tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post7776488058098598621..comments2024-03-22T05:55:48.117-04:00Comments on The Pervocracy: Semi-Breakup.Cliff Pervocracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-38708312178126069392010-04-23T19:06:39.842-04:002010-04-23T19:06:39.842-04:00^ I agree with Wraith, Melissa! You're defini...^ I agree with Wraith, Melissa! You're definitely marrying the wrong man. Reading your post raised the hairs on my neck! No, no, no...I don't like it at all.<br /><br />And Holly, good for you. Definitely there's going to be a reaction to the initial sting of being rejected, but he'll eventually be glad that you were straightforward with him - he'll understand that you respected him enough to give him an honest opinion. Good for you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-29152402718454825652010-04-22T23:33:47.751-04:002010-04-22T23:33:47.751-04:00Melissa...if that truly is the situation, you'...Melissa...if that truly is the situation, you're marrying the WRONG MAN. If you can't talk about anything, if you're not best friends, then this dude is not for you. Don't think a het relationship is 'just like that,' because it definitely isn't, and doesn't have to be.<br /><br />I realize you don't know me from Adam, but please consider what you're doing and why.Wraithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02791730539181731523noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-15433271155753875002010-04-22T19:26:48.258-04:002010-04-22T19:26:48.258-04:00Somehow it seems like "not being an experienc...Somehow it seems like "not being an experienced dumper" would generally be a good thing.Not Menoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-86950313219073597472010-04-22T18:06:18.997-04:002010-04-22T18:06:18.997-04:00I'm flattered, Anonymous, but no, I don't ...I'm flattered, Anonymous, but no, I don't have a blog.Brunonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-64605821033779688002010-04-22T17:23:25.798-04:002010-04-22T17:23:25.798-04:00Random side question: Bruno, do you have a blog? ...Random side question: Bruno, do you have a blog? I ask because I have always enjoyed your comments/guest posts and would love ot read more from you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-75497718480873112942010-04-22T14:32:08.402-04:002010-04-22T14:32:08.402-04:00I had to do this a couple of months ago, and it ca...I had to do this a couple of months ago, and it caused me MAD anxiety because I didn't want to be an evil fuck. I just...wasn't really feeling it. And I couldn't find a ton of useful etiquette guides, feminist or otherwise, on how to break it off with someone I'd only seen a couple of times. <br /><br />I did find it strange, though, how much mental turmoil it caused ME to need to dump someone; especially someone I wasn't particularly close to.<br /><br />Still, bummer.Tastyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03253986724749578947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-22294815553292894952010-04-22T14:23:35.977-04:002010-04-22T14:23:35.977-04:00Well, of course nobody likes being let down, but a...Well, of course nobody likes being let down, but at least I know where I stand if someone's being direct toward me. The sort of avoidance where I'm supposed to figure out the difference between "keep trying" and "take the hint already" is hell.jfpbookwormhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09845037337646489772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-56665067465963713722010-04-22T13:53:13.648-04:002010-04-22T13:53:13.648-04:00You were honest about how you felt and your assess...You were honest about how you felt and your assessment about whether this was something you wanted to continue. Sadly, most people SAY they wish that dates/potential dates/etc. would "just be honest with me" but that usually means "if it's good stuff" because really none of us like to hear the letdown. I think you did the right thing...and it IS uncomfortable to do/say things that are honest but will cause someone discomfort or pain (I know I've put up with so-so to dysfunctional friendships and relationships longer than I should have b/c I was afraid to hurt the other person); that speaks to your ability to feel empathy and take the feelings of others into consideration (if you were a self-centered jerk who didn't give a fig about anyone else's feelings, it would be easy). And he's probably honestly reacting with the initial sting, but he'll get over it and you both will find more compatible partners. Being a good human can just be hard sometimes :/Kaijanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-4187196392809967042010-04-22T12:59:27.087-04:002010-04-22T12:59:27.087-04:00Bruno - Oh, okay. The message I took away was tha...Bruno - Oh, okay. The message I took away was that "cattle prod girl" was one single person you didn't know well, and you had never experienced "cattle prod" energy with anyone else.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-9171342682475643022010-04-22T12:54:55.539-04:002010-04-22T12:54:55.539-04:00I hadn't had this courage and I've ended u...I hadn't had this courage and I've ended up breaking up with the guy years later. That sucked for both of us.Anoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-836481833341100292010-04-22T12:54:06.162-04:002010-04-22T12:54:06.162-04:00you did say that you had only had a good reaction ...<i>you did say that you had only had a good reaction to one woman ever in your life</i><br /><br />I didn't mean to say or imply that; I used my response to one woman as an example of what I hope to feel toward someone I end up dating.Brunonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-73258826262355924992010-04-22T12:46:23.886-04:002010-04-22T12:46:23.886-04:00Well done - it's hard to do with a nice person...Well done - it's hard to do with a nice person, but essential because otherwise it hurts them so much more. And it takes a lot of courage to do it early.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-25466130938702913922010-04-22T12:42:20.343-04:002010-04-22T12:42:20.343-04:00Bruno - Well, there's certainly a "Holly&...Bruno - Well, there's certainly a "Holly" versus "not-Holly" double standard in me, but you'll find the equivalent in yourself I'm sure.<br /><br />However, you did say that you had only had a good reaction to one woman ever in your life; I've had a good reaction to many men, this guy just wasn't one of them.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-50003133690717298222010-04-22T12:21:10.427-04:002010-04-22T12:21:10.427-04:00Thinking back to the response I received with my f...Thinking back to the response I received with my first guest post, I'm wondering whether there's a double standard for women and men who reject someone who's only "good enough."Brunonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-29984877657525631912010-04-22T12:08:07.827-04:002010-04-22T12:08:07.827-04:00Oh, also: that feeling of "OMG I've throw...Oh, also: that feeling of "OMG I've thrown away a perfectly good boy what am I doing?" is coming from that pervasive societal message that everyone is "supposed" to be in a relationship. But there's nothing wrong with being single, and anyway you'll have zillions more dudes interested in you in your lifetime, so it's neither cruel to him nor risky for you to let this one go.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-4195460340930459622010-04-22T12:05:33.899-04:002010-04-22T12:05:33.899-04:00I feel like most people are so keen to be in a rel...I feel like most people are so keen to be in a relationship that many of them settle for someone who's perfectly nice but not, like, electrifying. And this ends up leading to all sorts of issues (especially when they one day meet someone who <i>does</i> thrill them in the way they've been missing).<br /><br />Dumping a good person is awkward, but you've saved yourself - and him - <i>so</i> much heartache in the long run. And now you're both free to find people who totally make your toes curl. You've absolutely done the right thing. NEVER SETTLE!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-35986540843482618662010-04-22T10:42:51.473-04:002010-04-22T10:42:51.473-04:00Sorry to hear it didn't work out, but it sound...Sorry to hear it didn't work out, but it sounds like you handled it as well as possible under the circumstances.<br /><br />I think most people feel bad about dumping someone (I don't think I'd much like someone who actually took pleasure in it.) Things to remember, though: just because you feel bad about it and he feels bad about it doesn't mean anyone did anything wrong. Not that you were implying that, but it's such a pervasive social message.<br /><br />From the dumpee's perspective (or at least, my perspective on being dumped), making it an explicit clean break is far better than avoidance. I understand why from a dumper's perspective, avoidance might be preferable if they're concerned about the reaction.jfpbookwormhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09845037337646489772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-41416030675698414952010-04-22T09:22:04.887-04:002010-04-22T09:22:04.887-04:00Melissa - Really? Maybe I'm overstating the l...Melissa - Really? Maybe I'm overstating the level of connection, but I find it easy to talk that way with a <i>lot</i> of people--probably about a quarter of everyone and a half of everyone in the young/geeky/kinky bubble. It's not like we can contemplate the mysteries of the universe, but we can shoot the shit, you know?<br /><br />I find it easy enough to get to at least the shit-shooting level of conversation that I couldn't date someone I couldn't do that with.Cliff Pervocracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080142422250604406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2770580070906411828.post-7895490762484262882010-04-22T09:18:49.758-04:002010-04-22T09:18:49.758-04:00you know how sometimes you talk to someone, and th...<i>you know how sometimes you talk to someone, and the conversation just flows, and you can go for hours just coming up with crazy ideas and making each other laugh?</i><br /><br />I've only <i>ever</i> had that kind of connection with one person, and she was my best friend for years, until she moved to the other side of the world.... I think you're damn lucky if you've had it with multiple people...<br /><br />I'm marrying a man, and we so don't have that. We love each other, and we can talk about more than the weather, but we don't talk and talk. When I try to talk to him like that he shuts me up, usually by telling me to go find someone else to talk to(in so many words), or he teases me about my choice of topic. I think you're insanely lucky to have ever found that with a male!Melissa Wood (née Hazelton)https://www.blogger.com/profile/11861436089184617827noreply@blogger.com