An attitude I am really fucking sick of: "Yeah, this chick I fucked called back and was all like she wanted to see me again, talk about craaaaazy, I sure dodged a bullet, whoo."
Wanting human attachment is not crazy, assholes.
Look, I understand, sometimes sex is just sex. And assuming that a romantic relationship is inevitable or that it already exists after one fuck--that's a bit nutty, yeah. Stalking or harassing a guy and refusing to take "no" for an answer are definitely crazy. But merely wanting a relationship, asking about one, or even just wanting to have sex more than once--these are reasonable. It's unfortunate and awkward when one person wants a relationship and the other doesn't, but it isn't crazy. And it's really assholish to throw that implication on top of rejection. The answer is no... and you were a crazy bitch to even ask!
If a guy doesn't want a sexual relationship to go any farther, that's understandable. He's under no obligation. But have some goddamn grace about it. Acting like romantic interest is synonymous with bunny-boiling obsession is egotistical, hurtful, and really freakin' immature.
The impetus for this post was this article about the "cheetah," which is apparently a completely ordinary woman who "preys" on men by having sex with them. But the part that really touched a nerve was:
Both her Auntie Cougar and Cousin Puma have a certain dignity. They’re out there shakin’ it up, slaying dudes and taking names. Not so the cheetah, who hopes that her victim will find something in her searching eyes when he rolls over the next morning, and will try to subtly guilt him into another round next time they meet: “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in so long.”
Because the only thing more pathetic than a woman who picks up men is a woman who picks up men and tries to connect with them afterwards. How dare she? Doesn't she know her place?
That is the most pathetic article I've read in quite a long time. Even if I did allow myself to get sloppy drunk and get picked up, I don't see how her attempting to connect afterwards is anything other than her attempt to connect afterwards. I think all of these labels - cheetah, puma, cougar & saber tooth - are all pathetic attempts to dodge responsibility for our own actions, and our own failings as well.
ReplyDeleteWhat do I care if a woman prefers younger, more athletic men? There are plenty of older men who prefer women of a similar age, so how is it in any way inappropriate for women, but its cool for men?
I've said for more than 20 years that I believe the ideal setup would be for young women to get with older men, and then as they age (and their men die off), older women get with younger men. This is what I'm seeing start to happen, and can only applaud it!
I read that too, linked from a link from the Blogfather. All I could think was, oh no! Those poor dear young drunk men in nightclubs, being fooled into having sex . . . with women!
ReplyDeleteThe hardest part must be knowing that most people don't care about your plight while having to listen to people bitch about starvation in Somalia.
Someone in the comments section posted about the fact that if you switched the genders, it'd be a date rape story and that was exactly what I thought when I read the first couple of paragraphs. The difference being that the "cheetah" (and yes, I was barely able to contain the vomit that was rising in my throat as I typed that) they're describing isn't an evil person; she's a tragic character who thinks that sex is all she has to offer to a potential companion.
ReplyDeleteThe problem I had with the article was that I felt like the d-bag who wrote it (and probably his friends, too) was maybe just the kind of guy who'd wait until a girl was too drunk to stand (or add a splash of ruffie to her margarita to help her along) before kindly offering to hail the two of them a cab.
Re: the article: I thought if a guy was slobbering, staggering drunk he wouldn't be able to get it up. And yes, the scenario they describe is rape.
ReplyDeleteRe: the whole "clingy bitch" thing: I think the biggest problem is that men (as you so eloquently said in a previous post, Holly) see women as sexual goalkeepers. D'you think these guys are approaching women saying "Hey, d'you wanna fuck and then never see each other again?" No, of course not; as everyone knows, women want relationships and romance < /stereotype>. So, in order to get his puck in the net, a guy will tend to manipulate a woman into believing he's interested in her as a person and not just a piece of ass.
I myself am totally down with casual sex (well, naked stuff, anyway), if the right guy comes along. I'd also love to be in a serious relationship...if the right guy comes along. So let's say I'm out with some dude and he's cute and funny and gives me little affectionate touches on the arm when we're talking and looks at me with the huge Bambi eyes. Maybe he even offhandedly refers to going on more dates with me in the future. The way I see it, if we sleep together and I think this could turn into something more and he knows from the getgo that he never wants to see me again, this makes him the crazy bitch. Not me. Him.
My philosophy is to be upfront about what I want. I have actually said to a guy, "You're really pretty. I'm not interested in dating anyone right now but I'd love to just make out with you for a bit if that's okay." Yeah, this approach means that sometimes the guy will turn me down; but it also means that the ones who say yes aren't doing so on false pretenses. Nobody gets hurt or misled and I don't end up dealing with awkward confrontations down the road.
And yeah, guys will turn me down sometimes. I'm 36 and find myself most physically attracted to kids around 21, and they're a good deal more mushy and romantic than people give them credit for. I inadvertently broke a few hearts before I started blatantly putting my motives out there.
p.s. when I was in my 20s I had a guy freak out because I expressed affection for him. You could see the "OMG CLINGY BITCH" fill his face.
ReplyDeleteMy crime? Spontaneously saying "I like you" after we'd just fucked.
Wow. I'm not actually the healthiest guy on the planet on this topic (I've freaked out about pretty low-key expressions of affection before), but for crying out loud, when you have casual sex with someone and they say "It's been so long!" the next time you run into them, they aren't trying to guilt you into a relationship. THEY ARE TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU AGAIN.
ReplyDeleteHmm, so guys get only three animal labels, "wolf", "goat", and "dog", whereas women get several and they're piling on more. Methinks misogynistic men are really a bunch of furry fetishists. :-P
ReplyDeletePerversecowgirl-- the key here is that you know what you want though. This sort of thing all turns into a giant cluster when one or both people involved are either unable or unwilling to be honest with themselves and the partner of the moment about what's happening. As a younger woman, I had a few instances of wanting to continue dating someone I'd had sex with, when he was clearly done with me following the sex. As I got older, I got a lot stingier, a lot slower, and a lot more suspicious. Sounds unappealing, right? It certainly does remove a certain amount of the romance and that lovely feeling of being swept away by the moment. But it saves a lot of angst when you're dealing with people with unclear motives. It's lovely when you can meet a guy who can be upfront about what he's after, but in my experience, that's the exception-- not the rule.
ReplyDelete