Thursday, July 7, 2011
There's a lot of talk out there about how to meet the person of your dreams. Or how to pick up someone to screw. Or a whole lot of things in between--how to initiate the sexual/romantic relationship you desire, and how to "upgrade" that relationship to greater intimacy.
Not a lot about maintenance. There's discourse about how to fix a failing relationship or spice up a boring one, but when's the last time you read a book or an article or had a discussion about how to simply have an ongoing relationship? Whether you're one-night-stand partners or lifetime spouses, the primary task of a relationship--and it's a learned skill and a difficult one--is simply being in that relationship. Doin' some relating.
Meeting Rowdy was not, in itself, super rewarding. It was nice and all, but filled with apprehension and eagerness about what was to come--I didn't go "I MET A DUDE!", fist-pump, and accept my trophy. Meeting was nothing but the beginning. And the moment Rowdy and I first said "I love you" was wonderful, but it had nothing, absolutely nothing on the following months of going around actually being in love.
Yep, those months have been wonderful, but they've also been full of challenges and questions. How much time do we spend together, and what are we going to do with that time? Now that we've agreed we're going to have sex, what kind of sex do we have and how often? What does being in love mean to us and how do we express it? I've got this boyfriend now--what the hell do I do with him?
If we can't answer these questions, the fact that we merely started being in lust/love is... worthless.
"How to find sex/love" is only Step One. Steps Two through--through until you break up or someone dies--are "now that you've got sex/love, what the hell do you do with it?"