Last night after the Superbowl I went over to Surgery's place after all. And we fucked like bunnies in bunny season.
He hurt me! A little bit. I'm very pleased. He's no Master Top Daddy but he knows how to make a girl make squeaky noises and squirm, and he's not squeamish about it.
Lately I seem to be falling into this weird in-betweeny crevice in masochism. I want more pain than is vanilla, but find that when I play with Officially Kinky guys, they sometimes dish out more than I can handle. Some of them seem to feel that "I want to be hurt" automatically means "I want to be hurt as much as possible without physically damaging me," and... no! OW!
(Digression from my digression: I've heard several kinky people say that they like bigger girls because you can hit them harder. This doesn't make sense to me, because my skin is on the outside.)
It seems to be worse recently, maybe because I'm out of practice or I've been playing with the wrong people or something, but my body seems to be drawing an increasingly fine line between "oh, more, hurts so good" and "aaaugh, too much, gonna freak out now." I'm embarrassed to be so finicky, but tolerating un-fun pain is a difficult thing to do for the sake of politeness, yet I'm not quite ready to write myself off as vanilla and drop out of the pervert world altogether.
And in recent months I seem to have tremendous difficulty finding understanding partners. In a community that theoretically prides itself on "your kink is okay!", the kink of "I want to be tied up, humiliated, and lightly beaten" is staggeringly difficult to communicate sometimes. I know "light" is a squirrelly term, but I wish there were more dominants out there with settings somewhere in between "lightly tap, look incredibly bored, whine 'I thought you said you were a sub'" and "puree."