tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post3351990537355931704..comments2024-03-22T05:55:48.117-04:00Comments on The Pervocracy: Everything gets better.Cliff Pervocracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-41370526115570047302014-04-28T00:13:51.419-04:002014-04-28T00:13:51.419-04:00Amen to the coffee thing. I'm 28 now (I guess ...Amen to the coffee thing. I'm 28 now (I guess you would be, too?), but I still do this. :-/ I've been working pretty hard on self-improvement for 7 years now, so that frustrates me to realize you're "ahead" of me (meaningless concept, I know, but that's not what my self-talk is telling me).<br /><br />On the other hand, I'm realizing that the time and energy you've invested into learning emotional/relationship stuff is what I've invested into learning spiritual stuff, which happens to be very important to my well-being. There will always be time for me to work on the social stuff later. Despite my childhood teachings, I don't actually have to be good at everything, all at once, instantaneously upon starting to learn the topic, in order not to be a failure.<br /><br />Ciao. I don't know why I want to sign of with "ciao" as I have literally never said that in my life, but what the heck. It's a harmless impulse.Elio Lewisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-69929047073058042692012-09-13T17:39:39.244-04:002012-09-13T17:39:39.244-04:00Oh, Cliff, my dude. You have no idea how much I ne...Oh, Cliff, my dude. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. How much I have to remind myself of this while still striving to see each day through, to make it worthwhile.<br /><br />Thanks. So much.<br /><br />-- CoronerCountessAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-19461678664382749462011-12-29T00:32:17.787-05:002011-12-29T00:32:17.787-05:00As an 18 year old who doesn't know what kind ...As an 18 year old who <i> doesn't know what kind of coffee to order, or how I'm supposed to phrase the it or if I should call it "java" or "joe" to show that i'm an experienced coffee drinker, or should use the name on the menu or If there are certain drinks that only dorks ordered or if it is rude to act chummy with the coffee lady, or rude to not act chummy with her? If I fumble my change and will she impatient with me, does that mean she hates me? Oh god can I ever show my face again at the coffee stand because I made the coffee lady hate.</i> <br />This post means a lot.<br />I have a lot of social anxiety, 'coffee anxiety' about pretty much everything. I kind of regret my decision going to uni so soon at a school I hate because it's crappy and in the same town that I swore i'd get out of my whole life away from my parents who are just...restrictive to the point of being emotionally abusive and how all my friends look at me like an alien when i say "i'd love to go out, but when I do my mum waits up for me until I come home and then tells me the next day how tired she is while pointedly glaring at me" and then humiliating me all the time and 'putting me to work' that seems punishing. And also coming to terms with not being straight but not knowing what I am and NOT being religious in the slightest but that means that i'm damned to an eternity of hell and suffering right? and really, really liking the whole concept of sex and typically ~deviant/'''wrong''' sexual things. Bleh. Well this turned into a bit of a drastic rant but I just found your blog today, and i'm reading through everything and I'm just really, really glad that it's here and that it's just re-affirming that it's okay to be who I am and it WILL get better. So, thanks for that.Shellnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-65448740133898154192011-10-21T01:30:09.419-04:002011-10-21T01:30:09.419-04:00I just finished my degree, and even though I start...I just finished my degree, and even though I started as a mature student (let's put "mature" in square-quotes, for me), I really WAS terrified of the professors, and really DID see every assignment and test as a judgment of my self-worth. And it was a fucking rotten, miserable way of going through school. I'd love to be able to get away from that feeling, someday. I'm really glad you have.Michellehttp://www.fatnutritionist.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-38387638402943498082011-09-27T01:32:28.895-04:002011-09-27T01:32:28.895-04:00If teachers were there just to disgorge informatio...<i>If teachers were there just to disgorge information, then there would be no reason to even have teachers, when you could just read textbooks. Good teachers not only teach substantive material; more importantly, they convey the skills necessary to become an autonomous learner.</i><br /><br />I definitely didn't mean to imply that the extent of a teacher's job is limited to inducing proper fact regurgitation from students. (or, at least it shouldn't be) I just wanted to point out that there are plenty of situations in which someone who is teaching a class may have a background - by virtue of being the person who has immersed themselves in the subject - that will be good for teaching someone information they need to become a nurse (for example) but not so much for teaching someone how to be a nurse (for example).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-51559155814906220622011-09-26T11:44:51.979-04:002011-09-26T11:44:51.979-04:00Comrade PhysioProf - Professors help explain the i...Comrade PhysioProf - Professors help explain the information in an interactive and human way and convey skills.<br /><br />And some professors--particularly advisors, professors who have been in or who teach subjects directly relative to the student's career path, and professors who happen to develop a close relationship with a particular student--can indeed fulfill the mentor role.<br /><br />But I don't think that every professor can or should do that all the time. Sometimes it is really just about learning the subject. (Also, bear in mind that I'm not taking Microbiology because of a passion for microbes, but because I need at least a B to progress in my program. This doesn't give me an excuse to be ignorant or sloppy, but it does give me an excuse not to be <i>passionate.</i>)<br /><br />A professor <i>can</i> be a mentor, but I don't think that they have to be, or that they're necessarily great mentor material just because of their professorial role.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-20503537016834164352011-09-26T07:41:27.610-04:002011-09-26T07:41:27.610-04:00But I don't think that it makes sense to assum...<i>But I don't think that it makes sense to assume that their life experience is more likely than anyone else's to be useful to learn from.</i><br /><br />I'm not talking about "life experience". I'm talking about the experience of having engaged with the content of what is being taught at a high level over a sustained extended period of time.<br /><br />If teachers were there just to disgorge information, then there would be no reason to even have teachers, when you could just read textbooks. Good teachers not only teach substantive material; more importantly, they convey the skills necessary to become an autonomous learner.<br /><br />Students who think of themselves as customers of the teacher, with knowledge as the good they are purchasing, are selling the process short. Good teachers functional as intellectual mentors and guides to their students, and not just purveyors of knowledge. This is so even for something as seemingly mundane as the details of plasmid function in bacteria.Comrade PhysioProfhttp://freethoughtblogs.com/physioprofnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-30945366313136701092011-09-25T15:07:29.697-04:002011-09-25T15:07:29.697-04:00What your professors have is experience that their...<i>What your professors have is experience that their students lack. They are not just there to convey "information"; they are there to share their experience.<br />...<br />Ultimately, the goal of your nursing training is to train you to *be* a nurse, not just to possess a particular collection of information. </i><br /><br />Only it's pretty unlikely that Holly's Microbiology professor is or has ever been a nurse. Much of what people who aren't going into academia learn is taught by people whose work experiences differ dramatically from those their students pursue.<br /><br />That's not to say that there aren't plenty of awesome profs who end up doing a lot more than just teaching you the material. But I don't think that it makes sense to assume that their life experience is more likely than anyone else's to be useful to learn from. (again, this is specific to people who *aren't* headed for academia themselves - obviously if you intend to do something similar to the person you are learning from hearing about their experience is likely to be informative)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-89347203915182352452011-09-24T16:29:55.455-04:002011-09-24T16:29:55.455-04:00No offense, Comrade PhysioProf, but... why? They&#...<i>No offense, Comrade PhysioProf, but... why? They're not better than their students.</i><br /><br />This has nothing to do with being "better" than anyone else. What your professors have is experience that their students lack. They are not just there to convey "information"; they are there to share their experience.<br /><br />Learning declarative information like plasmid function in bacteria is only part of education, especially in a professional training context like nursing school. Ultimately, the goal of your nursing training is to train you to *be* a nurse, not just to possess a particular collection of information.Comrade PhysioProfhttp://freethoughtblogs.com/physioprofnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-87528539596427054572011-09-23T18:11:54.584-04:002011-09-23T18:11:54.584-04:00I can relate. When I was a kid, I was so afraid to...I can relate. When I was a kid, I was so afraid to ask questions. I thought that if I asked about something people would think I was stupid and clueless for not just intuiting whatever it was. Then I ended up looking really stupid and clueless because I had no idea what was going on.Vickynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-37324079410678155402011-09-23T13:40:56.180-04:002011-09-23T13:40:56.180-04:00I never really had coffee anxiety--that suckage wa...I never really had coffee anxiety--that suckage was deposited on other system members--but this rosy vision of college is mind-boggling to me.<br /><br />Admittedly, I am currently immensely bitter and cynical about university, and I remember it mostly being a torture marathon where professors wielded lots of power and didn't actually care about teaching their students very much. I remember it mostly being, "God, I hope I don't get pneumonia during finals like my friend; no one will reschedule for me, so I'll either flunk or stagger through deathly sick."<br /><br />I can't think of them as my employees the way I do my therapist, because see, my therapist can't threaten me with a loss of thousands of dollars if I get sick at the wrong time. Also, employees don't insist on me buying eighty dollar textbooks that I end up never using.<br /><br />--RoganLBThttp://healthymultiplicity.com/loonybrainnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-1381691743916488272011-09-23T13:12:02.831-04:002011-09-23T13:12:02.831-04:00Anon 10:43
Me too! I got mocked in high school fo...Anon 10:43<br /><br />Me too! I got mocked in high school for the stupidest little things, like not apologizing for giggling when someone I didn't know wiped out in a very amusing way, or for wearing loose baskeball shorts instead of yoga pants for gym. Plus the whole "gay" thing didn't help either.Danenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-433264520996351682011-09-23T12:22:48.777-04:002011-09-23T12:22:48.777-04:00No offense, Comrade PhysioProf, but... why? They&...No offense, Comrade PhysioProf, but... why? They're not better than their students. (In the case of adult students, they're not necessarily even <i>older</i>.) They're just people with more specialized education.<br /><br />My Micro professor isn't showing me the path through life. He's showing me the function of plasmids in prokaryotic cells. Except in this specific area, I have no reason to think he knows any more than I do.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-906846451289440702011-09-23T12:00:02.386-04:002011-09-23T12:00:02.386-04:00I'm not sure it's a great idea to think of...I'm not sure it's a great idea to think of your professors as "working for you" and that you are "paying" for them to transfer knowledge they have to you. In my experience, it is more useful to students to think of their professors as guides, mentors, and role models (if, of course, they merit it) to learn from by example.Comrade PhysioProfhttp://freethoughtblogs.com/physioprofnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-36057737103338876432011-09-23T10:43:29.365-04:002011-09-23T10:43:29.365-04:00Same here. I think mine was partly from school whe...Same here. I think mine was partly from school where I would get mocked for whatever little things I did. it is better being an adult but I still have bad days.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-5169014170929702572011-09-23T07:33:39.214-04:002011-09-23T07:33:39.214-04:00"Imagining other people as being just like me..."Imagining other people as being just like me--just as open to well-intentioned questions, just as willing to be flexible for reasonable requests, just as lacking in a Correct Script For How Things Must Be--has been tremendously helpful for me."<br /><br />This is exactly how I got over that stuff, too! It also helped me get over stage fright/public speaking anxiety, far more than any "imagining people in their underwear." Because honestly - most of the time the people at the other end just don't care, at worst. At best they are actually trying to do a good job. If they get angry, chances are it's not because of anything that you did wrong, it's just because they're angry and their life sucks.<br /><br />Also - I never did master the "venti/grande" thing at starbucks. It used to make me feel uncool. Now I just say "medium." They nod and pour me a coffee. :-)Lainnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-84515746148170005562011-09-23T02:46:01.380-04:002011-09-23T02:46:01.380-04:00Wow this blog is pretty incredible. Holly the peop...Wow this blog is pretty incredible. Holly the people who are drawn here seem to be of a certain ilk, even if only evidenced by the replies to this post.<br />Quiet, self-effacing people who CARE what others think, who don't brazenly stride out into the word, riding rough-shod over any and all near them. I know modern society elevates these psychos but it's the people here who "I" truly treasure.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-86334892426292378312011-09-23T00:57:45.522-04:002011-09-23T00:57:45.522-04:00My mom - god bless her - never told me high school...My mom - god bless her - never told me high school was supposed to be "the best years of my life." She said that people who are miserable in high school usually go on to do awesome things later on, and people who flourish in high school usually end up miserable.<br /><br />I don't know how much of that is true (I didn't keep in touch with anyone from high school so I have no idea how their lives turned out), but it made me feel better at the time. <br /><br />And the advice held true for ME: I was miserable in high school and am very happy now.perversecowgirlhttp://www.perversecowgirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-42091479819061599802011-09-23T00:50:52.913-04:002011-09-23T00:50:52.913-04:00Good to know it will get better... (I'm not te...Good to know it will get better... (I'm not telling you my age because you would shoo me off your blog for being too young) I have the WORST time asking for what I want. Like my job. I am so awkward asking for a schedule change when school starts. Even though when I was hired my boss was like "yeah, most of our employees are students, you can take as few shifts as you need during the school year"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-81945215510869409572011-09-22T19:55:22.109-04:002011-09-22T19:55:22.109-04:00Coffee anxiety, that's a great term.Coffee anxiety, that's a great term.Anonymous Trollnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-52184546905925065302011-09-22T16:19:00.843-04:002011-09-22T16:19:00.843-04:00Our D&D group orders delivery every single gam...Our D&D group orders delivery every single game... or maybe take out if we've got time. We get: mexican food, vietnamese food (Pho <3), Indian food... any kind of food under the sun! <br /><br />Also: I think the scariest lie we tell anyone is "these are the best years of your life" when theyr'e in high school. No, these are the worst years of your life, but you'll always want to go back and do them better.superglucosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18398359404946835540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-3229914123985093242011-09-22T16:10:09.585-04:002011-09-22T16:10:09.585-04:00Somehow, I managed to skip the coffee anxiety phas...Somehow, I managed to skip the coffee anxiety phase, but I have plenty of other anxieties to make up for it. Currently dealing with call-doctor-to-make-appointment-to-get-medication-to-get-on-with-my-life anxieties. Here's to the hope that we really do age like fine wine.Amnesianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-22439138534726261512011-09-22T15:09:01.311-04:002011-09-22T15:09:01.311-04:00This post gives me hope; I am a supremely awkward ...This post gives me hope; I am a supremely awkward 18 year old in second year university and I have coffee anxiety about almost EVERYTHING. (but not coffee. Unless the barista is cute) But yeah, it is getting better. Slowly.Danenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-70688758593400726302011-09-22T13:24:51.485-04:002011-09-22T13:24:51.485-04:00I love how whenever you post something like this, ...I love how whenever you post something like this, Holly, there's always a slew of "Oh my god, me too!" posts - which mine can be considered, as I'm coming to this realization myself right now. I think that's really a sign of the human condition.. none of us *talk* about these little things, because we're all terrified of what other people think. But when it comes right down to it, we're all experiencing the same things, all keeping quiet for the same reasons, and all it takes is one person speaking up to break down that wall. So, thank you for that.Edhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01346684835325010119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-70465675880673049112011-09-22T12:53:28.881-04:002011-09-22T12:53:28.881-04:00@ Naamah...
This. So much this. When I was a ...@ Naamah... <br /><br />This. So much this. When I was a kid people used to say that all the time. "Enjoy being a kid, because when you're an adult you will have to suffer, because adulthood is a crushing burden or responsibility and struggle!"<br /><br />This is a complete lie! Adulthood is awesome. When you screw up, the only consequence is that something is screwed up. There's no hectoring to follow.<br /><br />If I can't buy a car because I screwed up my credit, I have to take the bus. No one follows me to the bus stop every day to remind me that the only reason I am waiting for the bus, is because of my own moral turpitude, and I should therefore be sad and penitent. I am free to ride the bus cheerfully, chitchat with the bus driver, look out the window, read my book, etc. This is a huge weight off my shoulders.<br /><br />The other weight off my shoulders is Holly's coffee thing. Once you realize that no one cares how you order coffee, you can just do it. You don't have to constantly second guess yourself for failing to do it correctly.<br /><br />These are incredible freedoms, when you are a young adult and you have just escaped the box of your teenage years.<br /><br />@ Holly, on the coffee anxiety thing...<br /><br />I'm in my 40s, and I left the town where I grew up almost 30 years ago. But when I visit that town, I feel like I'm being very closely watched, every second while I am there. I feel like I need an excuse to go there, an excuse for the speed I drive, an excuse for the direction I look out the window, etc. And my excuses are never good enough. And forget getting out of the car! The coffee anxiety overcomes me at the city limits. Do you ever go back to the town where you grew up, and if so do you find it makes the coffee anxiety worse?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com