Monday, February 2, 2009

More Surgery.

Last night after the Superbowl I went over to Surgery's place after all. And we fucked like bunnies in bunny season.

He hurt me! A little bit. I'm very pleased. He's no Master Top Daddy but he knows how to make a girl make squeaky noises and squirm, and he's not squeamish about it.

Lately I seem to be falling into this weird in-betweeny crevice in masochism. I want more pain than is vanilla, but find that when I play with Officially Kinky guys, they sometimes dish out more than I can handle. Some of them seem to feel that "I want to be hurt" automatically means "I want to be hurt as much as possible without physically damaging me," and... no! OW!

(Digression from my digression: I've heard several kinky people say that they like bigger girls because you can hit them harder. This doesn't make sense to me, because my skin is on the outside.)

It seems to be worse recently, maybe because I'm out of practice or I've been playing with the wrong people or something, but my body seems to be drawing an increasingly fine line between "oh, more, hurts so good" and "aaaugh, too much, gonna freak out now." I'm embarrassed to be so finicky, but tolerating un-fun pain is a difficult thing to do for the sake of politeness, yet I'm not quite ready to write myself off as vanilla and drop out of the pervert world altogether.

And in recent months I seem to have tremendous difficulty finding understanding partners. In a community that theoretically prides itself on "your kink is okay!", the kink of "I want to be tied up, humiliated, and lightly beaten" is staggeringly difficult to communicate sometimes. I know "light" is a squirrelly term, but I wish there were more dominants out there with settings somewhere in between "lightly tap, look incredibly bored, whine 'I thought you said you were a sub'" and "puree."


  1. Glad to hear it. Did your bruises matter to him?

  2. Bruno - He didn't notice them, or at least didn't say anything.

  3. to digress even further...

    One of "my" cops pulled someone over the other day and called in for backup saying the suspect "was acting squirrelly", which I always thought was a perfectly adequate descriptive phrase.

    OMG the shit he got. "Call me in when he starts acting wolverine." "When will he coyote?" "Dispatch is sending you a horsey unit."

    Really I still think squirrely is a great descriptor, and that the guys were just looking for a reason to haze the newbie.

  4. I agree, Doms need better settings....

  5. Crayonbeam - Cops in my area say "squirrelly" all the time, I think they musta just been giving him shit.

  6. I totally feel for you on the dom's not having levels thing. Even I have a hard time communicating levels to my partner and we've been together for two years. I still sometimes get the tap, tap, patronising line, tap, tap. Why isn't there a setting between 'tap, tap', and 'ow! omfg, I think I'm going to die'? All too often I feel like there just isn't another setting. :-/ So you aren't alone.

    Personally, I've found all too often that the 'kink' community can be very... exclusive and narrow-minded... Too many 'one true way'types I think.

  7. I think the line is actually "Your kink is long as it's the same as my kink".

    When I was younger and more...outgoing I tended to like rougher play. Now that I'm a little older and have to be more selective about partners AND have fewer opportunities to play, I find I much prefer someone who can mentally dominate me. Anyone can beat me until I agree to whatever perverted act he has in mind. But, it takes someone really "gifted" to make me not only want to participate in every perverted act he can come up with but make me believe it was my idea in the first place.

    Why waste my time with the playground bully when I can be a bit selective and get the real Alpha male.

  8. Holly, I think that's actually the name of the game. (the game being sleeping around/sleeping around with the object of locating a long term partner/significant other/life partner). Find someone who NOT ONLY gives you warm fuzzies and a wet pussy/hard dick, but who you can also have an intelligent conversation with, be quiet with, AND has a compatible kink factor.

    Have fun!

  9. You need to find better doms. Perhaps one who is grown-up might help?

  10. Anon - Well, they're adults, at any rate...