It's one of those moments that's just sticking in my head. I was face down and my friend was working over my back with my knife. The knife was just a little dinged up, not perfectly sharp,, and there was a little catch in the blade, almost imperceptible to the eye, and yet when it slid over my skin that little catch was the absolute center of my attention.
Then he took the knife and cut a line at the very base of my neck. It wasn't a quick slice but a rough, scraping, almost sawing dig into my flesh.
And the memory that comes back to me in odd moments: we could both hear my skin rip. Little fibers of flesh were tearing through with a sound like a piece of beef jerky being pulled apart.
What in my life or genetics or what book I read or traumatic event or societal pressure or random neurological misfiring makes that the sexiest fucking thing ever? Why does it get a little gasp and an uncomfortably aroused squirm out of me just to think about it? It's not just the pain but the sheer fucked-uppedness of the moment that makes me insanely wet.
The cut wasn't even big or bloody at all. It was really a nothing, when it was done. But oh God, I could hear myself ripping.
Dude...like...ouch.
ReplyDeleteI associate that sound with my uncle's dog: when we were kids (my uncle is only two years older than me), we were watching TV and kept hearing this ripping sound. Turns out his dog had killed an opossum and was gnawing on what was left of it. I'm not generally squeamish about that sort of thing now, but that sound still kinda makes my skin crawl (I think because that was the first time I had seen a dead animal so close up and so eviscerated).
When you bite a boy hard enough, his flesh goes crunch. The sound actually makes me squeamish so I don't bite that hard unless specifically requested.
ReplyDeleteThe noises that turn me on most are vocalizations, especially anything along the lines of a whimper (fear or pleasure; they all end up sounding the same anyway...).
Brock - had the dog dragged the opossum into the house? Ew ew ew.
@ Anonymous: No, it was on the front porch. We could hear it through the open front window and finally went outside to see what the sound was.
ReplyDeleteWhat in my life or genetics or what book I read or traumatic event or societal pressure or random neurological misfiring makes that the sexiest fucking thing ever?
ReplyDeleteIt's the goat DNA.
I would bet that like most of those things it was a LOT louder for you (you could hear it externally and through your body -- I only got the equivalent of the MIDI version), but it was pretty clearly audible. And that made it so damned good. I'm glad you think of it now and then, too, so that I'm not the only one riding the subway or shopping for the groceries or whatnot who pauses at random times and thinks back to a warm, quiet room and soft scrtttch noises, and smiles.
That's just too scary. Don't you worry that the guy will go too far and hurt you by accident? Or maybe even on purpose, for the sick fun of it? I mean, you're pretty helpless during these 'sessions', aren't you?
ReplyDelete^anon 6:08, surely you must be joking ;-) It's pretty obvious that that's the whole idea, right?
ReplyDeleteAnon 6:08 - The guy was someone I trusted. Other people I trusted knew I was with him. He was also someone who's very well known in the local scene, with no reports that I've ever heard of him crossing any lines, and he has partners who adore him and seem to be still alive. I'd known him socially for a while and not gotten any disturbing vibes, and I'd played with him before and not gotten murdered. There's a whole social infrastructure to this--I don't hand just anybody a knife and let them go to town.
ReplyDeleteAlso, a large part of the "sick fun" of the adventure is (shhh, don't tell anyone) that I actually enjoy it. The sensual magic of "playing with her mental and physical limits but not crossing them and reveling in her squirming fear/pain/delight/arousal" is a rather more subtle thing than "hurting her." If he wanted to hurt me he coulda just used a chainsaw.
No I couldn't. I don't have a long enough extension cord for it. :(
ReplyDeleteI'd known him socially for a while and not gotten any disturbing vibes, and I'd played with him before and not gotten murdered.
ReplyDeleteYep. I'm kinda the top/Dom version of the 'just a cute and fluffy bunny' -- I play pretty lightly and gently, etc., I'm pretty softcore. ;)
Been reading your posts now for many a month. Reading this post, I suggest you check out FetLife.com. There you will find answer(s) to your questions about yourself. SeekVeritas
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, a link to Holly's FetLife profile has been at the top of the page for many a month.
ReplyDelete