Saturday, February 9, 2008


My very close, very dear, but incredibly socially conservative friend Julie kept asking how things were going with Alan, and a couple days ago I finally cracked and told her about Benny. It went better than I'd expected; she was surprised, but not shocked, and not at all judgmental.

But the funny part was that she said how surprised she was that neither of the guys was sleeping with anyone besides me. I have neither the looks nor the personality you'd expect of someone who was able to command the exclusive attentions of two men. But it wasn't based on worthiness, it's not like I applied for the post of "manharem owner" and got approved by the Manharem Admissions Committee, things just worked out this way.

("Command the attentions"... sheesh. I fuck them. And sometimes we watch cop shows.)

She also mentioned how she could never handle that emotionally because for her sex and romance are extremely one-person deals. The funny part there was how weird that sounded to me. I mean, why would they be? That's like saying you can only have one close friend! No one says that! "I can't get drunk and watch horror movies with you, I already have a friend!" How weird would that be?

(Julie is married to the only man she ever dated.)

I really don't feel any internal drive to have affection for just one partner. I can see myself doing it for practical reasons someday (seems wrong to screw around while raising kids, although I'm not totally sure why), but there's no feeling, no need to only love/fuck one person, or to have them love/fuck only me.

I can get so lost in my happy little sexual utopia that I forget how the entire rest of the world works.


  1. Amy is married!?! I was so hoping to have a corrupting, enlightening, exhausting, exhilerating threesome with the two of you.

    Sigh. Back to fantasizing about being Florence Henderson's poolboy....

  2. Bruno - I have slutty friends too. Come to Seattle and see.

  3. I have much the same problem; I'm involved in a monogamous heterosexual vanilla relationship, but I have a very small group of people that I hang out with regularly and almost all of them are polyamorous bisexuals who are into BDSM. I forget sometimes that by most standards I'm the normal one.

    As for the 'only be involved with one person at a time' thing, I guess I never really got that. I don't hang out with/have sex with lots of people because I'm fundamentally antisocial, but I can't imagine why a sociable person would act like that.

  4. Aebhel - Sometimes I think the freaks really are the majority, that the PTA are all swingers and the Concerned Women all have crazy fetishes and the entire Neighborhood Council holds dungeon parties. And for 90% of the population vanilla monogamy is nothing more than a polite fiction.

    Okay, it's probably not true, but sometimes I think it.

  5. In re kink:
    It's probably closer to true than anyone lets on. That's true on an individual level -- people not admitting their desires -- as well as on a social level. But I wonder whether not sharing your kink publically is part of the fun. If everyone else is doing it, are you less cool, edgy, sexy?

    Every generation wants to pretend that it invented sex. Learning that your parents were BDSM swingers probably makes BDSM and swinging less appealing. (Thinking about my parents having sex takes away my boner, anyway.)

    In re sluts:
    We may have to discuss this further. :)

  6. Bruno - In re kink:
    It's so hard to say because I know so few people intimately. I tend to believe that "everyone's got something," because more than once I've thought someone was vanilla until they got naked or honest with me. But "people who fuck Holly/tell Holly their kinks" is not a large or randomly selected population. (No, really.)

    Presumably there's a entire silent majority out there of people who really are vanilla and therefore don't tell me about it, but I have no way to know.

    Are secrecy and dishonesty sexy? Well, I don't want to know about my parents, but in general, I'd rather people just be able to talk about these things. I'm probably weird though.

    In re sluts:
    I'm kind of terrible at arranging these things though. Apparently it takes more to get a woman into bed than just, y'know, asking, and I don't have that kind of social finesse.

    Maybe I should just hire someone and tell you she's my friend. You'll have forgotten I said this by the time you get here.

  7. Bruno - So now I know that necrophiliacs are divided into "Moldy Oldies" and "Fresh Ones," and I will never sleep again.

  8. @Bruno and Holly: So did you two hook up yet?

    @Holly, you really should do the Queen menage a trois thing, you deserve it. And maybe add another man or two to your harem.