My secret garden is the Matrix.

I have some weird-ass sexual fantasies. To begin with, they're all set in the Matrix. I mean, in a fully immersive massively-multiplayer computer-generated world. I never think about people really having sex; I only think about people having Matrix sex which is indistinguishable from real sex. I think I do this because it lets me skip over all the nitpicky details--you don't need condoms in the Matrix, nobody has to eat or drink or go potty, and your body can't be damaged. The Matrix conceit also lets me shift scenarios and construct really bizarre ones without having to worry about realism.

(Because otherwise, yes, I would worry about realism. It would be a huge problem and I would write angry letters to myself about how I used to be a fan but I simply can't suspend disbelief any longer, and I wonder if I've lost respect for my audience.)

Other strange features of my fantasies:
-They're always third-person limited omniscient. It's "a woman" doing stuff, not me.
-No real people may appear. Not celebrities, not people I'm sleeping with, not crushes, no one. Someone who even looks like someone I know, or has a similar name, is unacceptable.
-It's all fairly extreme BDSM, where no one is just a bottom sometimes for fun, they're lifetime slaves who get fucked and/or tortured all day every day.
-The submissive women have names and are fairly deeply characterized. The men and dominant women are almost all faceless, one-dimensionally lecherous props.
-The entire fantasy is a continuous story that's been going on for around eight years now, in twenty-minute installments. It's a little fragmented and lacks narrative direction, as you might imagine, but it is all connected.

Obviously, my fantasies are not my aspirations for reality. I definitely perceive my sexual partners as people, and I only want to be a full-time fucked-all-day slave for an hour or two at a time.

All this is incredibly embarrassing to write about.

There's a stupidly elaborate story structure in my head, and I won't get into all nine major characters and their complex interrelationships, nor into the sinister underlying questions about whether it's possible to leave the Sex Matrix, but here are some of the more common scenarios:

-All slaves begin in a communal training facility, where they start out absurdly restricted and then gradually "earn" a few privileges. On the first day, they get labia piercings, which are then chained to the floor so tightly that they can't stand up. Standing up has to be earned. Wearing any clothing, even tiny slips of lingerie, is a major privilege mostly reserved for the upper-level slaves who teach and manage the newbies.

-A woman is put, crouched doggy-style, into a box with an opening for her ass and pussy to hang out, and a parade of "customers" come by. She can't see or control who touches her and how. Rough assfucking ensues.

-A woman performs on stage with fucking machines bearing Dildos Of Unusual Size. Often the dildos are based on animal cocks and she's humiliated for it. Audience members are invited up to help. Rough assfucking ensues.

-Sometimes slaves are just plain rented out to customers, or often large groups of customers who plan to share. Rough assfucking ensues.

-Between activities, women are sometimes put into "storage" in pods that continuously double-penetrate them until they're needed again, just to keep them in shape. There's generally more focus on the "rough assfucking" half of the double penetration that ensues.

-A woman goes to a club so decadent that they have low-ranked slaves impaled on dildos just decorating the walls. (They have footrests. See, I'm not weird or anything.) Generally she doesn't end up on the wall, but on one of the tables around the room, where she's bound for anyone at the club to come by and enjoy her any way they see fit. Rough assfucking ensues.

-Two slaves sneak a moment together, away from all the madness. They they fuck each other up the ass, roughly.