There's nothing I like more than finding out what someone's sexual fantasies are and doing my damndest to fulfill them. To learn that a guy's always wanted to be tied up, or never had a proper blowjob, or always wanted a girl to do him up the ass... I love that I'm being trusted with his fantasy and I really love when I can make it come true.
In many ways, probably more deeply than bondage or pain or anything, that's my ultimate fantasy--to give someone exactly what he's always wanted. I'd make some snide comment about being a one-woman Make-A-Wish Foundation, but really, it's not pity or even generosity, it just makes me hot to see a guy getting something he's wanted for years. Maybe it's a submissive thing, maybe it's an insecure "if it's his ultimate fantasy I know he won't hate it!" thing, but more than anything it's a goddamn, the look on his face thing.
(It's also a teensy bit of a superiority thing, because I can do things that women who aren't as open-minded or determined to please won't, and I get to hear the guy talk about how none of the other girls ever did that for him.)
It's sure as hell not the only reason I'm kinky, but one of the benefits is that kinky men know exactly what they want. Vanilla guys who just want "really good sex" with a "really hot girl"... I can try my best but it's not the same as "I want you to force me to lick your toes" where I know I can do it just the way he likes. Guys who won't admit any fantasies at all are horribly frustrating.
It's an honor to know someone's fantasies and a huge goddamn thrill to make them happen.
I hadn't given it much thought, but thanks to your ever-incisive analysis, I'm now wondering whether my awkwardness with not being particularly kinky is rooted in fear that I'll disappoint. I'm the anti-Holly in that respect.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I'm familiar with how frustrating it can be for guys with kinks that go unfulfilled (and if you believe Dan Savage, women are generally much less kinky than men), so I have no business complaining.
Bruno - Fantasy doesn't always equal kink, at least not in the whips/chains/rubber/plushy sense--it's anything that you want including the mundane. "Really hot sex with a really hot girl" is just as valid a fantasy, just a bit less straightforward to fulfill.
ReplyDeleteAnd although you're certainly a disappointment to me (no kinks? feh!), you'd probably be more of a relief to most women. Having fewer kinks of your own means you'll make fewer demands and not make them go outside their comfort zone--not necessarily disappointing things.
I think? Sorry if I'm making assumptions about you here.
"Guys who won't admit any fantasies at all are horribly frustrating."
ReplyDeleteYes, yes they are. I love my guy, but I don't like that I'm the one who's all "let's use a flogger! Let's do this, let's do that!" and he doesn't have any suggestions. Occasionally he'll come up with a position he'd like to try, but when I asked if he has/ever had any fantasies, the furthest he got was "well... sex I guess?"
I'd like to do something that makes him happy the way he does things to make me happy, because him always doing things to make me happy makes me feel kinda selfish when I can't reciprocate.
(Did that sentence make sense? I hope it made sense.)
I think I'm the same. Honestly, you said it well and I agree. Although admittedly I haven't been all that adventurous in the past, the "I don't have any fantasies" line really annoys me.
ReplyDelete