My grandmother is staying with me for Passover. Before she arrived, I made a considerable effort to sanitize the house--porn, SM instructional books, and sex toys all carefully concealed. Right now, the trunk of my car looks like the aftermath of a vice bust.
But Grandma takes one look around and takes me to task for "reading filth!" The problem? She found a copy of Cosmo.
...Well, I guess she's right, really.
...But boy am I glad she didn't find the toy we call "Mr. Ed."
"Mr. Ed"? I think I speak for everyone when I say "tell me more!"
ReplyDeleteGrandparents are so cute. My grandma is pretty okay when it comes to Cosmo.
Which leads me to say this:
GREAT Cosmocking, as always. :-)
Karyn - Mr. Ed is what Jon calls a certain dildo I own, on account of its size. He claims no human is that big.
ReplyDeleteI know otherwise (I've been with two men who compare), but I've broken enough hearts this week.
I'm sure some men have uncomfortably large tools. A better question is, do you find size to matter?
ReplyDeleteOwen - Length doesn't matter much; under 5 inches is a little hard to get in and over 8 inches you can't use the whole thing, but in the realm of ordinary lengths, I can't say that 7 inches is really a different experience than 6.
ReplyDeleteWidth, however. Very small fractional-inch gradations of width make the difference between "well, I guess I can get into this" and "OH HOLY SHIT."
However I've never been with a guy who was too small to have some decent fun with, and I've had the good fortune to be with some seriously hung dudes, and haven't found any of them too big.
(Bear in mind that a hand is not too big; it's a matter of arousal, lubrication, and relaxation, not an absolute. I don't think any guy is too big so long as he knows what to do with it, but... admittedly I haven't seen every boner. There may yet be some horrorboners out there.)
@Holly, I know some women who believe the same thing except instead it's "Very small fractional-inch gradations of width make the difference between "mmm this feels GOOOD" and "OH HOLY SHIT THAT HURTS GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT."
ReplyDeleteI only mention this so other small-dicked dudes like myself can know that there's someone out there for them ;-)
Also that your grandmother was RIGHT to take you to task for reading Cosmo!