Links Time!

LabRat on masculinity.

For as long as I’ve known him, [Stingray] has always acted as though it were a long-since forgone conclusion that his testicles came factory-equipped and were, are, and ever shall be firmly attached to his body, no matter what happens short of a purely literal castration event.

He doesn’t feel the need to check and see if they are still there, or re-bolt them back on later if he is served an egg pie. The presence of homosexual men within his zip code, or even living room, does not cause him to curl into the fetal position and cradle them lest they scamper off over the horizon. He can wash his face with something gentler and more scented than a bar of lava soap and still rest so secure in the assumption that the testosterone-producing apparatus that will still require him to shave it the next morning is still hanging in there that he needn’t even make a few precautionary laps around the block in a pickup. Likewise he seems entirely capable of trying new and different things without needing to look up their gendered implications in a checklist or guide before deciding whether he enjoyed it or not.

I agree completely. I've always thought it was weird when people feel a need to (or urge others to) "prove" their gender. I'm a woman no matter what I do, aren't I? I think the problem is that "woman" and "man" each have two very different definitions:

1. A person who has [female/male] physical characteristics.
2. A person who is [nurturing/tough] and wears [dresses/pants] and likes [ponies!/muscle cars].

A person who fits only one of these definitions creates a weird dissonance in some people. It's not that simple, though, because it's not just overtly masculine women or feminine men who get shit about this--you can be female, be nurturing, wear dresses, and like muscle cars... and certain people will be unable to accept the muscle car thing, or you will feel like you have to suppress it and try to like ponies. As if a dress-wearing vagina-owning person could become disastrously male by that single drop of impurity.

Stingray's no one's girly-man (that's very clear if you read any of his posts...). He's just not a MANLY MAN MAN MAN in everything he does. Rejecting the full package deal that supposedly comes with your gender doesn't mean you're rejecting your gender. Just that you're, y'know, a normal person.




Secondly, even though it's a little embarrassing, I've found Succeed Socially to be surprisingly useful reading. There's a bunch of articles on social skills, pitched at a borderline-Asperger's audience; a lot of it is the guy saying (in more polite words) "other people don't want to hear a four-hour lecture on your model train collection." But a lot of it is really good, thought-through, well-written advice on how to meet and make friends and treat them well.

It's easy for someone like me, who's somewhat awkward but definitely not at the train-collection level of social disaster, to brush this off as something they don't need. Or even to feel a bit humiliated to be looking at it, an admission of dorkness second only to wearing Pull-Ups to bed. But a lot of it has been very helpful for me. I have a lot of bad social habits--"everyone listen to me!"; "I'm only making cruel fun of you because I like you"; "screw it, I'm going back to my cave"--that this site has helped with.

And more than anything, it has a good attitude. The guy's outlook on life is that most people are worth knowing and that the best thing you can do is genuinely like other people. If you're interested in someone and want to spend time with them, you should basically just say so. The site doesn't directly address dating at all, but I'd say it's the best dating-advice site I've ever seen.

If you're wondering why this post is tagged "PUA," that's a hint. (Well, okay, it's really just a cue for Eurosabra--oh lord, I said his name, he's like Candlejack--to appear and explain why he doesn't find this "treating people decently technique" nearly as effective as the Performatively Masculine Half-Neg Strength Word of +2 CHA.)

MY STANDARDS.

Something I see quite often on the Internet and occasionally in real life: the people who are the biggest beggars (in terms of sexual partners) are also the worst choosers. Men who never get laid pontificate about how every gorgeous actress and model just isn't thin and busty enough for them to be attracted; women who are chronically single lay out ridiculous "he should be a PhD. and have a six-pack and also blue eyes" requirements for men they'd want to date.

Not that people don't have the right to be choosers. Don't settle for someone who won't make you happy because you think they're the best you can get. And if you're committed to waiting until Dr. Blue Eyes PhD. comes along, have fun with that. But it often seems like there's something more going on here.

It's partly sour grapes, of course, but it's also preemptive sour grapes. If you are afraid to approach men or women, saying "I like girls, but the ones around here just aren't good enough" allows you to pretend you're not a wuss while justifying your behavior. I've seen it used to justify PUA nonsense too--PUA works great for me, but I only use it on 10s. Other times it's part of the same ego-overcompensation complex that drives pudgy nerds to claim they're masters in martial arts--only the best women are good enough for an 18th-dan ninjitsu black belt!

It's always amusing to see a group of Internet dorks declaring that Alyson Hannigan is really showing her age these days and they'd never lower themselves like that, but it's also sad. There's little difference between raising your sexual standards sky-high and giving up on sex entirely.



(Another weird, possibly related PUA phenomenon that I've seen: the inability to acknowledge the existence of average women. I was reading a thread on their goofy 1-10 rating system and every photo they posted was either seriously physically flawed or Photoshopped-model gorgeous. There were no 5s. Shit, if I thought models or trolls were the only choices I'd hold out for models too.)

Everyone already knows how to lose.

Does it really matter what obviously doesn't work in online dating? This blog would be getting me a hell of a lot more fame 'n' fortune if I knew what does. Fame 'n' fortune 'n' men with no shirts on.

But douchebaggery is entertaining, so everyone, meet John Fitzgerald Page! He's briefly been in the same room with Dick Cheney, he's been an extra or even unnamed bit part in fourteen films, and, most importantly, he has an 8.9 on HotorNot! That's, like, almost a 9!

Also, he can "bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs.," which means that he is either The Incredible Hulk, he's adding his amounts together (hey, I can bench/squat/leg press/clean and jerk/bicep curl/deadlift/military press over 1200 lbs.!), or blah blah blah and he's also the crown prince of Unicornland.

True story.

A guy tried to PUA me once. Did the ridiculous "think of a time when you were very excited and filled with lust" thing, the touchy thing, the whole bit. I fucked another guy right in front of him.




(The other guy's opening line was "hi" followed by actual conversation, and he was both a sweet guy and a nice lay. I actually didn't mean to be in front of the PUA dude, this was later in the night and not direct revenge, but we were out of bedrooms and ended up on a couch in front of everyone because we didn't really care who saw us.)

You'd think if it worked so well they wouldn't have to talk about it so much...

Sometimes I think I spend too much time picking on my own side. Feminists, perverts, girly girls, we may have our differences but ultimately I'm one of you. We should hug more.

Some people, on the other hand, are just complete pieces of shit.

Ah, that's harsh. They're not really hypnotizing women into being their sex slaves, they're just spinning elaborate fantasy worlds about it, and no one's really getting hurt. These guys aren't pieces of shit, they just wish they were. Which is just funny.

Random featured article: Women are Bitches... Don't get uptight ladies, it's just a metaphor for dogs! You know, dogs you want to have sex with.
Dont treat a dog like a person. Treat a dog like a dog.
Corollary: Dont treat a woman like a man. Treat a woman like a woman. My friends wife wants to "talk about our situation" but "today isnt right. Lets talk on Sunday". I told him, "Fuck that. First off, as soon as you start "talking" about the relationship, you're fucked, because women are incapable of holding a logical, honest discussion about solving a problem.
Well. There ya go. Do I really have to say anything about that? I don't think I could do it logically and honestly, anyway. Remember folks, at its heart PUA is about loving and respecting women! (Incidentally, this guy is also wrong about dog training.)

Jesus. Okay, how about The Ten Rules of PUA?
1.Be honest, Don't Lie
Well, except for the rather large lie of omission about you playing a massive bizarre Internet-based RPG in which she counts as an XP point.

2.Always leave a girl better than you found her.
Take her in for regular repairs and oil changes, and throughly wash and vacuum her as a courtesy to the next owner.

3.Logistics seperate Masters and Amateurs.
This was one of the most important things I ever learned. NVP taught me it. There is no point in trying to bring a girl home, if your roommates mom is there that weekend.
Ah yeah, that's a real high-level advanced move there, actually having a bed to put your conquests in. I'm fairly sure by "roommates mom is there" he means "my mom is home and my swanky basement room doesn't have a separate entrance."

4.It is very hard to say no while laughing
Actually, in certain cases it's hard to say no without laughing.

Christ, and so on. A lot of this article is just him telling ridiculously fake stories about women he seduced instantly and absolutely through methods he curiously never details. "At first she hated me, but I just, y'know, worked my stuff, and five minutes later she was sharing my cock with her best friend. This is totally normal for me." Yeah, whatever.

And then there's... whatever the fuck this is.



The weird thing is I do know a couple guys who get laid all the time, and not only are they not PUAs, they're really not jerks either. Jerks got laid in high school, but out in the real world most alpha-dog douches have pretty sparse and unhappy relationships. The men I know who have the most and best sex are the ones who genuinely like women (which is different from genuinely liking to bone them) and have female friends. Guys who can make sex a fun friendly thing get about a million times more casual pussy than guys who treat women like goalkeepers.

The only thing you really need to know about PUA.

This man claims to be an expert on attracting women. He has carefully dressed and accessorized himself in the way he feels to be most conducive to picking them up.



...NOT WITH A BORROWED CUNT.

Fast Seduction!

Thank God that stupid holiday is over with, now I can go out by myself without having to think "dammit, I'm going out by myself on Valentine's Day." 80% of my friends are coupled up and I'm sleeping with (and thus afraid to do potentially-coupley things with) another 10%, so I basically hid under a rock today.


Also frequently found under rocks are the fine men of the "Seduction Community." Let's check out their awesome website!

Cripes, this thing is huge. I guess the writers have plenty of spare time. I'll click around a bit at random.

Don't introduce [this site] to anyone unless you know they are seeking to improve the same things as you. Why? Because through years of witnessing guys try to introduce this site to their AFC [Average Frustrated Chump] friends, the primary reactions of those friends have been negative because, until somebody understands this site or what it's about, their ingrained societal beliefs simply overpower them.
I need to use this tactic more often. "Now, I may seem like a jerk, but that's just your societal conditioning--I'm really a beautiful humanitarian, you just can't see it!"

If she asks me a question about my family, I will IGNORE the question, but... and this is key... I will respond with something charming or a compliment. Some examples, most of which I've already used this week:
HB [Hot Babe]: So Joseph how many brothers and sisters do you have?
J: You know... I am just really admiring that dress you're wearing, that's really hot!
So, uh... did you lose your whole family in some buzzkillingly tragic incident, or are you just being a dick? Also, your tactic might be ineffective on women who haven't suffered major brain injury.

HB: What do you think about the economic crisis?
J: Why do you like/love me so much?
Too taken aback to even answer with a comeback, the HB muttered something about "stuff to do" and had a security guard walk her to her car.

HB: I am mad at you! You were supposed to call me!
J: Look, come here and give me a kiss and all will be forgiven
HB: NO! I am mad at YOU!
J: Come to daddy, it's ok, I ain't mad atcha! C'mere, gimme a kiss, I forgive you
Am I the only one who gets an "or you'll get the belt again" vibe from J's dialogue here? She answers "No, I'm still mad and you're not answering me like an adult," and he rejoinders the only way he knows how.

Browsing through this site, 90% of PUA scenarios describe the same dynamic: women want to deny you sex, and to get laid, you have to beat them at the game. Let's check out some selections from the glossary!

Anti-Slut Defense. The chick logic a woman (especially younger ones) will go through to relieve the guilt having sex too quickly with a man, assuming she has enough time to "think" about the consequences - a reaction which causes them to come up with objections or reasons that they shouldn't fuck you in order to relieve their guilt of taking *responsibility* for doing something that society would often call "slutty".
Yes, she isn't having second thoughts about fucking you, that's unpossible, she's only worried about that goshdarn society!

bitch shield: Not a derogatory term - used to describe a behavior women use when attempting to fend of would-be suitors.
Wow, I'm glad you clarified that, because otherwise calling women "bitches" for not fucking you might've sounded a little derogatory.

Display High Value (action/verb) or Display(s) of High(er) Value. An action or story which increases your perceived value. Can be used positively or negatively depending on your perceived value prior to the DHV and whether the chick is Lower Value (you increase hers or reduce yours, preferably increase hers) or Higher Value (you increase yours or reduce hers, preferably increase yours).
In other words, it's 2d20 minus THAC0, less armor value and increased by weapon damage and any enchantments currently on the target. Tap three Swamps.

There's a whole system here wherein you work out the woman's mathematical value from 0-10 and then do a variety of similarly numerical maneuvers on her. Man, it's gotta be a letdown every time you win mathematically and still don't get fucked. "No, no, you don't understand, my score is ahead of yours by eleven points, you need to take your bra off now!"

The main feature of the site is the supermassive Player's Guide, which is chockablock with oh what the fuck is this.

Me : Hey Alicia. What do you love to eat ? Something that really makes you salivate just by thinking of it ?
Alicia : Oh... I love fresh ripe mangoes from Hawaii / strawberries from Ohio... oh yes...
Me: Ripe mangoes huh? Mmmm....that's yummy. I don't know if you can IMAGINE... SUCKING into one sweet, delicious, juicy mango NOW... mmm... can you taste the sweetness of the mango... swishing INSIDE YOUR MOUTH... mmm... soo tasty... doesn't that give you lots of pleasure and ha-PENIS just thinking about that? Mmm... I bet, if there were a mango here NOW, you'd WANT IT IN YOUR MOUTH (point to dickee!).
If I got him on tape saying this, no jury would convict me for anything I did to him after that point.

Yeah, I can totally hear/feel/see what you mean. Isn't it just great how the things in life that just sneak up behind you unexpectedly? I mean, there are things you know are coming and you can see them, like, "Oh, it's Friday, I'm getting paid today." Now that's in front of you, in your future, but then the best things in life, the ones that can make you FEEL FULFILLED and FEEL SO GOOD FROM YOUR BOTTOM to your top have a tendency to sneak up behind you and COME FROM YOUR REAR. And INSIDE YOU ASS yourself, "This is so great! How can something this great (point to schlong) just take me from behind and surprise me like this?" I mean, that facinates me, take a second and think about how the greatest things (point to schlong) you have ever felt took you from the rear...think about that. It's sexually facinating if you really THINK ABOUT IT and TAKE IT ALL IN ANALlytically.
You know what else in interesting? Is how simple words that I say can make you feel so good. (remember you have been SSing her for a while by now). It's like you feel these things (point to schlong) COMING IN YOUR REAR, ENTERING YOUR REAR, being whispered to you, and it can make you feel so good. Don't you find that when I talk like that, when I DO IT, you can't resist and you just OPEN YOUR REAR and LET IT SLIDE INSIDE YOU, hearing those words and feeling so wonderful?
Shit, I just Maced my monitor.

"Double Your Dating."

Sorry for going postless, I've been busy with some major life and job rearrangements. But Bruno just sent me a wonderful booklet on how any guy can learn the secrets to "getting" lots of women, and I figured that was worth a post. (Do most guys really want a large number of women? Seems like one or two attractive ones on a recurrent basis would be more satisfying. But maybe I just don't understand because I'm a girl.)

Anyway, damned if I'm going to read 90 pages of this shit, but the general gist is that women need to be tricked into "giving up" affection and sex and being a manipulative little weaselboy is the height of studliness. Implicit in this, of course, is what Figleaf would call "the no-sex class"--the ridiculous belief that women don't want sex for the same regular horny reasons as men, and therefore will only have sex if tricked or somehow paid. I've heard variations of this belief in a million places and it always drives me insane, because, well, I'm really horny. And of course I'm not horny for all people or at all times, but when I'm not, payment won't help. Pay me enough and I'll fake it, but I cannot be paid or tricked into feeling horny.

But why make fun of the underlying assumption when there's so much to be made fun of in the book?

For most men, a woman is like a Chinese puzzle inside of a brain twister.
Really? Because I feel like I'm just a person. It's not like my actions are apparently-random, is it? I... do things that are fun and avoid things that suck. It's very unmysterious. And I feel like that when guys say "women are a mystery" what they really mean is either "making women have sex with me is a mystery" or just "women are crazy."

Have you ever listened to a group of women talking about men? Ever notice how they speak largely in some kind of code language and constantly make a big deal out of tiny details that seem totally irrelevant? Have you ever noticed, on the other hand, how men are direct with each other and have no interest in bickering over small things? What's going on? Have you ever noticed how attracted to drama most women are?
Nope! I never noticed any of those fucking things! And I don't understand how you can write a book on attracting women from a perspective of hating women. If they're that damn crazy, why do you even want one?

One good example is to say to a hot woman who's acting arrogant "You don't have me fooled for a minute, dear." When she say's "What are you talking about?" you say "Well, I know that most men fall for this 'I'm beautiful and aloof and I get my way' part of your personality... but I know something that none of them know... that there's really another side of you. A side that none of THEM get to see. I'll bet you a dollar right now that I know something about you that no one who's only known you for 5 minutes has EVER known... ... You may act tough, but you're actually EXTREMELY sensitive on the inside. If someone makes a negative comment to you, you might act like it doesn't bother you... but you'll think about it all the way home... I know that secretly you're as sensitive as a little girl... it's just that most people never get to meet that part of you..." This messes up a cold woman soooo hard that you have to be ready for instant personality meltdown and a completely different person to come out of her.
Oh MAN. I would love to see a guy actually go through with this routine. On the ludicrous offchance that it actually works, do you really want an arrogant woman? (Well, "arrogant" here probably means "not properly sexually available," but let's play along.) Seems like it would be more efficient to just walk away and find a woman who's polite in the first place. Oh wait, then she wouldn't be hot, because all hot chicks are arrogant bitches, I nearly forgot.

Women often view men picking up on them as a sort of game. They talk about it with each other, they have standard lines that they learn when you ask for their number - "Why don't you give me YOUR number instead and I can call you...?" and so on.
That's not a game, that's so your creepy ass doesn't call us 500 times at 3 AM.

I believe that underneath it all, men are usually trying to find women who will give them sex, and women are usually trying to find men who will give them loyalty and commitment.
I believe that's your fundamental problem. It seems like if you really just want sex NO STRINGS NO EMOTIONS AWESOME MAN, you could hire a hooker. So are the pickup games just a cash-saving move?

If she complains about you or doesn’t like something, turn it up a notch and do it more. If she says to me “I don’t really like it when you say that” I say “Well then you might want to leave, because I say it a lot” Get it?
Women: Every Day is Opposite Day! (It isn't Opposite Day.)

I do crazy things, like if I’m standing next to a girl at a bar, I’ll turn to her and say in a completely serious voice “Will you PLEASE stop touching me?” And then look them right in the eye. Or say “What are you doing at a bar for godsakes? Can’t you find a nice normal guy? Or are you desperate?” All with a completely straight face.
Hahahaha Jesus Christ this guy has never had sex in his life.

I could go on, there's 90 pages of this shit, but you get the idea. I think even normal men know that "pick-up magic" is for creepy little trolls, so I guess I'm doing the fish-in-a-barrel thing here, but God is this shit hilarious.

Holly's Two-Step Pick-Up Magic:
1. Say hi to a woman. Talk to her like you'd talk to a human being.
(1a. This will not always work, and not always lead to sexytimes. This is not because you lack some asset or skill, it's because she didn't wanna. Don't take it personally and try again.)
2. Once you've gotten to know her a little better, continue to treat her like a human being. The panties will melt down her leg, I tell ya.