Thursday, March 24, 2011

Freedom.

I quit my job.

Well, I went per diem, which is the coward's quit, because I can still make money. But I won't get benefits and I won't get regularly scheduled shifts. April 10th is my last "real" day. After that I'll need to find a real job, but if things get tight I can pick up shifts, so I won't be under oh my god poverty doom pressure to find a real job.

I'm so glad. I know this is where the regret and fear are supposed to kick in, or at least a little shame that I'm in a privileged enough position that I can quit a steady job just because I don't like it, but I'm looking forward to the prospect of not being tired. Right now sleeping eight hours in the dark is a privilege for days off. I'm unreasonably stoked about the prospect, whatever the cost goddamn it, of doing this every night. It seems like the ultimate luxury.

It would also be somewhat luxurious to not have to deal with bodily fluids and the threat of assault so much, or at least not the threat of being assaulted with bodily fluids.

(As happened last night. What the hell place do you have to be in your life when "I know! I'll cut myself and smear my blood on the ER staff! That'll solve my problems!" seems like your best option?)

I knew things were bad when a coworker and I watched Dirty Jobs together, and both of us were consumed not with disgust but with envy. "So this guy has to handle fish guts. You know, he's working outdoors, doesn't have to deal with the public, seems to get along pretty well with his fellow fishgutters, he's union, he's day shift... ahhh... that must be the life."

I'm not 100% sure where I'm going from here. Story of my life. It's worked out okay so far.

22 comments:

  1. Jus make a book out of this blog, quite a task.

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  2. "What the hell place do you have to be in your life when "I know! I'll cut myself and smear my blood on the ER staff! That'll solve my problems!" seems like your best option?"
    I'm guessing that person was mentally ill in some way.

    That aside, congratulations on leaving what sounded like a terrible job! You don't have to feel ashamed for that. I hope whatever you find next is a better fit for you.

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  3. Sophia, NOT Loren!March 24, 2011 at 7:54 PM

    Holly, you really made me smile today when I read this.

    My dad has worked as an ICU/TCU nurse on and off over the last couple decades, so I recognize the sigh of release and freedom that comes with the change to per diem work...

    But the first thing I thought of when I started reading your post was back in December when you wrote:

    "I'm not working because that's what I do, I'm working to support who I really am. I'm not someone who eats and sleeps and works--I'm someone who still has dreams and pleasures. I am someone who sneaks away from the cage of tedium at every opportunity."

    Congratulations on a big opportunity to sneak away much more often -- and best wishes on finding a job you love!

    I gotta wonder, though, who will provide the comic relief material for your blog now, if not your coworkers? *sigh*

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  4. Congratulations! I'm currently negotiating a reduction in my hours to free up some time for having an actual life. I know what a luxury that sleep pattern is!
    I wish you good luck in whatever you do.

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  5. EEE! I quit my job, too! HIGH FIVE.

    What will you do after the quitting, Holly? Is this a hiatus from the ER work, or an attempt at switching careers, or what?

    -perversecowgirl

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  6. I hope to see you writing more. And, hopefully, a nice profit making venture will come from this.

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  7. congratulations! now all you need is a book proposal and a literary agent.

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  8. Best of luck, may you not need it.

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  9. Now you have time to make porn!

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  10. Major congrats!!! I have been reading this blog for quite a while and am so happy that you are finally stealing some QT time for yourself. Enjoy this. You deserve it.

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  11. Holly, if you took up writing professionally (and, you should) you would certainly surprise none of us and impress all of us.

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  12. Clearly, you now need to join the fishgutters' union.

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  13. Awesome move! Congrats and luck and all the best for the new job!

    Also, I'm totally going to throw in with the "you should try to write professionally!' crowd. It's probably not easy to break into, but it may be worth a shot, you're a great writer.

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  15. I would so love for you to make a book, even just an edited blog best-of, and I want to buy five and give them to my friends, too.

    But no pressure, I'm just saying...

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  16. Congrats on the big decision and sending you positive vibes! I've been at that "OMG...what have I done-OMG, I'm so glad I finally did it" point with quitting and it is simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating, as you said :) But the start of something new opens doors and expands possibilities and when it feels right, it generally IS right. Hooray for you! :)

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  17. Congratulations, and best of luck! It's such a good feeling to quit (or even "quit") a shitty job.

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  18. Good luck, and the Dirty Jobs comment was seriously funny.

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  19. Congrats Holly!

    "I know this is where the regret and fear are supposed to kick in, or at least a little shame that I'm in a privileged enough position that I can quit a steady job just because I don't like it"

    Now my rant, sorry. I think there is no regret and fear because your old job burned you out. It bugs me that you might be feeling shame over honoring your priorities. Yes, the economy is tanked, so it's not an employee's market, but we are all human beings deserving of livable, productive jobs. When being assaulted with the bodily fluids of other's is a job hazard, then there should be appropriate compensation (more money, fewer hours, whatever).

    In other words, the shame shouldn't go to you, or the job itself, but the value that society places on that job. Our priorities when it comes to employment satisfaction are completely fucked up.

    Ok, I'm done now. I just don't want you thinking you aren't completely deserving of this change, even in jest, because you are awesome.

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  20. Congrats! I'm happy for you. :) You deserve to do a job you love. Although I admit this rather scares me a bit, as I'm starting nursing school in the fall. Hopefully it won't be like that? Yikes.

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  21. congrats and good luck and seconds or thirds or howevermanys on making a book out of this blog.

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