I don't know if I'll go home today or not. I desperately want to. The first night here I needed the hospital, I needed my fever and fluids and pain controlled continuously. And I was so sick and medicated that I wasn't all that aware of things anyway.
The second night was a maybe. I was still having a bit of pain, and one spike of fever.
But now I'm awake. I'm walking. I'm hydrated. I haven't had narcotics in 14 hours and my pain is entirely manageable. And I still don't know if I'm going home.
All the hospital is doing for me at this moment is running a very slow IV drip when I'm taking plenty by mouth, and making me spend most of my time in a bed that wasn't comfortable two days ago. Obviously I don't want to go home and get sicker, but I hate it here. I can't bend my right arm because of the IV and I have to drag the stupid pole everywhere and I can't wear normal-person clothes and they make me save all my piss and they keep doing painful things to me without even warning me and I can't fix my hair.
At least I have wonderful friends and lovers. Jack and Sprite and Rowdy came up last night and it made all the difference in the world. I was pretty strung out but I got to feel like a human being--emotions and sense of humor and outside life and all--for a couple hours. People dance the Macarena, they fold origami dinosaurs, they draw silly cartoons, they make filthy jokes, they bend the rules and they poke fun at each other. Instead of just having to sit in the back of my head like I was at a "while-U-wait" repair shop for my body.
I'm not 100% better. But I'm okay. I want this IV out of my arm. I want to wear jeans. I want to walk around on the street even if it hurts. I want to pet my guinea pigs. I want to fucking masturbate, for Chrissakes, I can't even get that done properly in here.
Maybe it'll be today. They're saying maybe. I'm really really hoping. I just want my body back.
I have known your pain, my dear, and I sympathize. The only thing I can suggest is (a) masturbate in the bathroom, old school (what? nothing's better for pain control), and (b) use this experience to understand and help cranky patients at work.
ReplyDeleteSorry you're stuck in the hospital - I've never been stuck in the hospital they've always unloaded me the second I could possibly survive on my own (huzzah for military care) but then I've never had multiple sexual partners to visit me while I was there either - so I guess it all evens out in the end ;-P
ReplyDeleteHope you're better soon and I can't believe you don't have a small, easily-smuggled bullet vibrator - of course the narcotics, hospital culture, piss-saving and constant interruptions probably aren't conductive to even the most powerful of vibrations :(
I'm pretty sardonically scathing about hospitals when I have to put up with them; in your position, I would already have flipped out at the doctors. So I commend you for your patience, and it's good that you have lovers and friends around to remind you that life does in fact exist outside of the hospital. :)
ReplyDelete...The first night here I needed the hospital, I needed my fever and fluids and pain controlled continuously.
ReplyDeleteI could come by again and whack you you real hard, so you could need the hospital again. I'm helpful like that. :)
...I can't bend my right arm because of the IV and I have to drag the stupid pole everywhere and I can't wear normal-person clothes and they make me save all my piss and they keep doing painful things to me without even warning me and I can't fix my hair.
Wow. You've got a pretty intense 24/7 D/s scene/dynamic working there. Behavior restrictions! Corporal punishment! Humiliation play!
I'd make some earnest, verging-on-pious remark about how this experience might be good in the long run in that it could help you remember what it's like to be the scared/in-pain/unhappy person in the bed and how that might make you a better (read: 'more compassionate') medical professional... but you already were that. Alas, I doubt there's any Jerry Springer-style Final Thought worth taking out of this. It's just a suck-ass experience. If nothing else, it will be over soon -- possibly even by the time you read this.
...I was pretty strung out but I got to feel like a human being--emotions and sense of humor and outside life and all--for a couple hours.
Most importantly, did you get the brush?
...I want to fucking masturbate, for Chrissakes, I can't even get that done properly in here.
You know, I even brought vinyl gloves with me just in case you wanted to engage in some invalid play, but one look at you and I figured you needed the turkey unrolled more. :)
You could always sign out AMA
ReplyDeleteJack - Sprite and Rowdy showed up just a few minutes after you left (and the nurses did let them stay late) and they were wonderful. They didn't just bring me a hairbrush, they brought me flowers and origami dinosaurs and were just so amazingly cheerful and caring.
ReplyDeleteThere's gloves right in the room, silly. :p And much as I appreciate the thought, let's face it, neither my condition nor the level of privacy here is really conducive to that sort of thing.
June Clever - If you do that, your insurance doesn't pay. They may not be allowed to physically restrain me, but they can put me in debt that would damage my life more than I can cope with. I literally can't afford to go AMA.
I never trust 1) that the room will have gloves in stock and 2) that they won't be made of lobsters.
ReplyDeleteOh Holly, I'm glad you're on the mend.
ReplyDeleteI got word yesterday that a friend about my age got hammered when a diseased tree he was pruning just fell the fuck on top of him. (He's a professional gardener and arborist.) In addition to whatever other damage that may have done it triggered a pretty severe stroke. He can't talk, he can't move his right arm, and he's been in the ICU at Harborview with no improvement for more than 24 hours now. When I read you'd been down with a fever first, then you were going to the hospital, then you had jaundice, etc., I was pretty worried. Glad to have arrived late 'cause two minutes later I get to hear you're feeling well enough to be grumpy. That sucks but it beats the alternative!
Have you heard "you'll get out of the hospital, dear, just be patient" too many times yet?
Get well soon,
figleaf
but I hate it here. I can't bend my right arm because of the IV and I have to drag the stupid pole everywhere and I can't wear normal-person clothes and they make me save all my piss and they keep doing painful things to me without even warning me and I can't fix my hair.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I hope to never have another baby in the hospital.
Glad you're home. Stay well.
"June Clever - If you do that, your insurance doesn't pay. They may not be allowed to physically restrain me, but they can put me in debt that would damage my life more than I can cope with. I literally can't afford to go AMA."
ReplyDeleteWow, that's just rediculous. I'm glad you're home now and are finally able to get some rest and actually start getting better.