Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Shit, I'm going to be twenty-four in a few weeks. I went to a bar the other night--a classy place, nice neighborhood pub, not some dive where they don't care--and they didn't card me.

According to a disturbingly large portion of society and of the commenters on the eighteen post, I'm mostly used up already. I mean, I don't have wrinkles or gray hairs or anything like that, so I'm not quite dead, but I'm clearly adult and that's a pretty big turn off, better face it honey. My sexual street value--an objective and universally agreed number--is plummeting. Appearance aside, at this point I'm already too old to get off to a really good start in professional acting or modeling or porn. "Hollywood has three ages--Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy" and at 23, I think I'm reaching the end of my District Attorney phase.

Being so elderly, I'm no longer as fertile as I once was, and evolution naturally drives men away from my barren, near-menopausal womb. Men look for signs of health, you see, and the incipient heart disease and osteoporosis wracking my fragile, bent frame are unattractive. It's all very well to be politically correct, you know, but if you want to be honest with me, you have to admit that I'm no longer worth as many goats as I once was.

Ah well. Maybe I can be a cougar.

Or maybe creeps who want to fuck teenagers because they're creeps can't fucking own up to it.


  1. Geez, Holly. If your almost used up at almost-24, what are geezers like me at twice your age? Fucking antiques? Please!

    One of the features of the BBC that I really enjoy is the fact that they use actors who look like real people, and that means even us old codgers can get a job as actors there (I think "Rumpole of the Bailey" - Leo McKern looked about like I feel most days).

  2. Mithras61 - Well, if you're a guy, it doesn't matter what you look like, all that matters here is how many goats you own.

  3. Huh. I'm afraid I may've given the wrong impression in that post. ;)

    I think "youth" is one part of an instinctive assessment of a potential mate's "value". Since an 18 year old has more of it than a 24 year old, she has some advantage in that part of the instinctive assessment (just as the 24 year old has some advantage over a 30 year old). But that has to be kept in perspective. Even speaking only about instincts, the difference between 18 and 24 isn't all that much. And age is only one small part of instinct, and instinct is only one small part of actual, real-world human decision making...

    All's I'm saying is that youth is some part of most humans' mate-selection process (male and female humans both, mind you). And just like with everything else about humans, each one puts a different emphasis on each element, and many will fetishize one particular element and put huge emphasis on it.

    Curvy hips are one small part of an instinctive assessment; I put a disproportionate emphasis on it. Emotional strength and (for lack of a better word) "authority" can also be a good sign for a mate, and I know plenty of male submissives who put a disproportionately high value on that. So it makes perfect sense to me that some men disproportionately emphasize youth, too. I don't think that necessarily makes them assholes, as long as they keep it legal and either keep it in their heads or practice the "campsite" rule.

  4. Bah. I don't pay any attention to Hollywood-sanctioned age preferences. I wouldn't consider any woman under 21, and even at 24 you're a little young for my tastes.

    Also I have no goats because my parents ate them all.

  5. Maybe in a magazine. In the real world, just take your clothes off and watch all the bullshit melt away.

  6. What? I would've thought the District Attorney phase *starts* in the mid- to late-20s. No need to start crying on the internets just yet, Daisy.

  7. It's called hyperbole, Daisy.

  8. I despise pop-evolutionary- psychology--thanks for writing this. Isn't it nice that women own their own goats now, too.

  9. 24! With the assurance that you wrote I thought you to be in your 30's. I'm 47 and spent most of my life in tha arms of those older women, before some nasty wank dubbed them 'cougars'. There are days I'd rather die than start the day. I console myself with the fact that I had more pain at 22 than I have had the rest of my life.

    words shape and form reality, be careful of the crafty sarcasm.

    Personally I prefer sheep to goats.

  10. I'm sure this has already hit your radar, but highly related to the thrust of this post is a recent blog post by dating site okcupid: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/02/16/the-case-for-an-older-woman/

    They show stats they've gathered on how much more guys say they prefer to go after younger girls, and then go further to show how much younger the girls are that guys *actually* contact.