Last night at work was tiring. I didn't get a chance for a bathroom break until 6 hours into the shift and I never did get dinner. Lots of trying to make very polite bureaucratic phone calls with "AAAUUGGHH YOU FUCKERS *thump* FUCKERS *crash*" in the background.
So I got home. I got undressed and took a quick, hot, refreshing shower. I fixed myself a bit of dinner. Petted the guinea pigs. Did some stretching exercises. Caught up on some blogs. Got ready for bed. Masturbated.
One of these things is just like the others, one of these things just does belong. I took care of myself... and then I took care of myself.
I don't, generally, see masturbation as sex. For me it's not only psychologically different, but it's completely different physical sensations, and even seems to give me different orgasms. Although I sometimes do it because I get a craving, far more often I do it simply for comfort. Touching my pussy feels good and relaxing, and having an orgasm lets the tension out of my muscles and helps me get to sleep. It's not the same impulse as fucking or even making out with another person; it's the same impulse as putting on fuzzy pajamas.
So it's downright funny to me to remember when it was--and still is, I guess--an object of shame and derision, usually simultaneously. When I was in school and it'd have to be very late at night and just us girls before someone would ask, giggling, nervy, "do you masturbate?" Do I. But it's hard to say that when everyone else in the room has answered "hahaha, ewww!" Then again, it's not just kids. At the ER, we had a patient come in who happened to have a vibrator among her possessions. Everyone gossiped and gawked like it was the most unbelievable scandal ever. I said something fairly non-exhibitionist about "pfft, it's just a vibrator, no big deal" and then everyone gossiped and gawked about me and how I was "pretty wild" and had a "secret side." Do I.
I do have a secret side, but the fact that I like to get cozy at the end of a long day isn't it. Masturbation isn't dirty. It isn't naughty. It isn't even particularly sexy most of the time. It's self-care.
I'm with you. Masturbation is *ME* time.
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ReplyDelete"o I got home. I got undressed and took a quick, hot, refreshing shower. I fixed myself a bit of dinner. Petted the guinea pigs. Did some stretching exercises. Caught up on some blogs. Got ready for bed. Masturbated."
ReplyDeleteHa. I must be the choir you're preaching to, because I didn't see how "masturbation" didn't fit with the other stuff until the next paragraph! :P I think I was expecting a rant about the "for her" toolbox above.
Molly Ren - Choirs are a problem in this kind of blogging, and frankly, the reason I didn't get into talking the toolbox.
ReplyDeleteI mean, everyone knows that's stupid, right? ...right?
Depends (about the tools). How big are your hands? Are the tools physically smaller and easier for small hands to manipulate? Are they still as good in quality as those designed for larger (i.e., male) hands?
ReplyDeleteMy problem isn't with the whole "tools for girls" being different. No, my problem is that such tools are always...pink. I may be a "guurrrl," and a small one, but I HATE pink.
(And no, there's no big deal about masturbation. It's like anything else in self-care.)
Heroditus - I've never seen "tools for girls" that weren't of terrible quality and enormously inflated price.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately not everyone has gotten the memo on the "tool for girls". I have run into many females who wonder why they can't have "male tool x" except with hearts and ponies emblazoned on the side. Never mind the fact that such modifications would vastly increase the cost of the tool or even make said tool less effective.
ReplyDeleteKeith: I can't help thinking that a girl who craves girlie tools should emblazon the hearts and ponies her damn self! It's cheaper and more in the DIY spirit.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!!
ReplyDeleteSince I got a job I went from masturbating every day or two to masturbating twice a week or so. Because I'm not home and thus can't (though the bathroom's a one-holer, so if I was quiet and fast I could probably sit in there and rub one out without it being obvious, though with nowhere near the same frequency) and because I have work to occupy my time and attention.
ReplyDeleteHowever, as to it being non-sexual: my girlfriend thinks I've been more eager for sex now than before. So to a certain degree masturbation seems to burn off libido.
I see it as both "warm bath - fuzzy slippers" and as sex. With the right extras - images, scents, memories behind closed eyes - it can be just as good as "sex", in a constellation of different feelings and rewards like: penetration, hands-only, oral-only, so many other permutations. And after a relationship where sex almost always involved stressful negotiations, it's blissfully accepting.
ReplyDeleteI totally respect anyone else's feelings otherwise, but for me, masturbation is DEFINITELY a sex thing. Sure, the experience is different than actual sex, but I do it because I'm horny and I think and/or watch and/or read sexy things while doing it.
ReplyDeleteIf I want to relax, I put on those fuzzy pajamas (or any number of other things.) If I want orgasms and my boyfriend isn't around (or sometimes if he is and wants to watch,) I masturbate.
Masturbation is the only way I can orgasm, so I'd definitely consider it sex. For me at least. I've definitely had days where I was grumpy or frustrated or whatever and used masturbation as a stress relief, so I can understand your perspective as well.
ReplyDeleteSexual health is part of self-care, imo. Masturbation for me is definitely sexual, on top of the physical and mental relaxation component. I would say it's also sex sometimes, but not always.
ReplyDeleteI dunno, if that's the kind of tools that someone wants, what do I care. And maybe they are smaller and lighter. At least the lady is using tools, so good for her.
ReplyDeleteFor me, masturbation is definitely sex, since I have no partner now and none for the foreseeable future. It's also relaxing. And very time-efficient. And I can have so many imaginary partners!
For some people, apparently, a vibrator is the height of naughty. Eh, whatever. You gotta push your boundaries at your own pace.
I remember when a colleague told me how she first heard about ball gags. I think I said something fairly non-committal, but I remember thinking, how could she get to the age of 30-whatever without ever having even heard of ball-gags? How is that possible? It just emphasized how we live in very different worlds.
I know it's completely OT, but I find it cute that you have guinea pigs. That's actually what stood out for me, not that you took a shower or masturbated. I guess that says something about me - mention animals and I'm immediately distracted.
I'm wondering if any of your gawking and gossiping co-workers actually own vibrators, and were just going along with it so they wouldn't be suspected of having a "secret wild side" themselves.
ReplyDeleteI agree - methinks they were protesting too much.
ReplyDeleteI honestly was not aware there was any stigma against vibrators anymore. How many decades have "massagers" been available through mail order? Or was it a vibrator that ~looked~ like a sex toy? B/c *that's* just naughty!
ReplyDeleteTwo wildly divergent comments in one, whoo!
ReplyDelete-Depending on what I do with my brain, masturbation can be just self-care (I can't fall asleep, I have a headache and orgasms tend to help that, etc.) or the most amazing kind of sex. Nothing wrong with versatility! Sometimes I just want friction, rub-rub-rub, while my brain's going, "Maybe I should also take an aspirin after this? But then I should probably eat something too and there's nothing in the house. Cereal? Maybe I'll have a bowl of cereal? But we're out of milk. Blaaahh." and sometimes I really want to envision the exact look on some archetypal prettyboy's face as I fuck his ass. Changing my thoughts drastically changes the act.
-I'm not into tools--I have the hand-eye coordination of...something with no hands. Or no eyes. Or both. And things like using a hammer to hit a metal-nail instead of my thumbnail are light years beyond me--but I will work in computer engineering, a traditionally male-dominated field, when I get out of school (where I'm often the only girl in a class of 20 people). And y'know what? I know I am damn competant...and I still had a fit of squee when I saw a pink plaid laptop in an electronics store around Christmas time.
But...yup. I didn't buy it, because the specs were ridiculous. But WHY? Particularly @Keith. Why on earth would hearts and ponies on the outside make a computer or a screwdriver or a hammer less effective? Paint a laptop pink on the outside and suddenly the insides can't accomodate decent hardware?
I mean, from a cost standpoint, I can understand the reason for mass-producing something in a neutral black or white (non-colours) instead of any given colour, let alone plaid, so I'm not saying companies should really put out a huge line of pink laptops. But my parents' all-purpose screwdriver has a yellow handle. The one they used to have had a red handle. Why are red and yellow considered neutrals too while pink is considered niche?
Oh, and Holly, it's cool if you don't like pink! I don't think a pink ________ should necessarily have to be for girls. But pink tools/computers/whatever should be available for anyone who likes pink just as frequently as red tools/computers/whatever are.
I think electric "massagers" started being available commercially in the early 1900s. So yeah, I would think the stigma would have faded a bit more by now. But these sorts of attitudes tend to come and go in waves, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteAnon 9:37,
ReplyDeleteYep, vibrators were available for mass home consumption before the vacuum cleaner, and they weren't even "massagers." They were medically necessary for orgasms! For a while before that, they were a big labor-saving devices for doctors, who had been spending a considerable amount of their time treating women's hysteria manually. Apparently this wasn't awkward.
I do like to think about it whenever people claim that women wouldn't ever pay for sex. Apparently they will if it's prescription!
(I <3 Victorians)
I'm with you on this. Masturbation is more self-care than any form of sex. I feel like I even have 2 separate types of hornys-there's what I feel when masturbating and one I feel when attracted to someone/want sex. Masturbating can interrupt the second kind, but it won't solve it.
ReplyDelete@emma: I would so totally pay for sex, whether flesh or plastic/silicone/etc. It seems much simpler (if it were legal).
It's good to see this.. I really like your blog. : ) Esp. since right now masturbation is the only tool I have left to make these terrible cramps go away for even a second.. I am literally unable to sleep because of cramps. Gruargh.
ReplyDeleteWhen society stopped pretending that vibrators were purely medical instruments and admitted that they have, y'know, recreational uses, the moralists started getting up in arms about them. The sexual revolution really ruined things for the head-in-the-sand crowd.
ReplyDeleteThere is, of course, a third option, other than self-maintenance and sex - a little thing I've heard referred to as procrasturbation. Do I think of masturbation as sexual.. only when someone is watching, mostly. And yeah, sometimes it's just a form of self-maintenance. But sometimes it's something I do just because, eh, why not? Nothing better to do with my hands while I'm reading completely unrelated material.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you--getting off before bed is just nice, even when it's not terrifically sexual. It's when I pull out the vibrator, because that's fast and easy; if I'm actually horny, I rarely reach for that.
ReplyDeleteAs for the tools, ugh. But I do have one very cool hammer-that-is-also-a-screwdriver-set, and while it wasn't sold "for girls" it's emblazoned with roses (so same diff). 99% of "girl" tools blow, but that one is awesome and I love the roses. If I could get pink tools that were just as good as the non-pink ones, I would seriously consider it--but of course, that's not a viable market because women don't want tools that work, right? Le sigh.
Andy, sometimes the colour is significant. For example in screwdrivers they often indicate size. A yellow robertson is smaller than a green robertson which is smaller than a red robertson which is smaller than a black robertson. They all fit with square socketed screws and its not uncommon to hear people ask for a "red robbie" to indicate the shape and size of the screw driver. So the colour is significant. There's no reason for a pink robertson screw driver not to be made, but I'm sure alot of people wouldn't buy it as it doesn't meet the established standards. And as far as patterns go, certain tools would be hard to use with patterns, such as a tape measure. I see no reason why you couldn't have a pink mitre saw with ponies on it though.
ReplyDelete"...a pink mitre saw with ponies on it..."
ReplyDeleteThat sounds pretty bad-ass, actually. To me, anyway.
Yes! exactly...like brushing the teeth, braiding my hair before bed...then tumbling in and taking out that last bit of tension so i can fall blissfully asleep.
ReplyDeletenilla