If there was one fact about BDSM, just one, that I could communicate to the culture at large, it would be this: at just about every BDSM play party I've ever been to, there has been a bowl of M&Ms.
Those M&Ms may be, as last night, part of a nice spread with cheese and fruit and cookies. They may be the dessert to a full dinner with hot meat and veggies. Or they may be jammed in the back corner next to some ripped-open jumbo bags of chips and 2-liters of Coke. But they'll be there.
(And they'll be all dumped together in a big open bowl, which is kind of gross if you think about where people's hands have been. Next time I help host a party, I'm putting out individual M&M packets.)
These M&Ms are, in some deep way, symbolic of the essential humanity and normalcy of kinksters. We may be freaky perverts, but we still like candy just as much as anyone else. And we still like to stand around the candy bowl talking and joking. And we're still considerate enough of each other to remember to put out candy. The little M&M bowl stands as silent and delicious proof that even the most bizarre-seeming parties with people running around in diapers and chastity belts getting beaten and shocked and lit on fire are still parties, still places people go to relax and connect with one another.
Every time I see "S&M" represented in the media, I look for that M&M bowl. Or if not literally, something akin to it, some small indication that the same person can be genuinely and seriously kinky--and damn sexy about it--and also be a "gotta leave by 12 because I have work tomorrow" real person. TV bondage clubs never have M&Ms.
Then again, I shouldn't make this all about my subculture. Humanity and sex in general have never been easy bedfellows in the media. For some reason being a real, everyday human has just never been an attribute of sex symbols. I don't think a truly sexy sex person is supposed to eat at all, much less eat M&Ms.
Last night Rowdy was punching me and I was literally roaring with the feeling, deep guttural groans as he shoved me up against the wall and his knuckles slammed into my shoulderblades. It hurt, and it shook my body with the sheer intensity of the moment, the realization of the strength in our bodies and the realness and deepness of pain. It was delicious.
And then we went downstairs and ate some M&Ms, because those little suckers are also delicious.
I found your blog from sexisnottheenemy.tumblr.com. I love it! Keep posting!
ReplyDeleteWhen I see so much judgement of others and negativity and misunderstanding in the world and then read your posts about how the kink community (which I'm not part of) is so loving and happy and celebratory of individuals coming together over things they love, it makes me want to go to one of these gatherings you keep talking about and just stand in a corner and take in the lovefest and then I feel like a creeper.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I love your posts!
A post most excellent and true. The parties I've thrown, I've out out bowls with 3-5 pounds of M&Ms (although I don't know if I had them at AB2, which you went to -- but that was primarily a social occasion, not a play party).
ReplyDeleteAlthough I put them out en masse, not in individual packets, because I'm cheap. And also because I trusted my party guests to wash their hands after fisting up to the elbow or whatnot but before touching the snacks. :)
Jack - I don't recall M&Ms specifically, but at any rate I cannot fault your food hospitality.
ReplyDeleteI totally don't trust people to wash their hands, though. Maybe after fisting, but not every time they incidentally happen to touch pussy or cock. I estimate the contents of that M&M bowl to be 0.5% cock cells.
Y'all are a bunch of dirty perverts who violate the Natural Law.
ReplyDelete...You clearly should have bowls of Skittles.
EWWWW! Skittles are disgusting.
ReplyDelete(Seriously, what are they even made of? M&Ms are clearly chocolate. Skittles are... Skittle-matter. I don't trust them.)
You mean they don't mix the Skittles and M&Ms together to serve S&Ms?
ReplyDeleteHolly said...
ReplyDeleteI estimate the contents of that M&M bowl to be 0.5% cock cells.
They serve as millions of tiny little polishing stones to keep the M&Ms good and shiny.
Skittles are definitely weird, though.
Skittles are made of Skittle. They are 100% neon-colored HFCS-laden artifically-flavored goodness. I mean, who the hell eats candy that resembles food?
ReplyDeleteI wonder if this is an Atlantic divide? I've never seen a bowl of M&Ms at a kinky party in London, Birmingham, Manchester or Edinburgh.
ReplyDeleteNot exactly cucumber sandwiches either (though a fair amount of kinky tea parties have been enjoyed).
I'm now trying to work out what the UK version is...
The all important question: peanut or plain M&Ms?
ReplyDeleteThe same thing bugs me about books and movies- I know they're superheroes and whatever, but that doesn't mean they don't need to use the loo occasionally. I'm not talking explicit references, just small nods to the fact that they're, you know, human.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger (about 16, so I really should have known better!), I wanted have a birthday with only food that started with my initials, and actually ending up blurting out to my mam "Can I have an S&M themed birthday?".
Skittles aren't made of skittle, they're made of rainbow!
For some reason, at every kink party I've been to around here, they have this tray of perfectly rolled cold cuts. I don't see those at any other kind of party.
ReplyDeleteI work at a kinky sex shop in Manhattan, and not only do we have a jar of M&Ms for our customers (with a scoop, so you don't have to use your hands or worry about cock cells), we also have Tootsie Rolls. You're clearly on to something.
ReplyDeleteDudes. You put a big serving spoon in the M&M bowl and then no-one has to reach in there. Kinksters LIKE tools, no?
ReplyDeleteflightless
p.s. I love this post :-)
This reminds me of Pagan Ritual Cake, actually. Every time someone throws a pagan ritual, someone will bring one of those supermarket pound/coffee cakes that come sliced in a plastic clamshell. No exceptions.
ReplyDeleteCould always have one of those hand sanitizer bottles near the bowl, keeps it cleaner :)
ReplyDeleteAnd of course all I could think of was that scene in the movie 9 to 5 in which Jane Fonda's character said "and if I want to play sex games, or do M&Ms, you can't stop me!"
ReplyDeleteNow that I think about it we always have M&Ms at the events I frequent!
ReplyDeleteWhy not put out M&M's in a punch bowl with a ladle and cups or napkins? That way, no bodily fluids in the bowl and no sticky candy residue on hands.
ReplyDelete