Thursday, January 8, 2009

Roommate Sex Mystery.

My roommate's bedroom shares a wall with mine, and when she clunks stuff around I can hear it. She and her boyfriend will often spend large amounts of time in there with the door closed, frequently ending in him sleeping over. She's got a jumbo bottle of Astroglide sitting out in the open.

And yet... I never hear sex noises. Ever. Now, despite how this post probably sounds, I don't exactly stand there with my ear to the door. But gosh, sometimes I hear the neighbors in other buildings having sex; the soundproofing's not that awesome here. While I'd probably be disturbed if I had to constantly hear my roommate screaming like a champ, I think I'm more disturbed that I've never heard so much as a sigh.

I guess they just always have silent sex? Is that common? I'm physically incapable of operating at a level lower than "sexy Saturn V launch" and it disheartens me tremendously when my partner doesn't vocalize a little. But maybe if you're both silent that makes it okay?

It's things like this that make me understand why I'll never be a "sexpert."


  1. No, that's not normal.

    In my opinion, though, it's worse that I can distinguish between my neighbor's tickle fights (screeching, laughing, and knocking things over) and boring sex (rhythmic thumping against my living room wall with no supplementary noises).

  2. Married people with kids have perfected the art of silent sex. Maybe she picked it up somewhere.

  3. Don--right on. You learn that in the service, too.

    You'll understand someday when you're older

  4. I don't make much noise, and have been with only one woman who did. I may never have heard neighbors going at it (I've had only two UFOs -- uncertain fornication occurrences).

    Regardless, you need to know about this, whether or not it's a joke.

  5. My husband and I are both quiet. It's a habit we both picked up in high school and dorm rooms, and at this point I'd have to consciously think about it to make a lot of noise.

  6. Bruno - Yeah, I had seen that, and I think it's a joke... I think... urk.

    I swallow semen, and I eat food, so I don't know why the idea of combining them bothers me so much, but it does.

    I think it's the difference between wiping your nose and sticking your hand in a jar of mucus.

  7. Yeah, same. Too much early sex with parent in the next room = impulse to really QUIET sex. I can and do overcome it, but with a roommate? NINJA MODE.

  8. My roommate is the same. I think I have heard his bed knocking against the wall once, and only once when he was fucking his girlfriend.
    When my ex and I were together, I used to come out in the mornings and housemate would glare and his girlfriend would giggle. I am unashamedly loud.