Thursday, April 9, 2009

Parental Control.

Man, there's nothing like Dad coming to visit your usually-private little den to make you realize just how many things you own need to be put in opaque drawers right quick. How many books and DVDs need their spines turned to the wall. My roommate and I both have our lube bottles right on the nightstands where they're handy, but now we have to put up a pretense that we don't have anything to lubricate. It's like being fourteen again for a day. I'm even going to clear my browser cache after this entry.

Not that he really cares. It's not like Dad ever ordered me not to have sex or porn, and I'm sure as my parent (as anyone's parent) he's already developed excellent skills in selective blindness. It's just a matter of courtesy and taste, two things that I have to work very hard to fake.

It's not "a condom? you WHORE!" that I'm worried about, it's just "uh, I see you left something out... never mind, well, tell me about your work now..." Which, in a way, is worse.


  1. It's the mutual lie. Don't be public about it, and he won't say anything about it.

    works for me... :)

  2. Again, welcome to adulthood. I agree, no-one really wants to think of their parents or children as sexual, but that's what people are. Yes, put stuff away and pretend it doesn't exist, and life goes on.

  3. My poor parents. I make very little effort to hide my sex accessories, although I do have an opaque container. I'm not flaunting my dildos, but I just forget to put them away sometimes. They also get to hear about my honors thesis on porn and my stripping job. Bless them endlessly for their patience and understanding.

  4. Hi, I lurk here.
    I am choosing to comment now because,

    yeah I can relate to that...
    Twice a year I need assistance installing my air conditioner. It is big & heavy.
    My bookcase is right below the window.
    On said bookcase, is a collection of various erotica, sex guides, 2 guides to sex toys with bright vibrant photos, and feminist writing. Most of the time I have no shame about it & don't even think about them or that they're in plain sight.

    There was one instance where one of my girlfriends came over and later told me, she thought to herself, "Hm, K has a book about candida yeast... in addition to books about vaginas... um, ok whatever." Oops. I'm so used to that all being normal to me, I didn't even think it might be disconcerting to others.

    Well I wound up having to move these sex books over onto a different, more hidden bookshelf after the last time my folks helped me install the air conditioner.
    They wound up moving all the books off the shelf first, so they could move the shelf out of the way of the window.

    And saw everything.

    They didn't say anything to me, but I kinda got the StinkEye for awhile after...
    So yeah... that's that, "Tell me about your work day" which is still pretty off-putting.

    There was also that one time where my mom accidentally opened a package for me from Good Vibes... she didn't say anything and I didn't say anything. I don't want to think about how much she saw.
    It wasn't THAT bad.

  5. Oh man, you guys are lucky. Not only did my dad open my 'discrete' package, he then wanted to discuss it, and he makes jokes about it all the time. It is the subject that WILL NOT DIE.

  6. Heather, that's the boat *I* am in.

    my dad will sometimes call my boyfriend if he's heard about some new sex technique, to tell my guy what it is, how to do it, and where to find more info.

    its kinda disturbing to other people, how open my family is about sex and liking sex.