Sunday, September 20, 2009

Weird retorts.

On the rare occasions when I do get street-harassed, I always get the urge to yell really weird things back. I feel like saying "HEY FUCK YOU" is admitting that it got to me and hurrying along in silence is letting the terrorists win, so the best way to keep my dignity is to come completely out of left field.

"NO, SHOW ME YOUR TITS!"

"I CAN'T, I'M A NUN!"

"WANNA SEE MY COCK?"

"OKAY, SOUNDS GREAT, CALL ME!"

4 comments:

  1. I think this one was in Gina Barreca's "They Used to Call Me Snow White...but I Drifted: Women's Strategic Use of Humor" (though I may have ganked it elsewhere)...

    "I'd like to get in your pants!"
    "No thanks, I've got one asshole in there already!"

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  2. There's a Louis CK bit about something similar to this (but I'm too lazy to look it up). It's about a guy getting mad and yelling at him in traffic. The guy was trying to start a fight and daring him to get out of his car, so Louis figures he'll just come out of left-field with something and weird the guy out. His reply was something to the effect of, "I'm not getting out of this car until you give me back my jacket."

    I've re-read what I just wrote and realized that it is almost completely unrelated to what you wrote. I will post it anyway so that you and everyone else here may mock me openly. Enjoy yourselves!

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  3. "NO, SHOW ME YOUR TITS!"

    That's fantastic. :)

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  4. Another great response is to pretend incomprehension and insist the guy repeat.

    "What? (cupped hand behind ear) No, it's ... I didn't hear you. No, what'd you say? 'Show me your tits'? I don't follow. What are you getting at here?"

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