tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post2500998510760478012..comments2024-03-22T05:55:48.117-04:00Comments on The Pervocracy: A small request.Cliff Pervocracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-22926628159252500202011-07-05T22:59:25.300-04:002011-07-05T22:59:25.300-04:00I have to say:
First of all, this post and most t...I have to say:<br /><br />First of all, this post and most the other commentators are made of win.<br /><br />Secondly, I've noticed that when living in Britain, people didn't assume that I was more touchy-feely (I am, but only to certain people in strictly defined contexts. Otherwise, I absolutely hate touch and my body reacts to it like it's a physical threat), but moving back to the USA, there was a lot more. Granted, not everyone was an asshole about it, but a lot of people were surprised and confused when I said things like 'do not touch me without asking first'.<br /><br />I have always admired my parents for teaching me and my siblings that the only people ever allowed to touch you without consent are parents and doctors in the context of trying to stop you from doing something immediately dangerous or doing something for your medical care, and they really ought to ask as well. I remember refusing to let my relatives get near me until I knew them, and my parents respecting my boundaries. Contrary to what some asshole relatives snidely commented would happen, I'm actually rather cuddly with friends and family, but there are times when I do NOT want to be touched at all and it is not okay to do so. They were awesome people who always told me that I had no obligation to let people touch me just out of social convention or whatthefuckever.<br /><br />My sister dislikes touch more, and I had to learn to ask before things like hugs and pats on the shoulders, so asshats who tried to touch her/me/my younger sibling were firmly told off. One boy in middle school refused to believe my warnings that my immediate reaction to touch I don't want is KILL IT WITH FIRE, so he randomly ran his hands through my hair and I reflexively stabbed his hand with my mechanical pencil. Not a happy day.<br /><br />Thank you, Holly, because this needs to be said and you say it better (and more eloquently) than I mostly can.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-84237516492533486282011-06-26T14:54:42.263-04:002011-06-26T14:54:42.263-04:00So much YES to this post.
I love to play, and I w...So much YES to this post.<br /><br />I love to play, and I will play casually and sometimes at the drop of a hat. But there are very few people I want to just start hurting me out of the damn blue without checking in first. My boyfriend is allowed to do it because he owns me. A small handful of other people can do it too. And everyone I allow to do that absolutely must understand that it is never okay to <i>interrupt me</i> to do it -- anyone who comes up and smacks me on the ass mid-sentence can pretty much say goodbye to that ass. <br /><br />Casually inflicting pain on bottoms in non-sexual situations, especially with the "Oh-ho, you naughty girl!" attitude it often comes along with, is often just straight-up <i>undermining</i> as well as disrespectful of boundaries. It just kind of screams "whatever you were trying to do a moment ago, it doesn't matter, because I wanted to hit you and that was more important!"<br /><br />There are few things that make me feel as socially <i>undervalued</i> as being in the middle of a great conversation about, I dunno, superhero movies, and then someone comes up and bites me and I have completely lost the thread of what I was trying to say in the midst of sudden nonconsensual pain, and it's just not supposed to <i>matter</i>.Beatricehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08773459487771412690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-68276808784055004022011-06-24T17:56:36.012-04:002011-06-24T17:56:36.012-04:00As someone who's at best ambivalent about most...As someone who's at best ambivalent about most of the "isms" (despite my life as a kink/fetish positive lower class black male), I've never been the type of person to approve of or even tolerate violation of peoples' personal bubbles. I don't like to be touched by strangers (up to and including shaking hands) and I've gotten very good results against touchers by explicitly telling them to not touch me at all unless I know that they're there. When people have violated my personal space (and when I've seen obviously lecherous/obnoxious people of either sex violating the space of others against their will) I've never felt any shame in voicing my displeasure as loudly as possible. I'd rather be temporarily embarrassed than permanently inconvenienced.MaMu1977http://www.youtube.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-66136073618661189012011-06-24T17:22:51.250-04:002011-06-24T17:22:51.250-04:00Ah yes, the gleam. I know that gleam. If they'...Ah yes, the gleam. I know that gleam. If they're really determined, I death-glare at them and say something along the lines of "If you tickle me I will kick you in the fucking face." Since I'm flexible enough to actually kick people in the face, and I say it seriously, it usually gives people pause - because it could actually happen. Whereas hyperbole (which people usually presume death threats to be) isn't quite as ominous.<br /><br />And, yeah, going all serious about it does throw people off sometimes, but...that's their problem. This isn't really something I'm willing to compromise on. I'll tolerate a lot of touching that I don't really like or want, because it's not THAT bad and it's generally socially accepted and it would cause awkwardness or difficulty if I objected or avoided too thoroughly....but this is one of those places I'm willing to draw hard and fast lines. And sometimes kick faces.<br /><br />(For the record, I'm not normally a violent person. I kick when tickled, and I occasionally wrassle drunk people to get things away from them so they can't hurt their silly selves.)<br /><br />Handshakes and casual hugs from acquaintances I don't know well? I'd really rather avoid those things too, but the social discomfort of doing so would, for me, weigh more heavily than the sensory discomfort of tolerating, and avoiding when possible. Tickling is in a different place on that spectrum. And, of course, I can see the slippery slope of the spectrum...but what're ya gonna do?AvaTrimblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07351000089253459996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-9495684866756514052011-06-24T17:20:34.065-04:002011-06-24T17:20:34.065-04:00Perversecowgirl;
first - apologies for my assumpt...Perversecowgirl;<br /><br />first - apologies for my assumption. i could list reasons why i assumed you were complaining about kink people, but it's irrelevant. i'm sorry.<br /><br /><br />second... I... ok, so ONE reason i made that assumption is that, IME, it's not common for non-kink people to be that touchy-feely. it's only MY experience, and yours is obviously much different, but that sort of baffles me - ESPECIALLY people with whom you work. there are *laws* against that [and that may be a thing to say to people with whom you work who can't seem to refrain from assulting you - and it is assult, even if THEY don't get that.]<br /><br />contrawise, instead of offering PHYSICAL harm, maybe threaten "social harm". as in, something like "you may think being tickled is fun, but i hate it. if you ever tickle me again, we won't be friends anymore - because you will have shown that you can't respect me and my boundries".<br />i think you're right, threating to kill someone s [generally] perceived as more of a "joke" than a real thing.<br /><br />i just... i wish i had something really helpful that wasn't going to punish you as much as the offender(s). that's awful. people SHOULD understand that you don't want to be tickled. hell, even back when being tickled didn't hurt me, i hated it - and there were several people, who i adored otherwise, that i quit being friends with because they just wouldn't fucking STOP. <br />and if you say "don't DO that, i don't like it and it's disrespectful", of COURSE the conversation is then about how you are "over reacting" to something so "innocent and harmless"<br /><br />it's NEITHER innocent nor harmless - it's a direct violation of your bodily integrity. <br />but it's also one of those areas where if you give a flat "I DO NOT LIKE THIS AND WILL NOT TOLERATE IT" people are going to think the problem is YOU, and not the assholes who can't respect your boundries :(<br /><br />but seriously, your coworkers, at least, should effing know better.<br /><br />i'm so sorry. i wish i had something better :(denelianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08083149213773118359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-66002909339520416862011-06-24T16:34:47.477-04:002011-06-24T16:34:47.477-04:00Ava and Denelian: I suppose I haven't actually...Ava and Denelian: I suppose I haven't actually told people "If you tickle me I will hurt you" but I've said "If you tickle me I will want to <i>kill</i> you" and most of the time that doesn't even slow people down. Maybe that particular phrasing doesn't make it clear enough that I'll inflict pain.<br /><br />And I don't really hang out in kink circles per se so there's no "safeword"...I'm talking about, like, random friends (or even people at work!) who'd get that gleam in their eye and ask if I'm ticklish.<br /><br />I really think that people don't take us seriously about tickling simply because for most people, being tickled is harmless and fun. People are monumentally self-centred; we tend to assume everyone else's body and brain works just like ours.perversecowgirlhttp://www.perversecowgirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-61582754467873789392011-06-24T05:12:33.396-04:002011-06-24T05:12:33.396-04:00Perversecowgirl;
like the latest Anon and Ava, i ...Perversecowgirl;<br /><br />like the latest Anon and Ava, i HATE being tickled [in my case, like most touch, it HURTS]<br /><br />it DOESN'T make me laugh - i stand there going "ow fuck STOP" and the person tickling me INVARIABLY says "that doesn't hurt!"<br /><br />yes. it fucking does. but so would hitting that person. except - this is just about the only GOOD part of the wheelchair [it's harder to tickle me] and the cane [something to BEAT people with when they don't STOP]<br /><br />:( i wish i had specific advice, other than the pre-emptive "i hate this and WILL hurt anyone who does it"<br />wait - maybe i do - does your group have a word that is the generic "stop" word? [our local group uses green - yellow - red] if you shout that word anytime someone starts, that should get it across.<br /><br /><br />sigh. WHY is "don't touch me without my consent" so HARD to get across?denelianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08083149213773118359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-79685244384519663732011-06-24T04:24:08.663-04:002011-06-24T04:24:08.663-04:00Perversecowgirl - I feel much the same about tickl...Perversecowgirl - I feel much the same about tickling. And I've found that it's very effective to, whenever tickling comes up in conversation, very seriously tell people that I hate being tickled, and I will reflexively kick them in the face if they try it. They usually believe me. The trick is getting out "I will kick you in the face" while giggling uncontrollably, when they haven't been forewarned....before the face-kicking starts. Yes, really, I do actually involuntarily kick people when tickled. Sometimes in the face. Very Serious Face when explaining/threatening usually helps, as long you can catch them before they start and the laughter sets in.AvaTrimblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07351000089253459996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-69576550285635063672011-06-23T21:42:13.092-04:002011-06-23T21:42:13.092-04:00I agree, Anon - although I understand how a person...I agree, Anon - although I understand how a person might not realize they're traumatizing me since I'm laughing (and since shrieking "NO!" at the Tickle Monster is pretty standard practice even when everyone's having fun).<br /><br />It seems even <i>more</i> assholey to me when people have started creeping toward me going, "are you ticklish?" and I said "being tickled feels awful and gives me panic attacks. DO NOT TOUCH ME" and they did it anyway. Which has happened many times.perversecowgirlhttp://www.perversecowgirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-62565933192762333192011-06-23T18:15:12.403-04:002011-06-23T18:15:12.403-04:00If you're body reacts to touch, that's not...If you're body reacts to touch, that's not consent. It's especially not consent if you're crying/flailing/screaming "STOP." Some people are assholes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-87266772583908831082011-06-23T17:58:49.573-04:002011-06-23T17:58:49.573-04:00I hate being smacked/sneaked up on/etc. But what ...I hate being smacked/sneaked up on/etc. But what I hate <i>most</i> out of any casual touch in the world is being <i>tickled</i>. Yeah, that's right, tickling: the harmless, fun thing people will even do to <i>babies</i>. <br /><br />Unfortunately, even though tickling feels awful to me and immediately makes me want to kill the person doing it...it also reflexively makes me laugh. Therefore, most people assume I must be enjoying myself and keep going even though I'm cringing/flailing/screaming "STOP."<br /><br />I have this tremendous fear that one of these days, someone will playfully tickle me and I'll just start pounding their fucking face until they're dead. Maybe I have PTSD, I dunno...anyway I picture myself having to tell the police (or a jury) "...but that person was <i>tickling</i> me!" and I dread how stupid that will sound.<br /><br />Anyway. My point is that even touches that seem harmless to one person can be a <i>big fucking deal</i> to another, and that's why this post about consent is so completely important and true.perversecowgirlhttp://www.perversecowgirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-28469742209703767232011-06-23T17:28:45.437-04:002011-06-23T17:28:45.437-04:00Hi. This is Charlotte. Been creeping your blog for...Hi. This is Charlotte. Been creeping your blog for a couple of weeks, but haven't posted anything. This, though, this matters to me. As that weird vanilla chick who hangs out with kinksters a lot, there have been several times when people I barely know have taken it upon themselves to give me a playful smack in the ass. Sometimes they think they're getting in on/adding to something sexy I'm doing with someone else. But not only are they touching me in ways they were not invited to do so, they're hurting me! And I don't like hurt, at all! I get that there are not many vanilla allies hanging around most of the time, but even within the community there are a good many people who do not receive pain, from anyone.<br /><br />As a side note, something tells me that if I were/presented as a guy, those people would not be so quick to assume I'm a masochist/submissive. Just sayin'.charthemagicdragonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-1223583057928358332011-06-23T08:38:47.149-04:002011-06-23T08:38:47.149-04:00what Personal Failure said about "vanilla&quo...what Personal Failure said about "vanilla" issues - waaaaaaaay too many people think that having sex with a person allows you unlimited access to their body just *whenever*<br /><br /><br />back when i was still setting people on fire, i had to make an explicit NO ONE TOUCH ME IN ANY WAY WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST - because A) why the hell do so many guys assume any woman is a sub/bottom? i'm NOT B) MOST touch [normal-people touch - the aformentioned poke, for instance] HURTS. a lot. and people don't Get It [except PF :) i mean i know many people DO get it, but MANY more do not] and C) i have PTSD. you run up behind me and smack me, chance are good i'm gonna turn around and lay you out.<br /><br /><br />i will say - other than a few assholes, most people i know who are part of the local BDSM community are a LOT better about not touching me than other people who AREN'T into the BDSM community. i have one friend i can't let near me, because he ALWAYS tries to give me a "shoulder rub", won't LISTEN when i say no, hurts me [he's made me cry in pain multiple times] and then stands there confused when other people yell at him.<br /><br />huh. now that i think of it, he's a guy i used to have sex with. but he did this BEFORE we ever had sex. so... he's cool otherwise, it's just this ONE THING [really only this one thing. sigh]denelianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08083149213773118359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-27140908725045066262011-06-23T04:54:36.636-04:002011-06-23T04:54:36.636-04:00Anon@3:12: I do not consent to being part of your ...Anon@3:12: I do not consent to being part of your D/s play by reading you describe your intimate sex life to everyone on this comment thread IN ORDER to make the comment part of your sex life. Observer consent: it's also a thing.<br /><br />I don't care what you and your significant other do or don't do. I don't like your implication that spanking/hittysex/impact play is damaging, but I'll let that slide. I DO care that you are obviously posting that comment on this thread because it gets you off, and as a reader of that blog that's not what I'm here for. Safeword, dude.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-72084725259052192922011-06-23T03:12:32.953-04:002011-06-23T03:12:32.953-04:00Amen Sister!
My sweetie and I have long had a rout...Amen Sister!<br />My sweetie and I have long had a routine where, when she needs punishment, she drops her pants for the ritualised caress of her bottom. She knows she is being punished and why she is being punished but this is far more effective than beating the crap out of her.<br />She knows who is boss and I don’t need to prove it by damaging her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-56541221146725140322011-06-23T01:01:39.057-04:002011-06-23T01:01:39.057-04:00When I read this post, I thought about ... paintba...When I read this post, I thought about ... paintball.<br /><br />Within the context of a paintball game, which has an explicit start, explicit stop, explicit rules, well-defined safety equipment, and a well-defined field of play, I am consenting to be shot with a paintball - something that may result in a big, ugly, painful welt.<br /><br />If any of those conditions were not in force - if the game were not expressly active, if I were outside of the field, if I weren't wearing the equipment, or if the rules weren't being followed ... that's assault. And I don't think anyone would have trouble seeing the difference, so I don't know why this is apparently difficult for some people in other contexts.<br /><br />Except - there's this one guy with whom I play paintball, and he always runs his gun "hot" - too high of a muzzle velocity. It's not enough to make the game more dangerous, but it's enough to give him a distance advantage, and it's enough that his hits hurt worse than other people's. It's really annoying, and he just shrugs and says that it's hard for him to reset because he needs a special tool or something. Whatever. I guess people can act like jerks in any setting. We've tried "policing" it by everyone making pointed comments about it and "teasing" him, but it hasn't gotten the message across. He's not really a guy who understands subtle messages and nuance, so I guess maybe he genuinely doesn't get it. If I play with that crew again, I guess maybe I'll need to be explicit.moniquehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11837057143026752420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-884416386228891012011-06-22T22:57:50.511-04:002011-06-22T22:57:50.511-04:00This is the anon from 6:22.
I apologize if I misc...This is the anon from 6:22.<br /><br />I apologize if I misconstrued my point; I don't mean to say that because a touch is small it's okay even if it freaks you out. You are sovereign over your body, and if you ask someone not to touch you even in a small way like poking, then in future they are really *really* in the wrong if they do so. I also didn't mean to imply that such touch was okay with strangers or only casual acquaintances; I do see a lot of casual poking that nobody bats an eye over, but only among fairly close friends.<br /><br />I have absolutely no issue with you setting your boundaries wherever you need/want to set them. I have an issue with expecting everyone to step lightly around everyone else, in all contexts, ever, for fear of violating boundaries whose location is completely unknown to them. If someone does something that makes you uncomfortable or worse-than-uncomfortable, tell them!<br /><br />Trust me, I used to have extreme tactile issues too. I know what it's like to freak out over a small touch. And I have gotten around it by asking the people I know not to touch me when I'm upset unless I solicit it, and they all respect that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-28729328056227860782011-06-22T18:55:58.149-04:002011-06-22T18:55:58.149-04:00Ava,
I'm on the same page with you there. I ...Ava,<br /><br /> I'm on the same page with you there. I am a rape/abuse survivor and have issues with PTSD & anxiety, plus s major startle reflex. If someone touches or grabs me by surprise or without my consent, my first reactions are to hit them and/or freak the fuck out.<br /><br /> My mom has a good friend whose husband has never had a sense of respect for other people's boundaries, and he set off a major panic attack by grabbing my foot from behind while I was going up stairs. I started and fell down a 2-story metal staircase, then my mom got made because I yelled at the guy over it (which led to a convo with he I did not want to have about why I wasn't comfortable with being grabbed). Not surprisingly, I found out later this same guy had also grabbed my sister's boobs.<br /><br />So yeah, it happens in vanilla context, but it's still not something that should be acceptable. There are many people not open to or comfortable with being randomly touched, and it's ridiculous that we're expected to just ignore our own boundaries and comfort levels because it might offend some grabby asshat to be told to keep their hands to themselves.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-83246170964138344972011-06-22T15:51:05.645-04:002011-06-22T15:51:05.645-04:00The anonymous at 6:22 said something about how pok...The anonymous at 6:22 said something about how pokes and other types of touch are totally normal in vanilla contexts and no one thinks twice about them, etc.<br /><br />Well, I disagree. MANY people don't think twice about them, but I go into full-fledged, heart-racing, adrenaline rush, fight-or-flight mode when someone pokes me unexpectedly. Or in ANY way touches me or invades my personal space if I'm uncomfortable with them. Or touches me lightly when I'm upset, even if I love and trust them. I have abnormal sensory processing and am hypersensitive to tactile input (touch, especially light touch, as sensed through the skin) - but so are lots of people.<br /><br />But I don't want to make trouble, and life involves a lot of contact. So I put up with handshakes and hugs and pokes from a lot of people, whenever I can manage to tolerate it, and the invasion isn't too egregious. But it would sure be nice if I didn't have to do that. And I -really- appreciate it when there are people in my life who are comfortable with being told or cued that I'm not okay with certain kinds of touching, at least under certain circumstances.<br /><br />Ultimately - the crossing of a boundary doesn't necessarily mean that the person doing the crossing is doing something inherently wrong; it's simply something that doesn't work for someone, at least with that person, at that time, in that mood, etc. That doesn't make boundaries any less important though. And just because certain types of touch are common doesn't mean they don't cross boundaries - rather, it means that those boundaries are just less likely to be clearly expressed.AvaTrimblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07351000089253459996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-15609716587330714302011-06-22T15:18:13.134-04:002011-06-22T15:18:13.134-04:00Emma:
I'm not familiar with kink scenes, but ...Emma:<br /><br />I'm not familiar with kink scenes, but my first association on reading your story was a sci-fi convention.<br /><br />If you go to a sci-fi convention, it's obviously because you like sci-fi and probably enjoy talking about it. And yet, someone coming up to you at random and saying, "So do you like ?" may come across as... at least random, and possibly creepy, depending on hir body language and other factors. <br /><br />As was said before, the way to initiate a conversation is by context: Express awe at relevant toys (die-jewelery or floggers) (but no touching! obviously), talk about shared experiences ("What did you think about that panel/scene?") and such things.<br /><br />Continuing that metaphor - granted, if that happens to be your favorite book, it may spark a fun conversation; but the same may happen if the person just happens to ask you about a fetish activity you've been dying to do. Going by context is safer anyway.the_ragnaroknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-19156119104515081472011-06-22T11:30:05.731-04:002011-06-22T11:30:05.731-04:00Thanks Semiel & Holly - that was sort of what ...Thanks Semiel & Holly - that was sort of what I thought. He was pretty harmless, and I think a lot of my discomfort was from being unfamiliar with the scene and not knowing if that was what everyone was supposed to be doing. That video is hilarious! And probably good advice for everyone, foot fetish or not. <br /><br />I'm kind of depressed about the number of commenters who've had this kind of non-negotiated hitting happen. I thought kinksters were usually better at talking about boundaries than vanilla folks.Emmanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-70868785841722458002011-06-22T08:49:48.206-04:002011-06-22T08:49:48.206-04:00I was at a play party and had a nice scene with a ...I was at a play party and had a nice scene with a guy. We started up again, and I was not interested in where he was taking it, so I asked for something else to happen, and it did; it ended up as a very nice time. The rest of the evening he continued being very playful with lots of other people, and they seemed to be grooving on it. I didn't expressly say "I don't want to go further with you," and the scene did involve a lot of nipple-grabbing, which was on the edge of what I was okay with from him, but was okay. <br /><br />Considerably later, after I wasn't flirting with him at all, I was leaving. Had the coat and everything, but it was a long drive so I went upstairs to use the restroom. He was coming down them, blocking my way from above. He grabbed my nipples and squeezed, and it was definitely unwelcome. <br /><br />I don't remember what I said but I don't think I used a safeword. He was definitely in a threatening position, and I was definitely not experiencing it as a kink scene where a safeword applied. He either noticed that I was unhappy or hadn't meant more than a brief interaction and let me by.<br /><br />I've never spoken to him about it. His intentions were clearly playful, he was high on the play, and I'd been a partner earlier in the evening. I felt very uncomfortable, in the moment, and after in the car as I spoke to my partner about it. I'm surprised at myself for not saying something assertive at the moment, or for not talking about it with him after. It's been months now, and if he reads this I'm not even sure he'd recognize himself. I think the moment was unremarkable to him.<br /><br />I've been in other play party situations where my boundaries with partners have been fluid after formal play. I often like it a lot when the evening isn't about Formal Scenes but a general haze of fun. It was just this guy, or the night, or something about the ambush on the stairs...<br /><br />But everyone needs to remember that consent for a scene and during a scene is *ONLY* for that scene! <br /><br />It's even more true when it's a different day, in a different context. <br /><br />I'm not scarred or anything, but I'm wary, and I'll never play with him again.miettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09965481095797956598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-8254665777102929082011-06-22T06:35:40.039-04:002011-06-22T06:35:40.039-04:00@Gabrielle: Lighter version of the same upbringing...@Gabrielle: Lighter version of the same upbringing here. Hi!<br /><br />Yeah, when I was a little girl, my brother hit me in front of my parents once and got in trouble. Not because "people shouldn't hit each other" but because "BOYS shouldn't hit GIRLS." For several years after that, I would hit him whenever he annoyed me, on the assumptions that a) it was OK and b) he couldn't hit back.<br /><br />I did eventually realize that hitting outside kink contexts is a Bad Thing, but I do give in to the urge to give a playful shove once in a while. I feel incredibly guilty about it every time, and i'm working on cutting that shit out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-60682875359977560112011-06-22T00:37:54.210-04:002011-06-22T00:37:54.210-04:00Totally. This very thing happened to me, by a guy ...Totally. This very thing happened to me, by a guy who was/is very respected in our local scene, and he was really shitty about being called out on it. We don't really speak anymore, and it soured my relationship with that particular social group considerably.<br /><br />-KatieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-16820285301626883922011-06-22T00:15:19.240-04:002011-06-22T00:15:19.240-04:00"You've let me hit you before so it's..."You've let me hit you before so it's okay now" is <b>exactly</b> equivalent to "we've had consensual sex before so it couldn't possibly be rape."Hershele Ostropolernoreply@blogger.com