Good lord, there are some serious chucklefucks in my supposed community.
My sub and I do not, of course, wish to reveal the gritty details of our relationship to our vanilla friends, so we are subtle, but at the same time it is frustrating[...]
Last night we were at a fan-based literary discussion group and my slave was very outspoken in heated discussions, and I enjoyed hearing her opinions. She is the first one to admit that if she is not interrupted she could keep talking all night, and so from time to time if I wanted a word in I did just that, interrupted her. We have agreed it is my right to do so. Well, this one woman was very offended and told me to, "let her finish!" more than once. When this happened my slave was the first to say, "No, it's ok!" to the woman and, "Yes, sir." to me. When the formal discussion had finished, the woman approached me and tried to give me a piece of her mind about respecting women, etc. I held my ground and told her I have a great respect for women, that this was between myself and my wife and that she should kindly butt out of our relationship, but the fact that she confronted me in the first place took me by surprise and left me annoyed.
I really don't understand this kind of thing. Now I know I'm not really such a super submissive, my idea of dominance pretty much comes down to that you should hit my butt (when I say, as hard as I tell you to) and tell me to suck your dick (when I already feel like it). But I can understand the concept of one person taking charge of a relationship. I can understand showing extra respect and deference to your husband, even in public, because he's your Dom.
What I can't understand is the idea of BDSM as a "get out of normal society free" card. You don't interrupt people like that. It's rude to the people listening as well as the person being interrupted, and it doesn't make you look like the boss so much as a big ol' assface. And it's not even very dominant; conversationally stomping on your sub doesn't mean you control her, it means you're a loudmouth. I guess the dominance is that she doesn't bite his head off afterwards? That's some really finely tuned command there.
And if a guy gave me the "this is between my and my wife" speech after something like that, it would give me the creeping heebie jeebies. Not because I'm some naïve vanilla rube but because that's abuser-speak. Although to be fair, I don't know how you would explain something like that forthrightly. "Oh, don't worry, that's just our fetish, and we like to practice it during book club in front of everyone," I guess.
I think it bothers me more than anything that this guy can't even understand why normal people would be upset by this.
BDSM (even that weirdass 24/7 D/s thingymajig) isn't wrong, but it isn't always right either. It's a thrill, it leads to the best sex and sexiest relationships and deepest release of weird subconscious things that I know, but it's not carte blanche. You can't turn off your ethics and social skills because "it's my kink!" Being a kinky motherfucker and a decent human being isn't that hard.
God, I should get beat up more. Even as I kind of mock it, I'm realizing that I'm also itching for it. But I won't do it in front of some poor unsuspecting book club and then answer their concerns with "oh no, that's just his way, you don't understand, please don't make any trouble."