Two men I know are in the same situation: their relationships were starting to break up, so the women they were dating secretly stopped using birth control. Two pregnancies, two sudden conversions to strict anti-abortion beliefs... two upcoming weddings. Congratulations, ladies, your gambit worked, you did make him love you forever!
It's unbelievably disgusting. These girls, both still teenagers (17 and 19) used human life to control their boyfriends. How self-centered and short-sighted can you be? Those poor kids. Can you really devote 18 years of your life to something you did to keep your high school boyfriend from taking someone else to the prom? Maybe you can, maybe once it's born you lose sight of the reasons and just focus on raising your child... but it's definitely not giving your kid the best start in life.
And sometimes I worry that my guys worry that I'd do something like that. Brandon and I don't use condoms much anymore. If I were a conniving skank, it would be very easy for me to get a Brandon Jr. going. Brandon would be on the hook for either child support or marriage, and there'd be absolutely nothing he could do about it. That, not some fuzzy "guys hate intimacy!" thing, could be the real reason they get the heebiee jeebiees when I seem a little too affectionate. I have to admit, if I were a man, it would scare the hell out of me.
(I'm sure it goes without saying, but I have no interest in getting pregnant; I can't take a baby with me to med school and I don't want to mix genes with a man who thinks putting the toilet paper roll vertically on the counter instead of using the freakin' holder is an okay thing to do. He actually whined when I fixed it. Slob.)
I'm pro-choice and I think it cuts both ways: everyone should get the right to decide whether or not they want to reproduce. We badly need a male birth control pill.
(Yes, Our Fucked-Up Society is partly responsible for this, by perpetuating the idea that women are supposed to demand permanent and exclusive love in exchange for sex. But these girls are still responsible for their own actions and that's why I feel okay using words like "skank.")
This, I think, is a good argument for condoms.
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, I read somewhere that it would be possible to create a male birth control pill, but pharmaceutical companies didn't think it would be worth it because men wouldn't use it.
Aebhel, I understand the thing about condoms but, as Holly points out, there is a great deal to say about not having to deal with them. Life's more fun sans wrappers. 'Course, I'm married and it doesn't matter, but I completely agree that while the woman should have a choice, the man involved ought to at least have a say as well. I pity men who are snared by evil chicks like those you mentioned. Talk about unhappy relationships. Don't those women recognize that men won in such a fashion are more likely to cheat down the line?
ReplyDeleteAebhel - Condoms are great and all, but there does come a point in a relationship where you've both been tested, you're fluid-exclusive, you trust each other, and you start to feel comfortable without them. (For guys who date 17-year-olds this process may be slightly less thought out.) It does feel better.
ReplyDeleteNo offense, but I don't believe that about the male birth control pill. Between men who don't trust their partners and men who care about their partners, it seems like it's got something for everyone.
(Unless it has bad side effects. I can imagine that a male birth control pill with a possibility of causing breast growth, lowered sex drive, etc. would be a tough sell.)
Scott - I agree. And not just cheat but maybe leave altogether. I also wonder what kind of father they'll be; if kids who are "accidents" sometimes get treated differently, imagine how hard it might be to show unconditional affection to a child that was forced on you and has just thrown up on your shirt.
but there does come a point in a relationship where you've both been tested, you're fluid-exclusive, you trust each other, and you start to feel comfortable without them.
ReplyDeleteSure, but these guys clearly jumped the gun on that.
I can imagine that a male birth control pill with a possibility of causing breast growth, lowered sex drive, etc. would be a tough sell.
Sure, a birth control for men that risked side effects as bad as those many women experience would be a hard sell. Interesting that women put up with it anyway....
No offense taken. I just read it someplace; I didn't write it myself.
ReplyDeleteI've used condoms and I've used hormonal birth control. I prefer condoms, because hormonal birth control fucks with my body chemistry royally and is also extremely expensive. To each their own, I suppose--but there's a degree of trust involved in hormonal birth control and I don't think that's something to be given lightly.
The issue of choice is a difficult one. In principle, I agree that men should have some choice about whether or not they will reproduce, but in practice I can't think of any way to actually pull that off. Other than condoms.
NO KIDDING on the male bc pill. When I got my abortion last year the helper woman was drilling all of us on what hormone we would be ingesting in the future to avoid getting pregnant again. I bitched about the male pill thing and she shrugged me off and loaded me up with bc pills. I tossed them, and I haven't gotten pregnant again. So far!
ReplyDeleteTBK - So, um, what form of birth control ARE you using? No, female birth control isn't "fair", but jeez' sake, fairness isn't going to keep you from getting pregnant.
ReplyDelete"who thinks putting the toilet paper roll vertically on the counter instead of using the freakin' holder is an okay thing to do"
ReplyDeleteNever come to Graz, Austria. Except, there are no counters in bars and university bathrooms, so they end up on the back of the toilet. Or the windowsill. Or the floor.
Yea...that's not making someone love you forever anyway. Considering I'm commenting on this over 4 years later, I'd be willing to bet at least one if not both of these marriages has already ended. If people get married *only* because they had an accident, especially if they're very young, the chances aren't good. If the relationship was rocky enough to pull this kind of desperation move, it's just a matter of time until those problems resurface. Marriage and parenting are serious stresses on happy, healthy relationships (I think the average marriage in the U.S. now lasts about 7-8 years), much less ones with this many things stacked up against them.
ReplyDeleteAt any rate, even if these young women felt like they won, these guys are more likely to resent them than love them forever and being a divorced mother by the time you hit legal drinking age doesn't sound like a lot of fun. BTW, I wouldn't mind knowing for sure how these situations turned out if you're still in touch with them and willing to share. Hopefully whether they stayed together or not, they're acting as loving coparents to the kids involved.