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Friday, January 9, 2009

Anything's wankable when you're thirteen.

Back in the era of my puberty, we didn't have these fancy Internets. (Actually, we kinda did, but I didn't have one in my room.) And I was both a Good Girl and a somewhat unpopular one. I didn't have any access to porn in any form. I had a couple novels with steamy scenes, but they were of the annoyingly vague "she felt a white-hot light radiating from his body as her head soared through exploding stars" variety--no details, man.

But, my mom being a nurse and my family generally scientifically inclined, we had lots of textbooks. Biology textbooks. You see what I'm getting at here.


"Among both sexes, the excitement phase results in an increase in heart rate (tachycardia), an increase in breathing rate, and a rise in blood pressure. An erection of the nipples, especially upon direct stimulation, will occur in nearly all females and approximately 60% of males."
Mmmm
"During the plateau phase, the male urinary bladder closes (so as to prevent urine from mixing with semen, and guard against retrograde ejaculation) and muscles at the base of the penis begin a steady rhythmic contraction. Males may start to secrete seminal fluid and the testicles rise closer to the body."
OH BABY OH WOW
"Orgasm is the conclusion of the plateau phase of the sexual response cycle, and is experienced by both males and females. It is accompanied by quick cycles of muscle contraction in the lower pelvic muscles, which surround both the anus and the primary sexual organs. Women also experience uterine and vaginal contractions. "
OH YEAH OH YEAH OHMYGODOHMYGODDDD


Yeah.


The upshot is that I accidentally became very well educated on sexual anatomy and physiology at a very young age. Not just the obvious parts; being a very thorough reader and rereading the same three pages for months, I learned all the little internal bits with Latin names as well. I'm taking an anatomy class right now and I'll have to study the liver, I'll have to study the lungs; I've got the penis down cold.
at

10 comments:

  1. AnonymousJanuary 9, 2009 at 2:13 AM

    Oh god, you too?

    Dad was a doctor. I still wonder how much impact on me reading everything that could ever possibly go wrong with any aspect of the reproductive system, as titillating because that's what I had, had on me.

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  2. Cliff PervocracyJanuary 9, 2009 at 2:33 AM

    LabRat - One of the things I love about writing this blog is every time I think people are gonna say "you freak!", everyone says "you too?"

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  3. LawrenceJanuary 9, 2009 at 7:22 AM

    Oh God, it's funny because it's true! I didn't have access to medical texts when I was 13 (though I did have clandestine access to a big stack of 70's skin mags in my dad's closet), but I certainly would have wanked to them if I did have access. Why? Because when you are 13, Anything Is Wankable. Who knew that masturbation could be so educational? I mean, aside from in the obvious ways. One almost feels sorry for the internet generation(s). Almost. Ungrateful little shites...

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  4. AnonymousJanuary 9, 2009 at 11:51 AM

    I read the good parts of my mom's copy of Gray's Anatomy, but also had clandestine use of my dad's Playboys. But my worst offense was probably beating off to the sex scenes in the Bible.

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  5. AnonymousJanuary 9, 2009 at 4:37 PM

    bruno, you made me cackle with laughter. I may weep. I may need to be committed.

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  6. AnonymousJanuary 10, 2009 at 4:14 AM

    Hahahaha :)

    YLS

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  7. AnonymousJanuary 10, 2009 at 6:23 PM

    Amazing how much sex education you can get out of a library. The "erotic art" section was particularly useful.

    Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex made me giggle because it was so stupid.Joy of Sex had things in it I don't think are physically possible, but was much less arrogant than EYAWTKAS,

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  8. ectoplasmic reticulumJanuary 11, 2009 at 12:31 AM

    A lot of biology texts describe sex along the lines of 'insertion of a penis into a vagina'. That really needs to change.

    Apart from that, yeah, biology textbooks are great for kicks. What's amazing about them is that they turn us on without attempted eroticism...with just matter-of-fact details. Sex is a passion free from pretensions of eroticism.

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  9. AnonymousJanuary 12, 2009 at 12:19 PM

    I was always fond of the Funk & Wagnalls New Illustrated Encyclopedia of Family Health description when I was a kid:

    "During the plateau phase the penis is fully erect,having increased in both length and width. The glans (head of the penis) darkens in colour because of the increased blood flow. The testes increase by as much as 50 per cent in size, and rise up to enable a more powerful thrust of the penis during intercourse.

    "A few drops of semen may appear at the opening of the penis and be released. This is one reason why coitus interruptus or the withdrawal method (withdrawing the penis from the vagina before orgasm) can be an unreliable method of contraception, as sperm are often present in this small amount of seminal fluid that is released initially."

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  10. Matt GJanuary 19, 2009 at 3:08 AM

    I was 11, first, uh, exploring, and was fascinated by that .8 second frequency, ifyouknowwhatI'mtalkin'aboutandIthinkyoudo. :)

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