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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Roommate Sex Mystery.

My roommate's bedroom shares a wall with mine, and when she clunks stuff around I can hear it. She and her boyfriend will often spend large amounts of time in there with the door closed, frequently ending in him sleeping over. She's got a jumbo bottle of Astroglide sitting out in the open.

And yet... I never hear sex noises. Ever. Now, despite how this post probably sounds, I don't exactly stand there with my ear to the door. But gosh, sometimes I hear the neighbors in other buildings having sex; the soundproofing's not that awesome here. While I'd probably be disturbed if I had to constantly hear my roommate screaming like a champ, I think I'm more disturbed that I've never heard so much as a sigh.

I guess they just always have silent sex? Is that common? I'm physically incapable of operating at a level lower than "sexy Saturn V launch" and it disheartens me tremendously when my partner doesn't vocalize a little. But maybe if you're both silent that makes it okay?

It's things like this that make me understand why I'll never be a "sexpert."

9 comments:

  1. No, that's not normal.

    In my opinion, though, it's worse that I can distinguish between my neighbor's tickle fights (screeching, laughing, and knocking things over) and boring sex (rhythmic thumping against my living room wall with no supplementary noises).

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  2. Married people with kids have perfected the art of silent sex. Maybe she picked it up somewhere.

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  3. Don--right on. You learn that in the service, too.

    You'll understand someday when you're older

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  4. I don't make much noise, and have been with only one woman who did. I may never have heard neighbors going at it (I've had only two UFOs -- uncertain fornication occurrences).

    Regardless, you need to know about this, whether or not it's a joke.

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  5. My husband and I are both quiet. It's a habit we both picked up in high school and dorm rooms, and at this point I'd have to consciously think about it to make a lot of noise.

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  6. Bruno - Yeah, I had seen that, and I think it's a joke... I think... urk.

    I swallow semen, and I eat food, so I don't know why the idea of combining them bothers me so much, but it does.

    I think it's the difference between wiping your nose and sticking your hand in a jar of mucus.

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  7. Yeah, same. Too much early sex with parent in the next room = impulse to really QUIET sex. I can and do overcome it, but with a roommate? NINJA MODE.

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  8. My roommate is the same. I think I have heard his bed knocking against the wall once, and only once when he was fucking his girlfriend.
    When my ex and I were together, I used to come out in the mornings and housemate would glare and his girlfriend would giggle. I am unashamedly loud.

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