Saturday, May 24, 2008


Thought I'd get laid tonight. Ended the night by sadly taking a condom, still in its wrapper, out of my pocket and putting it back in the drawer. That drawer's starting to look mighty overstocked. It's been more than a month since I was laid in the proper, condom-requiring way.

(It's been like 18 hours since I had phone sex and less than a week since I got dry-humped close to orgasm while being beaten, but never mind those, my self-pity has a very Clintonian concept of what constitutes sex.)

I know that if I really had the super-healthy attitude toward sex that I sometimes pretend to, I'd have a good attitude about not having sex. I don't. Being underfucked fills me with feelings of entitlement, obsessive fantasies, and worst of all, loneliness.

I want to make this into something half-noble, like "it's the human touch that I really miss," but it's not. It's a sheer greedy frustrated animal craving. I'm so damn horny it's not awesome anymore.

Well. It's a little awesome.


  1. The longer the drought, the more spectacular its conclusion ought to be. Wet Spot? Craigslist? :)

  2. Wow. There really is an orders-of-magnitude difference between "sexual haves" and "sexual have-nots."

    The haves: It's been an entire month! This is torture!

    The have-nots: I'm frustrated, but it's only been a month, so I don't have cause to complain yet.

    I think it's based on what one sees as the "default state" - getting laid regularly or not - rather than actual frequency.

  3. JPF - I know, I know. I've been a two-year have-not myself. But it's partly that I'm used to getting laid, and partly that I'm... greedy. I mean, it's a month and I'm complaining, but really I start feeling all whiny at T plus about three days.

    What I really need is a fantastically horny and kinky boyfriend, but those are sort of difficult to find.

  4. I'm sorry if I seemed distracted; I was just sitting here trying to remember when the last time I had sex was.

    It wasn't this month, that's for sure, but I'm married, so maybe that doesn't count.

  5. Um, as has often been repeated to me, anyone can get laid, you're just not lowering your standards enough.

    I think you're conscious of how much "safe, sane, and hurtful" form the basis of your criteria, and you're eliminating the truly dangerous and the vanilla from consideration. As an able-bodied tubby het woman, you will find men generally amenable to your desires, in a way that able-bodied tubby hetero men do not find women amenable to their desires.

    So I'm tempted to say "check your privilege" but having tons of offers of the sex you don't want is not really a form of privilege, although men like me who really would take almost ANY offer from almost ANY woman like to regard it as such in snarky blog comments. Feminist blogs are cluttered with that sort of thing, particularly the Nice Guy(tm) threads.