The first time I showed Brandon my toy bag (it's a hospital logo tote. kinkay!) his response was "I thought you had to be married for ten years before you resorted to whips and chains." It was a reaction I hadn't anticipated--he wasn't grossed out by it, he just didn't understand why we "needed" it while vanilla was still exciting. Kink not as an alternative to vanilla, but as a higher dosage of the same thing. And like a higher dosage, only necessary when you've built up a tolerance.
I haven't been married for ten years, I'd fuck my husband every day if I were, and I do get off on plain ol' gentle kissy sex. But Brandon's a little right. I think I am kinky, at least in part, because I get bored so easily.
Or to put it more positively, because I'm an adventure-seeker. I've worked in fast-paced, intense jobs--first in the film industry, now in intensive-care nursing. I've traveled extensively and sometimes without much money. For fun after work I do Krav Maga: full-contact martial arts with men three times my size. Call me spoiled, but I just don't feel alive if nobody's screaming.
Kink is an adventure, then. It' novel and physically demanding and feels dangerous. It's not more sexually exciting than sex--it's more exciting exciting. If sex is eating a delicious meal, kink is eating a delicious meal on a Portaledge halfway up Half Dome.
Kink is not high-dose sex. It's a sex and adventure cocktail.
I'm easily bored, too, so I sympathize somewhat. But I still don't get the interest in violence -- I have no interest in combining violence and sex, and even find the idea a little bit unsettling.
ReplyDeleteSo, King Holly Pervocrat, what activities would you suggest for *me*?
Bruno - it's not violence. Violence scares the shit out of me. Violence is out of control, whereas kink is very very carefully controlled--by the bottom. (Also, there are 5 bizillion ways to be kinky without any pain. Being tied up and NOT beaten is probably more common than the fun way.)
ReplyDeleteWhat would I suggest for you? I don't know! I can't even predict very well what my own boyfriends would like and I know a hell of a lot more about them than I do about you. What do you think about when you jerk off? Go do that or the closest legal equivalent.
Hitty stuff == violence. Football? Violence. Boxing? Violence. Krav? Violence. Flogging your assmaster? Violence.
ReplyDeleteAsking for it or whatever social contract is making it something other than a chargeable offense doesn't change that it's violence.
Being tied up? Fun. Tying up? Sometimes fun. Getting hit, hitting, making bleed, bleeding, giving bruises, bruising, etc? Not fun.
Maybe we're miscommunicating.
(As for what I want -- I can't get it. Not even close.)
Oh, I so totally know who you are, "Bruno."
ReplyDeleteAnd, um, all I can say is that well, if you don't like it don't do it, but I'm fairly sure it's making me happy. To be honest I can't fully explain why. I can psychobabble about the psychological control shit, but the truth is that pain feels good and I can't justify it.
And (if you are who you obviously are) the activity I currently recommend for you is going out and having a horrible skeevy unfulfilling one-night stand with someone you don't even really like, just to get something out of your system.
Actually, I thought you'd figured it out already.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I'm afraid the solution to my boredom is probably sex with as many partners as possible, which is about like saying that we could catch Osama Bin Laden if only we had Darth Vader working for the CIA.
I'm new to the blog, got addicted to "Cosmocking" and now working my way through the archive. I wouldn't normally comment on such an old post, but I have to ask, Bruno. How is the boredom problem? Patience is key!! (or something...)
ReplyDeleteand still nobody explains the Alan/Brandon Benny/Jon thinh!
ReplyDeletePseudonym shift.
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