Man, I'd forgotten how much more satisfying masturbation is with a buttplug in. Why the hell did I not pack my best little friends on the trip? (God, that's a disgusting thing to call them. My best little friend is the guinea pig and I don't mean like that.)
Anyway, Benny emailed me the following:
I'd like you to really take charge and dominate me for one of the sessions. Have a plan in mind and don't give me a choice. Something tight, but spread out...and I tend to like symmetry. Also, I wouldn't be completely opposed to a little bit of pain.
I think what he's trying to say here (other than "I'm your slave--here's my orders") is that I kinda suck as a dominant. And I do. I'm indecisive, I'm insecure, I try too hard to please and not enough to punish. "Uh, I'm going to, uh, hit you real hard-like... or would you rather get, um, buttfucked? If you want?" are not the words of the fearsome Dungeon Mistress.
The problem is that he's adamant about being completely tied down for play. Which I can accept, it's his fetish, and mine too; I love doing the knots. But once he's all knotted up, the concept of "anything the Mistress wants" is way out of the question. The Mistress wants you to get up and fuck her! There's just not enough overlap between "things you can do with an immobile supine lump" and "things I deeply want to do."
Fuck. Is this my sex blog or my whining blog? There's lots of things I want to do. I want to sit on his face and tell him exactly how to perform oral sex, no guessing, no experimentation, I know what I like and will tell him exactly how to give it to me. I want to see exactly how much penetration his ass can take. I want to fuck him until I'm done, not caring if he is. I want to hit him while I fuck him, and feel him twitch. I want to stuff the gag in his mouth and pinch the very tip of his cock until I get a reaction I can hear. I want to blindfold him and stand back and say nothing until he starts to get nervous, and then hit him.
More than anything I just want to get him off his guard. He's a big tough guy, he knows I'm a little meek girl, we play in his house, I'm over-scrupulous about respecting limits, and it all makes him feel very safe. I want to scare the bastard. Make him think "I know she won't... but Jesus, she could!"
Next time I think I'll bring a knife. Not to cut him. Just to get some respect out of him.