tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post3780421461673529836..comments2024-03-22T05:55:48.117-04:00Comments on The Pervocracy: Cosmocking: January '10!Cliff Pervocracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-55507601923340276622011-09-18T07:23:39.472-04:002011-09-18T07:23:39.472-04:00This would be 500% more entertaining (and sexier!)...This would be 500% more entertaining (and sexier!) with a tackle football league. As it is, you're just going to seriously piss off everyone who came to play football.<br /><br />You know, like your boyfriend?<br /><br />"Maybe it's just me, but I can't imagine locking myself in the bathroom over something like that. I imagine myself, depending on what kind of laughter, either A) laughing along and throwing the outfit aside and falling into his arms naked like God intended, or B) getting right in his fucking face and telling him that if my body is fucking funny to him he doesn't fucking deserve it."<br /><br />Yeah. That story could be sort of amusing. "I bought an outfit and put on some music and tried to striptease for him... but he just laughed hysterically. When I asked him what was funny he said it just reminded him of a time when he went to a strip club with his dad and the dancer accidentally kicked his dad's drink in his face." Maybe he was laughing at something totally not you? did you think to ask?<br /><br />Relationships work best if you assume the worst out of your partner!<br /><br />P.S. a girl who does A is going to get kisses while we both giggle maniacly and what transpired. A girl who does B will hear "You know I love your body. Yes, it has its own little quirks and stuff that make me giggle, but that's part of what I love about it! Also that's not what I'm laughing at... just that music, it's ridiculous."<br /><br />"There's breaking news in "guy world": many committed guys are treating themselves to a little too much one-handed fun, and it could leave both of you feeling less than satisfied in bed. "<br /><br />Now I may be alone in this (I suspect not) but the more I masturbate, the more 2 things happen. 1) I have more desire to be with someone because, well, yeah. 2) I can last longer in bed. I'm really not sure how either of those would lead to her being unsatisfied in bed, nor can I really imagine it really hurting MY satisfaction. Maybe if I was masturbating so much my skin was chafing off...<br /><br />"There's probably more stupid stuff but I can't read any more after this. This guy is psycho, he's separating her from her friends, this letter has more red flags than a bullfight, and Cosmo's advice is that she should confront him and try to strengthen the relationship. SHE IS GOING TO GET HER ASS BEAT, Cosmo."<br /><br />Let's be fair: she may never have a hand lifted against her. That doesn't take away from your point though.<br /><br />Recently I had a run-in with a friend's ex-bf. She came over to my house, see? And we played league of legends with her ex bf, see? Then after she said goodbye to him and we moved onto my couch to watch some My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (yes, that's an awesome date). I take her home, go to class, eat dinner with my dad, and come home to her ex asking me if she was still here and what we did.<br /><br />I told him plainly what happened: she and I watched my little pony then I took her home. In response to his response I told him that what she and I did was none of his business and that he had to check himself because he was sending me serious and major "controlling boyfriend" signals and I was definitively not OK with that.<br /><br />I know that it's "white knighting" but let me tell you (and everyone else): I don't White Knight because this girl can't face him by herself. I White Knight because this girl shouldn't even *have* to face a boyfriend (LET ALONE AN EX BOYFRIEND) who's going to be this controlling and obsessive. I White Knight because if SHE tells him off about it he might be able to rationalize it, but having a guy you barely know say "Look you're coming off as a controlling asshole" is a major wakeup call... as little as I like to admit it, hearing those words from a guy DOES carry more weight than a girl.superglucosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18398359404946835540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-23288858905199387042009-12-11T12:22:49.256-05:002009-12-11T12:22:49.256-05:00Out of ten attempts, I hit myself four times and l...<i>Out of ten attempts, I hit myself four times and looked like a complete dork ten times. (And cracked zero times, a belt is too short and heavy and has no popper.)</i> <br /><br />Fun fact: Cosmo selects its editors for those whose entire knowledge of "edgy" sexual expression comes from teen sex comedies, and supplies each with a full-time team of foley artists.elmo iscariothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710846725911318970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-80208228046689338312009-12-11T01:34:40.629-05:002009-12-11T01:34:40.629-05:00I would love, love, LOVE to see you review the boo...I would love, love, LOVE to see you review the book "Why He Didn't Call You Back", Holly. That book was pretty much exactly the "talk about yourself but not too much" crap you pointed out above, only like 200 pages' worth. I bought it hoping for some actual insight and it infuriated me so much that I returned it.<br /><br />In case anyone's wondering: the reason he didn't call you back is because he's a picky fucking freak who'll misinterpret one little thing you said or did during an otherwise awesome date and, instead of <i>asking you for clarification</i>, he'll just bolt. It's your job to anticipate which innocuous act might drive him away (it could be anything from petting a dog to <i>not</i> petting a dog to telling him that you really like root beer*) and making sure you don't do it. And for god's sake act natural!<br /><br />Oh, and also, grow your hair long and wear skirts and try to conceal your intelligence. Men dig that.<br /><br />*these are actual examples.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-82695857492410538152009-12-10T23:31:16.839-05:002009-12-10T23:31:16.839-05:00LOL at "get a healthy, sexy vagina." I...LOL at "get a healthy, sexy vagina." It's a freakin' fibromuscular tubular tract, INSIDE YOUR BODY. As far as I know, the way to have guys find it "sexy" is to have it be a warm, wet hole they can fuck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-42860132315155867252009-12-10T23:23:41.886-05:002009-12-10T23:23:41.886-05:00Excessive masturbation could result in a desensiti...Excessive masturbation could result in a desensitized cock, which could be overcome but might be disappointing or inconvenient.<br /><br />Also, I got a look at the cover tonight, and have to say that until now I thought Amanda Bynes was cute.Brunonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-50790757492578390822009-12-10T18:34:21.569-05:002009-12-10T18:34:21.569-05:00Masturbation isn't a problem unless he's m...Masturbation isn't a problem unless he's masturbating *instead* of having sex with you, in which case that advice might be semi-warranted (but still over-the-top), or you find it icky and disturbing, in which case you're the one who needs counseling.Not Menoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-37325448453736527002009-12-10T16:26:06.300-05:002009-12-10T16:26:06.300-05:00Unless a hospital trip is involved, it is impossib...Unless a hospital trip is involved, it is impossible to have "too much one-handed fun." Therapy? Don't involve the-rapists in my happy-fun-times unless it involves said hospital trips or whipping it out in public.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-35760952612190775422009-12-10T16:24:23.940-05:002009-12-10T16:24:23.940-05:00I'm thoroughly convinced that Cosmo's lett...I'm thoroughly convinced that Cosmo's letters are either invented or so heavily edited that they may as well have been.<br /><br />But I had something weird happen. I was reading the January 2010 <i>Glamour</i> and found its sex advice sensible and useful. Among the revelations: not orgasming from penetration alone is perfectly normal, stickign food in a vagina (and they even said "vagina"!) can cause an infection, and anal sex not only exists but can result in female orgasm. Shocking!Brunohttp://www.buttforyou.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-63555948795718763832009-12-10T15:08:46.627-05:002009-12-10T15:08:46.627-05:00I'd bet that there was no discussion and li...I'd bet that there was no discussion and little to no practice of the attempted belly-dancing beforehand either. It was probably more of a "Hey honey, watch this". Thusly it got the well deserved laughter.ravenshrikenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-47130786128586280472009-12-10T12:33:53.687-05:002009-12-10T12:33:53.687-05:00perlhaqr - True, and that's why option A) is u...perlhaqr - True, and that's why option A) is usually correct, but if the laughter is exceptionally harsh I reserve a harsh-right-back option.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-49183795490848105262009-12-10T12:10:38.775-05:002009-12-10T12:10:38.775-05:00I doubt it was Belly-Dance-Girl's body her boy...I doubt it was Belly-Dance-Girl's <b>body</b> her boyfriend found funny. I know a number of women who do Middle-Eastern dance. That shit is hard. What was funny is that BDG's first attempt probably looked about as coordinated as a 4 year old's entry to the "talent show".<br /><br />Yes, the pros make it look easy. Michael Schumacher makes driving an F1 car look easy too. Doesn't mean you're going to turn hot lap times your first time behind the wheel, either.perlhaqrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01920117742664645165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-75800760925396214582009-12-10T10:57:19.119-05:002009-12-10T10:57:19.119-05:00wrm - It's a tough job, but someone has to kee...wrm - It's a tough job, but someone has to keep the world informed on cutting-edge "how to be a bimbo" news.<br /><br />Combining beer and Cosmo eases the burden somewhat.<br /><br /><br />Lawrence - If she's fictional it's almost worse, because that means Cosmo deliberately wrote out a bunch of red flags just to ignore them. It'd be easy for an invented story to describe a milder and more salvageable situation, but no, they had to go whole hog into crazyland.<br /><br />Also, there are other women with creepy-possessive boyfriends who do exist and are reading.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-86025542812682546412009-12-10T09:33:31.401-05:002009-12-10T09:33:31.401-05:00I have no doubt that this magazine and my obessive...I have no doubt that this magazine and my obessive memorization of it during my middle school and high school years is the cause of 90% of my early relationsip sex problems.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-1004284316545831672009-12-10T08:22:58.724-05:002009-12-10T08:22:58.724-05:00I *love* this:
"I've almost got it visua...I *love* this:<br /><br /><i>"I've almost got it visualized, but no, that would break something"</i><br /><br />Great review.Cristyhttp://cloudyeyz.livejournal.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-77208814832568240622009-12-10T06:07:56.496-05:002009-12-10T06:07:56.496-05:00I'd be really interested to hear whether you e...I'd be really interested to hear whether you ever hear back from them.<br /><br />Dollars to donuts (mmm, donuts...) the girl with the possessive boyfriend is just as fictional as all the horny co-eds in Penthouse Letters; but your right... Cosmo is crossing a line here, from harmless silliness to gross negligence.Lawrencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11118782909100245547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-45942937754519385552009-12-10T05:54:34.444-05:002009-12-10T05:54:34.444-05:00Glad you wrote to them over that advice!Glad you wrote to them over that advice!Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06506274310934059070noreply@blogger.com