Sunday, October 5, 2008


I'm having a lonely. A pretty harsh one actually. I think I need to find myself an actual date.

I've had a bad streak of playing with people who treated it like a professional massage; overcommunicating constantly in sensitive but detached voices while making the play as nonsexual as possible. I certainly respect if someone doesn't want to fuck me, but maybe I've gotta start turning down play in that case, because when I try to do the hitty part without being sexually aroused or emotionally involved, shit just hurts. I want to be mastered and fucked, not just thudded and stinged.

Of course that's a tough, slightly dangerous, and maybe unrealistic thing to be asking of random strangers. But when it works out it's so worth it.

At the moment, anyway, I'm getting this really nasty hollow feeling like I just want to cuddle and kiss a whole lot and have a partner all to myself for a little bit before getting down the mastering and fucking. Again, this is sort of a tall order for the world, but I'm sure I can get it eventually. I'm going to cool off the play parties for a bit and try and go on some actual goddamn dates like a normal person.

Well, not entirely normal.


  1. Orgasms alone don't make relationships. That's probably a good reminder for lonely celibate Bruno as much as for lonely slutty Holly.

  2. Still celibate? I thought you were gettin' some these days...

    And no, they don't, but there are times in my life when I'm quite happy to have orgasms without relationships.

    This, apparently, is not one of those times.

  3. Bruno hasn't had any nakey since July. Too early to complain?

  4. Eek! Definitely not too early. *hugs* Go do nakey already!

  5. I think that having an intense period of lots of fun slutty times followed by wanting something with a little deeper connection is a pretty common pattern - or cycle. I like both parts of the cycle, so I'm content with leaving figuring out how to have both parts at once for sometime in the future. But the lonelies in between do suck.

    And now,suggestion for a post/s: I’ve only ever been marginally involved in the BDSM scene, and reading this blog makes me want to get into it a bit more. I’d love to hear in more detail how you got into it (I know you’ve touched on the subject before), and more generally how one goes about making acquaintances and so on. (Perhaps what I am asking for then is Holly's Guide for Beginners?)

  6. Thea - I've definitely been through that cycle, with a variety of mostly-doomed attempts to eat the slutty cake while still having the boyfriend cake.

    A "beginner's guide to entering the scene" post would be a good idea, although I'm a little apprehensive because I think I would probably be wrong about a lot of things--I only know Seattle's scene and I'm not terribly well established in it. Still, I'll try and post something soon about how to find BDSM groups and take the first baby steps in them.

  7. Holly, I can't blame you for wanting the cuddles, and the fucking after the hitty bit! I personally can't separate the two in my head. I want sex after I get spanked/tortured, it turns me on. It's part of the sex, fucking needs to follow damnit. And then cuddling.. Cause after all the owies, I want cuddles. It seems a natural progression.

    I'm very sure you will find some nice tops that like this too. :) Just time for like.. kinky dating. :)

  8. Suggestions on how to obtain quick,unregrettable nakey are always welcome.

  9. Maja - Zactly. (Nice to see you around here again.)

    Bruno - I don't know how to make nakey unregrettable at any speed. Quick nakey, however, is best obtained either via very sleazy Internetting or by utter fearlessness in hitting on strangers or acquaintances in social situations. And honestly I haven't attempted either of those as a heterosexual man.