Friday, August 28, 2009


Something I see quite often on the Internet and occasionally in real life: the people who are the biggest beggars (in terms of sexual partners) are also the worst choosers. Men who never get laid pontificate about how every gorgeous actress and model just isn't thin and busty enough for them to be attracted; women who are chronically single lay out ridiculous "he should be a PhD. and have a six-pack and also blue eyes" requirements for men they'd want to date.

Not that people don't have the right to be choosers. Don't settle for someone who won't make you happy because you think they're the best you can get. And if you're committed to waiting until Dr. Blue Eyes PhD. comes along, have fun with that. But it often seems like there's something more going on here.

It's partly sour grapes, of course, but it's also preemptive sour grapes. If you are afraid to approach men or women, saying "I like girls, but the ones around here just aren't good enough" allows you to pretend you're not a wuss while justifying your behavior. I've seen it used to justify PUA nonsense too--PUA works great for me, but I only use it on 10s. Other times it's part of the same ego-overcompensation complex that drives pudgy nerds to claim they're masters in martial arts--only the best women are good enough for an 18th-dan ninjitsu black belt!

It's always amusing to see a group of Internet dorks declaring that Alyson Hannigan is really showing her age these days and they'd never lower themselves like that, but it's also sad. There's little difference between raising your sexual standards sky-high and giving up on sex entirely.

(Another weird, possibly related PUA phenomenon that I've seen: the inability to acknowledge the existence of average women. I was reading a thread on their goofy 1-10 rating system and every photo they posted was either seriously physically flawed or Photoshopped-model gorgeous. There were no 5s. Shit, if I thought models or trolls were the only choices I'd hold out for models too.)


  1. Pretty much.

    I've never seen a thread in which guys throw pictures up for judgment, but in my experience the bitter/clueless guys do tend to apply a 1-10 ranking system with nearly U-shaped distribution. They cluster women around 9 and 2, with a chasm in the middle. That probably reflects that they're essentially operating in a binary would/wouldn't mindset.

    I've also seen some strange "the chicks around here are much hotter" justifications for harsh judgments of common beauty.

  2. Wait, Alyson Hannigan has "Let herself go?" I DO prefer her as a redhead and I'm not big on the bangs, but she makes her money (partially) with her appearance. She's in her thirties, and she's beautiful.

    Perhaps it is her being an adult that puts these people off.

  3. OTOH, there are the folks who are convinced they're doing you (generic you) a favor by deigning to be interested in your less-than-perfect self.

    Abandoning conventional standards in favor of being more open and learning what I actually preferred was a good thing, but not because it meant I got laid more (I didn't; I still don't meet most people's standards) - rather, it meant that when I did find a partner, they tended to be a better match for me.

    Oh, and Alyson Hannigan still looks great. I suspect most of the folks who say she doesn't are trying to engage in a sort of social one-upmanship, hoping that the reaction will be along the lines of: "He thinks this beauty is nothing special? Wow, that must he is accustomed to attracting even more beautiful women! I [woman] want to be with him because that'll prove I'm more attractive than she! / I [man] admire and respect him for his presumptive ability to attract women!"

  4. Bookworm, come to the PUA Dark Side. "Search within your heart, you know it to be true."

    Srsly now, I've had women of various physical attributes interested in me, but the common denominator was that they were all seriously smart. I don't have any easy answers to the whole Hawt Chicks phenomenon, except to say that I HAVE seen all the threads Bruno hasn't, and no, there are no 5s, 7s, who are the minimum, are all model-pretty, although 6s are described as "girl next door" in the shorthand and 7s are "cute girl next door."

    The rage to quantify is intense, as is the insistence that the standards are quantifiable, objective, and universal.

  5. I tag a post "PUA" and it's like FOOM.

  6. Thin with large bust is not a
    universal truth,it's the largest pie
    slice.Many men(and me)prefer thick
    with small bust.Some men think model
    thin women should be flat chested in
    order to be balanced.Newspaper
    engagement pages prove hollywood
    doesnot set the standard outside hollywood.

  7. I swear to God, Eurosabra must google "PUA" every day. No matter where I go, when it comes up, there he is. It's surreal...