Sex. Feminism. BDSM. And some very, very naughty words.
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Saturday, September 1, 2007
This should be an essay, but I'm... concise.
You know when people talk about sex as a thing that women give to men? Or even more egregiously, a finite thing, so that if a woman gives too much of it away she won't have any sex left?
It may not be "correct," but in my (limited) experience, women *do* effectively give sex to men. The presumption is that men want it all the time, so it becomes a matter of when the woman wants it. Both switches have to be on, but if one is almost always on, it's the other switch that determines when the current flows. Or something.
I understand that it doesn't necessarily feel that way to women, and that any particular woman (hirsute, heavy, halitosis?) might have a hard time finding a guy willing to have sex with her, but in general, women have an easier time getting the sex they want than men do.
I look back over those two paragraphs and I can recognize that it sounds a lot like a whiny, ignorant adolescent -- but whiny, ignorant adolescents aren't always wrong.
Anonymous--I disagree, for a purely anecdotal reason: I want it bad, and usually more often than men. I have had WAY more boyfriends say "not tonight, sweetie" to me than I've ever said it. To me it's not political correctness, it's personal experience. Men really, honestly, sometimes aren't in the mood.
But it isn't really about libido, anyway. It's more about the presumption that women have sex for men, rather than for themselves. I don't have sex to reward men because they've earned it. I have sex because I want the sex itself.
In general, for everyone, sex should not be a woman doing a favor for a man.
That's fine, Holly (and thank you for responding), but consider: If you and your boyfriend(s) decided to go to a bar/sex shop/circus/whatever to pick up new sex partners, who do you think would be more successful?
"Hi, I'm Holly" is a much better opening line than "Hi, I'm Brandon."
In my case, because I have very little sex drive, it often ends up that way whether I want it to or not. It's not so much that I think I'm 'giving' my fiance sex any more or less than he's 'giving' me sex, but I'm in the mood a lot less often than he is.
Which is funny, when I think about it. I love sex once I get going, but you have to convince me first. That's kind of self-defeating, isn't it?
It may not be "correct," but in my (limited) experience, women *do* effectively give sex to men. The presumption is that men want it all the time, so it becomes a matter of when the woman wants it. Both switches have to be on, but if one is almost always on, it's the other switch that determines when the current flows. Or something.
ReplyDeleteI understand that it doesn't necessarily feel that way to women, and that any particular woman (hirsute, heavy, halitosis?) might have a hard time finding a guy willing to have sex with her, but in general, women have an easier time getting the sex they want than men do.
I look back over those two paragraphs and I can recognize that it sounds a lot like a whiny, ignorant adolescent -- but whiny, ignorant adolescents aren't always wrong.
Anonymous--I disagree, for a purely anecdotal reason: I want it bad, and usually more often than men. I have had WAY more boyfriends say "not tonight, sweetie" to me than I've ever said it. To me it's not political correctness, it's personal experience. Men really, honestly, sometimes aren't in the mood.
ReplyDeleteBut it isn't really about libido, anyway. It's more about the presumption that women have sex for men, rather than for themselves. I don't have sex to reward men because they've earned it. I have sex because I want the sex itself.
In general, for everyone, sex should not be a woman doing a favor for a man.
That's fine, Holly (and thank you for responding), but consider: If you and your boyfriend(s) decided to go to a bar/sex shop/circus/whatever to pick up new sex partners, who do you think would be more successful?
ReplyDelete"Hi, I'm Holly" is a much better opening line than "Hi, I'm Brandon."
I dunno, Anonymous. He's awfully cute. And are we shopping for dudes or ladies here?
ReplyDeleteBut really--I know people think that way, yes. (I mean your hypothetical sex prospects, not you.) I just wish they didn't.
Dudes, ladies, whatever.
ReplyDeleteIf only there were a way to test this theory....
In my case, because I have very little sex drive, it often ends up that way whether I want it to or not. It's not so much that I think I'm 'giving' my fiance sex any more or less than he's 'giving' me sex, but I'm in the mood a lot less often than he is.
ReplyDeleteWhich is funny, when I think about it. I love sex once I get going, but you have to convince me first. That's kind of self-defeating, isn't it?