Fucking like an actuary.

To the Federal Aviation Administration, a human life is worth about $2.7 million. Oh my God, that's horrible, right? Well, you can dispute the amount, but the way the system works, there has to be an amount. In philosophical terms a human life may be worth infinity dollars, but when you're building an aircraft, you can't spend infinity dollars on safety features. Every design will let some people die, and you have to assign a specific number value to decide exactly where you draw the line between "this airplane is unsafe" and "no one can afford this airplane." If adding five-point harnesses to airline seats would save 10 lives and cost $30 million, then those 10 people are knowingly--and, although I wouldn't like to say this to the families, reasonably--sacrificed. They die not from cheapness but from compromise, from the understanding that if we want commercial air travel then we accept some deaths.

And this is why sometimes I have sex with strangers.

I'll admit right now, mea culpa, I haven't done the math. If I were really working this FAA-style I'd assign the benefit of gettin' some strange a dollar value, then multiply the odds of every possible adverse event by their assigned dollar values (1% chance of getting the herp x $500 worth of sadness caused by the herp = $5 Expected Herp Cost), and subtract costs from benefit to determine whether the sex breaks even. I haven't literally done this.

But I'm aware that there is math going on. The one thing I will not do is insist on a 0% risk. That's not sensible, reasonable, or possible. I won't even insist on the absolute minimum risk. Telling me "condoms have a failure rate" doesn't scare me--I know it; I'm neither ignorant nor in denial. I've simply estimated that it's still worth it.

So it's from the same philosophy, not a contradiction, that I won't fuck strangers without a condom. The Expected Herp Cost goes up too high, all the passengers on the plane die, and it's not worth my $2.7 million anymore. Taking calculated risks doesn't mean I'll take any risk.

A corollary of this approach is that not only should you avoid saying "I'll only have sex if it's infinitely safe," but you also need to not say "if I got the herp, that would be infinitely bad." You can't designate it as a moral failing or a sign that you're a disgusting or stupid person--you just happened to win the Virus Lottery, that's all. You're going to suffer some negative consequences, but you aren't going to be ruined. (I've noticed that some sex-positive circles are actually terribly judgey when it comes to the subjects of STDs and unwanted pregnancies, as if someone with these is not only shamefully irresponsible, but somehow an affront to sex-positivity itself. Sex couldn't possibly be positive and also sometimes harmful!) The fact that I don't have the herp means that I'm lucky, not that I've been doing everything right. And--whether you're a virgin or a streetwalker--you too. The amount of luck you needed might be different, but it was some. Nobody can say "I didn't need luck because I was smart."

And will I be steering this post in a circle if I point out that that's no excuse not to be smart?

My vagina is an airplane, and every time I take it up, I know that I might fall. I have a seatbelt, but I do not have wings. But I fly my vagina-plane anyway. Because it's worth it to see the world fall away beneath me, to break through the clouds, to tilt away toward the sun and soar.