Ive read a few entries on this blog over the past few weeks (bookmarked) & I have no idea what you look like and I don't really care. I don't categorize bloggers as potential mates so I don't need to evaluate your looks.
DG, Anon - Yeah, I didn't really mean in the blogoworld so much as in reality. So often my friends respond to "I'm not pretty" with "You're pretty!" when I feel like a better response is "Except in sexual matters, no one has the right to give a good goddamn if you're pretty or not."
It's simply against human nature. We prefer beautiful paintings to ugly ones, magnificent buildings to uninspired ones, healthy plants and animals to diseased ones - in all things, people are naturally drawn to beauty and repulsed by ugliness, even if we aren't planning on having sex with whatever it is.
Expecting anybody but proven friends to go against their human nature for you is a good way to make sure your feelings stay hurt for the rest of your life. It's not going to happen.
It's only popular to say this to people who already agree with you, but people have the right to judge anything they want by any criteria they want. No one could take that right away if they tried, and by the same token, nobody can shield people from the consequences. It's often a bad idea to judge people by their looks, because there are lots of times when their looks are irrelevant. But if you choose to do something that's a bad idea, especially something that takes place entirely inside your brain, who can stop you?
>>But it seems like it's a lot easier for a butt-ugly man with mental or physical talent to get respect than for a woman. >>
Probably true, but it's also a LOT easier for a good-looking man to get respect (and a lot of other breaks) than an ugly man. That's just the way it goes.
Unfortunately, that would be one of those Dangerous Utterances, like any answer to "does this dress make me look fat".
For me, attractiveness is an overall thing, not a strictly visual one. Admittedly, appearance makes a first impression, but I have gone from staring avidly at an attractive woman to ignoring her once she opened her mouth and I heard what came out.
Somehow, she became less attractive to look at.
On the other side, I find someone I like more pleasant to look at.
I had a crush on you through LJ before I knew what you looked like. So yeah, it didn't really matter that you're not pretty. And since I've met you in person, I can say, it doesn't hurt anything that you're really cute.
So there. And hey, why DO you care anyway? what you look like now, as far as I know, has never had an effect on your life. I don't recall any story of you being turned down for ANYTHING because of your looks.
"Kendrick - Sorta. But it seems like it's a lot easier for a butt-ugly man with mental or physical talent to get respect than for a woman."
I think you're right, and that's because men are judged more on power and strength than beauty. It would be difficult to prove, but I suspect that men who are scrawny or short get instinctively dismissed just as often as women who are ugly or overweight.
And it sucks for both men and women who don't measure up to the physical ideal. But there's absolutely nothing that can be done about it. This sort of programing is 100% biological and can never be overcome on a societal level. One person may learn to overcome their instincts and urges, but it takes discipline that will never be widely taught. We just have to learn to deal with the world as we find it.
Don't expect rationality, intelligence, honor, justice or decency from your fellow men. If you go through life expecting most people to be anything more than clever animals, you will be constantly disappointed. You set your expectations the other way, and meeting someone whose mind is in control of their body will be an unexpected joy.
>I don't categorize bloggers as potential >mates so I don't need to evaluate your looks.
Holly is too far away from me to be a potential mate, realistically. But she's bright and interesting and that makes her a fantasy potential mate, oh yes.
And no, I don't know what she looks like, except for random bits of pretty normal looking girlflesh she sprinkles into her blog.
Well, I can understand why you'd want to hear that. But y'know, think you're pretty beautiful. :)
ReplyDeleteBesides, if I just said what you wanted to hear, that wouldn't be good.
Correction: I think you're pretty beautiful.
ReplyDeleteTeach me a lesson about posting comments before 8 am and tea.
Is it more true that you wish you didn't care?
ReplyDeleteDrew - Aww. But your opinion is suspect, because, um... actually I'm not sure why. Because I don't know how to take a damn compliment, I guess.
ReplyDeleteBruno - I guess? But I care because I believe that other people care.
If it makes you feel any better, I've never seen you. I suppose that means I don't care if you're pretty.
ReplyDeleteIve read a few entries on this blog over the past few weeks (bookmarked) & I have no idea what you look like and I don't really care. I don't categorize bloggers as potential mates so I don't need to evaluate your looks.
ReplyDeleteDG, Anon - Yeah, I didn't really mean in the blogoworld so much as in reality. So often my friends respond to "I'm not pretty" with "You're pretty!" when I feel like a better response is "Except in sexual matters, no one has the right to give a good goddamn if you're pretty or not."
ReplyDeleteIt's simply against human nature. We prefer beautiful paintings to ugly ones, magnificent buildings to uninspired ones, healthy plants and animals to diseased ones - in all things, people are naturally drawn to beauty and repulsed by ugliness, even if we aren't planning on having sex with whatever it is.
ReplyDeleteExpecting anybody but proven friends to go against their human nature for you is a good way to make sure your feelings stay hurt for the rest of your life. It's not going to happen.
Oh, and you are too pretty.
Kendrick
Kendrick - Sorta. But it seems like it's a lot easier for a butt-ugly man with mental or physical talent to get respect than for a woman.
ReplyDeleteWell, thanks. I guess? Unfortunately I don't want to show my face on the sex blog, so the ultimate pretty-judgement has to be a mystery.
It's only popular to say this to people who already agree with you, but people have the right to judge anything they want by any criteria they want. No one could take that right away if they tried, and by the same token, nobody can shield people from the consequences. It's often a bad idea to judge people by their looks, because there are lots of times when their looks are irrelevant. But if you choose to do something that's a bad idea, especially something that takes place entirely inside your brain, who can stop you?
ReplyDelete>>But it seems like it's a lot easier for a butt-ugly man with mental or physical talent to get respect than for a woman.
>>
Probably true, but it's also a LOT easier for a good-looking man to get respect (and a lot of other breaks) than an ugly man. That's just the way it goes.
Unfortunately, that would be one of those Dangerous Utterances, like any answer to "does this dress make me look fat".
ReplyDeleteFor me, attractiveness is an overall thing, not a strictly visual one. Admittedly, appearance makes a first impression, but I have gone from staring avidly at an attractive woman to ignoring her once she opened her mouth and I heard what came out.
Somehow, she became less attractive to look at.
On the other side, I find someone I like more pleasant to look at.
It makes it all horribly confusing.
I had a crush on you through LJ before I knew what you looked like.
ReplyDeleteSo yeah, it didn't really matter that you're not pretty.
And since I've met you in person, I can say, it doesn't hurt anything that you're really cute.
So there.
And hey, why DO you care anyway? what you look like now, as far as I know, has never had an effect on your life. I don't recall any story of you being turned down for ANYTHING because of your looks.
"Kendrick - Sorta. But it seems like it's a lot easier for a butt-ugly man with mental or physical talent to get respect than for a woman."
ReplyDeleteI think you're right, and that's because men are judged more on power and strength than beauty. It would be difficult to prove, but I suspect that men who are scrawny or short get instinctively dismissed just as often as women who are ugly or overweight.
And it sucks for both men and women who don't measure up to the physical ideal. But there's absolutely nothing that can be done about it. This sort of programing is 100% biological and can never be overcome on a societal level. One person may learn to overcome their instincts and urges, but it takes discipline that will never be widely taught. We just have to learn to deal with the world as we find it.
Don't expect rationality, intelligence, honor, justice or decency from your fellow men. If you go through life expecting most people to be anything more than clever animals, you will be constantly disappointed. You set your expectations the other way, and meeting someone whose mind is in control of their body will be an unexpected joy.
Kendrick
>I don't categorize bloggers as potential
ReplyDelete>mates so I don't need to evaluate your looks.
Holly is too far away from me to be a potential mate, realistically. But she's bright and interesting and that makes her a fantasy potential mate, oh yes.
And no, I don't know what she looks like, except for random bits of pretty normal looking girlflesh she sprinkles into her blog.