the ways that it's easier to live in ways that one is comfortable with: for me that's poly, for someone else it might not be.) On the other hand, a chunk of that is that I tend to get involved with friends: I'd spent a lot of time discussing our ideas about life and relationships with my longest-term partner before I was thinking of him as a possible partner. So he knew from the beginning that monogamy wasn't on the table (though there have been long periods when he was my only partner).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-81637373931005141742011-10-01T01:11:07.617-04:002011-10-01T01:11:07.617-04:00Awesome, awesome post. Love it.Awesome, awesome post. Love it.Coninahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267844904414770524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-18705025821991198092011-09-30T04:48:51.485-04:002011-09-30T04:48:51.485-04:00I really like the 'Friend-polyamorous' thi...I really like the 'Friend-polyamorous' thing. In terms of friends, I definitely have a primary, but I understand that other people don't, and it's still not up to me who she is friends with or does friend-like activities with!Lokinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-87691304578418395702011-09-30T03:22:17.342-04:002011-09-30T03:22:17.342-04:00However, poly relationships that don't involve...<i>However, poly relationships that don't involve good communication will flame out a lot faster and a lot more spectacularly than mono relationships. <br /><br />Also, it's a lot easier (for instance) to not deal with your jealousy if you're in a monogamous relationship, in my experience.</i><br /><br />Fair enough. I should've realized that you wouldn'tve made the monovangelistic statement it seemed. Perhaps rather than "safety net" I'd have understood the phrase "margin for error" better? Or something along those lines. You can see what erroneous conclusions I reached in response to your extant one.<br /><br />Anyway, agreeing is pleasant! Let's continue to do it.Erlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-25644336116819716012011-09-29T22:41:49.359-04:002011-09-29T22:41:49.359-04:00K. Raila - I'm picturing a super dramatic scen...K. Raila - I'm picturing a super dramatic scene where your friend demands you take off a friendship bracelet you got from somewhat else. "What, my red, purple and blue string wasn't good enough for you?! You want all different colors?!? YOU TRAMP!"Emmanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-54837011170267936482011-09-29T19:49:46.172-04:002011-09-29T19:49:46.172-04:00K Raila: I had a teacher my freshman year of high ...K Raila: I had a teacher my freshman year of high school claimed you could only have one "real" best friend that you'd, quote, "take a bullet for." Yeah...<br /><br />Erl/Null Pointer: That wasn't... quite what I meant. Communication is necessary in all relationships and lack of communication can fuck up all relationships. However, poly relationships that don't involve good communication will flame out a lot faster and a lot more spectacularly than mono relationships. <br /><br />Also, it's a lot easier (for instance) to not deal with your jealousy if you're in a monogamous relationship, in my experience.ozymandiasnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-35595952036106391462011-09-29T16:21:56.245-04:002011-09-29T16:21:56.245-04:00"I agree, Anon 12:55. People in monogamous re..."I agree, Anon 12:55. People in monogamous relationships aren't friend-monogamous! They still have other people in their lives."<br /><br />...except for that awkward time in elementary school when some kid says you can only have one best friend, so it's either me or one of those others, buddy, but not both.<br /><br />It's like.... strict monogamous principles filtering down to children in a really weird way. <br /><br />Thankfully everyone I know got past the mono-friendmous stage. I'm not sure everyone does though...K. Railahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14204932769212946520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-43898936006165953442011-09-29T13:24:18.109-04:002011-09-29T13:24:18.109-04:00I agree, Anon 12:55. People in monogamous relatio...I agree, Anon 12:55. People in monogamous relationships aren't friend-monogamous! They still have other people in their lives.<br /><br />I also get annoyed by "I'm poly because I don't try to own/control my partner." No one in a healthy relationship wants to own or fully control their partner. And poly relationships still have rules, even extra ones to deal with being poly! Presumably, most poly people require their partners to use condoms with other partners. But if you're serially monogamous, no one who isn't in the room is making condom demands on you.<br /><br />Monogamous people just sometimes think they can get away without making their negotiation explicit.Emmanoreply@blogger.com