I was going through my site analytics the other day, looking at my traffic and the search terms that bring people to the blog--both to give me an idea of what content works for readers, and to amuse myself with the fact that I get searches for "i am a 30 year old female and whatever deorderant i use its not helping what can i use"and"woman anus poo blog."
One search term stood out to me; someone had searched on it thirty-one different times.
"rowdy loves holly pervocracy."
All of the searches were from one person, in rapid succession, using different search engines. One person who lived in the same town as me. And one person who had done this on purpose, knowing I check my search terms, to send me a message. A message written in Google and Yahoo, Bing and Ask.
Rowdy had sent me a love note through the Internet.
Showing posts with label search terms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label search terms. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Search Term... Sightseeing Journey! Part III.
cissplaining
Although I have never heard this term before, I instantly understand the meaning, and the meaning has something to do with "well, yes, I know it's your entire identity, but what about bathroom stalls? And pronouns? Dear God won't someone think about the bathrooms and pronouns?"
roissy asshole
Six different people searched on this phrase this month, and I love them all.
"paradox fetish"
So I want to go back in time and fuck myself, but I don't remember fucking myself, but if I go back in time my memory of that will change, but if my memory changes I won't be fucking myself for the first time, but it will be the first time for me... OHHHHH GOD I just came.
invisible nipple
how to fuck a girl in first date
This seems to have surpassed "can I get pregnant by doing X?" as my most frequently asked terrible question. And my answer is that probably you can't, but the two most important steps to improve your odds are:
1) Politely ask. Women may assume that you're not interested in fucking on the first date, and for that reason aren't going to make advances. Even I'm pretty reluctant to initiate sex on a first date unless I'm receiving some very clear signals.
2) It's not a "first date" if there's no chance of a second date. Guys who pressure girls for sex, then write them off as slutty or "already beat that game, now it's not interesting" afterwards, have burned a lot of otherwise-eager girls.
And using a date to fuck a woman you aren't interested in at all, without telling her that it's only casual sex--that's not a date, that's a scam.
"are there heterosexual women"
Yes.
"feminist histrionics"
You know, I don't think I've ever seen such a beast. Even radfems, who are about the loopiest people using the label "feminist" that I know, aren't really histrionic. They're wrong, often offensively wrong, but I wouldn't say that they're over-emotional or flailing around loudly or whatever. I've really never heard a feminist in a political discussion--even a crazy one--shriek.
(Side note: I hate, hate, hate the descriptor "shrill" when dismissing women. Yes, women's voices do tend to be high-pitched. Thanks for noticing.)
"multiple parasitic beasts"
With every search term, I get a little note of how long the person stayed and how many pages they viewed. Often, especially with off-topic terms like this, they only stay a few seconds before realizing I wasn't what they wanted and backing out. But this person stayed. Whatever page they found on my blog that matched this query, they liked it.
% of alpha males % beta males in general population
Someone hands you a survey. "Are you an alpha male or a beta male?" You know what the fuck they're talking about, know the answer unambigously, and write it down honestly. Thousands of other people, in a fair sampling of the male population, do the same. A pig soars high above, wings shimmering in the afternoon sunlight.
beta male fucking cunt bitches
"And I just don't know why women don't love me!"
can you look like an ordinary guy and have a girlfriend
Oh no, never. That's why humans ordinarily live in harems with large outlying packs of bachelor males, as you can easily see in the media or among your friends or any time you fucking go outdoors and see what human society looks like.
cfnm site aimed at straight men
That would be all of them.
first they're nice then they're bitchy pua
The usual order of things is "first they're nice, pua, then they're bitchy."
how to tell if you were a prodigy and just didn't express it
It's like how you tell if you're a natural blonde and just happen to grow brown hair.
if you dont fuck me i'll leave you free porn
Win/win?
the venusian arts how to pick up a barista
Oh god, people, please leave your baristas alone. They have to smile at you, okay? Their bosses tell them to. That is the smile of "I'll lose my income and health insurance if I don't smile." It does not mean you "really have something special there."
why do beta males get no love?
I have a huge, huge number of queries about "beta males," and they all annoy and depress me tremendously.
YOU ARE NOT A WOLF. THERE IS NO SUCH FUCKING THING AS AN ALPHA OR BETA HUMAN. TAKE SOME GODDAMN RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF.
Although I have never heard this term before, I instantly understand the meaning, and the meaning has something to do with "well, yes, I know it's your entire identity, but what about bathroom stalls? And pronouns? Dear God won't someone think about the bathrooms and pronouns?"
roissy asshole
Six different people searched on this phrase this month, and I love them all.
"paradox fetish"
So I want to go back in time and fuck myself, but I don't remember fucking myself, but if I go back in time my memory of that will change, but if my memory changes I won't be fucking myself for the first time, but it will be the first time for me... OHHHHH GOD I just came.
invisible nipple
how to fuck a girl in first date
This seems to have surpassed "can I get pregnant by doing X?" as my most frequently asked terrible question. And my answer is that probably you can't, but the two most important steps to improve your odds are:
1) Politely ask. Women may assume that you're not interested in fucking on the first date, and for that reason aren't going to make advances. Even I'm pretty reluctant to initiate sex on a first date unless I'm receiving some very clear signals.
2) It's not a "first date" if there's no chance of a second date. Guys who pressure girls for sex, then write them off as slutty or "already beat that game, now it's not interesting" afterwards, have burned a lot of otherwise-eager girls.
And using a date to fuck a woman you aren't interested in at all, without telling her that it's only casual sex--that's not a date, that's a scam.
"are there heterosexual women"
Yes.
"feminist histrionics"
You know, I don't think I've ever seen such a beast. Even radfems, who are about the loopiest people using the label "feminist" that I know, aren't really histrionic. They're wrong, often offensively wrong, but I wouldn't say that they're over-emotional or flailing around loudly or whatever. I've really never heard a feminist in a political discussion--even a crazy one--shriek.
(Side note: I hate, hate, hate the descriptor "shrill" when dismissing women. Yes, women's voices do tend to be high-pitched. Thanks for noticing.)
"multiple parasitic beasts"
With every search term, I get a little note of how long the person stayed and how many pages they viewed. Often, especially with off-topic terms like this, they only stay a few seconds before realizing I wasn't what they wanted and backing out. But this person stayed. Whatever page they found on my blog that matched this query, they liked it.
% of alpha males % beta males in general population
Someone hands you a survey. "Are you an alpha male or a beta male?" You know what the fuck they're talking about, know the answer unambigously, and write it down honestly. Thousands of other people, in a fair sampling of the male population, do the same. A pig soars high above, wings shimmering in the afternoon sunlight.
beta male fucking cunt bitches
"And I just don't know why women don't love me!"
can you look like an ordinary guy and have a girlfriend
Oh no, never. That's why humans ordinarily live in harems with large outlying packs of bachelor males, as you can easily see in the media or among your friends or any time you fucking go outdoors and see what human society looks like.
cfnm site aimed at straight men
That would be all of them.
first they're nice then they're bitchy pua
The usual order of things is "first they're nice, pua, then they're bitchy."
how to tell if you were a prodigy and just didn't express it
It's like how you tell if you're a natural blonde and just happen to grow brown hair.
if you dont fuck me i'll leave you free porn
Win/win?
the venusian arts how to pick up a barista
Oh god, people, please leave your baristas alone. They have to smile at you, okay? Their bosses tell them to. That is the smile of "I'll lose my income and health insurance if I don't smile." It does not mean you "really have something special there."
why do beta males get no love?
I have a huge, huge number of queries about "beta males," and they all annoy and depress me tremendously.
YOU ARE NOT A WOLF. THERE IS NO SUCH FUCKING THING AS AN ALPHA OR BETA HUMAN. TAKE SOME GODDAMN RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Search Term... Sightseeing Journey! Part II.
pdrvocracy
pervocrasy
peervocracy
perrvocracy
pervocracry
perovocrasy
I always told myself that I'd know I'd made it when this happened. Being known is great, but being known so well that you get misspelled... that's the big time, baby.
twisty faster is really a guy
My first instinct is to reply with "well, that explains a lot, ho ho," but really, I'm rather sick of people insulting women by calling them men. It's anti-feminist, anti-man, anti-trans, anti-butch... it's just anti too many things. Quit it.
cfnm what do women think
We think it's fundamentally a male fetish, and it's based more on thinking that you're arousing women than on actually arousing them. It's a form of femdom, and nothing wrong with that, but it's a form of femdom that seems to be entirely invented and propagated by the male submissives--I never hear actual female dominants enthuse about it.
"how do you learn to fuck"
On-the-job training.
"i want to have a baby" craigslist
Oh god no. Don't do this. Please. I'm begging you.
"it tastes like boy"
...try pork chops?
24 hour forced vibrator torture
See, you really don't want this. You want, like, 1 hour forced vibrator torture, and after that it'll really start getting old and you'll want to go to the bathroom and have a drink of water and take a nap.
bbw ideal waist to hip ratio
Well, you can't have both, unless she's eight feet tall.
beta male used by women
Dude, if I say "drive me to work and I'll be your girlfriend," I'm using you. If I just say "dude, I'm in a really tight spot, could you please give me a ride to work?", everything you project onto that is your own problem.
can you pick up a hairy guini pig by the hair?
NO! JESUS, NO! That poor thing! If you want to pick up any kind of guinea pig, put one hand under its butt and one hand under its front legs! Please!
"can you get pregnant if he cums in your mouth and you put it in your vagina"
Probably not, fortunately. But you're making me seriously rethink my opinion on condoms for blowjobs.
cfnm forced to jack off
Oh sure, and next I'll throw you in the briar patch.
doctors comments on making a child smell poop
What? No! Is this like some kind of bizarre potty training method? You rub his nose in it? I'm no doctor, but you're not even supposed to do that with dogs.
how to fuck a bitch on first date
It'll help tremendously if she feels safe with you, like she really knows you respect her as a person, you fucking asshole.
polyamorous "can't get laid"
Try starting with just one person, and working up from there.
sexy earring put on vagina
If I had a camera right now I'd humor this person. They're just that awesome.
ugly desperate women in montana who want to get laid
Totally exhausted the "attractive confident women in Montana" options, huh?
what do women fantasize about
The same exact things, all 3 billion of us.
why are people uncomfortable with rape
...
There are some questions where if you don't know the answer already, you might not be able to learn it.
why do men like to feel titties
This too, really.
eurosabra holly laid
Not bloody likely, buddy.
pervocrasy
peervocracy
perrvocracy
pervocracry
perovocrasy
I always told myself that I'd know I'd made it when this happened. Being known is great, but being known so well that you get misspelled... that's the big time, baby.
twisty faster is really a guy
My first instinct is to reply with "well, that explains a lot, ho ho," but really, I'm rather sick of people insulting women by calling them men. It's anti-feminist, anti-man, anti-trans, anti-butch... it's just anti too many things. Quit it.
cfnm what do women think
We think it's fundamentally a male fetish, and it's based more on thinking that you're arousing women than on actually arousing them. It's a form of femdom, and nothing wrong with that, but it's a form of femdom that seems to be entirely invented and propagated by the male submissives--I never hear actual female dominants enthuse about it.
"how do you learn to fuck"
On-the-job training.
"i want to have a baby" craigslist
Oh god no. Don't do this. Please. I'm begging you.
"it tastes like boy"
...try pork chops?
24 hour forced vibrator torture
See, you really don't want this. You want, like, 1 hour forced vibrator torture, and after that it'll really start getting old and you'll want to go to the bathroom and have a drink of water and take a nap.
bbw ideal waist to hip ratio
Well, you can't have both, unless she's eight feet tall.
beta male used by women
Dude, if I say "drive me to work and I'll be your girlfriend," I'm using you. If I just say "dude, I'm in a really tight spot, could you please give me a ride to work?", everything you project onto that is your own problem.
can you pick up a hairy guini pig by the hair?
NO! JESUS, NO! That poor thing! If you want to pick up any kind of guinea pig, put one hand under its butt and one hand under its front legs! Please!
"can you get pregnant if he cums in your mouth and you put it in your vagina"
Probably not, fortunately. But you're making me seriously rethink my opinion on condoms for blowjobs.
cfnm forced to jack off
Oh sure, and next I'll throw you in the briar patch.
doctors comments on making a child smell poop
What? No! Is this like some kind of bizarre potty training method? You rub his nose in it? I'm no doctor, but you're not even supposed to do that with dogs.
how to fuck a bitch on first date
It'll help tremendously if she feels safe with you, like she really knows you respect her as a person, you fucking asshole.
polyamorous "can't get laid"
Try starting with just one person, and working up from there.
sexy earring put on vagina
If I had a camera right now I'd humor this person. They're just that awesome.
ugly desperate women in montana who want to get laid
Totally exhausted the "attractive confident women in Montana" options, huh?
what do women fantasize about
The same exact things, all 3 billion of us.
why are people uncomfortable with rape
...
There are some questions where if you don't know the answer already, you might not be able to learn it.
why do men like to feel titties
This too, really.
eurosabra holly laid
Not bloody likely, buddy.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Search Term Saf... Sightseeing Journey!
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Monday, January 26, 2009
Why you will not get pregnant from swallowing cum: A brief Primer.
I originally wrote a post that was kind of snarky and condescending here. I regret that, because it's gotten a lot of Google traffic, and I really shouldn't be a jerk to people who are trying to learn.
So the short version is:
Pregnancy can only happen when sperm contacts the egg in the fallopian tubes or the uterus. The only part of the body that connects these organs to the outside world is the vagina. There is no pathway from the mouth or stomach to the fallopian tubes; any sperm there will just get destroyed by stomach acid. So there is absolutely zero chance that sperm that didn't touch you in or around your vagina could get you pregnant.
(There is a very, very slight chance of sperm from anal sex getting in your vagina. But you really should be using condoms for anal sex anyway because buttsex has the highest risk for transmitting diseases, and even if neither of you has a disease, your partner can get an infection from getting your butt-germs in and on his penis.)
There is a possibility of getting STDs by giving blowjobs and swallowing cum, and using a condom for blowjobs will protect you from this. (Get unlubricated, if you get the chance. The lube tastes a little funky. Still less funky than cum, though.)
It's also okay to say "no" to giving a blowjob, even though it can't get you pregnant, if you simply don't want to give one. Any guy who gives you a hard time over not giving him a blowjob or demands you give him a reason is so extremely not worth your affections.
For a lot more accurate and detailed information on cum, pregnancy, sex, STDs, and related issues, go here; it's an excellent site for basic (and beyond-basic) sex ed.
So the short version is:
Pregnancy can only happen when sperm contacts the egg in the fallopian tubes or the uterus. The only part of the body that connects these organs to the outside world is the vagina. There is no pathway from the mouth or stomach to the fallopian tubes; any sperm there will just get destroyed by stomach acid. So there is absolutely zero chance that sperm that didn't touch you in or around your vagina could get you pregnant.
(There is a very, very slight chance of sperm from anal sex getting in your vagina. But you really should be using condoms for anal sex anyway because buttsex has the highest risk for transmitting diseases, and even if neither of you has a disease, your partner can get an infection from getting your butt-germs in and on his penis.)
There is a possibility of getting STDs by giving blowjobs and swallowing cum, and using a condom for blowjobs will protect you from this. (Get unlubricated, if you get the chance. The lube tastes a little funky. Still less funky than cum, though.)
It's also okay to say "no" to giving a blowjob, even though it can't get you pregnant, if you simply don't want to give one. Any guy who gives you a hard time over not giving him a blowjob or demands you give him a reason is so extremely not worth your affections.
For a lot more accurate and detailed information on cum, pregnancy, sex, STDs, and related issues, go here; it's an excellent site for basic (and beyond-basic) sex ed.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Huh.
Date with Mr. Neon tonight. I'm washing my sheets and I don't even know why. So they'll be nice and comfy when I come home alone to sleep, I spose. Gotta take care of your own needs, right?
Anyway, when I'm not getting laid or causing Internets Drama I gotta fall back on the recurring cheap stuff like Cosmocking, but that's really only good once a month. So: Search Term Craziness! These are all search terms people used to find this blog.
pervocracy "i measured my hands"
This wouldn't be so weird except that there were thirty-two searches for it, spread out pretty evenly over a month, not all from the same person, and averaging eight minutes on the site. Huh. Anyway, if it's a topic of great interest, my hands are about 3.25" wide at the first knuckle, 8" long from wrist joint to tip of middle finger, and 1" thick. I wear Medium size surgical gloves. OOH BABY TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR HAND SIZE...?
nose cum
cum nose
"Cum nose" wins by a hair, but these two are the second and third most popular searches after "pervocracy." Ahchoo.
"i'm not a slut, i'm just"
...misunderstood!
"started dating at 25"
Better late than never, I guess.
babypop vril
I searched for this, and yeah, it doesn't mean anything. At all. It's not even a misspelling of something that means something. This, my friends, is a phrase that does not exist anywhere on the indexed Internet. That gives it magic powers. (Well, it's indexed now, so don't use this one. Make up your own.)
cosmo should women swallow cum?
Why are you asking them? Anyway, Cosmo would never say "cum." They'd say, like "those unavoidable manly fluids" or "the not-so-fresh side effects of nookie." Something prudish yet icky.
cum evolution
In this specific case, I'm a Creationist.
mara jade bdsm
"Ooh, not the lightsaber, Daddy!"
positive things for swallowing cum
"See, honey, as this PowerPoint presentation clearly shows, there are at least 17 synergistic win-wins..."
what kind of girl swallows cum
Some of every kind, man. You'd be surprised.
swallow "first date" semen
Whoa there cowboy.
shoots cum out nose
KA-BLAM!
Anyway, when I'm not getting laid or causing Internets Drama I gotta fall back on the recurring cheap stuff like Cosmocking, but that's really only good once a month. So: Search Term Craziness! These are all search terms people used to find this blog.
pervocracy "i measured my hands"
This wouldn't be so weird except that there were thirty-two searches for it, spread out pretty evenly over a month, not all from the same person, and averaging eight minutes on the site. Huh. Anyway, if it's a topic of great interest, my hands are about 3.25" wide at the first knuckle, 8" long from wrist joint to tip of middle finger, and 1" thick. I wear Medium size surgical gloves. OOH BABY TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR HAND SIZE...?
nose cum
cum nose
"Cum nose" wins by a hair, but these two are the second and third most popular searches after "pervocracy." Ahchoo.
"i'm not a slut, i'm just"
...misunderstood!
"started dating at 25"
Better late than never, I guess.
babypop vril
I searched for this, and yeah, it doesn't mean anything. At all. It's not even a misspelling of something that means something. This, my friends, is a phrase that does not exist anywhere on the indexed Internet. That gives it magic powers. (Well, it's indexed now, so don't use this one. Make up your own.)
cosmo should women swallow cum?
Why are you asking them? Anyway, Cosmo would never say "cum." They'd say, like "those unavoidable manly fluids" or "the not-so-fresh side effects of nookie." Something prudish yet icky.
cum evolution
In this specific case, I'm a Creationist.
mara jade bdsm
"Ooh, not the lightsaber, Daddy!"
positive things for swallowing cum
"See, honey, as this PowerPoint presentation clearly shows, there are at least 17 synergistic win-wins..."
what kind of girl swallows cum
Some of every kind, man. You'd be surprised.
swallow "first date" semen
Whoa there cowboy.
shoots cum out nose
KA-BLAM!
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