By popular request (one person is "popular" around here), I will point out the thuddingly obvious: this Good Housekeeping article on "18 Clues He's Still Crazy About You" is retarded. It's jokey of course, but the jokes are only funny if you accept their basic premises as true. So hopefully they're not very funny.
1. When you wear a T-shirt, boxers, and socks to bed, somehow he still thinks you're cute.
"Somehow?" "Still?" Jeez. So in general, a set of really sexy lingerie just on the hanger would be sexier than an actual slightly disheveled woman?
4. He automatically smooshes all spiders for you.
It's funny, I think of things like this as "outdated"--of course modern women can smoosh a damn spider--but they're more accurately "never-dated." My mother killed rats with a shovel and so did my grandma. Women (at least in the lower 99% of society) have never had the luxury of squeamishness. We're half of goddamn everyone; if we didn't pull our weight in scary and icky situations humanity would be up to its neck in spiders.
6. After you rear-ended that Lexus in the parking lot, his very first words were "Are you OK?"
Boy, woman drivers, am I right fellas?
10. He understands which old boyfriends are fair game and which aren't.
I read this for a slightly different interpretation of "fair game" and it made much more sense to me.
11. He doesn't "whoop!" while watching the Super Bowl anymore. OK, he does, but he's definitely cut back the whooping by about 20 percent.
Oh good, because like most women, I fucking hate seeing men enjoying themselves.
18. He may forget to give you a card for Valentine's Day, but at least he understands this is a criminal offense. And he's prepared to pay the price.
Good Lord, we're both so lame.
I guess this is just a cute little puff article that was written in about five minutes and has no particular reason to exist, but it showcases such pernicious attitudes. And I hate to play the Humorless Feminist, but eh, shit wasn't funny to begin with.
Anyway, um, I did this all on request, so if you this entry was boring, blame Lance. Shame on you, Lance! You sent me some lame jokes and I failed to make them better! And it's all your fault! Dammit, Lance!