Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The Best of the Stranger Valentines.

The only good paper in town, The Stranger, has published its annual reader-submitted Valentine blowout. (Jon put one in for me, yay!) And I'm going to break with my tradition of relentless grouchiness and criticism and post some of the best valentines in there.

After ten hard, wet, squishy Valentines days, you still please me greatly. Shall we have another?
I like rice noodles and I dig you. I love you more than pineapple upside down cake at Da Vinci's. Do you love me more than orange spice cupcakes?
My affection for you is like a Dalek: tough on the outside, squishy on the inside, and vulnerable to certain Time Lords...
You sexy goddess. You shaver of the head. You searcher of the library. You gulper of the wine. You do it ALL right.
Arrrr! Ye'll ne'er get me buried booty, just me married booty! AharharAhoy! Will ye be mine agin' & agin'?
You know you are my hero / My love for you is 1/x / as x approaches zero
I kissed your lips/Your fins, your eyes/I did it on porpoise/In case you thought otherwise. Let's make love on the back of a sea turtle.
Babe, I love lying in bed with you in the morning, while the tall trees sway in the wind outside. Let's sleep under the trees together forever.
Will you marry me?


  1. I don't think I got one. :(

    Also, you missed some good messages:
    I'll meet you in the rafters of the gazebo at dusk. Only this time lets save the mushroom eating for after i bend you over my kitchen table.i love you

    Oh my lil poopy butt
    Why are we both so stinky? Probably the amount of beer we drink and beans we eat. I love you more with every passing of gas.

    Titi Tormenta, you're the only cornhole for me. Jebus blessed me with the presence of you & your magical wizard's sleeve. LovexNxStuffxNxJunk, eL

  2. Found a lovely post on The Stranger about pancakes of all things, involving not only vanilla mascarpone, but a Mandy Moore metaphor. It is awesome.

  3. Bruno - Clearly the phrase "poopbutt" and variants is the magic ingredient for the Perfect Valentine. I must remember this for next year.

    Happy Valentine's Day, by the way, you little poopbutt. :)

    Karyn - Pancakes are delicious!

  4. You know you are my hero
    My love for you is 1/x
    as x approaches zero

    . . . so, it does not exist?

  5. 1/0 = undefined
    lim (x->+0) 1/x = +infinity

    I guess they should have used "approaches zero on the right" ;)