tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post1200012087650902223..comments2024-03-22T05:55:48.117-04:00Comments on The Pervocracy: A different kind of love.Cliff Pervocracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-29633497491398844142012-09-01T02:17:37.659-04:002012-09-01T02:17:37.659-04:00Just a note on cards: blank cards are great!
Also...Just a note on cards: blank cards are great! <br />Also, just found your blog today: loving it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03724572763798021222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-16475769302557999712012-09-01T02:16:48.450-04:002012-09-01T02:16:48.450-04:00I've run into problems with cards myself (same...I've run into problems with cards myself (same ol' non-monogamy, plausibly impermanent thing). I and my boyfriend almost always make our cards or buy blank cards with cute animals on them and write love-notes inside. In fact, we do it quite frequently (for random number of months anniversaries, or for I haven't seen you in a while, or for because). Just a thought. <br />btw, just found your blog today (via MIT Sex Positive), and I love it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03724572763798021222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-25464633414221212122012-04-22T00:55:08.864-04:002012-04-22T00:55:08.864-04:00For me as well, romance is an additional thing. I ...For me as well, romance is an additional thing. I have strong affection for my husband, and I am also sexually attracted to him, and I am also *romantically* attracted to him on top of that. Romance for me isn't just the combination of affection and sexual desire. But of course lots of people are not like me.<br /><br />Also: for me romantic feelings unlock my capacity for intimacy. I can have some emotional intimacy in a platonic friendship, but not as much as I can have in a romantic relationship. Romantic feelings give me the openness and energy and desire to make increased intimacy happen. I wouldn't be comfortable with really high levels of emotional intimacy in a platonic relationship.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-11283118462629696972012-03-26T06:14:21.449-04:002012-03-26T06:14:21.449-04:00As usual, this is a wonderful and insightful comme...As usual, this is a wonderful and insightful commentary on both our society and human nature... but I have to disagree with you on one point:<br /><br />"It's only a matter of gradation away from being very close friends"<br /><br />No. No no no no. Being friends IS loving someone. You can love them only a little, you can love them with all your heart, but it's still love and can be every bit as powerful as any other. The idea that friendship is a second-rate relationship, that it somehow doesn't count unless you're fucking each other, is incredibly harmful. I'm probably overreacting to your comment since this is a particular problem for me - being asexual, it's very frustrating to have all my relationships dismissed simply for not wanting to bump bits. There are people I cherish, that I want to be with forever and share my life with and who have been there when I needed them no matter what.... and if that's not love I don't know what is.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-15304683522409561512012-03-03T06:23:29.631-05:002012-03-03T06:23:29.631-05:00I don't know if anyone has said this above, bu...I don't know if anyone has said this above, but one of your points reminded me of Dalai Lama's quotation: "The best relationship is when your love for each other exceeds your need for each other." (Or something to that effect). Thank you for a very good post!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-24869878833506791782012-02-27T21:48:18.117-05:002012-02-27T21:48:18.117-05:00You are so interesting and I have no explanation f...You are so interesting and I have no explanation for why. I've stumbled across a few people's blogs and such where some people think of them or their way of living and seeing things as very strange at first, but then after you wrap your mind around the fact that people are different and do things differently, its just like..wow. You're really fucking interesting, different, and cool. I love it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-12334056496247952982012-02-27T19:43:07.803-05:002012-02-27T19:43:07.803-05:00A related bit of language that you find in a lot o...A related bit of language that you find in a lot of wedding ceremonies is "the two becoming one". When I was married we explicitly rejected all such language; we were a team standing side by side to face the world together, not a weirdly combined Frankenperson.<br /><br />There is also a subtext to that language that isn't spoken aloud: "the two become one and that one is the husband". Just say no.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-16637883481674093702012-02-16T07:32:23.147-05:002012-02-16T07:32:23.147-05:00Oops sorry about that. That should be "biolo...Oops sorry about that. That should be "biological ooze" not just "biological"Lord Domly Pants's Banenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-18931009075281254522012-02-16T07:30:11.549-05:002012-02-16T07:30:11.549-05:00I love the phrase 'biological ooze'. I don...I love the phrase 'biological ooze'. I don't at all get the whole D/s thing with semen or the trigger factor with it. I associate it with babies! yay babies!! intended, much beloved babies :):) ! Now that I have enough and have had a tubal I just can't see biological as a play thing(not a criticism btw)just kinda a natural one.Lord Domly Pants's Banenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-77778764041988686062012-02-13T23:02:57.201-05:002012-02-13T23:02:57.201-05:00Sounds like a perfect Cosmo relationship.Sounds like a perfect <i>Cosmo</i> relationship.Hershele Ostropolernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-62915154879014290102012-02-12T18:58:23.415-05:002012-02-12T18:58:23.415-05:00@ Annonymous 11:24- please do explain why this is ...@ Annonymous 11:24- please do explain why this is troubling to you; I am genuinely curious.<br /><br />Safety is not an issue for us, we are monogamous, clean and have been together for years.<br /><br />Pregnancy is a non-issue I have had a vasectomy; condoms went bye-bye for us a long time ago.<br /><br />The idea expressed, as adequately as I could explain a combination of actions, speach and discussed emotions came up after marvelous, but vanilla sex.Ken Ohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09422188798012989045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-73754211069945920082012-02-12T14:24:03.827-05:002012-02-12T14:24:03.827-05:00"few things are as dominant as "I am fil..."few things are as dominant as "I am filling you with my genetic, biological ooze" or as submissive as "I accept said ooze in whatever orifice you please and will endeavorto hold it in me because it pleases you and makes me feel claimed by you""<br />Um, um, um, I found that really problematic and triggering.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-14807220083345205102012-02-11T09:41:12.634-05:002012-02-11T09:41:12.634-05:00There's the general bedrock of affection, and ...There's the general bedrock of affection, and then there are extra emotions for friendship and extra emotions for romance. (They can coexist, but that makes my head explode.) It's hard to describe emotions because language sucks, but they're not especially mysterious. And I *know* they aren't the Most Important Core Of Human Feelings, but they're important to me and I'm vulnerable to the human tendency to believe everyone is either exactly like me or tragically broken.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-83595163559034443452012-02-10T16:14:48.415-05:002012-02-10T16:14:48.415-05:00When my second wife and story we were both In the ...When my second wife and story we were both In the middle of protracted divorces. All we wanted was a friend, a companion and yes a fuck! It was great. There was no discussion of exclusivity, it just kind of happened that way. We talked eachother through our fears, the ways we were maimed by past relationships and became best friends who fucked like mad. One day it became a mutual agreement not "I don't want to share you with anyone else" but Il"I don't want to give this part of my life to anyone but you". My highschool sweetheart, first love and former fiancée is one of the best friends both of us have; the girls compare notes on me. Part of what I believe eliminates jealousy is the idea neither of us wants to give that part of our lives to others. As corny as it may sound, one of the nice things about that kind of exclusivity is the added intimacy. Even though it is very conventional, few things are as dominant as "I am filling you with my genetic, biological ooze" or as submissive as "I accept said ooze in whatever orifice you please and will endeavorto hold it in me because it pleases you and makes me feel claimed by you".Ken Ohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09422188798012989045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-52093741989020792282012-02-08T15:43:37.302-05:002012-02-08T15:43:37.302-05:00"I'd rather see you dead, little girl, th..."I'd rather see you dead, little girl, than to see you with another man..." was supposed to be a love song? I'm actually very fond of that, but always thought it was <em>meant</em> to be messed the fuck up.<br /><br />(In terms of Beatles love songs in general, I think they had some that got it very right - and some that got it very wrong.)mpclnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-59716964633304767692012-02-08T12:02:16.612-05:002012-02-08T12:02:16.612-05:00Better get started!
flightlessBetter get started!<br /><br />flightlessAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-74768875458178046912012-02-07T22:06:06.051-05:002012-02-07T22:06:06.051-05:00Without cuddling a representative sample of the po...Without cuddling a representative sample of the population, how can I calculate those odds?<br /><br />/neeeerdCliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-10544909816933149602012-02-07T22:05:37.626-05:002012-02-07T22:05:37.626-05:00and http://xkcd.com/420/
flightlessand http://xkcd.com/420/<br /><br />flightlessAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-61893836221017815132012-02-07T22:01:44.506-05:002012-02-07T22:01:44.506-05:00What are the odds, though, that someone else cuddl...What are the odds, though, that someone else cuddles EXACTLY like him?<br /><br />flightlessAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-6515275949443398442012-02-07T21:59:53.070-05:002012-02-07T21:59:53.070-05:00I kind of love the Beatles, but it starts to make ...I kind of love the Beatles, but it starts to make my skin itch when people quote their love songs. Never mind "Because you're sweet and lovely, girl, I love you" stuff [though it does amuse me to imagine John singing it to Yoko], how about "I'd rather see you dead, little girl, than to see you with another man..."<br /><br />flightlessAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-59134551499729794632012-02-07T18:26:18.338-05:002012-02-07T18:26:18.338-05:00Yes. If nothing else, the default-monogamy narrati...Yes. If nothing else, the default-monogamy narrative makes it easy to assume that if two people agree on monogamy, that will necessarily give them a useful emotional commitment. I've seen monogamous relationships that don't have that commitment (as well as both mono and poly ones that do).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-68308304851877772032012-02-07T18:21:26.673-05:002012-02-07T18:21:26.673-05:00Another angle on that: "Zie needs me, and bec...Another angle on that: "Zie needs me, and because I love zir, I want to take care of zir in those ways." I don't want my partner to need certain kinds of help, but I don't have a magic wand that will take care of zir problems so that help isn't needed. I do have arms that can carry a load of laundry, run the washer, and then hang the clothes to dry.<br /><br />[Redbird at LiveJournal, but the system can't verify the OpenID credentials right now.]Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-48686292321514983582012-02-07T16:11:55.672-05:002012-02-07T16:11:55.672-05:00Don't be sad; I'm deliriously happy with m...Don't be sad; I'm deliriously happy with my chalk.<br /><br />I don't know what there even should <i>be</i> extra. If there's some mysterious other emotion, I've never felt it and don't know enough to be missing it.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-36458261842945089082012-02-07T11:47:18.980-05:002012-02-07T11:47:18.980-05:00Just one thought. I wish the Rolling Stones song h...Just one thought. I wish the Rolling Stones song had been:<br /><br />"You can't always get what you need.<br />But sometimes, if you try,<br />You get what you want."<br /><br />And most of the time, that's enough.Alasdairnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-29551767514293552492012-02-07T10:14:16.157-05:002012-02-07T10:14:16.157-05:00I don't really understand why anyone would be ...I don't really understand why anyone would be in a romantic relationship with someone they really really like and have sex with, rather than just being friends with benefits. My reaction is to shriek "No, you're doing it wrong!", but that's no different from people who think a relationship is completely broken and loveless if it lacks jealousy. I get that how my relationships work isn't the One True Model of relationships. But still... *nothing* extra, either in romance or in friendship, just generic affection turned up to eleven? That makes me a little sad. My love and my friendship are as unlike as cheese and chalk. I would *hate* to be served really really chalky chalk instead of cheese, or write on a blackboard with really really cheesy cheese instead of chalk.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com