So I have a little problem in my life right now. Two men. I'm sleeping with them both and neither knows.
Alan is:
Good-looking, affectionate, funny, talented, interesting, and emotionally open.
Benny is:
Frankly none of the above. But...
Benny is:
Willing to tie my wrists to my ankles, flip me ass-up, spank me red, and shove four fingers in my most special secret ladyplaces.
Rationally, I should dump Benny. It's not like Alan doesn't give me pleasure. Hell, he even gives me kink, albeit in small and achingly tentative ways. Alan's a good guy and perilously close to being my boyfriend, dammit, and I shouldn't be running out on that just because he's not good with a flogger. Alan has given me seven orgasms in an evening, for Christ's sake, how the hell can that be leaving me unfullfilled?
I don't have a great answer here. Just that I need my kink. I know you're supposed to be a lot older and further around the block before you get this jaded, but getting fucked without pain, submission, or restraint is just unsatisfying to me. I mean, it's great, I'd take it over gardening or tax preparation any day, but it's not what I need.
What I really need is to dump both guys and find an interesting, cute, affectionate Dom. And while I'm at it, a pony. A rainbow pony.
Work harder on Brandon. That finger thing is worth hanging around for. Anyway, he probably just doesn't yet quite get it that you need the kink.
ReplyDeleteI concur. Men are generally trainable in bed; not so much out of it. Someone who's shy but willing to experiment is worth the effort. Someone who happens to have kinks that work well with yours, not so much.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I'm domineering in bed: I like to be in charge. Doesn't sound like that's the case with you.
Why not keep both around? Variety is the spice of life.
ReplyDeleteD: that's what I'm doing. But I still haven't come up with a graceful way to tell them, so it feels mean and wrong. If there's communication you can say "polyamory" or whatever; what I'm doing is just plain damn cheating.
ReplyDeleteYou could sit Alan down, and ask him, hypothetically, how he feels about an open relation ship. And I might be wrong, but I don't feel like Benny will mind as much, you might just tell him straight out that you just want to be f-buddies more than anything else.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I sound insensitive, or this wouldn't work, I dunno. I haven't been in this kind of situation before, and I don't know either dude, so I can't predict how they'll react. Just trying to offer some advice...
That is probably moot since this post was years ago. *facepalm*
P.S what's up with the "Brandon" and "Jon" thing in the comments? I'm confused?
So, um... I broke up with both of those guys like four years ago and now live on the other side of the country dating a completely different person. But thanks for your advice! :)
DeleteP.S. Pseudonym changes.