tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post7291781409641040697..comments2024-03-22T05:55:48.117-04:00Comments on The Pervocracy: "Why do you care what other people think?"Cliff Pervocracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-8730573621665460252013-10-05T22:07:44.534-04:002013-10-05T22:07:44.534-04:00This reminds me somewhat of The Frogman's view...This reminds me somewhat of The Frogman's view on bullying. Someone correct me here if I'm wrong. His view of bullying is along the lines of "the most effective way of reducing bullying is not to ignore them, but to respond to them with impeccable logic and humour". Of course his situation is very different and I'm pretty sure the bullying he experiences nowadays is only verbal but the similarity remains that ignoring them won't make them go away.Chocolatesahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08493321160124151967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-15992331450444388942012-09-23T21:30:33.762-04:002012-09-23T21:30:33.762-04:00@Holly, re: V. Fournier:
BEST COMMENT COMEBACK EVE...@Holly, re: V. Fournier:<br />BEST COMMENT COMEBACK EVER.<br /><br />V.Fournier: if you have some kind of mental condition (ASPD, psychopathy) that makes it difficult/impossible to empathize, I'm not trying to judge you or create some exclusive "empathy-feelers" club that you can't join. But just because you can't, don't knock people who can. It's a useful evolutionary ability, and there's nothing weak or shameful about it.<br />I'm autistic with a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, and my social skills aren't great. But I try not to make fun of people who are very social ("ha, if there were no aspies, everyone would sit around making small talk and nothing would get done, lol"), because my way isn't the only way to be.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-91053728752874860862012-01-23T08:12:47.490-05:002012-01-23T08:12:47.490-05:00V. Fournier - You think you're edgy but you...V. Fournier - You think you're edgy but you're actually just a prick. (I love saying this to people who "don't care what you think," because, hey, it shouldn't bother you! You're too cool, remember?)Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-27471185855767516572012-01-22T02:02:59.721-05:002012-01-22T02:02:59.721-05:00I don't care what other people think; though s...I don't care what other people think; though sometimes I am annoyed when they give voice to their stupid beliefs. The worst thing about people is their herd instinct and empathy, it's repulsive and useless.V. Fournierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16517558988960478923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-88668789989758158522011-11-29T16:15:52.077-05:002011-11-29T16:15:52.077-05:00Of course I care what people think! If my gyno thi...Of course I care what people think! If my gyno thinks trans men don't need pap smears, I don't get one. If my doctor thinks birth control shouldn't be prescribed to poly people, I can't get any. If mental health professionals think being trans is a mental illness, I can't get the therapy I need for my PTSD. If my employer thinks he shouldn't employ queer people, I can't get a job. If all I ever had to deal with was mean words (which are, themselves, pretty hard to deal with, since humans are social animals) my life would be a lot easier.Skynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-91597581841680585362011-11-18T20:02:58.671-05:002011-11-18T20:02:58.671-05:00i recently had my own first bout with this princip...i recently had my own first bout with this principle when boyfriend suggested an open relationship. i have mixed feeling about it, but the idea that my friends and peers don't respect that relationship choice (some don't consider it a real relationship, others think that it's a display of disrespect towards me-as-the-girlfriend, etc) and it makes one's social support circle a lot smaller when you can't be honest about your position.<br /><br />it's very sad and reminds me of the importance of being universally accepting of people's decisions in their personal lives.A. Navidsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14580626792581405867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-64622810076683456182011-11-16T05:10:34.957-05:002011-11-16T05:10:34.957-05:00I think people who advise kids to "just ignor...I think people who advise kids to "just ignore" a bully aren't realizing just what bullying might entail.<br /><br />Like...I guess verbal taunting <i>might</i> stop, sometimes, if the target looks like they don't notice or don't care. Maybe the bullies would get bored and look for someone who reacted in a more entertaining fashion (OR, maybe they'd up the ante trying to get a reaction out of that same person...I don't actually know).<br /><br />But when I told my mom that I was getting "picked on" at school, I was talking about verbal <i>and</i> physical stuff - and when she told me to "just ignore it", I ended up sitting in class, pretending to be absorbed in my math textbook while a bully slowly and repeatedly pushed the jagged end of a broken-off pencil into the side of my face.<br /><br />When I came home and told my mom about this, she got all freaked out: "you didn't tell me people were <i>physically hurting</i> you!" Well, Jesus Christ, mom, maybe when I said I was getting picked on you should've <i>asked for more details</i>.<br /><br />Also, most kids don't really have the acting chops to pull off the whole "ignoring" thing. In retrospect I realize that I didn't so much seem nonchalant and oblivious as paralyzed with fear - which must have been <i>hilariously</i> entertaining to the kids who were teasing me.perversecowgirlhttp://www.perversecowgirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-58244549787740238682011-11-15T19:59:42.437-05:002011-11-15T19:59:42.437-05:00Heh. I tried the whole 'don't give a shit...Heh. I tried the whole 'don't give a shit what people say' as an experiment. I tried to be out of the closet and hunt an apartment.<br /><br />No one would give me a place to live. The closest I got, they turned me out because multi made them uncomfortable. The moment I returned to the singlet closet? The first two people I interviewed with both offered me apartments.<br /><br />But tee hee, I'm just oversensitive.<br /><br />--RoganLBThttp://healthymultiplicity.com/loonybrainnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-4809510988718219272011-11-13T10:53:14.905-05:002011-11-13T10:53:14.905-05:00I hate "just ignore the bullies and they'...I hate "just ignore the bullies and they'll go away" almost as much as I hate "pretend you like it, and they'll get confused and stop bullying you."<br /><br />You know what "just ignore it" meant, for me? It meant spending recess every day in a corner, playing by myself, because otherwise I would be mocked. It meant not going anywhere outside school or hanging out with other kids, because I would be called nasty names. It meant that from the age of 5 until the age of 20, books were my only friends, because the kids who picked on me were just popular enough to keep others from wanting to reach out to me.<br /><br />That is not healthy. We need to do something about the bullies, not expect their victims to rearrange their lives for the sake of "safety."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-41541242982495115462011-11-11T19:02:13.909-05:002011-11-11T19:02:13.909-05:00"and reminds me that if I were monogamous the..."and reminds me that if I were monogamous then my "parents would know [my] partner's name." <br /><br />My parents know both of my partners' names...<br /><br />Kids threatened to set me on fire when I was at school, too, for being pagan and bisexual and butchy. And pushed me off of a wall (only a few feet off of the ground, but I was short and frail as a twelve-year-old) for being 'weird' before that. One girl tried to cut off one of my pigtails while my head was turned, except that a teacher noticed and stopped her.<br /><br />And then my parents wondered why I didn't feel inclined to hang out with people from school when I wasn't at school, and told me to 'just ignore' the bullies. Not if I want to keep all my hair I won't! - I'll be keeping a bloody good eye on them.<br /><br />And this experience translates far too well to adult life. -_-;;<br /><br />~TJ_RoweAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-5034366165085126082011-11-11T09:23:59.330-05:002011-11-11T09:23:59.330-05:00That's annoying. There's a reason nobody w...That's annoying. There's a <b>reason</b> nobody would know it, surely.<br /><br />(Though, <i>pace</i> Holly, I'm actually not very good at socializing or small talk, and the reason may well just be that I've never needed to mention it.)Hershele Ostropolernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-54967051200713264332011-11-11T01:35:47.552-05:002011-11-11T01:35:47.552-05:00I care very much what others think, because others...I care very much what others think, because others act on what they think, and I do not like being hurt. We recently had a work function with human bingo, and the coordinator went around the week before collecting one "quirky piece of information about yourself that nobody here would know". I felt like staring in horror, thinking "I've spent 27 years hiding my 'quirky' bits, and you want me to start cracking my armour for BINGO?"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-34574572100001555312011-11-10T22:32:58.772-05:002011-11-10T22:32:58.772-05:00@ princess charlie
Thank you very much for the in...@ princess charlie<br /><br />Thank you very much for the info; I'm currently leaning toward MGH, I've generally heard good things about their clinic.Black-Clad Dominant (The More Hirsute)noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-44881620445826874812011-11-10T12:28:34.270-05:002011-11-10T12:28:34.270-05:00@Black-Clad Dominant
I haven't visited that P...@Black-Clad Dominant<br /><br />I haven't visited that PP clinic for a few years, but that was my first experience with all such things. The waiting room was bland and full of pamphlets, but the clinicians seemed nice. I was getting a birth control implant, which without insurance (or much income) cost $200-300. <br /><br />I think a lot of my student friends in the area do STI testing through Mass General, rather than PP, because they can claim no insurance to keep it off their parents' radar.princess charlienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-17505168108116519912011-11-09T11:29:44.834-05:002011-11-09T11:29:44.834-05:00To me, it seems to depend, as do so many things, o...To me, it seems to depend, as do so many things, on context. (Note that I'm pretty young - in my last year of school, to be precise - and my experience must of course bear this disclaimer).<br /><br />When I was younger, I experienced what most people would count as bullying. In hindsight, that's what it was: I was harrassed because I was weird and it made people uncomfortable, so they tried to make me feel uncomfortable. The thing was, it didn't work. I only realise how serious it was in hindsight because at the time I didn't even think of being cowed: someone's being nasty to me? Be nasty right back! I was confident and argumentative and cleverer than the bullies, with the result that I just didn't notice.<br /><br />As I got older, I started wearing strange clothing (goth and now Lolita), which gets plenty of stares when I go out, and got yet more confident and argumentative. I had weird hobbies and interests - poisons, anyone? Half my teachers loved me, the other half hated me XD At first, the stares and pointed remarks made me uncomfortable, but after a while I just stopped noticing - and I discovered that even when I did notice, I didn't care. Do I know these people? No. Can they affect my life in any way? No. So why do I care?<br /><br />For years and years, if someone told me not to care what people thought, I would have told them where to stick it. It's impossible not to care! But then, sometime within the past two years, something glorious happened: I no longer gave one single fuck. I can't begin to describe how much happier this has made me. You don't realise how much you're bogged down by self-imposed social constraints until you stand outside them (and in my case go 'Red lipstick and bright pink and purple eyeshadow today? What an excellent idea :D'). But it's not something that can be taught, unfortunately: one day, you just realise that the opinions of strangers don't matter any more.<br /><br />This, of course, is all dependant on the fact that none of these people can hurt me. They are my peers, who have exactly the same standing as I do, and teachers, who I can discuss things rationally with (or, if not, go to my head of year, who is a deeply sensible woman who likes me and has no patience with bullshit). It's not absolutely perfect, since I'm still technically a child (and look about 14) and am thus at risk of being patronised and not taken seriously, but for all that I am lucky to be in such a position: for me, there is always a way out.<br /><br />If the law chooses to persecute me, it's a different matter. Operation Spanner proved that some high-ups are quite happy to ignore common sense in favour of moral outrage - and to think, the French used to call whipping 'the English vice'! As you say, when the law itself is against you, you can't just ignore it and not care what people say - because what people say can damage you in a multitude of concrete ways.<br /><br />tl;dr Not caring about people saying nasty things about you is a deeply sensible way to get through life - but when those people are backed up by the law, not caring is unfortunately no longer an option.<br /><br />/hopes that made some sense - Tacitus has fried my brain D:Gracenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-21730550958443856862011-11-08T22:56:34.473-05:002011-11-08T22:56:34.473-05:00The thing I really hate about 'just stop worry...The thing I really hate about 'just stop worrying about what other people think' is the implication that the problem is you. If you were stronger, smarter, better, you would be able to stop caring. If you can't, well then it's your fault for being weak and lazy, and you'll just have to suck it up.<br /><br />Even if you could stop caring what other people think, who's to say that's necessarily a good thing? What kind of person isn't the slightest bit concerned about how their parents will react when they come out as gay? Probably not a good person.Stabbityhttp://www.notjustbitchy.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-17681078238203228232011-11-08T22:32:49.773-05:002011-11-08T22:32:49.773-05:00Anonymous 7:43 – exactly. Perfectly put. I don'...Anonymous 7:43 – exactly. Perfectly put. I don't care what people think of my haircut or what color I paint my house. I <i>do</i> care if people decide to throw out "You must be a whore" insults if I admit I'm bisexual or say "Your safety isn't something anyone should be worried about, you're expendable anyway" if I let them know I don't belong to a majority religion.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-40881640809526151572011-11-08T20:16:12.809-05:002011-11-08T20:16:12.809-05:00^ Do you mean that in a sticks and stones way, or ...^ Do you mean that in a sticks and stones way, or in a no thought police way? That is, do you count expressing the opinion that you're the lowest scum imaginable as "hurting you" even if it doesn't involve any visible injury or deprivation?Hershele Ostropolernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-75010993605639506082011-11-08T19:43:54.529-05:002011-11-08T19:43:54.529-05:00I don't care what people think as long as they...I don't care what people think as long as they have no power to hurt me. I care a great deal what people *do* to me and to other pervs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-58226738774385761742011-11-08T18:38:15.620-05:002011-11-08T18:38:15.620-05:00Anon - I'm glad that nurse was awesome! That ...Anon - I'm glad that nurse was awesome! That turns the whole thing around.<br /><br />Also: Polyamory means you can get double mileage out of one really good recipe. :)Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-36965232448237170142011-11-08T18:28:31.511-05:002011-11-08T18:28:31.511-05:00I went to an STD clinic today and I had a few inte...I went to an STD clinic today and I had a few interesting experiences. First, the woman who did registration looked at me like I was a piece of shit, and said something along the lines of "I guess you don't have a regular partner then." I looked her right in the face and I said "Actually, I have several regular partners." <br /><br />When I got to the testing room, there was this big pink poster on the wall called "101 Reasons for Monogamy." It was filled with the most bullshit reasons I've ever herd, like "only need to learn one favorite recipe" and "know who borrowed your T shirt." As though my partners are interchangeable. As though learning to cook for two people is too much work. As though as the woman, I am automatically the cook, and automatically the one who should be concerned about monogamy.<br /><br />A lot of the "reasons" were focused on self esteem, and most of them assumed that non-monogamous people are incapable of forming trusting relationships with good communication. <br />Then something awesome happened. A nurse came in and I told her that the poster made me feel angry, and that I should be able to come to a clinic without feeling attacked. <br /><br />She agreed with me. <br /><br />That is why I care what other people thing. I need to be able to have an honest conversation about my sexual health, and part of that conversation should include sharing the full story about the people I sleep with. I shouldn't be so shocked to find a nurse who supports polyamory.I shouldn't feel "dirty" when I try to be responsible for my health... and my partners' health. I shouldn't have to sit under a poster which calls me a whore who "has to ask how to make the coffee" and reminds me that if I were monogamous then my "parents would know [my] partner's name."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-79443227816041390592011-11-08T16:55:42.676-05:002011-11-08T16:55:42.676-05:00"As someone who has tried the "Wall of I..."As someone who has tried the "Wall of Iron" route... personally it nearly made me a robot and/or suicidal because the only way to do this was to shut down big parts of my personality and emotional capacity."<br /><br />Me too! And now, trying to undo all that damage, the advice I constantly get? "You gotta stop caring what other people think."<br /><br />*headdesk*Candicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17962130277425565325noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-6998674093830835252011-11-08T15:56:13.387-05:002011-11-08T15:56:13.387-05:00Sexual health in the Boston area is really its own...<i>Sexual health in the Boston area is really its own whole post. Which I ought to do.</i><br /><br />That was the seed I was kinda hoping to plant with my comment. :)Black-Clad Dominant (The Larger One)noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-28572564954097086222011-11-08T14:55:17.549-05:002011-11-08T14:55:17.549-05:00I think anyone who's not hurting anyone is ent...I think anyone who's not hurting anyone is entitled to social acceptance.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-31090698978977378312011-11-08T14:51:19.871-05:002011-11-08T14:51:19.871-05:00So, what it comes down to is this: Are you (or any...So, what it comes down to is this: Are you (or anyone else in society) entitled to social acceptance?AnonymousDognoreply@blogger.com