Sunday, July 19, 2009


I always loved that book "Everybody Poops." It's true and it's leveling--you're not gross because you poop, and no one is so much better than you that they don't poop.

I think there should be a corollary book for slightly older children called "Everybody Fucks." (I guess some people don't, although not many if you count masturbation. Still. A lot of people fuck.) Same leveling effect. Same much-needed perspective: that fucking doesn't make you bad and it doesn't make you special. If you're reading this, I know you know, but as a teenager I could've used that message: that fucking isn't a privilege or a mystery or a shame. It's just part of being a biological critter.

And as with pooping, the goal isn't not to do it, but to do it right so you don't make a mess. You'll do better learning to use the potty than trying to never poop.

(In this analogy, the potty is a condom.)


  1. Very true.

    Just wish that there wasn't the emotional baggage that folks want to attach to it. Some is ok, and expected... but it isn't a year long trip to the alps, leave the poodle at home.

  2. Reading this gave me two alternate versions of REMs Everybody Hurts.

    And because of that, since I get the pain, so do you.

    ~alternately, at least one of those would make getting stuck in traffic like in the video a lot more fun~


  3. Not everybody does. During the late 19th through early 20th centuries, there were some wealthy and upper-middle-class types who eliminated their wastes entirely through enemas on the grounds that it was "healthier". While probably very rare today (and often done for different reasons, such as for virtually 100% clean anal sex) I'm sure a few still exist.

  4. The lesson that "everybody fucks" was not what I needed as an adolescent. I probably still would have heard "everybody but you fucks."

    What I needed, and got in small doses that took a long time to sink in, was something closer to "everybody fucks up and is fucked up and gets fucked sometimes anyway." (Joe Matt's Peepshow was one small dose I got relatively early.)

  5. Not Me - That's still pooping.

    Bruno - "Everybody gets the chance to fuck eventually."

  6. Love the grown-up title! No everyone doesn't fuck, but those of us that do could use a book like that to show "how" to fuck...

    Maybe "Fucking for Dummies"?

  7. Other titles in a similar vein:
    If You Take a Mouse to a Sex Club
    Rub Against the Bunny
    The Very Horny Caterpillar
    A Hole is to Fuck
    Rub Against the Bunny
    One Whore, Two Whore, Crack Whore, Smack Whore
    Alexander and the Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Lay
    Suck Off Pop