tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post6012941345570115384..comments2024-03-22T05:55:48.117-04:00Comments on The Pervocracy: Sex-Pozzie.Cliff Pervocracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comBlogger191125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-30433065753606121532013-10-12T04:07:45.312-04:002013-10-12T04:07:45.312-04:00Exactly, a lot of arguments like the one you descr...Exactly, a lot of arguments like the one you described have people arguing past you rather than an actual debate. Also I think the unraveling that you describe is a key part of feminism, that a person has many facets to their personality. The focus on 'sexyness' by the people you spoke about as well as the patriarchy is dehumanising for all, as it reduces people down to one component of their personality. I think once this tendency to reduce people down to one part of them is stopped, recognising people are complex and their personalities the result of a combination of traits, which can be conflicting, we'll be able to move past a narrow definition of 'normal human'. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-64538605786927712052013-08-11T21:24:23.410-04:002013-08-11T21:24:23.410-04:00hi im rebelsmith :)wow great post :) and old into ...hi im rebelsmith :)wow great post :) and old into the bargain. fuck it im commenting anyway. so happy to have found this.Would like to rant a bit about anti-sex feminists claiming they are the definition of radical feminism. This is me: I dont wear make up or shave anything... and i mean bushbushbush :) not that im against that stuff its just i dont feel i need to to be happy and my parteners dont need it either. i am a radical anarchofeminist who recognises other forms of oppression. I am a psychodelic shaman philosopher nomad who believes in the oneness of the entire universe...subjectivity and multiple truths. I value direct experience as a way of knowing. so shoot me right? i also believe in consent. Been running into a lot of shit like this lately... http://wwomenwwarriors.wordpress.com/2013/08/06/intercourse-effects-on-root-and-sacral-chakras/ where they call sex PIV... WTF? i begged to differ, i shared my experiences as a sex loving, man loving, sharing loving woman, i admitted i've never been raped (what???) and that for the past 5 years, parallel with my spiritual growth, i have only become involved with men who are feminists, respect me, do not dominate me, and interact with me as an equal. The article attacks PIV (again, seriously WTF?) as being unnatural, damaging etc and that mens body boundaries are rarely 'invaded'. I described some tantric experiences of mine, ie prostate massage, you know just a generally joy sharing kind of comment being like' hey so this has been my experience and thats why each individual man does not represent the patriarchy for me.' the article says basically that penetration damages your chakral energy which effects your feelings of guilt, fear, security, trust and self worth in a negative way. JUst wanted to say that despite all the sex, I am growing and learning and happier everyday and independent and balanced and love myself and those around me. So they deleted my comment and proceeded to invalidate my experience because i have not been abused or something. Apparently i dont have my own life and i'm deluded because i listen to my body (my female body) and trust myself and my judgements. so i have delusions of happiness and self worth? they get all down on new agey stuff here and sprituality but its an article on chakras for fucks sake... Apparently my consent is worthless because im my sexuality is controlled by brainwashing, oh ok thanks, not! and im not really a radical feminist. i say fuck off. also my experiences are apparently disgusting... someone almost threw up because i wrote prostate massage... repressed much? <br /><br />im australian and i say fuck a lot too........ fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />so angry right now... why is my experience invalid just because it is not the same as their experience? i feel a fair fucking bit judged on my sexuality here... isnt that what patriarchy does? as a radical anarchofeminist i have to say this is like some weird strain of fascist feminism...wait, oh! feminazi! i get it now! its not just some fuckhead ignorant word for feminists... it really exists! <br />this post is great :) thanks you for restoring my faith in feminism however you want to call it. time for me to chill a bit now, maybe eat some mushrooms, or meditate or something, zoom out a bit :)<br /> and let go :)<br />thanks again<br />and sorry for ranting<br />actually not sorry tho ;)<br />rebelsmithAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-40242694207124225912013-06-03T15:43:55.027-04:002013-06-03T15:43:55.027-04:00oh my god, i now hate you, you have made me bitch ...oh my god, i now hate you, you have made me bitch want to be a feminist. stop being so goddamned intelligent about everything. just go back to having hairy legs and smelly fannies AND GIVE ME BACK MY GIRLFRIEND. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-41029339023517282042013-03-28T06:43:00.043-04:002013-03-28T06:43:00.043-04:00I am a muslim feminist, sadomasochistic, bisexual ...I am a muslim feminist, sadomasochistic, bisexual AND i wear hijab.<br />You might know how society and our crippled alice-schwarzer feminism(bigoted and patriarchal) react to such an "impossible" person..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-79450305876598058022013-03-07T17:58:46.816-05:002013-03-07T17:58:46.816-05:00I know this is an old post but I think one of the ...I know this is an old post but I think one of the issues people who object to the 'sex-positive' term are having is that they're focusing on the idea of the word 'sex' and all the baggage that may come with it for them....<br /><br />if there was a way for people to better understand that the 'sex' in 'sex positive' is 'consensual sex' (because there's nothing positive about non-consensual sex) I wonder if it would clear up a lot of the controversy.... Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-90314777755474367382012-10-16T14:21:30.758-04:002012-10-16T14:21:30.758-04:00I feel like this "I just mean the bad stuff!&...I feel like this "I just mean the bad stuff!" is a very, very lazy intellectual cheat.<br /><br />I could refer to myself as "anti-book" or "anti-film" on the basis that many--probably most--books and films are anti-feminist. But that would be silly. My problem with a misogynist book is with the misogyny, not with the fact that it's a book.<br /><br />Porn and sex work can be--probably <i>mostly</i> are--exploitative and full of shitty-to-nonexistant consent. But to locate the problem in the fact that it's sex, instead of the fact that it's exploitation, misses the point by miles.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-77226736748258293872012-10-16T11:02:28.204-04:002012-10-16T11:02:28.204-04:00I was not expecting a reply on such an old post!
...I was not expecting a reply on such an old post!<br /><br />When I say 'porn' I am referring to commercial porn: that is, prostitution on camera.<br /><br />Sex+camera does not equal exploitation although of course it can be abused (but what can't?)<br /><br />Sex+money/capitalism... a lot more likely. Sex+money+society with massive socioeconomic inequalities: starting to get pretty certain to lead to exploitation, camera or no. The main issue here is the women involved in production, but it also really bothers me to think of people masturbating to what is at best tenuous consent. That I have probably myself masturbated to something that doesn't meet the consent standard I would apply to sex with that person. Makes me feel hella creepy.<br /><br />The other major reason I refer to myself as "anti-porn" is that although healthy porn exists, the majority of the men I interact with on a daily basis, including cops, my employers and politicians who make decisions that affect my life, are not watching niche feminist porn, they're watching mainstream porn.<br /><br />So if you want to look at porn as a cultural entity, how it affects the world I navigate, where I basically have to live, you have to look at mainstream (sexist, awful) porn, the porn that's being watched by the majority. And that, I am anti.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-61855517007562062902012-10-15T10:10:33.567-04:002012-10-15T10:10:33.567-04:00Sex-positive means a lot more than pro-porn. And ...Sex-positive means a <i>lot</i> more than pro-porn. And you certainly don't have to accept the label sex-negative to be against porn!<br /><br />Still, I think being "anti-porn" is not a well-considered viewpoint, because "porn" is such a wide category. If sex is okay, then pointing a camera at sex ought to be at least <i>sometimes</i> okay. Definitely not all the time! Porn can be (in fact, commercial porn <i>mostly</i> is) exploitative and sexist and generally horrible. But the <i>concept</i> of porn, the mere presence of the camera, doesn't create these things.<br /><br />Criticizing "porn" as if it's one thing is lumping together <i>way</i> too many very different things for me. You can't say a lot of things that apply both to a porn shoot hiring desperate young women who will tolerate things they hate for money, and a porn shoot that's just friends screwing around and having fun with a camera. Both exist, and acknowledging that difference is necessary to deal with the bad stuff.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-39225748425157019662012-10-15T07:53:16.675-04:002012-10-15T07:53:16.675-04:00Nuh-uh. The issue with the term "sex-positive...Nuh-uh. The issue with the term "sex-positive feminism" is that they've chosen a term, much like "pro-life" that leaves a really inaccurate and unfair term for anyone who disagrees with them. I'm anti-porn and anti-prostitution because I think they make it much more difficult to enjoy a liberated sex life. Sex-positive basically means pro-porn, in much the same way pro-life actually means anti-abortion. But now I can't be against porn, the commercialisation of sex, without being 'sex negative'? No. Fucked.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-82518075778043617732012-09-16T16:05:55.431-04:002012-09-16T16:05:55.431-04:00niceniceAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-18434835319314029702012-03-05T16:44:45.930-05:002012-03-05T16:44:45.930-05:00This is a great post, and one more people should r...This is a great post, and one more people should read. The freedom to express ones sexuality without the fear of judgement is something as a society we need to work towards. Feminism isn't just a female topic, it's one we should be teaching our young boys and men about as well.Jenniferhttp://blog.trinityromance.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-71135133173651770482011-11-26T19:53:50.647-05:002011-11-26T19:53:50.647-05:00Holly, thank you for your blog. I don't come f...Holly, thank you for your blog. I don't come from a family terribly concerned with sex, although my mom at least thinks it's nice but not to be treated too casually. I have no idea what she thinks about kink. <br /><br />I figured out that thinking about kink turned me on at around age 13. Seriously, as soon as I started thinking about sex, I started thinking about spanking, and being pinned to the bed, and a bunch of other fairly mild kinky things. But I also really didn't have much an interest in thinking about purely vanilla sex. I figured it would be fun, but it wasn't as interesting to think about. <br /><br />I knew there were kinky people out there, but I didn't know how prevalent it was, and I didn't know if I would ever even get to try my fantasies, or if I'd find them sexy in practice. <br /><br />Only recently, at age 19, did I get that chance. And... Oh my. Yup, I'm definitely kinkier than most. I'm not exactly super adventurous, not by kinkster standards, but I'm not vanilla either.<br /><br /> But almost all of my friends are very vanilla. When conversations turn to sex (as conversations sometimes do) things get a bit awkward. Things they'd consider weird or kind of gross or in the category of "I guess whatever floats your boat..." I tend to consider interesting or hot. I was feeling awkward and self-conscious about that again today (I'm probably more outspoken than is good for my sanity), until I looked at your blog again. Your blog helps me feel like my interests are not strange, and certainly not shameful, but rather, that they are perfectly reasonable. <br /><br />So, as one overly self-conscious and very sex positive teenager, I thank you. I thank you for helping me feel like my preferences and interests easily within the realms of normalcy, and that I'm not slutty, or screwed up, or doomed to scare off all of the guys (which, between intelligence, kinkiness, and being something of a smart-ass, has often seemed probable). Thank you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-74113974286396131742011-11-03T17:33:23.922-04:002011-11-03T17:33:23.922-04:00Errr, make that, *Holly's blog is essentially ...Errr, make that, <i>*Holly's blog is essentially an "It Will Be Okay" campaign, as far as I'm concerned.</i><br /><br />That's better. My initial statement made it sound like I am in some way responsible for what's written here, when in fact I'm just a drooling fangirl.perversecowgirlhttp://www.perversecowgirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-35220017152341640682011-11-03T17:30:59.519-04:002011-11-03T17:30:59.519-04:00@Veronica: Holly's blog kind of IS my It Will ...@Veronica: Holly's blog kind of IS my It Will Be Okay campaign. :D<br /><br />Actually, when the It Gets Better campaign first began, I was tempted to write an It Gets Better post (of sorts) on my own blog...a ray of hope for other weirdos like me. But then I must have gotten distracted by something shiny. Thanks for reminding me of this idea - I'll write that post soon!perversecowgirlhttp://www.perversecowgirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-6923634740107101762011-11-03T14:35:03.389-04:002011-11-03T14:35:03.389-04:00@Perversecowgirl, thanks for writing, that was hea...@Perversecowgirl, thanks for writing, that was heartening. Long term boyfriend and new guy too sounds sexy! I often wish there were an It Will Be Ok movement for feminism, like the It Gets Better campaign. It would be nice to hear from more people at different ages and in different situations who stepped outside of the "conventional female expectations" box and ended up happy.Veronicanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-42017698102522804322011-11-03T06:05:24.990-04:002011-11-03T06:05:24.990-04:00Holly, I just want to say that I think you are awe...Holly, I just want to say that I think you are awesome. I have been reading your blog for a while, and you say all the things I think about and wonder about but you do it so much more clearly and in a more structured and well-considered and informed way, and I just think you are so great. And this post was just an extra bit of fantastic awesomeness. Thank you so much.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-21898462926748401042011-11-02T23:36:19.459-04:002011-11-02T23:36:19.459-04:00Veronica: sex-positivity is the KEY to getting the...Veronica: sex-positivity is the KEY to getting the things you want!<br /><br />When I was in my 20s, I was still hangin' with the slut-shaming, rape culture crowd (it's the culture I grew up in and I didn't know how to think outside that box, or even that I was in a box to begin with). And yeah, I guess I got laid easily enough, but there was a CONSTANT struggle to uphold some mysterious balance between "slut" and "prude" so a guy I liked (various guys at various times, I mean) would deem me worthy of dating. <br /><br />When I did get into long-term relationships, a lot of my value hinged on what I chose to do with my body, or what I'd done with it in the past (that went both ways, of course; if one of my boyfriends so much as kissed another person, I'd've branded him a cheating asshole and dumped him immediately). I felt like I had to lie about my number of past partners because my real number would probably drive a guy off.<br /><br />Somehow, over the past few years I've managed to climb out of that societal box and into a much more sex-positive space - and when I expected to be treated as an autonomous and inherently valuable human being (regardless of what I do with my vagina), I suddenly started meeting guys who treated me that way. I didn't have to be the "sexual gatekeeper" anymore because guys weren't constantly and aggressively storming my gate; I didn't have to lie about my "magic number" because nobody asked. And if I slept with a guy within three hours of meeting him, he'd stay in my life because 1) more sex! and 2) He wasn't all bogged down in Madonna-whore bullshit.<br /><br />Now I'm 38, and living with a boy I got naked with on our second date. We've been together for two years now and are still ridiculously in love and hope to be together for the rest of our lives. Also, I've acquired a makeout buddy on the side (with everyone aware of the arrangement and okay with it) so I get to have all the perks of a secure long-term relationship AND hot sexy makeouts with someone (relatively) new.<br /><br />Sex negativity benefits no one. When you start insisting that your value as a person is intrinsic and not related to your sexuality, your life will improve. It sure as hell did for me - and I'm not young OR Cosmo-hot.perversecowgirlhttp://www.perversecowgirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-39262793498819712722011-11-02T17:47:27.912-04:002011-11-02T17:47:27.912-04:00Hi Holly,
Not sure if you'll see this comment...Hi Holly,<br /><br />Not sure if you'll see this comment. This is some commentary on sex positivity and what you look like...<br /><br />I saw this blog about a year ago, and at the time, I didn't know what you looked like. I saw that you were practicing what you preached about sex positivity, and you were engaged in BDSM stuff, etc. <br /><br />At the time, I dismissed your viewpoint partly because I pictured you as an attractive female in her early 20's. Let me elaborate. It seemed that being a slut was working for you -- you had a healthy and loving relationship, etc., and were fine socially. However, a mid 20's female for whom things are "working out" is not much of a datapoint. Finding sex partners, getting attention, and getting treated generally well (for now) is easy for almost any mid-20's female. There is hardly a group with more sexual power. Analogy: Holly is shooting fish in a barrel... one cannot read her blog and infer that she has good aim. (Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't... but one cannot know it.)<br /><br />That is the fear for women like me who are a little older. I'd love to go off the beaten path and be sex positive, and freely spend all the social capital that comes from having sexual restraint. But, could I still get the other things I'd like? Loving relationships, long term fullfillment, someone to stay with me and love me when I'm old? The fact that Holly gets those things in her young 20's does not provide reassurance that another woman could get them when she's older, when her social and romantic capital falls off a cliff anyway. <br /><br />Somehow (and I won't make a judgment on this but present it just as a phenomenon), seeing that you are not a typically feminine, especially "hot" female (by movie star standards) lends a little more extrapolability to your story. This woman is making it work -- and she is not doing so as THE #1 most sexual powerful category of woman for now, but maybe she is doing it as someone who has at least a little bit less sexual power.<br /><br />Just an observation of some of the thoughts I had in reading this. Though, I must say I already knew what you looked like, at least as of a few months ago, because you have pictures posted on another website. The fact remains that picturing you as something other than a typically "hot" mid 20's female changed how I heard your voice when I read your blog.<br /><br />[Obviously, this is not to say you aren't "hot." You clearly are -- you have a sex blog and a sexy boyfriend and girlfriend-ish who have sex with you all the time. What I am talking about is mainstream Cosmo-girl hot, or anywhere in that ballpark.]Veronicanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-60061125095445245922011-10-31T23:54:22.101-04:002011-10-31T23:54:22.101-04:00oh, i just re-read your post, Elizabeth, and you w...oh, i just re-read your post, Elizabeth, and you were using migrant workers as examples of NON-middle-class-ness. sorry for my misreading!<br /><br /><br />my response to that is: there are more feminists in heaven and earth, horatio... most of the feminists i know *DO* work in intersectionality - now, no one can do ALL of them. i know feminists who work within disabilty rights, within race issues, within class issues - VERY few do more than 1 intersectionality [at least, on a regular basis] because it's grueling and grinding. <br />a place where feminism meets classism [and atheism!] is the blog "Forever in Hell" written by "Personal Failure" [i found her, and her blog, YEARS ago when i searching for support groups for porphyria. so that was random, but awesome] she writes CONSTANTLY about class and wealth discrepencies.denelianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08083149213773118359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-76864796576238137362011-10-31T23:53:37.298-04:002011-10-31T23:53:37.298-04:00Elizabeth - (and femmes can't be feminists, as...Elizabeth - <i>(and femmes can't be feminists, as you show in your 'what a pro-sex woman should look like)</i><br />No, that's one possible way a pro-sex person can look. Femme is another possible way. It's how I happen to look (and a counterargument to all the accusations of being a Barbie doll bimbo), but there was no "should" in there.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-47299194789212242182011-10-31T23:49:46.318-04:002011-10-31T23:49:46.318-04:00latest anon: i don't know, either. i agree tha...latest anon: i don't know, either. i agree that some of it's assholes being assholes, and we *DO* need to stop that. *I* don't have either of those things [my life is, sadly, not asshole free, and i don't have any sort of power over the bullies - they just ignore me]. and the fact that the difference between "type 2 and type 3" is how OTHER people react... yeah. it's depressing.<br />and thank you for saying <i>something</i>. it's better than nothing [that isn't meant to be harsh or anything. it's true.]<br /><br /><br />Elizabeth [hi fellow Elizabeth! want to join the Lizbian Army to Take Over The World?]<br />i have overly large breasts, and am in a wheelchair. i've noticed either impeding my-being-a-feminist-ness. it has, on occasion, caused friction with <i>other feminists</i>, specifically those who don't want to examine their own privilege, but that doesn't stop me from being a feminist - it just stops me from working with THOSE feminists.<br />i also think you'd be a bit surprised at the number of feminists [and/or womanists] in the blogosphere who recognize the intersection between disability and feminism. Pandagon goes off on it, as does Feministing - my favorite is Womanist Musings [because it's RACE, disability, and feminism/womanism intersectionality]<br /><br />i mean, it still BLOWS MY MIND that there are feminists who think transwomen should be exluded, feminists who think lesbians should be excluded [or that all feminists should BE lesbians - depends on the decade of becoming a feminist, i think. not sure] that there are feminists who think black/asian/latino/native/any-non-white woman should be working solely on RACIAL issues, as if our different ethnic background makes us less female than "white" women [and why do we use "white" and "black"?! most "white" people are beige, and most "black" people are brown. /randomosity]<br />to be perfectly honest, i recieve as much "grief" over being Cherokee as i do over being disabled [and more grief than EITHER because i have almost 5 feet of hair.]<br /><br /><br />on sex and disability - oh gods, don't get me started. <br /><br />migrant workers are middle class? since when? i've know LOTS of families who depend on migrant labor, and they're invariable destitute.denelianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08083149213773118359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-40749673042354716562011-10-31T19:35:09.722-04:002011-10-31T19:35:09.722-04:00Well, I've noticed that women who are generall...Well, I've noticed that women who are generally fetish objects (overly large breasts, like GG+, women over 6'2", amputee and women in wheelchairs for example) are also not covered at all in feminist spaces. Trying to get feminists to acknowledge 1 out of every 7 women (disabled) is hard, to then move on to sex and disability: HA! <br /><br />When I was into sports competitively, I wasn't a feminist because I was a femme (and femmes can't be feminists, as you show in your 'what a pro-sex woman should look like), when in a wheelchair, not a feminist even with corsets and wet-wear because...well, I'm in a wheelchair. <br /><br />But then again, it appears that anyone outside certain middle class bands (like migrant workers for example) aren't feminist either. Which makes me wonder what the point of feminism is? <br /><br />Onward then, into female realities.<br /><br />ElizabethAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-24773360328486392632011-10-31T18:13:07.418-04:002011-10-31T18:13:07.418-04:00Denelian, that is a horrible story. I'm not s...Denelian, that is a horrible story. I'm not sure it's under anyone's control whether they're a type 2 or a type 3. It's mainly down to whether the people around you are assholes, isn't it? Sometimes you can escape from the assholes, and sometimes you have some kind of power that gives you leverage over would-be bullies, but lots of people are not lucky enough to have either of those things. To get people out of type 2, we all (women and men) have to work at making assholery less socially acceptable.<br /><br />I'm sorry I haven't got more to say that will just make people stop mistreating your friend; I read that and felt like I had to say <em>something</em>.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-90299410560002242982011-10-31T06:16:14.540-04:002011-10-31T06:16:14.540-04:00Thank you so much for this post! My first reaction...Thank you so much for this post! My first reaction was that I want to share this with everyone. But I'm a (pozzie cis-)guy and feel that I should just shut up and listen sometimes, so I shared your post with just a few good (cis-girl) friends instead. From me and my friends: thank you for your thoughtful and well-written words.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-5628657873102887152011-10-31T05:58:21.728-04:002011-10-31T05:58:21.728-04:00oh man, great and NEEDFUL post.
we used to clash ...oh man, great and NEEDFUL post.<br /><br />we used to clash a bit about the "Twisty" posts - because while i consider myself sex-pos, i can SEE where she's coming from. i don't AGREE with her, but i can understand it.<br /><br />i had a HUGELY long comment, but... it was all babbly and doesn't really matter. the gist of it was:<br />[not to pigeon hole people, even though i'm doing exactly that, i'm doing it for a REASON and not to pigeon hole people;]<br />i think there are, broadly, 3 "types" of women.<br />1: "modest"-type women, who buy into the hype around virginity, and only EVER have sex after marriage. or at least have this reputation.<br />2. "non-modest"-type women, who DON'T necessarily buy into the hype, but they don't spend all their time trying to "be modest", and are branded "whores" or "sluts" <i>regardless of their sexual activity</i>. the person i know with the *worst* "she's a GIGANTIC WHORE" reputation? is a 27-year-old virgin. why does she have this rep? [i have her permission to share this, so long as it stays anon] she was raped at 15, by her ex-boyfriend. she broke up with him because he kept pressuring her to have sex, and refused to listen when she said "i'm not ready". so she broke up with him; that weekend, he broke into her house while everyone was asleep, held a knife to her throat, and raped her [i do NOT believe that being raped "counts" as having sex. others have different beliefs. but both she and I consider her a virgin - she's never done more than KISS a guy consentingly. she's never even done heavy petting!] the consensus at the time was "she brought it on herself" by "being a cock tease" - in other words, if she'd just had sex with him, he wouldn't have raped her.<br />and because of that rape, almost EVERYONE believes she's having sex with anyone who even looks at her. despite the fact that NO ONE has ever claimed TO have sex with her - it's all "she had sex with so-and-so". it's disgusting. and whenever i try to defend her, i get some speech about "well, maybe she didn't have sex with HIM, but where there's smoke, there's fire." [i've given up defending her because she asked me to - she says me defending her makes it worse. the whole thing breaks my heart - she's so AWESOME. and terrified of sex, and terrified that if she gets over her fear, she'll automatically become the whore everyone thinks she is. i don't even know how to help her, if defending her doesn't help. she won't go back to counseling, since all she got the times she tried was shit like "what can you do to stop this from happening?" and "what did you do to lead to this, so that you can not do it again?" in otherwords, her PSYCHOLOGISTS slut-shamed her. fuckers]<br /><br />then there's the 3rd type - those of us who manage to have whatever sex we want, and no-one cares.<br /><br />i don't KNOW why no one cares. i just wish EVERYONE could be a type 3. i wish i knew, ao i could share this "secret" with every woman i know. you're a type 3, Holly, or rather, you APPEAR to be a type 3 from what i know about you from this blog [and manboobz]. other than our ability to fly below the slut/prude radar, what do we have in common? <br /><br /><br />because you're right - equality in sexuality will do a LOT to dispell many of the harms committed in our fucked up culture. equality seems to be being a type-3 - no one cares if you have sex and etc.denelianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08083149213773118359noreply@blogger.com