Today is Buy A Sex Toy Day!
I've done bad sex toy mockeries a couple times, so here are some sex toys that sound awesome and that I would love to have.
Posey Restraints
These are the restraints that are used in actual psychiatric hospitals these days, and as such have tremendous cachet. They're also very inescapable, very comfortable, and I think nylon webbing is a cool material and tragically underused in the kink world.
Rock Chick
I want this pretty bad. It's the only insertable I've seen that seems perfectly designed for the way I really masturbate--I don't thrust, I grind, I want things to stay inside me and just wiggle around in there while I rub my clit, and the Rock Chick seems like it would work very very well with my methods.
Rechargeable Impulse Jack Rabbit
I've never tried a rabbit vibrator, and this seems like a regrettable oversight. The idea of the rotary bits churning around inside me seems... promising. (Although I do worry how strong the motor is, because I can clamp down hard--if I can easily stop it with my hand, I don't think it would have a chance against my vagina.) And this one has cool metal-and-orange styling and it has the rechargeable base, which are awesome.
Jaguar Harness
My current strap-on harness is a piece of crap. I don't use it that much, but still, it's embarrassing--it's cheesy "leatherette," doesn't fit well, and doesn't hold a dildo really rocksteady. This harness has none of those problems. It's elegantly sexy, comes in a color other than black (I really love non-black leather and wish black wasn't quite such a universal default for everything kinky), and it looks built for action.
Tsunami Helix Glass Dildo
Another "I never" for me: glass dildos. They're so pretty! And so... unforgiving. I mentioned having a strong vagina? I couldn't be stronger than a hard toy--it would just have its way with me.
Njoy Fun Wand
It's metal. It's big. It's got different shapes on both ends that could do a lot of things. Like a lot. I want it.
Anal Joystick
Okay, embarrassing name, but look at that handle.
nJoy Pure Plug
Man, I started lusting for cold hard toys and now I can't stop thinking about them. But the appealing thing about this plug is that it looks like it would stay in. I have Pelvic Muscles of Doom and tend to shove out mere mortal dildos and plugs when I come, but I'm pretty sure this puppy isn't going anywhere.
Wartenberg Pinwheel
These are so cheap and feel so cool, why don't I own one already? They're capable of such an amazing range of sensations, from a breath-catching little tease to full-on pain like being cut.
Electrosex Silicone Vibrator All-in-One Unit
I'm very curious what non-shocky e-stim is like, and I've heard amazing things, but I've never had the chance to try it with insertables. There's a baffling array of options if you really want to get into different power boxes and accessories, but since I'm neither a millionaire nor an electrical engineer, the all-in-one unit seems very appealing.
Tex Silicone Dildo
Sometimes, man, sometimes I just want a cock.
Oh no! I just bought a sex toy yesterday! I'm too late! Early! Bah now I can't participate.
ReplyDeleteWartenberg pinwheels = <3
ReplyDelete--Andy
Shamefaced married chick confession: I have a Rock Chick and have yet to use it. 'Cause, well, he found it for us/me, so wanted to play with it together the first time (romance man), so I was waiting, and then having a small child means extended sex playtimes don't happen without a lot of advance planning, which I haven't done, so it waits in the drawer while we've been relying on short & sweet...this is all very pathetic. But you've definitely prompted me to make that a priority.
ReplyDeleteI have the Njoy Funwand. It's not that big, actually (I bought it with my exceptionally snug front door or a boy's back door in mind). If you're looking for a vaginal toy and you want to be really filled up, the other Njoy thing...I forget the name but it's just crescent-shaped with a knob at each end...would be better.
ReplyDeleteThere's also an Njoy toy called the Eleven (or maybe the Ten? Man, I'm getting so rusty at this). It's the width of my fuckin' forearm. It wouldn't fit into any of my holes but I kind of want one anyway to bust someone's skull with if they ever break into my apartment.
I want a glass dildo so badly! My sex toy collection is incredibly poor at the moment, I'm using Buy A Sex Toy Day as an excuse for spending my student loan on a new one...
ReplyDeletexoxox
This list has given me even more toy crushes than I already had, and reaffirmed some longstanding ones. And I'm strangely comfortable with it.
ReplyDeleteP.S. @K: It still totally counts!
Glass dildos are my favorite thing ever, other than, like, actual boys. (Besides being wonderfully hard, they clean up so easily, and they can be heated or chilled...)
ReplyDeleteflightless
I love my rabbits... unfortunately, that's only plural because I break them so often. Yes, if you clamp down hard when you come, you will stop the vibration, and eventually just kill the motor. Plus, lemme tell ya, there is almost nothing as infuriating as being right in the middle of a nice hard orgasm and suddenly having the thing giving you the orgasm stop because you were having an orgasm. *headdesk*
ReplyDeleteI concur re: rabbits. Mine is all right, but when I start to really get into it, it stops, and thrusting with it disrupts the clit vibrations. So I have to either relax to get it moving again, or give up on that part. All of which is lame.
ReplyDeleteGlass dildos look absolutely gorgeous, but I don't know how much I'd like them. I should really just get one for the art, if not anything else.