I played with a new top today and sadly I think it was one of the least satisfying experiences since I've been active in the kinky community. It kinda went like this:
Him: Okay, I'm going to start you out with some light warmup.
*ENORMOUS THUNDERING THWOCK*
Me: OW yellow ow ow ow.
Him [crestfallen]: Gee, you're very... sensitive. I mean, not that that's a bad thing, but I wasn't really planning on just sensation play. Hmph. I don't think I brought light enough toys for you.
It's rough feeling sexually inadequate under any circumstances, but when someone ties your adequacy to your ability to be beaten like a carpet and finds you lacking, that really sucks. I'm a masochist; I am not a heavy masochist. I like being slapped and spanked and whipped and pinched; I don't like being royally THWOCKED, and I don't like feeling like having a merely-human pain tolerance makes me a crappy bottom.
The guy wasn't a deliberate jerk, he respected my limits, he was just so transparently disappointed by them that the whole mood of the scene went to Suckland. I left feeling like a wuss and he left feeling like he'd barely gotten to play. If I hadn't gotten into an awesome fun wrestling match with another guy later in the evening, the whole night would've been a downer.
Ah well. They can't all be winners. And in the "men who would like to spank a slutty 22-year-old redhead" sea, there are a fuckload of fish.
Uh, count me as one of them. And, really, it is kind of classless to leave your partner feeling inadequate. You work together to find a happy medium. But some folks are heavily, heavily scripted, and hate to deviate.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had such a sucky experience. I hope you find a dom who isn't so whiny soon.
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