Today is Buy A Sex Toy Day!
I've done bad sex toy mockeries a couple times, so here are some sex toys that sound awesome and that I would love to have.
These are the restraints that are used in actual psychiatric hospitals these days, and as such have tremendous cachet. They're also very inescapable, very comfortable, and I think nylon webbing is a cool material and tragically underused in the kink world.
I want this pretty bad. It's the only insertable I've seen that seems perfectly designed for the way I really masturbate--I don't thrust, I grind, I want things to stay inside me and just wiggle around in there while I rub my clit, and the Rock Chick seems like it would work very very well with my methods.
Rechargeable Impulse Jack Rabbit
I've never tried a rabbit vibrator, and this seems like a regrettable oversight. The idea of the rotary bits churning around inside me seems... promising. (Although I do worry how strong the motor is, because I can clamp down hard--if I can easily stop it with my hand, I don't think it would have a chance against my vagina.) And this one has cool metal-and-orange styling and it has the rechargeable base, which are awesome.
My current strap-on harness is a piece of crap. I don't use it that much, but still, it's embarrassing--it's cheesy "leatherette," doesn't fit well, and doesn't hold a dildo really rocksteady. This harness has none of those problems. It's elegantly sexy, comes in a color other than black (I really love non-black leather and wish black wasn't quite such a universal default for everything kinky), and it looks built for action.
Tsunami Helix Glass Dildo
Another "I never" for me: glass dildos. They're so pretty! And so... unforgiving. I mentioned having a strong vagina? I couldn't be stronger than a hard toy--it would just have its way with me.
Njoy Fun Wand
It's metal. It's big. It's got different shapes on both ends that could do a lot of things. Like a lot. I want it.
Okay, embarrassing name, but look at that handle.
nJoy Pure Plug
Man, I started lusting for cold hard toys and now I can't stop thinking about them. But the appealing thing about this plug is that it looks like it would stay in. I have Pelvic Muscles of Doom and tend to shove out mere mortal dildos and plugs when I come, but I'm pretty sure this puppy isn't going anywhere.
These are so cheap and feel so cool, why don't I own one already? They're capable of such an amazing range of sensations, from a breath-catching little tease to full-on pain like being cut.
Electrosex Silicone Vibrator All-in-One Unit
I'm very curious what non-shocky e-stim is like, and I've heard amazing things, but I've never had the chance to try it with insertables. There's a baffling array of options if you really want to get into different power boxes and accessories, but since I'm neither a millionaire nor an electrical engineer, the all-in-one unit seems very appealing.
Tex Silicone Dildo
Sometimes, man, sometimes I just want a cock.