You know what I really want to do with "Men's Rights activists," "pick-up artists," anti-feminists, "men are from Mars women are from Venus" theorists, straight-up misogynists, and other varieties of people who hate or just fundamentally misunderstand women?
I want to take them bowling.
I suck at bowling, but that's not the point; the point is to drink terrible beer and shoot the shit, cheer each other on strikes and take the piss out of each other on gutterballs, and just generally do something that's fun and sociable and low-pressure. Bowling's just a way to give the evening some structure. We could play pool or go fishing or whatever. Some recreational activity that keeps you mildly busy but gives you plenty of time to talk.
I'd invite some female friends, too, but not to launch a feminist assault on these guys. (And certainly not to date them; not only do I respect my friends more than that, I don't want this to be reduced to a pickup opportunity.) Just to talk about our lives, to joke around, and to interact with each other and the guys the way people interact on a casual night out.
Why? I'm going to answer with a confession I hope doesn't cause strife in my relationships: sometimes I get jealous of Sprite when she's not around. Not like "SHE MUST DIE" jealous, but "I worry she resents me or something" jealous. And then I spend time with her in person, and it absolutely melts away when I realize what a warm and kind person she is when she's actually there. It's only the theoretical Sprite I'm jealous of, the Sprite that I construct in my head from circumstantial evidence; the actual present Sprite is awesome.
I think women-hating types have this same problem with women--the imaginary woman in their head is strange and cruel, and they don't have enough real women to compare her to. (Some of them are burned-out divorcees, but many more seem to have never had a significant relationship with a woman.) I'm convinced a lot of these guys have no female friends and not that many male friends, so their view of humanity is largely interpretations based on media characters, glancing observations of strangers, and the limited interactions of work or school. They've developed this giant hate-on for the theoretical woman and all the evil she theoretically would do. And then they get together and tell each other about their theoretical women, and the meta-theoretical woman, a truly fearsome critter, is born.
And the only antidote for all this is real women. Not real women as dates--in some ways that just cements the concept of "woman" as a Martian with a pussy attached--but just as people. I want these guys to go bowling with women and hear about our preferences in cheap pitcher beers, our minor annoyances, our quirky interests. I want them to tell us their daily problems and funny stories and watch as we react in a sympathetic and entirely human way. I want them to get to know women who are doctors and women who work at Starbucks, women who are self-identified sluts and women who are celibate, women who are kinda annoying and women who are completely adorable.
I want them to learn that spending time with a woman isn't a laborious prerequisite to fucking her, but a pleasant thing in itself, a way to feel more alive and connected to the world.
Funny thing is, not only would this shake some of the asshole out of those guys, it'd probably get them laid. I believe that you can't really have a girlfriend until you know how to be friends with a woman, and learning how to hang out and just chill with women is excellent practice for all the hanging out/chilling that a relationship entails. Getting these dudes laid would definitely be a side effect and not a goal--I hold the radical feminist opinion that you should treat women like people even if this doesn't get you laid--but if they learn that treating women like humans leads to happy penis feelings, so much the better.
In the end, it's not argument that wins people over to your side. It's showing them the essential humanity and ordinariness of the people they were trying to hate. I have no way to make the Woman-Haters-And-Women Bowling League really happen, but it's a beautiful dream for me.
Showing posts with label PUA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PUA. Show all posts
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
The eternal contradiction.
"Women can get laid whenever they want. Their only job is deciding who they don't want to sleep with. Women don't even know what sexual scarcity is like."
"Men aren't attracted to women who don't have large breasts and small waists and symmetrical faces and no body hair and no blemishes and long hair and tasteful makeup and good dress sense and cheerful feminine personalities and correctly groomed toenails. Or if they're over 35."
I've never heard this explained. Although I suspect the answer--at least the honest one--is that "women" never included creatures like me and most of my friends in the first place.
(Also, the deeper you get in this shit, the harder it is to remember that gay people exist. Or any other kind of gender non-conformance. Really, the hardest thing to remember sometimes is that joy exists. That in the real world, sex is fun and love is wonderful, and both of them are often silly and sweet. That when I spend time with my boyfriend, it's not the culmination of an intense sexual power game, it's a chance to grill sausages and talk about robots and see his owl impression. [Owls, in our world, shake their heads rapidly from side to side and go "WHEEEE!" It's... complicated.] Reducing all this giddy humanity down to gender and sex and power isn't just wrong, it's incorrect.)
"Men aren't attracted to women who don't have large breasts and small waists and symmetrical faces and no body hair and no blemishes and long hair and tasteful makeup and good dress sense and cheerful feminine personalities and correctly groomed toenails. Or if they're over 35."
I've never heard this explained. Although I suspect the answer--at least the honest one--is that "women" never included creatures like me and most of my friends in the first place.
(Also, the deeper you get in this shit, the harder it is to remember that gay people exist. Or any other kind of gender non-conformance. Really, the hardest thing to remember sometimes is that joy exists. That in the real world, sex is fun and love is wonderful, and both of them are often silly and sweet. That when I spend time with my boyfriend, it's not the culmination of an intense sexual power game, it's a chance to grill sausages and talk about robots and see his owl impression. [Owls, in our world, shake their heads rapidly from side to side and go "WHEEEE!" It's... complicated.] Reducing all this giddy humanity down to gender and sex and power isn't just wrong, it's incorrect.)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The 80% Conundrum.
One of the most dearly held yet utterly inexplicable tenets of the MRA/PUA/creepy-Internet-men-in-general complex is the following (paraphrased):
The top 20% of men are alphas, and can get a woman at the snap of a finger. The other 80% of men are either betas who almost never get laid and have to wheedle and connive to get the scraps that they get, or omegas who can't possibly get laid no matter what.
The hole that immediately becomes apparent in this thinking (well, the second one, after the "have you ever been to Earth?" hole) is: what about teh womenz?
That is, if 80% of men are near-celibate, what the hell are 80% of women doing on a Friday night? (Even if we assume Alphas sleep around so much that all women get laid, this still leaves them alone 80% of their time, at least.) If 80% of men are involuntarily celibate, does that mean 80% of women are voluntarily celibate? 80% of us could be getting laid and loved and are just like "eh, no thanks"?
The only way this works is if women don't have sex drives, if women are so picky that they'd rather be alone together than sleep with a guy who's only average, or if 80% of women are so hideous that even a man with years of frustration wouldn't want them. I'd say something about how this doesn't fit with my observations of reality, but really, my observations of reality are so many miles away, I feel like I'm explaining to a Martian that pigs aren't green and mice don't go woof.
My observations are that the majority of people are in couples, with moderate minorities either slutting it up or voluntarily celibate, and small minorities involuntarily celibate. And most of those for reasons that have a lot more to do with themselves (either in a "life circumstances" way or a "total creeper" way) than with their desired gender or with the "system."
I guess what most of these guys are saying is "I'm not getting laid and I see that other people are, so those other people must have some super magical unfair advantage." Well, sort of, but that advantage is a lot more common than you think, and has a lot less to do with "being a millionaire lawyer with perfect abs" and a lot more to do with "acting like women are people." As long as women are The Challenge, The Enemy, The Gatekeeper, The Quarry, or any other fucked-up-all-to-hell metaphor, you're going to keep having trouble with us.
If we're people, well... no more and no less trouble than any other kind of people, is all I can promise you.
The top 20% of men are alphas, and can get a woman at the snap of a finger. The other 80% of men are either betas who almost never get laid and have to wheedle and connive to get the scraps that they get, or omegas who can't possibly get laid no matter what.
The hole that immediately becomes apparent in this thinking (well, the second one, after the "have you ever been to Earth?" hole) is: what about teh womenz?
That is, if 80% of men are near-celibate, what the hell are 80% of women doing on a Friday night? (Even if we assume Alphas sleep around so much that all women get laid, this still leaves them alone 80% of their time, at least.) If 80% of men are involuntarily celibate, does that mean 80% of women are voluntarily celibate? 80% of us could be getting laid and loved and are just like "eh, no thanks"?
The only way this works is if women don't have sex drives, if women are so picky that they'd rather be alone together than sleep with a guy who's only average, or if 80% of women are so hideous that even a man with years of frustration wouldn't want them. I'd say something about how this doesn't fit with my observations of reality, but really, my observations of reality are so many miles away, I feel like I'm explaining to a Martian that pigs aren't green and mice don't go woof.
My observations are that the majority of people are in couples, with moderate minorities either slutting it up or voluntarily celibate, and small minorities involuntarily celibate. And most of those for reasons that have a lot more to do with themselves (either in a "life circumstances" way or a "total creeper" way) than with their desired gender or with the "system."
I guess what most of these guys are saying is "I'm not getting laid and I see that other people are, so those other people must have some super magical unfair advantage." Well, sort of, but that advantage is a lot more common than you think, and has a lot less to do with "being a millionaire lawyer with perfect abs" and a lot more to do with "acting like women are people." As long as women are The Challenge, The Enemy, The Gatekeeper, The Quarry, or any other fucked-up-all-to-hell metaphor, you're going to keep having trouble with us.
If we're people, well... no more and no less trouble than any other kind of people, is all I can promise you.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The card table paradigm.
Since the PUA post seems to be stirring discussion, I want to talk about just one small part of the whole wacky mindset: card tables.
There seems to be this idea that meat markets consist of women setting up card tables, which men then line up at and submit applications to receive sexual favors. The men make formal approaches, and the women then make the decision whether to accept or reject each man. Any woman present in a social situation without a male secort has her card table out, and any woman not rejecting a man's social overtures is at least considering accepting him as a sexual partner.
There is no, absolutely no, such thing as a "friend," or people who go to bars or parties to "enjoy themselves."
I'm not going to make a point-by-point rebuttal just now. Instead I'm just going to list how I met some of my partners.
-Long-term friends since high school, we turned out to have had long-term crushes on each other.
-We were assigned adjacent rooms in the dorm, and my roommate was horrible, so I took refuge in her room.
-He was an actor in one of my student films, and after the project was over we kept hanging out together.
-On OkCupid, he was my very highest ranked "match," so I sent him a message inviting him out for Phad Thai.
-We were members of the same online BDSM community, and started trading private messages that became increasingly more intimate.
-After talking to each other at a BDSM munch, we kept talking outside the venue after it closed, then decided to go home together.
If this just sounds like a big random pile of coincidences--good. It was. And yet they were deliberately encountered coincidences in a sense, because I made friends, met my dorm neighbors, worked on films, joined online and real communities, and so forth. In the course of living a full life, I happened to meet people, and in the course of meeting people I happened to discover sexual chemistry with quite a few of them.
Oh, and when I go out to a bar with a group of female friends, it's usually because I wanted to spend some time with those friends. FYI.
There seems to be this idea that meat markets consist of women setting up card tables, which men then line up at and submit applications to receive sexual favors. The men make formal approaches, and the women then make the decision whether to accept or reject each man. Any woman present in a social situation without a male secort has her card table out, and any woman not rejecting a man's social overtures is at least considering accepting him as a sexual partner.
There is no, absolutely no, such thing as a "friend," or people who go to bars or parties to "enjoy themselves."
I'm not going to make a point-by-point rebuttal just now. Instead I'm just going to list how I met some of my partners.
-Long-term friends since high school, we turned out to have had long-term crushes on each other.
-We were assigned adjacent rooms in the dorm, and my roommate was horrible, so I took refuge in her room.
-He was an actor in one of my student films, and after the project was over we kept hanging out together.
-On OkCupid, he was my very highest ranked "match," so I sent him a message inviting him out for Phad Thai.
-We were members of the same online BDSM community, and started trading private messages that became increasingly more intimate.
-After talking to each other at a BDSM munch, we kept talking outside the venue after it closed, then decided to go home together.
If this just sounds like a big random pile of coincidences--good. It was. And yet they were deliberately encountered coincidences in a sense, because I made friends, met my dorm neighbors, worked on films, joined online and real communities, and so forth. In the course of living a full life, I happened to meet people, and in the course of meeting people I happened to discover sexual chemistry with quite a few of them.
Oh, and when I go out to a bar with a group of female friends, it's usually because I wanted to spend some time with those friends. FYI.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Gunwitch.
Pick-up artist "Gunwitch" shot a woman in the face at a party. 20-year-old Amber Tripp was in critical condition at time of last news reports.
This wasn't some dude who had a few PUA books in his apartment and posted on a forum the one time. He was in The Game, he sold courses, he had followers. Still has followers. Nor was this some unrelated incident; according to totally unreliable Internet sources, he was touching Tripp inappropriately and she fought back and that's when he shot her.
His official website has been taken down, but his page at Fast Seduction is still up. I don't really want to go through it in detail now though. I mean, I'm sure it's full of total howlers of misogyny and social ineptitude and just plain wrongness, but fuck, he shot someone. It's hard to nitpick "hey, don't talk to people like that" when he's got problems more on the scale of "hey, don't shoot people in the face like that." (He's also not much of a writer, to put it mildly. No wonder he sold audio lessons.)
PUA is, fundamentally, all about women as Other. You've got you and other men, who are people, with thinking and decision-making much like your own--and then you've got women. They're something else. You need a special method to interact with women because the methods you use for interacting with people won't apply here. There's a lot of "women all do this and are all like this" talk. Hell, sometimes it's not even negative. Saying "women are generally rational and have their own sex drives" can be, with enough twisting, just another way of putting "women" outside the Venn diagram of "people".
And seeing someone as unlike yourself, as unlike human beings, makes it a lot easier to pull the trigger. The frustration and resentment of not getting laid when you really want it--that's something I experience too, frankly, but I can temper it with "well, I know how he feels, because sometimes I feel that way myself." Take away that empathy and you just get pure rage that a not-exactly-person would hurt the feelings of a person.
It's horrible, but not entirely surprising, that sometimes that rage and dehumanization would turn to violence.
This wasn't some dude who had a few PUA books in his apartment and posted on a forum the one time. He was in The Game, he sold courses, he had followers. Still has followers. Nor was this some unrelated incident; according to totally unreliable Internet sources, he was touching Tripp inappropriately and she fought back and that's when he shot her.
His official website has been taken down, but his page at Fast Seduction is still up. I don't really want to go through it in detail now though. I mean, I'm sure it's full of total howlers of misogyny and social ineptitude and just plain wrongness, but fuck, he shot someone. It's hard to nitpick "hey, don't talk to people like that" when he's got problems more on the scale of "hey, don't shoot people in the face like that." (He's also not much of a writer, to put it mildly. No wonder he sold audio lessons.)
PUA is, fundamentally, all about women as Other. You've got you and other men, who are people, with thinking and decision-making much like your own--and then you've got women. They're something else. You need a special method to interact with women because the methods you use for interacting with people won't apply here. There's a lot of "women all do this and are all like this" talk. Hell, sometimes it's not even negative. Saying "women are generally rational and have their own sex drives" can be, with enough twisting, just another way of putting "women" outside the Venn diagram of "people".
And seeing someone as unlike yourself, as unlike human beings, makes it a lot easier to pull the trigger. The frustration and resentment of not getting laid when you really want it--that's something I experience too, frankly, but I can temper it with "well, I know how he feels, because sometimes I feel that way myself." Take away that empathy and you just get pure rage that a not-exactly-person would hurt the feelings of a person.
It's horrible, but not entirely surprising, that sometimes that rage and dehumanization would turn to violence.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Cocky and Funny.
I love this xkcd.
And since someone asked for it in comments, here's some random PUA site!
As PUA concepts go, I actually don't disagree with "cocky and funny" in principle. I like guys who are confident and even jokingly arrogant, as long as they don't actually take themselves that seriously and they're able to show more vulnerability as we get closer. And of course I like funny guys. If you can make me laugh so hard I almost barf, you can pretty much have your way with me.
The problem with "cocky and funny" as a strategy, however, is that it's like suggesting a runner use the strategy "go fast." Cockiness and funnitude are talents, not traits that can be simply turned on. If you're not innately a confident and witty dude, and you don't have any particular knowledge or experience in the fields of self-esteem and comedy, but you just decide to put on your cockyfunny hat, the results can be... unfortunate.
Which brings us to the Top Ten Ways To Use Cocky And Funny!
#1 Perfect your delivery - You have to brush-up the way you deliver a comment. This includes eye contact, tone of voice and timing. They’re all important.
I said run fast, dammit. The speed with which your feet push off the ground? It's important.
#2 Joke about a point system - The idea here is to suggest that if she loses enough points, you may not want to see her again. If she likes broccoli and you hate it, she just lost a point.
This isn't terrible--I have friends who do this and it isn't weird--but you're not supposed to actually keep score. And when my friends do this, it doesn't make me think "oh god I better not lose more points because this one's a keeper"; it makes me think "man, that's the third time he's made a 'points' comment, he's really due to move on before this turns awkward."
#3 Jokingly express your doubts - This is a variation on the “you just lost a point” theme. Whenever she does something that suggests she could be a loser, a nerd or otherwise unworthy of your attention, tell her, “I don’t think this is going to work out.”
Again, not terrible on its own, but it's hard to imagine a woman so insecure and literal that she's consumed by terror that she's going to lose you (and consequently is willing to do anything to keep you, baby) because of your jerkish offhand comments.
#4 Use sarcasm - When a woman says something totally obvious, you can reply with “Really? Wow. That must be the most fascinating thing I’ve heard all week.” Say this with a sly smile!
Okay, now you're just a douche. A guy who's actually funny might be able to pull this off and not get worse than an "oh, you", but a guy who doesn't have the instincts and is going through the motions based on a top ten list is going to whip this one out as I tell him my grandpa died.
#5 Disqualify her by age - The idea here is to convey the notion that if she’s young, she’s not young enough, and if she’s older, she’s not old enough. What makes this interesting and different is that it’s the opposite of what most women would expect you to say.
"Haha! I'm a creep! Hilarious!"
#6 Guess her weight - Tell her you can guess her weight. Then do something silly that’s completely not related to her weight, like taking one of her fingers and examining it really closely to say that she ways about 500 pounds. But, remember to use this only on women who are very fit.
This entry lifted directly from Uncle Elmer's Rootin-Tootin Party Tricks for Barn Dances and Sock Hops. It's right after the one where you find a nickel in her nose.
#7 Be playfully mean - Say something that could be mean, but in a playful way.
"You are the most disgusting, physically repugnant, willfully idiotic, emotionally monstrous, and frankly malodorous human being it has ever been my misfortune to encounter. Ha ha!"
#8 Slap her hand - Next time she says anything that could be interpreted as “bad” or even “naughty,” ask her to give you her hand, take it, slowly turn it upside down, and gently slap the back of it.
See, this is one of those situations where I'm torn. On the one hand, I know guys who will slap me right across the face for something like that. On the other hand, this is happening in a kinky context and it's an understood joke/play thing between us, not something they just bust out on me.
#9 Give stupid answers to stupid questions - If a woman asks you a lame question such as, “Do you date a lot?”, reply with something cocky like, “Who me? No, never. I usually stay at home, locked in my room playing Nintendo, can’t you tell?”.
Yeah. I kinda can tell.
#10 Bust her on her jokes - If she tries to be funny in any way, let her finish and ask “I’m sorry, was that supposed to be funny?” Keep a straight face when you do this.
Okay, now this is the height of douchebaggery. I can forgive the 500-pound finger and all the "you're about to lose me, better jump on my cock quick" gambits, but what the fuck. Seriously. If there's a line between funny-mean and mean-mean, this is like twenty miles past that line. Funny guys are fun because they're engaging, and conversations turn into repartee. A guy who shuts a girl down with "no, no, this is my performance, no one cares what you say" is killing that repartee with a fucking sledgehammer. If you're so much better than me at everything, wouldn't you have more fun masturbating anyway? Jerk.
Ultimately, the reason this list is so creepy is that it isn't about being cocky and funny in the way that I understand them--as ways for someone to be amusing and fun to be around. It's about playing the "I'm too good for you, you're too bad for me, so if you don't blow me right now you'll wallow in loneliness forever" card. In a funny way! No wonder it isn't that much of a belly laugh.
And since someone asked for it in comments, here's some random PUA site!
As PUA concepts go, I actually don't disagree with "cocky and funny" in principle. I like guys who are confident and even jokingly arrogant, as long as they don't actually take themselves that seriously and they're able to show more vulnerability as we get closer. And of course I like funny guys. If you can make me laugh so hard I almost barf, you can pretty much have your way with me.
The problem with "cocky and funny" as a strategy, however, is that it's like suggesting a runner use the strategy "go fast." Cockiness and funnitude are talents, not traits that can be simply turned on. If you're not innately a confident and witty dude, and you don't have any particular knowledge or experience in the fields of self-esteem and comedy, but you just decide to put on your cockyfunny hat, the results can be... unfortunate.
Which brings us to the Top Ten Ways To Use Cocky And Funny!
#1 Perfect your delivery - You have to brush-up the way you deliver a comment. This includes eye contact, tone of voice and timing. They’re all important.
I said run fast, dammit. The speed with which your feet push off the ground? It's important.
#2 Joke about a point system - The idea here is to suggest that if she loses enough points, you may not want to see her again. If she likes broccoli and you hate it, she just lost a point.
This isn't terrible--I have friends who do this and it isn't weird--but you're not supposed to actually keep score. And when my friends do this, it doesn't make me think "oh god I better not lose more points because this one's a keeper"; it makes me think "man, that's the third time he's made a 'points' comment, he's really due to move on before this turns awkward."
#3 Jokingly express your doubts - This is a variation on the “you just lost a point” theme. Whenever she does something that suggests she could be a loser, a nerd or otherwise unworthy of your attention, tell her, “I don’t think this is going to work out.”
Again, not terrible on its own, but it's hard to imagine a woman so insecure and literal that she's consumed by terror that she's going to lose you (and consequently is willing to do anything to keep you, baby) because of your jerkish offhand comments.
#4 Use sarcasm - When a woman says something totally obvious, you can reply with “Really? Wow. That must be the most fascinating thing I’ve heard all week.” Say this with a sly smile!
Okay, now you're just a douche. A guy who's actually funny might be able to pull this off and not get worse than an "oh, you", but a guy who doesn't have the instincts and is going through the motions based on a top ten list is going to whip this one out as I tell him my grandpa died.
#5 Disqualify her by age - The idea here is to convey the notion that if she’s young, she’s not young enough, and if she’s older, she’s not old enough. What makes this interesting and different is that it’s the opposite of what most women would expect you to say.
"Haha! I'm a creep! Hilarious!"
#6 Guess her weight - Tell her you can guess her weight. Then do something silly that’s completely not related to her weight, like taking one of her fingers and examining it really closely to say that she ways about 500 pounds. But, remember to use this only on women who are very fit.
This entry lifted directly from Uncle Elmer's Rootin-Tootin Party Tricks for Barn Dances and Sock Hops. It's right after the one where you find a nickel in her nose.
#7 Be playfully mean - Say something that could be mean, but in a playful way.
"You are the most disgusting, physically repugnant, willfully idiotic, emotionally monstrous, and frankly malodorous human being it has ever been my misfortune to encounter. Ha ha!"
#8 Slap her hand - Next time she says anything that could be interpreted as “bad” or even “naughty,” ask her to give you her hand, take it, slowly turn it upside down, and gently slap the back of it.
See, this is one of those situations where I'm torn. On the one hand, I know guys who will slap me right across the face for something like that. On the other hand, this is happening in a kinky context and it's an understood joke/play thing between us, not something they just bust out on me.
#9 Give stupid answers to stupid questions - If a woman asks you a lame question such as, “Do you date a lot?”, reply with something cocky like, “Who me? No, never. I usually stay at home, locked in my room playing Nintendo, can’t you tell?”.
Yeah. I kinda can tell.
#10 Bust her on her jokes - If she tries to be funny in any way, let her finish and ask “I’m sorry, was that supposed to be funny?” Keep a straight face when you do this.
Okay, now this is the height of douchebaggery. I can forgive the 500-pound finger and all the "you're about to lose me, better jump on my cock quick" gambits, but what the fuck. Seriously. If there's a line between funny-mean and mean-mean, this is like twenty miles past that line. Funny guys are fun because they're engaging, and conversations turn into repartee. A guy who shuts a girl down with "no, no, this is my performance, no one cares what you say" is killing that repartee with a fucking sledgehammer. If you're so much better than me at everything, wouldn't you have more fun masturbating anyway? Jerk.
Ultimately, the reason this list is so creepy is that it isn't about being cocky and funny in the way that I understand them--as ways for someone to be amusing and fun to be around. It's about playing the "I'm too good for you, you're too bad for me, so if you don't blow me right now you'll wallow in loneliness forever" card. In a funny way! No wonder it isn't that much of a belly laugh.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
A brief glossary of PUA terminology.
For future reference and current amusement.
PUA: Pick-Up Artist. A man who believes that fucking and (to a lesser extent) forming relationships with women is a matter of outsmarting and manipulating the women in very specific ways. The basic premise is that your behavior affects whether you get laid, which is obviously true--but the behaviors they recommend adopting, and the mental framework they use to justify these behaviors, range from absurd to horrifying. PUA also refers to the activity of Pick-Up Artistry, also called "Game" or "sarging."
1-10 scale: This is how women are rated. Despite the fact that it's called a "scale," it consists almost entirely of 1-3, which are hilariously monstrous, and 7-9, which are hottie supermodel beach babes like in Daddy's secret magazines. This scale is absolutely objective and entirely physical, and to suggest otherwise would be laughably Beta. (10 is customarily not awarded, as to do so would imply that you had lost your manly objectivity and discernment.) A woman in the upper range may also be an "HB"--"Hot Babe"--or ranked as HB8, HB9 etcetera.
Alpha/Beta: This is how men are rated. Betas represent 80% of all men and cannot get laid ever. Weirdly, this is generally held against women even by purported Alphas, as if it's really unfair and cruel of women to be more attracted to men who are more attractive. A man's Alpha/Beta status is almost entirely determined by his behavior--an Alpha is high in "status" and a demanding, demeaning asshole. A Beta may also be known as an "AFC": "Average Frustrated Chump," the specific implication being that the average non-PUA man on the street has never even heard a description of a vagina. Or a Beta may be a "Nice Guy," because being good and kind to humans is like being allergic to pussy.
(Note that the idea that "no Alpha would want anything less than a 7" and the idea "all the women are sleeping with Alphas" coexist quite comfortably.)
Approach: The only way to meet a woman is to come up to a complete stranger at a bar with a prefab opening line. This is the only way. It is within the bounds of possibility that you'd be at a club or maybe even a house party, but that's as far as it goes.
Close: This is how you win the game. Ideally it means you have sex, but getting a phone number or a kiss are also "closes" of some sort. There's even a "name close" for the truly desperate. I'm Holly, you win, congratulations, now go home.
Friend Zone: If closing is a man's goal in the game, friendzoning is the woman's goal. Women do not want, initially, to date or fuck men--they want to be "friends" which means that they will assert their dominance by continually not fucking you. Not-fucking a man is the cruelest thing a woman can do without using a chainsaw, and for that reason women love to do it. Rumors that friends engage in any activities or relationship dynamics other than not-fucking are completely worthless propaganda spread by feminazis.
Neg: This is probably the most famous PUA technique. You tell a stuck-up hot bitch that she ain't all that, so she'll fuck you to prove that she is all that. There are many related techniques that have their own stupid names, but all basically come down to withholding your affection so that the woman will jump all over you to get some of it.
Is this unkind or manipulative, or does it deliberately select for women with terrible self-esteem and the intelligence of a damp rock? Yes. Yes it is and it does. But hey, denying men sex, that's what's really unkind here. All this shit wouldn't be necessary if women would just be reasonable and have sex with literally every and any guy who asked. Or who didn't ask but wanted to.
Cocky and Funny: This is the attitude a PUA is supposed to project, and for once I don't have anything really bad to say about it, because I do like guys who are cocky and funny. Although when attempted by guys who have absolutely no internal confidence or sense of humor, it often turns into "Arrogant and Cheesy."
Kino: To touch a woman you're picking up in a totally natural and subtle and not creepy at all way. For example, you could just naturally happen to run your hand through her hair or rest your hand on her leg, the way normal people always do during normal conversation.
DHV: Demonstration of Higher Value. Talking about how super special and important you are and how in-demand your cock is. And if that works, you might as well tell her that "gullible" is written on your dick and see where that leads.
IOI: Indication Of Interest. (Also "DOI" for "Demonstration" or SOI for "Signs" or whatever.) This is how a woman shows you she's interested: by making eye contact, smiling, laughing at your jokes, talking to you, or acknowledging your existence in any way. Latch onto any IOI like a lamprey and refuse to be shaken off until you've sucked all her fish guts out.
Shit Test: When a woman insults you or tells you "no," she is testing how you'll react. It never ever means she actually doesn't like you. The way to pass the shit test is to sarge right ahead and show her that her little tricks don't fool you, you know she wants you.
If a woman asks you for any kind of favor, this is also a shit test--if you do anything for her, she'll see you as submissive and never fuck you. Therefore, if a woman says "could you watch my bag?" or "could you get me a drink while you're up?", the only correct answer is "HAHA NO WAY BITCH I'M ON TO YOUR LITTLE GAME." She'll love it.
Bitch Shield: Basically the same thing as the first type of shit test, this is where a woman acts deliberately unfriendly to get rid of you. As with shit tests, this just means you need to try even harder. Women don't get to just say no to your attention like they're in control of the whole world or something.
Anti-Slut Defense: One possible reason a woman might say "no" to you, other than game-playing or sheer insanity, is that she doesn't want to seem like a slut. Yeah, that must be why she doesn't want to fuck you, that's the only explanation that makes sense.
Peacocking: Wearing fucking ridiculous clothing.
PUA: Pick-Up Artist. A man who believes that fucking and (to a lesser extent) forming relationships with women is a matter of outsmarting and manipulating the women in very specific ways. The basic premise is that your behavior affects whether you get laid, which is obviously true--but the behaviors they recommend adopting, and the mental framework they use to justify these behaviors, range from absurd to horrifying. PUA also refers to the activity of Pick-Up Artistry, also called "Game" or "sarging."
1-10 scale: This is how women are rated. Despite the fact that it's called a "scale," it consists almost entirely of 1-3, which are hilariously monstrous, and 7-9, which are hottie supermodel beach babes like in Daddy's secret magazines. This scale is absolutely objective and entirely physical, and to suggest otherwise would be laughably Beta. (10 is customarily not awarded, as to do so would imply that you had lost your manly objectivity and discernment.) A woman in the upper range may also be an "HB"--"Hot Babe"--or ranked as HB8, HB9 etcetera.
Alpha/Beta: This is how men are rated. Betas represent 80% of all men and cannot get laid ever. Weirdly, this is generally held against women even by purported Alphas, as if it's really unfair and cruel of women to be more attracted to men who are more attractive. A man's Alpha/Beta status is almost entirely determined by his behavior--an Alpha is high in "status" and a demanding, demeaning asshole. A Beta may also be known as an "AFC": "Average Frustrated Chump," the specific implication being that the average non-PUA man on the street has never even heard a description of a vagina. Or a Beta may be a "Nice Guy," because being good and kind to humans is like being allergic to pussy.
(Note that the idea that "no Alpha would want anything less than a 7" and the idea "all the women are sleeping with Alphas" coexist quite comfortably.)
Approach: The only way to meet a woman is to come up to a complete stranger at a bar with a prefab opening line. This is the only way. It is within the bounds of possibility that you'd be at a club or maybe even a house party, but that's as far as it goes.
Close: This is how you win the game. Ideally it means you have sex, but getting a phone number or a kiss are also "closes" of some sort. There's even a "name close" for the truly desperate. I'm Holly, you win, congratulations, now go home.
Friend Zone: If closing is a man's goal in the game, friendzoning is the woman's goal. Women do not want, initially, to date or fuck men--they want to be "friends" which means that they will assert their dominance by continually not fucking you. Not-fucking a man is the cruelest thing a woman can do without using a chainsaw, and for that reason women love to do it. Rumors that friends engage in any activities or relationship dynamics other than not-fucking are completely worthless propaganda spread by feminazis.
Neg: This is probably the most famous PUA technique. You tell a stuck-up hot bitch that she ain't all that, so she'll fuck you to prove that she is all that. There are many related techniques that have their own stupid names, but all basically come down to withholding your affection so that the woman will jump all over you to get some of it.
Is this unkind or manipulative, or does it deliberately select for women with terrible self-esteem and the intelligence of a damp rock? Yes. Yes it is and it does. But hey, denying men sex, that's what's really unkind here. All this shit wouldn't be necessary if women would just be reasonable and have sex with literally every and any guy who asked. Or who didn't ask but wanted to.
Cocky and Funny: This is the attitude a PUA is supposed to project, and for once I don't have anything really bad to say about it, because I do like guys who are cocky and funny. Although when attempted by guys who have absolutely no internal confidence or sense of humor, it often turns into "Arrogant and Cheesy."
Kino: To touch a woman you're picking up in a totally natural and subtle and not creepy at all way. For example, you could just naturally happen to run your hand through her hair or rest your hand on her leg, the way normal people always do during normal conversation.
DHV: Demonstration of Higher Value. Talking about how super special and important you are and how in-demand your cock is. And if that works, you might as well tell her that "gullible" is written on your dick and see where that leads.
IOI: Indication Of Interest. (Also "DOI" for "Demonstration" or SOI for "Signs" or whatever.) This is how a woman shows you she's interested: by making eye contact, smiling, laughing at your jokes, talking to you, or acknowledging your existence in any way. Latch onto any IOI like a lamprey and refuse to be shaken off until you've sucked all her fish guts out.
Shit Test: When a woman insults you or tells you "no," she is testing how you'll react. It never ever means she actually doesn't like you. The way to pass the shit test is to sarge right ahead and show her that her little tricks don't fool you, you know she wants you.
If a woman asks you for any kind of favor, this is also a shit test--if you do anything for her, she'll see you as submissive and never fuck you. Therefore, if a woman says "could you watch my bag?" or "could you get me a drink while you're up?", the only correct answer is "HAHA NO WAY BITCH I'M ON TO YOUR LITTLE GAME." She'll love it.
Bitch Shield: Basically the same thing as the first type of shit test, this is where a woman acts deliberately unfriendly to get rid of you. As with shit tests, this just means you need to try even harder. Women don't get to just say no to your attention like they're in control of the whole world or something.
Anti-Slut Defense: One possible reason a woman might say "no" to you, other than game-playing or sheer insanity, is that she doesn't want to seem like a slut. Yeah, that must be why she doesn't want to fuck you, that's the only explanation that makes sense.
Peacocking: Wearing fucking ridiculous clothing.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Unrelated.
I kind of want someone to do the PUA thing to me. Just for the experience. But I realize that this is essentially a paradoxical wish, because I think part of the mythology is that the woman has to not know what's going on. (Nothing creepy about that...) Still, I'm curious what it would be like, and what my reactions to it would be. Maybe I've misjudged myself and in the face of True PUA Magic I'd just melt? I can't know unless I try.
---
You know what's an awesome feeling? Walking into a really podunk Denny's early in the morning under a guy's arm, and another girl under his other arm, with ten thousand pounds of swagger between you. Even if no one really notices or cares. Even if you didn't have sex! Just the feeling. Top of the goddamn world.
(I do not support "freaking the mundanes," but if someone has worked at Denny's for more than two weeks, they are not mundane and cannot be freaked by anything.)
---
I'm amazed that people are defending Mel Gibson. And I'm creeped right the fuck out that people can hear a tape of a man admitting he hit a woman and threatening to kill her, and immediately start thinking about what the woman is doing wrong.
The thing about "she's baiting him in this conversation just so she can tape him being crazy" is, most of the really nice people I know can't be baited into death threats. Maybe if you threatened their lives or their loved ones? Maybe. Definitely not just by being "too calm" and "saying just the things to work him up." It may be true that if you're nice to Mel Gibson then he doesn't hit you, but your real top-quality guys don't hit you whether you're nice or not.
Labrat has more.
---
You know what's an awesome feeling? Walking into a really podunk Denny's early in the morning under a guy's arm, and another girl under his other arm, with ten thousand pounds of swagger between you. Even if no one really notices or cares. Even if you didn't have sex! Just the feeling. Top of the goddamn world.
(I do not support "freaking the mundanes," but if someone has worked at Denny's for more than two weeks, they are not mundane and cannot be freaked by anything.)
---
I'm amazed that people are defending Mel Gibson. And I'm creeped right the fuck out that people can hear a tape of a man admitting he hit a woman and threatening to kill her, and immediately start thinking about what the woman is doing wrong.
The thing about "she's baiting him in this conversation just so she can tape him being crazy" is, most of the really nice people I know can't be baited into death threats. Maybe if you threatened their lives or their loved ones? Maybe. Definitely not just by being "too calm" and "saying just the things to work him up." It may be true that if you're nice to Mel Gibson then he doesn't hit you, but your real top-quality guys don't hit you whether you're nice or not.
Labrat has more.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Search Term... Sightseeing Journey! Part III.
cissplaining
Although I have never heard this term before, I instantly understand the meaning, and the meaning has something to do with "well, yes, I know it's your entire identity, but what about bathroom stalls? And pronouns? Dear God won't someone think about the bathrooms and pronouns?"
roissy asshole
Six different people searched on this phrase this month, and I love them all.
"paradox fetish"
So I want to go back in time and fuck myself, but I don't remember fucking myself, but if I go back in time my memory of that will change, but if my memory changes I won't be fucking myself for the first time, but it will be the first time for me... OHHHHH GOD I just came.
invisible nipple
how to fuck a girl in first date
This seems to have surpassed "can I get pregnant by doing X?" as my most frequently asked terrible question. And my answer is that probably you can't, but the two most important steps to improve your odds are:
1) Politely ask. Women may assume that you're not interested in fucking on the first date, and for that reason aren't going to make advances. Even I'm pretty reluctant to initiate sex on a first date unless I'm receiving some very clear signals.
2) It's not a "first date" if there's no chance of a second date. Guys who pressure girls for sex, then write them off as slutty or "already beat that game, now it's not interesting" afterwards, have burned a lot of otherwise-eager girls.
And using a date to fuck a woman you aren't interested in at all, without telling her that it's only casual sex--that's not a date, that's a scam.
"are there heterosexual women"
Yes.
"feminist histrionics"
You know, I don't think I've ever seen such a beast. Even radfems, who are about the loopiest people using the label "feminist" that I know, aren't really histrionic. They're wrong, often offensively wrong, but I wouldn't say that they're over-emotional or flailing around loudly or whatever. I've really never heard a feminist in a political discussion--even a crazy one--shriek.
(Side note: I hate, hate, hate the descriptor "shrill" when dismissing women. Yes, women's voices do tend to be high-pitched. Thanks for noticing.)
"multiple parasitic beasts"
With every search term, I get a little note of how long the person stayed and how many pages they viewed. Often, especially with off-topic terms like this, they only stay a few seconds before realizing I wasn't what they wanted and backing out. But this person stayed. Whatever page they found on my blog that matched this query, they liked it.
% of alpha males % beta males in general population
Someone hands you a survey. "Are you an alpha male or a beta male?" You know what the fuck they're talking about, know the answer unambigously, and write it down honestly. Thousands of other people, in a fair sampling of the male population, do the same. A pig soars high above, wings shimmering in the afternoon sunlight.
beta male fucking cunt bitches
"And I just don't know why women don't love me!"
can you look like an ordinary guy and have a girlfriend
Oh no, never. That's why humans ordinarily live in harems with large outlying packs of bachelor males, as you can easily see in the media or among your friends or any time you fucking go outdoors and see what human society looks like.
cfnm site aimed at straight men
That would be all of them.
first they're nice then they're bitchy pua
The usual order of things is "first they're nice, pua, then they're bitchy."
how to tell if you were a prodigy and just didn't express it
It's like how you tell if you're a natural blonde and just happen to grow brown hair.
if you dont fuck me i'll leave you free porn
Win/win?
the venusian arts how to pick up a barista
Oh god, people, please leave your baristas alone. They have to smile at you, okay? Their bosses tell them to. That is the smile of "I'll lose my income and health insurance if I don't smile." It does not mean you "really have something special there."
why do beta males get no love?
I have a huge, huge number of queries about "beta males," and they all annoy and depress me tremendously.
YOU ARE NOT A WOLF. THERE IS NO SUCH FUCKING THING AS AN ALPHA OR BETA HUMAN. TAKE SOME GODDAMN RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF.
Although I have never heard this term before, I instantly understand the meaning, and the meaning has something to do with "well, yes, I know it's your entire identity, but what about bathroom stalls? And pronouns? Dear God won't someone think about the bathrooms and pronouns?"
roissy asshole
Six different people searched on this phrase this month, and I love them all.
"paradox fetish"
So I want to go back in time and fuck myself, but I don't remember fucking myself, but if I go back in time my memory of that will change, but if my memory changes I won't be fucking myself for the first time, but it will be the first time for me... OHHHHH GOD I just came.
invisible nipple
how to fuck a girl in first date
This seems to have surpassed "can I get pregnant by doing X?" as my most frequently asked terrible question. And my answer is that probably you can't, but the two most important steps to improve your odds are:
1) Politely ask. Women may assume that you're not interested in fucking on the first date, and for that reason aren't going to make advances. Even I'm pretty reluctant to initiate sex on a first date unless I'm receiving some very clear signals.
2) It's not a "first date" if there's no chance of a second date. Guys who pressure girls for sex, then write them off as slutty or "already beat that game, now it's not interesting" afterwards, have burned a lot of otherwise-eager girls.
And using a date to fuck a woman you aren't interested in at all, without telling her that it's only casual sex--that's not a date, that's a scam.
"are there heterosexual women"
Yes.
"feminist histrionics"
You know, I don't think I've ever seen such a beast. Even radfems, who are about the loopiest people using the label "feminist" that I know, aren't really histrionic. They're wrong, often offensively wrong, but I wouldn't say that they're over-emotional or flailing around loudly or whatever. I've really never heard a feminist in a political discussion--even a crazy one--shriek.
(Side note: I hate, hate, hate the descriptor "shrill" when dismissing women. Yes, women's voices do tend to be high-pitched. Thanks for noticing.)
"multiple parasitic beasts"
With every search term, I get a little note of how long the person stayed and how many pages they viewed. Often, especially with off-topic terms like this, they only stay a few seconds before realizing I wasn't what they wanted and backing out. But this person stayed. Whatever page they found on my blog that matched this query, they liked it.
% of alpha males % beta males in general population
Someone hands you a survey. "Are you an alpha male or a beta male?" You know what the fuck they're talking about, know the answer unambigously, and write it down honestly. Thousands of other people, in a fair sampling of the male population, do the same. A pig soars high above, wings shimmering in the afternoon sunlight.
beta male fucking cunt bitches
"And I just don't know why women don't love me!"
can you look like an ordinary guy and have a girlfriend
Oh no, never. That's why humans ordinarily live in harems with large outlying packs of bachelor males, as you can easily see in the media or among your friends or any time you fucking go outdoors and see what human society looks like.
cfnm site aimed at straight men
That would be all of them.
first they're nice then they're bitchy pua
The usual order of things is "first they're nice, pua, then they're bitchy."
how to tell if you were a prodigy and just didn't express it
It's like how you tell if you're a natural blonde and just happen to grow brown hair.
if you dont fuck me i'll leave you free porn
Win/win?
the venusian arts how to pick up a barista
Oh god, people, please leave your baristas alone. They have to smile at you, okay? Their bosses tell them to. That is the smile of "I'll lose my income and health insurance if I don't smile." It does not mean you "really have something special there."
why do beta males get no love?
I have a huge, huge number of queries about "beta males," and they all annoy and depress me tremendously.
YOU ARE NOT A WOLF. THERE IS NO SUCH FUCKING THING AS AN ALPHA OR BETA HUMAN. TAKE SOME GODDAMN RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Locus of control.
Okay, sleep deprivation temporarily resolved, back to putting effort into this blog. Apologies for the less-effort, I know it's been showing lately.
---
The ancient Greeks believed there were two kinds of fate. There's the kind that you earn in consequence for your actions, and the kind that just happens because it's fate. Maybe your goats died because you had it coming, or maybe they just got sick. Consequences and destiny.
(I feel bad saying "the ancient Greeks" like that's one thing, but I'm having no luck looking up the actual source on this. I want to say it was the Cynics but I'm not sure. Either that or it was some idiot at a Pagan group making up totally deep, man shit and claiming it was the ancient Greeks and now I'm repeating it as fact. Anyway.)
This is a dichotomy that I think is important--and difficult--in the dating and meat markets. Sometimes people are attracted or not attracted because of you, and sometimes because of them, and usually it's a complex combination of both. Which is more correct: "He wasn't attracted to me," or "I wasn't attractive to him"?
Both attitudes become toxic when taken too far. Make your sexual locus of control entirely internal and you start acting entitled if you have a big ego or self-critical if you have a small one--sex becomes about what you deserve. You can also fall into obsessively rating yourself and others, since if only your perspective matters, attractiveness can be considered objective.
An entirely external locus of control, however, leaves you helpless. You feel resentment toward people who aren't attracted to you and a disturbing gratitude toward those who are, and view your preferred gender as a complete mystery. You also don't try very hard, because sex will come to you or not, there's nothing you can do. True love will see right past my stained sweatpants and shallow assholes will never like me anyway, so I won't change anything.
I skew toward internalizing; every time I get rejected in ways big and small I'm not angry but constantly concerned what I did wrong. (This is not just in sex; 98% of the time a non-crazy person calls me an asshole, my response is "oh God I'm so sorry" rather than "fuck you, asshole!") At the same time, I'm not all the way there, and I'm progressively getting better at understanding that someone else's decisions regarding me are not 100% about me.
I can't help but notice from my fortune-cookie descriptions that PUA is basically all about going from an external locus of control to an internal one--albeit usually way too far over, straight into "but if I'm sufficiently awesome no one should ever say no" territory.
As my usual radical-moderate self, I can only say that the answer is somewhere in the middle. You have some input, but sometimes you'll just run up against fate, and you have to be okay with that. People make decisions about you, so look good and be charming; but people make decisions for all kinds of reasons, so don't think it's all the failure or success of your charm. Finding this middle is ridiculously hard, and requires a very careful balancing of humility and confidence, but it's necessary or you'll end up one kind of crazy or another. In sex and in life.
---
I hate it when people call women "females." I have one friend who does it because she was in the military and it was standard practice there, and occasionally I'll say it when I specifically mean biological females rather than women, but 98% of the time it's douchebaggery. Rule of thumb: if you say "females and males" it's okay, but if you say "females and guys/men," you're probably a douchebag.
---
The ancient Greeks believed there were two kinds of fate. There's the kind that you earn in consequence for your actions, and the kind that just happens because it's fate. Maybe your goats died because you had it coming, or maybe they just got sick. Consequences and destiny.
(I feel bad saying "the ancient Greeks" like that's one thing, but I'm having no luck looking up the actual source on this. I want to say it was the Cynics but I'm not sure. Either that or it was some idiot at a Pagan group making up totally deep, man shit and claiming it was the ancient Greeks and now I'm repeating it as fact. Anyway.)
This is a dichotomy that I think is important--and difficult--in the dating and meat markets. Sometimes people are attracted or not attracted because of you, and sometimes because of them, and usually it's a complex combination of both. Which is more correct: "He wasn't attracted to me," or "I wasn't attractive to him"?
Both attitudes become toxic when taken too far. Make your sexual locus of control entirely internal and you start acting entitled if you have a big ego or self-critical if you have a small one--sex becomes about what you deserve. You can also fall into obsessively rating yourself and others, since if only your perspective matters, attractiveness can be considered objective.
An entirely external locus of control, however, leaves you helpless. You feel resentment toward people who aren't attracted to you and a disturbing gratitude toward those who are, and view your preferred gender as a complete mystery. You also don't try very hard, because sex will come to you or not, there's nothing you can do. True love will see right past my stained sweatpants and shallow assholes will never like me anyway, so I won't change anything.
I skew toward internalizing; every time I get rejected in ways big and small I'm not angry but constantly concerned what I did wrong. (This is not just in sex; 98% of the time a non-crazy person calls me an asshole, my response is "oh God I'm so sorry" rather than "fuck you, asshole!") At the same time, I'm not all the way there, and I'm progressively getting better at understanding that someone else's decisions regarding me are not 100% about me.
I can't help but notice from my fortune-cookie descriptions that PUA is basically all about going from an external locus of control to an internal one--albeit usually way too far over, straight into "but if I'm sufficiently awesome no one should ever say no" territory.
As my usual radical-moderate self, I can only say that the answer is somewhere in the middle. You have some input, but sometimes you'll just run up against fate, and you have to be okay with that. People make decisions about you, so look good and be charming; but people make decisions for all kinds of reasons, so don't think it's all the failure or success of your charm. Finding this middle is ridiculously hard, and requires a very careful balancing of humility and confidence, but it's necessary or you'll end up one kind of crazy or another. In sex and in life.
---
I hate it when people call women "females." I have one friend who does it because she was in the military and it was standard practice there, and occasionally I'll say it when I specifically mean biological females rather than women, but 98% of the time it's douchebaggery. Rule of thumb: if you say "females and males" it's okay, but if you say "females and guys/men," you're probably a douchebag.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
The Misandry Bubble - Part 3!
I met up with a friend to discuss an art project yesterday evening. At least, outwardly that's what happened. It's possible that beneath the surface, he was only acting nice to get sex from me, and I was only acting "friendly" to use him and rub in his face that he wasn't getting that sex. I mentioned this aloud, and we laughed and made fun of it, but maybe he just felt he had to do that so he wouldn't kill his chances. The mindfuck never ends.
The Venusian Arts : The Four SIrens and the legal changes feminists have instituted to obstruct beta men have created a climate where men have invented techniques and strategies to adapt to the more challenging marketplace, only to exceed their aspirations. This is a disruptive technology in its own right. All of us know a man who is neither handsome nor wealthy, but seems to have amazing success with women. He seems to have natural instincts regarding women that to the layperson may be indistinguishable from magic. So how does he do it?
Just as "hypergamy" is his ten-dollar word for "slut," "The Venusian Arts" are PUA by any other name. Why you would want a woman when they're evil monsters who will take all your money, I'm not sure. I guess it's just the "sports car you can stick your dick into" factor.
Anyway, in this case the Venusian Arts don't exist to get women, they exist to plug a hole in the theory: if women are horrible monsters, why do some guys seem to have satisfying relationships with them? It's inconceivable that they might actually be bonding to the women and double inconceivable that women might be bonding with them. Clearly the only answer is woman-taming magic.
Men who comprehended the concepts (a minority) and those who could undertake the total reconstitution of their personalities and avalanche of rejections as part of the learning curve (a still smaller minority) stood to reap tremendous benefits from becoming more attractive than the vast majority of unaware men.
Ah yes, if it doesn't work you must be misapplying the principles! You're such an idiot, next you'll be telling me you can't even see the Emperor's wonderful clothing.
Among the most valuable learnings from the body of knowledge is the contrarian revelation that what women say a man should do is often quite the antithesis of what would actually bring him success.
This is one of those parts that's really disturbing to read. Because I'm stuck in the body of a woman, and I'm only able to speak with a woman-voice. Could there be a sign or something I could hold up when I really mean what I'm saying? Maybe I could talk in a deeper voice when I say things that aren't lies? Some sort of signal?
For example, being a needy, supplicative, eager-to-please man is precisely the opposite behavior that a man should employ, where being dominant, teasing, amused, yet assertive is the optimal persona.
Oh yeah, I always go around telling everyone I want a needy, supplicative man. "Why can't a guy follow me around laughing too hard at my jokes and giving me weird awkward compliments while never actually being sexually assertive," I always ask my girlfriends. When I go on dates, I tell the guy, "you better start whining and wheedling now, mister," and see what he does.
As for dominant men, of course I really like dominant men, but that's a different use of the word. But I only like dominant men who are capable of talking to me on the level too. If a guy won't break out of his "ho ho, I am Lord King Man, you wanted to say something to me, that's so funny" persona long enough for us to have a goddamn conversation, well, we're not going to have a conversation.
I know, a woman just said what she wanted, how quaint, everybody do the opposite now.
An equally valuable lesson is to realize when not to take a woman's words at face value. Many statements from her are 'tests' to see if the man can remain congruent in his 'alpha' personality, where the woman is actually hoping the man does not eagerly comply to her wishes.
Again, I only have a lady voice! I am incapable, in this framework, of communicating when I actually mean "please go away, you're making me uncomfortable." Or even things like "can you hold my drink" aren't big planned-out tests, I just have to go potty and it would be gross to bring my drink in there.
It's important to point out at this juncture that I didn't go to Lady School. I just got dropped off in this world with no directions, and nobody ever took me aside and said "hey, you're a member of the Lady Club, here are the techniques you gotta use." I don't really know anything about relationships or attraction that guys don't. I'm making it up as I go along too.
Similarly, the 'feminist' Pavlovian reaction to call any non-compliant man a 'misogynist' should also not be taken as though a rational adult assigned the label after fair consideration. Such shaming language is only meant to deflect scrutiny from the woman uttering it, and should be given no more importance than a 10-year-old throwing a tantrum to avoid responsibility or accountability.
Whereas someone sticking their fingers in their ears and yelling "I can't hear it when girls talk, LA LA LA" is clearly nothing like a kid throwing a tantrum.
And this is such a 10-year-old-level attempt at a mindfuck, too. "I know you're going to call me a misogynist, therefore... I can't possibly be one?" Yeah, even my sarcasm-quote couldn't follow the logic there the whole way through.
For anyone seeking advice on the Venusian Arts, there is one rule you must never break. I believe it is of paramount importance that the knowledge be used ethically, and with the objective of creating mutually satisfying relationships with women. It is not moral to mistreat women, even if they have done the same to countless men. We, as men, have to take the high road even if women are not, and this is my firm belief.
Wow, what a fucking saint. You're like if Mahatma Gandhi fucked Mother Theresa and the baby took lessons from the Dalai Lama.
Anyway, the "even if they have done the same to countless men" is the sort of thing that sounds like you're not mistreating women now, but you'd definitely be justified if you did, and bitches shouldn't push it.
This was a short section, but I have to go to work soon, my shift at the Testicle Removal Factory starts bright and early, so I'll just post up when I've got now.
I recommend that all comments on "I just knew you bitches would cry misogyny", from misogynists, should be replied to only with references to poop. No more rebuttals. Just poop. This may seem like a frustratingly childish and debate-stalling tactic, but it takes one to know one, POOPHEAD.
The Venusian Arts : The Four SIrens and the legal changes feminists have instituted to obstruct beta men have created a climate where men have invented techniques and strategies to adapt to the more challenging marketplace, only to exceed their aspirations. This is a disruptive technology in its own right. All of us know a man who is neither handsome nor wealthy, but seems to have amazing success with women. He seems to have natural instincts regarding women that to the layperson may be indistinguishable from magic. So how does he do it?
Just as "hypergamy" is his ten-dollar word for "slut," "The Venusian Arts" are PUA by any other name. Why you would want a woman when they're evil monsters who will take all your money, I'm not sure. I guess it's just the "sports car you can stick your dick into" factor.
Anyway, in this case the Venusian Arts don't exist to get women, they exist to plug a hole in the theory: if women are horrible monsters, why do some guys seem to have satisfying relationships with them? It's inconceivable that they might actually be bonding to the women and double inconceivable that women might be bonding with them. Clearly the only answer is woman-taming magic.
Men who comprehended the concepts (a minority) and those who could undertake the total reconstitution of their personalities and avalanche of rejections as part of the learning curve (a still smaller minority) stood to reap tremendous benefits from becoming more attractive than the vast majority of unaware men.
Ah yes, if it doesn't work you must be misapplying the principles! You're such an idiot, next you'll be telling me you can't even see the Emperor's wonderful clothing.
Among the most valuable learnings from the body of knowledge is the contrarian revelation that what women say a man should do is often quite the antithesis of what would actually bring him success.
This is one of those parts that's really disturbing to read. Because I'm stuck in the body of a woman, and I'm only able to speak with a woman-voice. Could there be a sign or something I could hold up when I really mean what I'm saying? Maybe I could talk in a deeper voice when I say things that aren't lies? Some sort of signal?
For example, being a needy, supplicative, eager-to-please man is precisely the opposite behavior that a man should employ, where being dominant, teasing, amused, yet assertive is the optimal persona.
Oh yeah, I always go around telling everyone I want a needy, supplicative man. "Why can't a guy follow me around laughing too hard at my jokes and giving me weird awkward compliments while never actually being sexually assertive," I always ask my girlfriends. When I go on dates, I tell the guy, "you better start whining and wheedling now, mister," and see what he does.
As for dominant men, of course I really like dominant men, but that's a different use of the word. But I only like dominant men who are capable of talking to me on the level too. If a guy won't break out of his "ho ho, I am Lord King Man, you wanted to say something to me, that's so funny" persona long enough for us to have a goddamn conversation, well, we're not going to have a conversation.
I know, a woman just said what she wanted, how quaint, everybody do the opposite now.
An equally valuable lesson is to realize when not to take a woman's words at face value. Many statements from her are 'tests' to see if the man can remain congruent in his 'alpha' personality, where the woman is actually hoping the man does not eagerly comply to her wishes.
Again, I only have a lady voice! I am incapable, in this framework, of communicating when I actually mean "please go away, you're making me uncomfortable." Or even things like "can you hold my drink" aren't big planned-out tests, I just have to go potty and it would be gross to bring my drink in there.
It's important to point out at this juncture that I didn't go to Lady School. I just got dropped off in this world with no directions, and nobody ever took me aside and said "hey, you're a member of the Lady Club, here are the techniques you gotta use." I don't really know anything about relationships or attraction that guys don't. I'm making it up as I go along too.
Similarly, the 'feminist' Pavlovian reaction to call any non-compliant man a 'misogynist' should also not be taken as though a rational adult assigned the label after fair consideration. Such shaming language is only meant to deflect scrutiny from the woman uttering it, and should be given no more importance than a 10-year-old throwing a tantrum to avoid responsibility or accountability.
Whereas someone sticking their fingers in their ears and yelling "I can't hear it when girls talk, LA LA LA" is clearly nothing like a kid throwing a tantrum.
And this is such a 10-year-old-level attempt at a mindfuck, too. "I know you're going to call me a misogynist, therefore... I can't possibly be one?" Yeah, even my sarcasm-quote couldn't follow the logic there the whole way through.
For anyone seeking advice on the Venusian Arts, there is one rule you must never break. I believe it is of paramount importance that the knowledge be used ethically, and with the objective of creating mutually satisfying relationships with women. It is not moral to mistreat women, even if they have done the same to countless men. We, as men, have to take the high road even if women are not, and this is my firm belief.
Wow, what a fucking saint. You're like if Mahatma Gandhi fucked Mother Theresa and the baby took lessons from the Dalai Lama.
Anyway, the "even if they have done the same to countless men" is the sort of thing that sounds like you're not mistreating women now, but you'd definitely be justified if you did, and bitches shouldn't push it.
This was a short section, but I have to go to work soon, my shift at the Testicle Removal Factory starts bright and early, so I'll just post up when I've got now.
I recommend that all comments on "I just knew you bitches would cry misogyny", from misogynists, should be replied to only with references to poop. No more rebuttals. Just poop. This may seem like a frustratingly childish and debate-stalling tactic, but it takes one to know one, POOPHEAD.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Flatland.
I don't usually just copypasta something and call it a post, but I'm making an exception for awesomeness. This was, of all things, on a nail polish blog, but I just have to reproduce it because it's too awesome:
Their vertexes locked across the room. The sexagon slid boldly over the plane until he stood before the lithe young triangle. "Hey, baby," he said. "If I told you that you had a beautiful perimeter, would you hold it against me?"
The triangle blushed and looked shyly at her smallest angle.
"Come on, doll," the brazen sexagon continued, "Don't be obtuse. It doesn't suit acute one like you. You don't want to be a square, do you? I'm not going to stand here and complement you all night. Let me buy you a gin and conic."
"No, thanks," the triangle said. "What's your angle?"
"My angle? You could fill the null set with all the other guys in here who would give you the coordinates of the origin. Look, you know you're the right triangle for me. Let's go back to my place and we can give it an ol' whirl around the XXX-axis. Tangentially, it's cool if you're bisectoral, you can bring a friend."
Credit to Panderbear.
Their vertexes locked across the room. The sexagon slid boldly over the plane until he stood before the lithe young triangle. "Hey, baby," he said. "If I told you that you had a beautiful perimeter, would you hold it against me?"
The triangle blushed and looked shyly at her smallest angle.
"Come on, doll," the brazen sexagon continued, "Don't be obtuse. It doesn't suit acute one like you. You don't want to be a square, do you? I'm not going to stand here and complement you all night. Let me buy you a gin and conic."
"No, thanks," the triangle said. "What's your angle?"
"My angle? You could fill the null set with all the other guys in here who would give you the coordinates of the origin. Look, you know you're the right triangle for me. Let's go back to my place and we can give it an ol' whirl around the XXX-axis. Tangentially, it's cool if you're bisectoral, you can bring a friend."
Credit to Panderbear.
Friday, April 30, 2010
"Poon"?
By unpopular demand, back to the well for Roissy's Sixteen Commandments of Poon. Ugh. After this I have to write about, like, bunnies and clouds, or kissing in the rain,or that time that I was fucking this dude and he was ramming my head into the wall on every thrust but I didn't really mind because that kind of sex is worth a little plaster in your hair.
I. Never say ‘I Love You’ first
Okay, so this isn't pickup game, this is deep into the relationship. And yet you're still gaming her, somehow? You've been together for months and you're still insecure enough to be constantly pulling strings? Fuck, man, what do you even want a relationship for if you're not going to relax and enjoy it?
Women want to feel like they have to overcome obstacles to win a man’s heart. They crave the challenge of capturing the interest of a man who has other women competing for his attention, and eventually prevailing over his grudging reluctance to award his committed exclusivity.
Mmm... grudging. I always dreamed of giving my heart to a grudging man.
II. Make her jealous
Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you. Women will never admit this but jealousy excites them. The thought of you turning on another woman will arouse her sexually.
That's true for some women. It's not true for others. This is why I like the sex-positive community: in here, in this rarified little world of kinksters and poly folk and sex nerds, when you come upon a situation like that you can ask. It's not a perfect system, people still bite off more than they can chew or turn "communication" into just another arena for pissfights, but it beats the fuck out of just guessing. Guess-based sexuality annoys the shit out of me.
Also, even if I do get a little wet thinking about you with another woman, I'm still going to get pissed off if I suspect you're going to actually do it. (I mean, without asking. But this isn't the advanced class.)
III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority
Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out.
Can I pick Option C? He follows his life purpose and I follow my own goddamn life purpose. I actually agree that it's not healthy to ignore your life goals for your partner--whether you're male or female.
As for "subordinating myself"--I can't tell when Roissy is trolling sometimes. There's a thin line between his "ha ha, I'm a totally bad boy, IN YOUR FACE political correctness because I'm EDGY" and the things he actually means. I'm sure he's proud of this fact but I think it's just a cover mechanism for not knowing the difference himself.
IV. Don’t play by her rules
If you allow a woman to make the rules she will resent you with a seething contempt even a rapist cannot inspire.
Actually, if you don't allow a woman to make some rules you might be a rapist.
The strongest woman and the most strident feminist wants to be led by, and to submit to, a more powerful man. Polarity is the core of a healthy loving relationship. She does not want the prerogative to walk all over you with her capricious demands and mercurial moods. Her emotions are a hurricane, her soul a saboteur. Think of yourself as a bulwark against her tempest. When she grasps for a pillar to steady herself against the whipping winds or yearns for an authority figure to foil her worst instincts, it is you who has to be there… strong, solid, unshakeable and immovable.
Oh. I get it. I actually feel a little sympathy for him now. He's not (just) an asshole, he's kinky! Roissy is totally a Dom! But he's one of those fetishists who doesn't understand that their fetish isn't universal. He's the equivalent of the foot fetishist who thinks that every woman in sandals is doing it on purpose to tease him.
Or he might just be an asshole. I don't want to hastily rule anything out.
V. Adhere to the golden ratio
Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less.
Not only is this supremely assholish, not only is it one of those "why are you in a relationship again?" moments, it just seems hard to keep track of. I'd accidentally emote a full 4/3rds sometimes and it would take weeks of stoneface to get back on track.
VI. Keep her guessing
True to their inscrutable natures, women ask questions they don’t really want direct answers to. Woe be the man who plays it straight — his fate is the suffering of the beta. Evade, tease, obfuscate.
Some of this seems like it was written in an alternate universe where women never just break up with their boyfriends. This kind of thing doesn't say "maybe I'm a man of mystery, you'll never know" to me, it says "I'm totally cheating." I mean, I don't know that he's cheating, he could be addicted to drugs or gambling or just pathologically secretive, but my point is, none of the options are glamorous.
And how dumb would you feel if you got dumped for cheating and you weren't even cheating?
VII. Always keep two in the kitty
Oh, so you are cheating. Never mind.
VIII. Say you’re sorry only when absolutely necessary
Apologizing increases the demand for more apologies. She will come to expect your contrition, like a cat expects its meal at a set time each day.
Yeah, because arguments and unhappiness are delicious like cat food. Jesus Christ, if you really think a woman is just a couple "I'm sorry"s away from becoming a mewling emotional vampire, you should probably invest in a Fleshlight and a single bed.
IX. Connect with her emotions
Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.
Wow, all that douchebaggery and suddenly we're in a romance novel. Actually kind of a good one. I never knew ol' Roissy had it in him. I think there's still some douchey "women are irrational and mysterious" subtext here, but it's so pretty that I irrationally like it.
X. Ignore her beauty
The man who trains his mind to subdue the reward centers of his brain when reflecting upon a beautiful female face will magically transform his interactions with women. His apprehension and self-consciousness will melt away, paving the path for more honest and self-possessed interactions with the objects of his desire.[...] It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words hot, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on. Instead, say to yourself “she’s interesting” or “she might be worth getting to know”.
Oh my God, what's wrong with me, I'm kind of agreeing with Roissy. Not the part where you never compliment her looks, but he's got a point here. Except that I want to know how you train yourself to ignore beauty, but then exclusively pursue 22YOBS anyway.
XI. Be irrationally self-confident
No matter what your station in life, stride through the world without apology or excuse. It does not matter if objectively you are not the best man a woman can get; what matters is that you think and act like you are.
God dammit asshole, stop having good points.
XII. Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses
In the betterment of ourselves as men we attract women into our orbit. To accomplish this gravitational pull as painlessly and efficiently as possible, you must identify your natural talents and shortcomings and parcel your efforts accordingly. If you are a gifted jokester, don’t waste time and energy trying to raise your status in philosophical debate. If you write well but dance poorly, don’t kill yourself trying to expand your manly influence on the dancefloor.
And again. Why did he spend the first half of this page telling people how to be emotionally abusive assholes, and then use some actual insight on the second? It's jarring.
XIII. Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little
Touching a woman inappropriately on the first date will get you further with her than not touching her at all. Don’t let a woman’s faux indignation at your boldness sway you; they secretly love it when a man aggressively pursues what he wants and makes his sexual intentions known.
Oh good, there's the emotionally abusive asshole we know and do not love. And he's advocating rape! Or at least groping. I've never played the "faux indignation" game myself, but I have played the "real indignation and never seeing him again" game, and I'm capable of playing the "911, I'm going to need the police... and an ambulance" game if it comes to that, buddy.
(At least I hope I am. Shit, this is sending me into an uncomfortable tangent of wondering whether I could physically defend myself from a date who went too far. I've never been threatened with anything really bad, but fuck, I can't even talk mean to most guys who push my boundaries. I could do it if he was hostile, if he was all "I'm going to hurt you bitch" I could bust out the Krav Maga and/or concealed weaponry, but if took the "I thought you liked it" tactic--and they very often do--I have the hideous suspicion that I'd end up apologizing to him. Still wouldn't see him again, though.)
XIV. Fuck her good
Fuck her like it’s your last fuck. And hers. Fuck her so good, so hard, so wantonly, so profligately that she is left a quivering, sparking mass of shaking flesh and sex fluids. Drain her of everything, then drain her some more. Kiss her all over, make love to her all night, and hold her close in the morning.
Oh Roissy you incurable romantic. This sounds pretty good... assuming it's not being done over her "faux indignation."
XV. Maintain your state control
You are an oak tree. You will not be manipulated by crying, yelling, lying, head games, sexual withdrawal, jealousy ploys, pity plays, shit tests, hot/cold/hot/cold, disappearing acts, or guilt trips.
Jesus, if she's throwing all that at you, maybe it's time to go be an oak tree somewhere else.
XVI. Never be afraid to lose her
Solid advice. After you've cheated on her, been emotionally withholding, ignored her desires, completely bafffled her with erratic behavior and impenetrable arrogance, continuously treated her like she's a crazy manipulative bitch, and possibly physically violated her a little, you'd better be ready to lose her.
I. Never say ‘I Love You’ first
Okay, so this isn't pickup game, this is deep into the relationship. And yet you're still gaming her, somehow? You've been together for months and you're still insecure enough to be constantly pulling strings? Fuck, man, what do you even want a relationship for if you're not going to relax and enjoy it?
Women want to feel like they have to overcome obstacles to win a man’s heart. They crave the challenge of capturing the interest of a man who has other women competing for his attention, and eventually prevailing over his grudging reluctance to award his committed exclusivity.
Mmm... grudging. I always dreamed of giving my heart to a grudging man.
II. Make her jealous
Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you. Women will never admit this but jealousy excites them. The thought of you turning on another woman will arouse her sexually.
That's true for some women. It's not true for others. This is why I like the sex-positive community: in here, in this rarified little world of kinksters and poly folk and sex nerds, when you come upon a situation like that you can ask. It's not a perfect system, people still bite off more than they can chew or turn "communication" into just another arena for pissfights, but it beats the fuck out of just guessing. Guess-based sexuality annoys the shit out of me.
Also, even if I do get a little wet thinking about you with another woman, I'm still going to get pissed off if I suspect you're going to actually do it. (I mean, without asking. But this isn't the advanced class.)
III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority
Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out.
Can I pick Option C? He follows his life purpose and I follow my own goddamn life purpose. I actually agree that it's not healthy to ignore your life goals for your partner--whether you're male or female.
As for "subordinating myself"--I can't tell when Roissy is trolling sometimes. There's a thin line between his "ha ha, I'm a totally bad boy, IN YOUR FACE political correctness because I'm EDGY" and the things he actually means. I'm sure he's proud of this fact but I think it's just a cover mechanism for not knowing the difference himself.
IV. Don’t play by her rules
If you allow a woman to make the rules she will resent you with a seething contempt even a rapist cannot inspire.
Actually, if you don't allow a woman to make some rules you might be a rapist.
The strongest woman and the most strident feminist wants to be led by, and to submit to, a more powerful man. Polarity is the core of a healthy loving relationship. She does not want the prerogative to walk all over you with her capricious demands and mercurial moods. Her emotions are a hurricane, her soul a saboteur. Think of yourself as a bulwark against her tempest. When she grasps for a pillar to steady herself against the whipping winds or yearns for an authority figure to foil her worst instincts, it is you who has to be there… strong, solid, unshakeable and immovable.
Oh. I get it. I actually feel a little sympathy for him now. He's not (just) an asshole, he's kinky! Roissy is totally a Dom! But he's one of those fetishists who doesn't understand that their fetish isn't universal. He's the equivalent of the foot fetishist who thinks that every woman in sandals is doing it on purpose to tease him.
Or he might just be an asshole. I don't want to hastily rule anything out.
V. Adhere to the golden ratio
Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less.
Not only is this supremely assholish, not only is it one of those "why are you in a relationship again?" moments, it just seems hard to keep track of. I'd accidentally emote a full 4/3rds sometimes and it would take weeks of stoneface to get back on track.
VI. Keep her guessing
True to their inscrutable natures, women ask questions they don’t really want direct answers to. Woe be the man who plays it straight — his fate is the suffering of the beta. Evade, tease, obfuscate.
Some of this seems like it was written in an alternate universe where women never just break up with their boyfriends. This kind of thing doesn't say "maybe I'm a man of mystery, you'll never know" to me, it says "I'm totally cheating." I mean, I don't know that he's cheating, he could be addicted to drugs or gambling or just pathologically secretive, but my point is, none of the options are glamorous.
And how dumb would you feel if you got dumped for cheating and you weren't even cheating?
VII. Always keep two in the kitty
Oh, so you are cheating. Never mind.
VIII. Say you’re sorry only when absolutely necessary
Apologizing increases the demand for more apologies. She will come to expect your contrition, like a cat expects its meal at a set time each day.
Yeah, because arguments and unhappiness are delicious like cat food. Jesus Christ, if you really think a woman is just a couple "I'm sorry"s away from becoming a mewling emotional vampire, you should probably invest in a Fleshlight and a single bed.
IX. Connect with her emotions
Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.
Wow, all that douchebaggery and suddenly we're in a romance novel. Actually kind of a good one. I never knew ol' Roissy had it in him. I think there's still some douchey "women are irrational and mysterious" subtext here, but it's so pretty that I irrationally like it.
X. Ignore her beauty
The man who trains his mind to subdue the reward centers of his brain when reflecting upon a beautiful female face will magically transform his interactions with women. His apprehension and self-consciousness will melt away, paving the path for more honest and self-possessed interactions with the objects of his desire.[...] It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words hot, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on. Instead, say to yourself “she’s interesting” or “she might be worth getting to know”.
Oh my God, what's wrong with me, I'm kind of agreeing with Roissy. Not the part where you never compliment her looks, but he's got a point here. Except that I want to know how you train yourself to ignore beauty, but then exclusively pursue 22YOBS anyway.
XI. Be irrationally self-confident
No matter what your station in life, stride through the world without apology or excuse. It does not matter if objectively you are not the best man a woman can get; what matters is that you think and act like you are.
God dammit asshole, stop having good points.
XII. Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses
In the betterment of ourselves as men we attract women into our orbit. To accomplish this gravitational pull as painlessly and efficiently as possible, you must identify your natural talents and shortcomings and parcel your efforts accordingly. If you are a gifted jokester, don’t waste time and energy trying to raise your status in philosophical debate. If you write well but dance poorly, don’t kill yourself trying to expand your manly influence on the dancefloor.
And again. Why did he spend the first half of this page telling people how to be emotionally abusive assholes, and then use some actual insight on the second? It's jarring.
XIII. Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little
Touching a woman inappropriately on the first date will get you further with her than not touching her at all. Don’t let a woman’s faux indignation at your boldness sway you; they secretly love it when a man aggressively pursues what he wants and makes his sexual intentions known.
Oh good, there's the emotionally abusive asshole we know and do not love. And he's advocating rape! Or at least groping. I've never played the "faux indignation" game myself, but I have played the "real indignation and never seeing him again" game, and I'm capable of playing the "911, I'm going to need the police... and an ambulance" game if it comes to that, buddy.
(At least I hope I am. Shit, this is sending me into an uncomfortable tangent of wondering whether I could physically defend myself from a date who went too far. I've never been threatened with anything really bad, but fuck, I can't even talk mean to most guys who push my boundaries. I could do it if he was hostile, if he was all "I'm going to hurt you bitch" I could bust out the Krav Maga and/or concealed weaponry, but if took the "I thought you liked it" tactic--and they very often do--I have the hideous suspicion that I'd end up apologizing to him. Still wouldn't see him again, though.)
XIV. Fuck her good
Fuck her like it’s your last fuck. And hers. Fuck her so good, so hard, so wantonly, so profligately that she is left a quivering, sparking mass of shaking flesh and sex fluids. Drain her of everything, then drain her some more. Kiss her all over, make love to her all night, and hold her close in the morning.
Oh Roissy you incurable romantic. This sounds pretty good... assuming it's not being done over her "faux indignation."
XV. Maintain your state control
You are an oak tree. You will not be manipulated by crying, yelling, lying, head games, sexual withdrawal, jealousy ploys, pity plays, shit tests, hot/cold/hot/cold, disappearing acts, or guilt trips.
Jesus, if she's throwing all that at you, maybe it's time to go be an oak tree somewhere else.
XVI. Never be afraid to lose her
Solid advice. After you've cheated on her, been emotionally withholding, ignored her desires, completely bafffled her with erratic behavior and impenetrable arrogance, continuously treated her like she's a crazy manipulative bitch, and possibly physically violated her a little, you'd better be ready to lose her.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
The other Roissy test.
Something I should clarify in general: I don't think that everything PUAs say is automatically wrong. It's absolutely true that self-confidence and polished social skills can impress chicks, in a totally ethical and effective way. But there is a whole lotta bullshit besides self-confidence and social skills out there under the label PUA. Silly acronyms and number games and "status" hijinks and game-playing and refusal to take a "no" and tremendous misogyny are a part of it too, and the good advice mixed in doesn't make that shit okay.
Anyway. Since we're all looking at our Roissy scores as if that were a real thing (it's not), I have to try an experiment that I haven't seen before. Remembering that my score was -5, "lesser beta" on the lady test, I'm taking the dude test.
1. How old are you?
under 25 years old: 0 points
So I'm a little too young for a 16-year-old, really.
2. How tall are you?
under 5’9″: -1 point
Okay, this one's unfair. I'm pretty damn short for a girl, though, so even proportionally I'd still lose.
3. What is your BMI?
over 27.0: -1 point
Gosh, it was ten points when I was a girl. This is a smaller ding than wearing flip-flops!
4. How much do you bench press?
60% or less of your body weight: -1 point
I carry a bench and barbell around with me to test guys before I'd consider fucking them. Sure it's cumbersome, but it's the only way to be sure you're getting top quality merchandise.
5. What does your hairline look like?
Full head of hair if you are under 35: 0 points
The scoring on this one is complex. Being balding is bad if you're under 35 but okay if you're over and okay if you're black and if you're over 35 with hair that's the only way to get the bonus point.
6. How much money do you make?
under $40K and you are out of college: -1 point
This might be just as unfair as the height question, since if you multiply my salary by a 1.4 maleness conversion factor it's over $40K. But that's a whole nother argument. Also, note that despite the whole "women are all about status" thing, this is pretty lightly weighted. You can make up for being stone broke at 50 just by having hair.
7. Do you have a car?
Yes (over 21yo): 0 points
My 1999 Chevy Lumina brings all the girls to the yard. Damn right, it's got more mechanical problems than yours.
8. Are you good-looking?
5 – 7: 0 points
This one, which was worth a full page of extensive dissection in the female version, is skimmed over with an almost embarrassed hastiness, because caring what a guy looks like is pretty gay. Also note that being average is neutral here, while a girl has to be well above average to avoid losing points. (All of our students are above average!)
9. Have you ever played a leading role in a team sport?
No: 0 points
Unless you're in the NFL or NBA, I don't think this matters after college. (Hell, I don't know how I'd even know if a guy was captain of his high school soccer team or whatever, that's a lot more "trivia" than "selling point.")
10. What is your occupation?
Neutral status (engineer, programmer, accountant, salesman, mid level manager, scientist, military officer, well-paid tradesman, etc.): 0 points
Programmer is "neutral status"?
11. How many friends do you have?
4 to 20: 0 points
Like on Facebook, or like people who I could call them up this minute and cry on their shoulder for hours? Anyway, I actually kind of agree with this one, guys with no friends at all are definitely not super prospects. Even if they do have hair.
12. How many friends have you met through the internet that you have never seen in person?
over 2: -1 point
Dammit, Facebook. I'm going to be like a "lesser omega who smells funny" now.
13. When was the last time you went to a house party?
Within the past month: +1 point
I wonder if I'd lose the point if Roissy knew that we were talking about RPGs and Internet drama the whole time.
14. Have people besides your family called you funny?
Nearly everyone who knows me: +1 point
Which is impressive, because girls aren't funny, they have boobs for that.
15. What is your IQ?
over 145: -1 point
Wow, I wasn't expecting this one. I don't think I've ever rejected a guy for being too smart. (Smart and socially inept, sure, but there are smart and sociable guys out there, it's not an inevitable linkage.) But then again, look at me talking, I'm a lesser beta, what do I know.
16. At a party, which happens first – you approach someone or someone approaches you?
I occasionally approach first: 0 points
Actually I kinda just walk around and talk to people or people talk to me, I don't really calculate it in my head as an elaborate dance of approaches and reactions. I go to parties to have fun, dude.
17. Have you ever been in a serious fight where real punches were thrown and you felt like you wanted to kill your opponent(s)?
No: 0 points
This makes me less sexy, because girls really love the homicidal type.
18. Have you ever been arrested?
Yes: +1 point
I got arrested once when I was eight for riding my bike after curfew without a light, and I was so scared I barfed on the cop. Apparently this makes me a dangerously desirable bad boy. (I might just have been detained, I'm not sure if that was an "arrest" legally, but it's a hilarious story anyway.)
Note that being arrested for child porn is a smaller ding than flip-flops.
19. You are on a second date with a girl. You go to kiss her. She turns her cheek to you and says “Slow down, I’m not that kind of girl.” You reply:
(A) ”Sorry.” -1 point
Respecting boundaries is so not hot. The right answer is "This could be trouble ’cause I’m that kind of guy. *smirk*" Because implicit rape threats (I get the feeling that this line is meant to be delivered while cornering her alone and not quite forcing a kiss but not backing off) are so hot.
20. You’re chatting up a pretty girl you just met in a bar. After a few minutes she asks you to buy her a drink. You reply:
(B) “I’m not an ATM.” 0 points
Not in so many words, because that's toolish and as a girl I would take it as a straight-up rejection, but I have to admit that it would be weird for someone to ask me to buy them a drink. I certainly never ask guys that. (Partly because accepting a drink seems to imply consent for absolutely anything they want to do to me for the entire rest of the night. Man that's five bucks well spent.)
21. You’ve just met a cute girl in a club and have been talking with her for five minutes when she abruptly changes the topic to a raunchy conversation about her multiorgasmic ability. You respond with:
(A) a huge grin and an eager “Damn! That is HOT!” -1 point
Because fuck yeah. Also, seriously dude, if I'm talking like that, unless I'm a major-league advanced-level game player (I'm totally not), it means I want to fuck you. If we've known each other five minutes and I'm talking about my orgasms, there's no pickup to be done; the Game is over and you won. (We both won! After all, if things go well I'm going to have those orgasms, and duuuude.)
The correct answer is of course "a raised eyebrow while saying 'Hey, thanks for the medical report.'" Which I would take as a crushing rejection and slink away in embarrassment.
22. The pickup has been going well. Later in the night she leans in and begins making out with you passionately. You feel like a king and your jeans suddenly feel much tighter. Do you:
(B) continue making out with her for as long as she wishes. 0 points
This is of course a loser move. The winner move is "kiss for a little bit then push her gently away and look distracted for a second." Apparently Roissy's whole philosophy of pickup is acting like you don't want the girl at all and rejecting her at every step. (Except if she says no to you, then it's Rapeasaurus Rex time.)
"He didn't buy me a drink, didn't want to talk sexy, and wasn't into making out--I've never been more aroused in my life!"
Hmm. I wonder if this ties into the idea that women (or 22YOBS, at least) are constantly fending off a huge surplus of sexual attraction. I guess if everyone a woman encounters drools over her, being a little less accessible would make you stand out, but very very very few women have that experience. To any woman who's accustomed to rejection (i.e., 99% of them including most 22YOBS), this would feel exactly like rejection.
23. You go to a bar. Twenty feet away are a pretty girl, a fat girl, and an average guy talking amongst themselves. The pretty girl briefly eye flirts with you. In reponse, you:
(B) immediately approach in a direct fashion maintaining strong eye contact with your target. 0 points
Well, that makes it sound like I'm charging like a goddamn bull. I would actually just go up and say hi.
The correct answer is "immediately approach but from an indirect angle, looking around the room distractedly on the way over to your target as if you might see an even prettier girl somewhere else, and finally delivering your opener from over your shoulder." Because nothing screams sexual confidence like elaborate choreography.
24. Who do you address first?
(C) everyone. +1 point
Whee, I win. And of course "fat" is the opposite of "pretty," that goes without saying.
25. After getting the whole group engaged in conversation and having a good time, your target blurts out “Hey nice pink shirt! Are you gay?” You:
(A) say “No, I’m not gay!” -1 point
Although my intonation would be a bit more "nope, not gay." Because it's not some deathly insult I must defend myself from.
The correct answer is “OK, who brought their little sister to the bar!”, which is actually a little tempting considering the homophobia implicit in her remark, but at this point, she would stop being my "target," because I don't fuck people who think that "LOL PINK LOL GAY" is good flirting.
26. In the middle of the conversation you have to pee. You say:
(B) “Excuse me.” 0 points
Winners just fucking walk away mid-sentence. Roissy's flirting is really, really, really indistinguishable from rejection. Cruel rejection at that.
27. You’ve managed to get her outside your front door. There is obvious sexual tension. You want to close this deal. You say:
(B) “Why don’t you come inside?” 0 points
The correct answer: “I’m thirsty. Are you thirsty? Let’s go inside and taste DC’s finest tap water. But you can only stay for a minute, I have to get up early.”
Wow, seriously? Wow. Roissy's just fucking with us at this point.
And my score is... -5! Holy shit! It's the same! This must be totally scientifically accurate!
Lesser beta. You don’t immediately disgust girls; they just don’t notice you. With much painful effort you can redeem yourself.
So apparently as a Beta-Minus female I could fuck Beta-Minus males, but as a Beta-Minus male I can't fuck anyone without painful effort? This is where my whole "math" argument comes in.
God, I'm stuck on Roissy like a train wreck. I so want to look away... but I don't.
Anyway. Since we're all looking at our Roissy scores as if that were a real thing (it's not), I have to try an experiment that I haven't seen before. Remembering that my score was -5, "lesser beta" on the lady test, I'm taking the dude test.
1. How old are you?
under 25 years old: 0 points
So I'm a little too young for a 16-year-old, really.
2. How tall are you?
under 5’9″: -1 point
Okay, this one's unfair. I'm pretty damn short for a girl, though, so even proportionally I'd still lose.
3. What is your BMI?
over 27.0: -1 point
Gosh, it was ten points when I was a girl. This is a smaller ding than wearing flip-flops!
4. How much do you bench press?
60% or less of your body weight: -1 point
I carry a bench and barbell around with me to test guys before I'd consider fucking them. Sure it's cumbersome, but it's the only way to be sure you're getting top quality merchandise.
5. What does your hairline look like?
Full head of hair if you are under 35: 0 points
The scoring on this one is complex. Being balding is bad if you're under 35 but okay if you're over and okay if you're black and if you're over 35 with hair that's the only way to get the bonus point.
6. How much money do you make?
under $40K and you are out of college: -1 point
This might be just as unfair as the height question, since if you multiply my salary by a 1.4 maleness conversion factor it's over $40K. But that's a whole nother argument. Also, note that despite the whole "women are all about status" thing, this is pretty lightly weighted. You can make up for being stone broke at 50 just by having hair.
7. Do you have a car?
Yes (over 21yo): 0 points
My 1999 Chevy Lumina brings all the girls to the yard. Damn right, it's got more mechanical problems than yours.
8. Are you good-looking?
5 – 7: 0 points
This one, which was worth a full page of extensive dissection in the female version, is skimmed over with an almost embarrassed hastiness, because caring what a guy looks like is pretty gay. Also note that being average is neutral here, while a girl has to be well above average to avoid losing points. (All of our students are above average!)
9. Have you ever played a leading role in a team sport?
No: 0 points
Unless you're in the NFL or NBA, I don't think this matters after college. (Hell, I don't know how I'd even know if a guy was captain of his high school soccer team or whatever, that's a lot more "trivia" than "selling point.")
10. What is your occupation?
Neutral status (engineer, programmer, accountant, salesman, mid level manager, scientist, military officer, well-paid tradesman, etc.): 0 points
Programmer is "neutral status"?
11. How many friends do you have?
4 to 20: 0 points
Like on Facebook, or like people who I could call them up this minute and cry on their shoulder for hours? Anyway, I actually kind of agree with this one, guys with no friends at all are definitely not super prospects. Even if they do have hair.
12. How many friends have you met through the internet that you have never seen in person?
over 2: -1 point
Dammit, Facebook. I'm going to be like a "lesser omega who smells funny" now.
13. When was the last time you went to a house party?
Within the past month: +1 point
I wonder if I'd lose the point if Roissy knew that we were talking about RPGs and Internet drama the whole time.
14. Have people besides your family called you funny?
Nearly everyone who knows me: +1 point
Which is impressive, because girls aren't funny, they have boobs for that.
15. What is your IQ?
over 145: -1 point
Wow, I wasn't expecting this one. I don't think I've ever rejected a guy for being too smart. (Smart and socially inept, sure, but there are smart and sociable guys out there, it's not an inevitable linkage.) But then again, look at me talking, I'm a lesser beta, what do I know.
16. At a party, which happens first – you approach someone or someone approaches you?
I occasionally approach first: 0 points
Actually I kinda just walk around and talk to people or people talk to me, I don't really calculate it in my head as an elaborate dance of approaches and reactions. I go to parties to have fun, dude.
17. Have you ever been in a serious fight where real punches were thrown and you felt like you wanted to kill your opponent(s)?
No: 0 points
This makes me less sexy, because girls really love the homicidal type.
18. Have you ever been arrested?
Yes: +1 point
I got arrested once when I was eight for riding my bike after curfew without a light, and I was so scared I barfed on the cop. Apparently this makes me a dangerously desirable bad boy. (I might just have been detained, I'm not sure if that was an "arrest" legally, but it's a hilarious story anyway.)
Note that being arrested for child porn is a smaller ding than flip-flops.
19. You are on a second date with a girl. You go to kiss her. She turns her cheek to you and says “Slow down, I’m not that kind of girl.” You reply:
(A) ”Sorry.” -1 point
Respecting boundaries is so not hot. The right answer is "This could be trouble ’cause I’m that kind of guy. *smirk*" Because implicit rape threats (I get the feeling that this line is meant to be delivered while cornering her alone and not quite forcing a kiss but not backing off) are so hot.
20. You’re chatting up a pretty girl you just met in a bar. After a few minutes she asks you to buy her a drink. You reply:
(B) “I’m not an ATM.” 0 points
Not in so many words, because that's toolish and as a girl I would take it as a straight-up rejection, but I have to admit that it would be weird for someone to ask me to buy them a drink. I certainly never ask guys that. (Partly because accepting a drink seems to imply consent for absolutely anything they want to do to me for the entire rest of the night. Man that's five bucks well spent.)
21. You’ve just met a cute girl in a club and have been talking with her for five minutes when she abruptly changes the topic to a raunchy conversation about her multiorgasmic ability. You respond with:
(A) a huge grin and an eager “Damn! That is HOT!” -1 point
Because fuck yeah. Also, seriously dude, if I'm talking like that, unless I'm a major-league advanced-level game player (I'm totally not), it means I want to fuck you. If we've known each other five minutes and I'm talking about my orgasms, there's no pickup to be done; the Game is over and you won. (We both won! After all, if things go well I'm going to have those orgasms, and duuuude.)
The correct answer is of course "a raised eyebrow while saying 'Hey, thanks for the medical report.'" Which I would take as a crushing rejection and slink away in embarrassment.
22. The pickup has been going well. Later in the night she leans in and begins making out with you passionately. You feel like a king and your jeans suddenly feel much tighter. Do you:
(B) continue making out with her for as long as she wishes. 0 points
This is of course a loser move. The winner move is "kiss for a little bit then push her gently away and look distracted for a second." Apparently Roissy's whole philosophy of pickup is acting like you don't want the girl at all and rejecting her at every step. (Except if she says no to you, then it's Rapeasaurus Rex time.)
"He didn't buy me a drink, didn't want to talk sexy, and wasn't into making out--I've never been more aroused in my life!"
Hmm. I wonder if this ties into the idea that women (or 22YOBS, at least) are constantly fending off a huge surplus of sexual attraction. I guess if everyone a woman encounters drools over her, being a little less accessible would make you stand out, but very very very few women have that experience. To any woman who's accustomed to rejection (i.e., 99% of them including most 22YOBS), this would feel exactly like rejection.
23. You go to a bar. Twenty feet away are a pretty girl, a fat girl, and an average guy talking amongst themselves. The pretty girl briefly eye flirts with you. In reponse, you:
(B) immediately approach in a direct fashion maintaining strong eye contact with your target. 0 points
Well, that makes it sound like I'm charging like a goddamn bull. I would actually just go up and say hi.
The correct answer is "immediately approach but from an indirect angle, looking around the room distractedly on the way over to your target as if you might see an even prettier girl somewhere else, and finally delivering your opener from over your shoulder." Because nothing screams sexual confidence like elaborate choreography.
24. Who do you address first?
(C) everyone. +1 point
Whee, I win. And of course "fat" is the opposite of "pretty," that goes without saying.
25. After getting the whole group engaged in conversation and having a good time, your target blurts out “Hey nice pink shirt! Are you gay?” You:
(A) say “No, I’m not gay!” -1 point
Although my intonation would be a bit more "nope, not gay." Because it's not some deathly insult I must defend myself from.
The correct answer is “OK, who brought their little sister to the bar!”, which is actually a little tempting considering the homophobia implicit in her remark, but at this point, she would stop being my "target," because I don't fuck people who think that "LOL PINK LOL GAY" is good flirting.
26. In the middle of the conversation you have to pee. You say:
(B) “Excuse me.” 0 points
Winners just fucking walk away mid-sentence. Roissy's flirting is really, really, really indistinguishable from rejection. Cruel rejection at that.
27. You’ve managed to get her outside your front door. There is obvious sexual tension. You want to close this deal. You say:
(B) “Why don’t you come inside?” 0 points
The correct answer: “I’m thirsty. Are you thirsty? Let’s go inside and taste DC’s finest tap water. But you can only stay for a minute, I have to get up early.”
Wow, seriously? Wow. Roissy's just fucking with us at this point.
And my score is... -5! Holy shit! It's the same! This must be totally scientifically accurate!
Lesser beta. You don’t immediately disgust girls; they just don’t notice you. With much painful effort you can redeem yourself.
So apparently as a Beta-Minus female I could fuck Beta-Minus males, but as a Beta-Minus male I can't fuck anyone without painful effort? This is where my whole "math" argument comes in.
God, I'm stuck on Roissy like a train wreck. I so want to look away... but I don't.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
On The Availability of Pussy In Contemporary American Society.
Introduction
"Generally, ordinary guys can go years between relationships with ordinary women, because they are constantly meeting (in everyday life) very few women, very few of whom ever find them (the guys) attractive. [..] Holly's Magical Vagina Power blinds her to the experience of a totally average guy who's just middling employed, middling-looking, and middling charming. Bruno's and Bookworm's (and my) experience of how (almost) no women see them and how few connect with them is a real truth about the experience of ordinary men that you constantly elide with the "PUA bad, grr" act."
-Eurosabra
Data
The sex ratio at birth in the USA is about 105 boys to 100 girls. Boys are slightly more prone to die young, however, so for the age range 15-30 the ratio is 1:1 and at older ages there are more women. As an average for the population as a whole, there are 95 males to 100 females. (CIA World Factbook)
Statistics on homosexuality vary widely (and often follow the "one drop rule" that if someone reports any history of same-sex sex or attraction they're counted as gay), but generally seem to agree that there are more exclusively homosexual men than women. The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior, for example, reports 9% of men and 5% of women are homosexual.
I couldn't find any documentation on the prevalence of polyamory that wasn't written by a crazy person, but I believe that it's not really super common. I mean, it's like 20% of everyone I know, but I live in weird circles, I'm guessing it can't be more than 2% of the population, and even fewer are in polygynous arrangements where multiple women are exclusive to one man.
In "Patterns of Asexuality in the United States," presented at an American Sociological Association conference, the authors conclude that 0.7% of men and 0.8% of women report being asexual. They also mention that 12% of men and 11% of women report no sexual contact in the last 12 months.
So let's crunch those numbers (well, assumptions) for young adults in the US, and we get... 100 available straight women for every 97.9 available straight men. Of course that's extremely rough and there's other reasons a person could be off the market, but on the whole these data support the frankly obvious conclusion that for every wanting cock there's a willing pussy. In fact there's slightly more than one.
Analysis
I want to stop hearing all this fucking bullshit about how women can get laid and men can't, because there's the same goddamn number of women looking for cock as men looking for pussy. And every time a woman gets cock, a guy gets pussy. It is not possible for straight women to get laid more than straight men.
In pickup rather than partnership contexts it's difficult to disprove the "a few super-promiscuous guys get all the pussy" theorem so popular among self-pitying couchfucks, but (just based on personal experience, anecdote, and Earth Logic) the vast majority of sex is partnership, not pickup. It's obvious that in monogamous heterosexual partnerships, men and women have exactly the same amount of sex.
Also, please note that women are reusable, and a woman who is "taken" for a night by a super-promiscuous man will be right back on the market the next night. (Or a couple weeks later if he really burns her.)
Because most people require more than just availability from their sexual partners, some people will end up celibate against their wishes, but note that this is a bi-directional problem; for every man sitting at home alone sighing, there's a woman in the same position. Not only do men have the same amount of sex as women, women have the same amount of not-sex as men. Incel women are less likely to be vocal about it, however, because culture encourages them to blame their own lack of attractiveness rather than demand men accept them as they are.
Conclusion
Men get laid just as much as women. If you don't get laid and are unhappy, this is your problem, not a gender issue. Being "incel" is the fate of the picky, shy, or socially inept, not of the male. And implicitly blaming women for cruelly making themselves unavailable to you is super creepy and I wouldn't fuck you either if I heard you saying that shit.
"Generally, ordinary guys can go years between relationships with ordinary women, because they are constantly meeting (in everyday life) very few women, very few of whom ever find them (the guys) attractive. [..] Holly's Magical Vagina Power blinds her to the experience of a totally average guy who's just middling employed, middling-looking, and middling charming. Bruno's and Bookworm's (and my) experience of how (almost) no women see them and how few connect with them is a real truth about the experience of ordinary men that you constantly elide with the "PUA bad, grr" act."
-Eurosabra
Data
The sex ratio at birth in the USA is about 105 boys to 100 girls. Boys are slightly more prone to die young, however, so for the age range 15-30 the ratio is 1:1 and at older ages there are more women. As an average for the population as a whole, there are 95 males to 100 females. (CIA World Factbook)
Statistics on homosexuality vary widely (and often follow the "one drop rule" that if someone reports any history of same-sex sex or attraction they're counted as gay), but generally seem to agree that there are more exclusively homosexual men than women. The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior, for example, reports 9% of men and 5% of women are homosexual.
I couldn't find any documentation on the prevalence of polyamory that wasn't written by a crazy person, but I believe that it's not really super common. I mean, it's like 20% of everyone I know, but I live in weird circles, I'm guessing it can't be more than 2% of the population, and even fewer are in polygynous arrangements where multiple women are exclusive to one man.
In "Patterns of Asexuality in the United States," presented at an American Sociological Association conference, the authors conclude that 0.7% of men and 0.8% of women report being asexual. They also mention that 12% of men and 11% of women report no sexual contact in the last 12 months.
So let's crunch those numbers (well, assumptions) for young adults in the US, and we get... 100 available straight women for every 97.9 available straight men. Of course that's extremely rough and there's other reasons a person could be off the market, but on the whole these data support the frankly obvious conclusion that for every wanting cock there's a willing pussy. In fact there's slightly more than one.
Analysis
I want to stop hearing all this fucking bullshit about how women can get laid and men can't, because there's the same goddamn number of women looking for cock as men looking for pussy. And every time a woman gets cock, a guy gets pussy. It is not possible for straight women to get laid more than straight men.
In pickup rather than partnership contexts it's difficult to disprove the "a few super-promiscuous guys get all the pussy" theorem so popular among self-pitying couchfucks, but (just based on personal experience, anecdote, and Earth Logic) the vast majority of sex is partnership, not pickup. It's obvious that in monogamous heterosexual partnerships, men and women have exactly the same amount of sex.
Also, please note that women are reusable, and a woman who is "taken" for a night by a super-promiscuous man will be right back on the market the next night. (Or a couple weeks later if he really burns her.)
Because most people require more than just availability from their sexual partners, some people will end up celibate against their wishes, but note that this is a bi-directional problem; for every man sitting at home alone sighing, there's a woman in the same position. Not only do men have the same amount of sex as women, women have the same amount of not-sex as men. Incel women are less likely to be vocal about it, however, because culture encourages them to blame their own lack of attractiveness rather than demand men accept them as they are.
Conclusion
Men get laid just as much as women. If you don't get laid and are unhappy, this is your problem, not a gender issue. Being "incel" is the fate of the picky, shy, or socially inept, not of the male. And implicitly blaming women for cruelly making themselves unavailable to you is super creepy and I wouldn't fuck you either if I heard you saying that shit.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
One Page of PUA.
My new Cosmo still isn't here. I know there is a new one, I've seen it in stores, but I'd feel dumb buying it in a store when I have a subscription. But I feel like harshly mocking someone who's obviously wrong... hm... Cosmo website is slow... Satoshi Kanazawa doesn't post very fast and right now he's onto describing the obviously ancient evolutionary divide between liberals and conservatives... I've lost all interest in Twisty Faster... ooh! PUAs! The well of crazy that never runs dry!
Bear in mind, I'm lazy. I don't have the time or inclination to comb through hundreds of posts from dozens of forums to find the few stupid statements in an otherwise reasonable community. No, these are just from the top few posts in the "Beginner" forum at "Fast Seduction." I didn't even hit "next page."
I was talking with a couple of guys and girls and suddenly I said to one of the girls (it was the first thing i said to her).
"Your mother smells like a pigeon". she didn't respond.
About half an hour later, she asked me if i wanted to searsh for a toilet with her (we were in a park). And the rest is rock and roll history.
I... wow, gosh, I don't even... what does a pigeon smell like, anyway?
When I open groups of girls who don't respond well to my approach, I've found that a common line they use is "We're not interested" and they'll return to their little huddle.
Since it's common enough among the negative responses, I'd like to know if you have any responses for this. I'm assuming that line is a shit test, and they're really hoping you'll overcome the test and show yourself to be the attractive guy they're filtering for.
A woman said "no," can you please explain to me why this really meant "yes"?
How do you know who's a slut? here's a quick guide:
1. Reach hand down pants.
2. If she has a pussy, she's a slut.
Women are horrible hateful things, and I just wish I could have one.
[Q: A girl was supposed to meet me but flaked out, and this bothers me.]
[A:] WRONG, if you are still thinking about her, she has achieved her goal of getting you emotionally invested in her.
Yeah, because when I don't meet guys and don't talk to them, I'm trying really hard to get them invested. (And their obsession with me is thus my fault.)
Ive already gotten the name of this HB7 that works in a record store (bought a couple of CDs in the process) and now i need some ideas on how do i go back in and #close her.
Wow. You got her name. That's some serious progress bro, it means she's dripping for it, better seize that opening. ...Was she wearing a nametag by any chance?
I chatted up this one girl who was selling those heat pad things. We were talking bout it. The whole conversation was fairly playful. I brought up how I could use it after a work out. She gave no compliment even tho I was peacocking my pecs and biceps. Made her laugh about how she knows nothing about how these things work. Conversation was very fluid, up until I ran out of stuff to say...
She was very intent on talking about nothing other than the pad thing she's selling. I need to figure out how to transition from talking bout the crap they're selling to personal stuff.
She's a salesperson. Of course she'll talk to you; she has to talk to you as long as you're keeping up some slight pretense that you're talking about the product. But if every time you try to pry into her personal life she goes "um, yeah, so another thing you can use the heating pad for is...", this is not your failure in technique, this is a very clear message she's sending you.
Never try to logically or through verbal communication make woman to change. Doesn't work at all. Women thought by actions only.
Woman not thought logically or verbally this anyway, that's for damn sure.
And that's the end of the page. That's the end of ONE RANDOM PAGE on a PUA site. What I'd find if I actually went looking for bad stuff is presumably beyond my worst nightmares.
The theme that stands out the most, interestingly, is not manipulation or even straight-up misogyny, but an absolute inability to hear "no." You'd think, with their emphasis on doing a lot of approaches and not getting attached, PUA doctrine would be to instantly accept a "no" as "your loss, toots" and move on, but these guys twist themselves in knots to explain why "no" means they're getting there, they just need to try harder! I hate to use the phrase "rape culture," I think it's usually applied ridiculously, but... if a guy thinks that not calling him means you want him to fall in love, what do you think he'll interpret "no, I'm not ready for sex now" as?
And the really depressing thing, which I haven't mentioned in the quotes, is the age range of the posters. Some are older guys in their 50s, a lot are in college or the post-college drift, but a dispiriting number identify themselves as high school boys. I guess it's not uncommon for guys to go through a phase where sexual frustration manifests as misogyny, and hopefully these are the guys with the best chance of growing out of it and moving on, but I worry that overexposure to PUA will freeze them in this state. Constant othering of women and reinforcement of the messages "it's not her choice, it's your game," and "when you feel bad it's the woman fucking with you" seems like it could really mess with the head of someone too young to have real-life perspective.
I wish I had some way to talk to them. I really want to make these guys understand how and why to act like goddamn humans, and it frustrates me that I have no means of doing so.
Bear in mind, I'm lazy. I don't have the time or inclination to comb through hundreds of posts from dozens of forums to find the few stupid statements in an otherwise reasonable community. No, these are just from the top few posts in the "Beginner" forum at "Fast Seduction." I didn't even hit "next page."
I was talking with a couple of guys and girls and suddenly I said to one of the girls (it was the first thing i said to her).
"Your mother smells like a pigeon". she didn't respond.
About half an hour later, she asked me if i wanted to searsh for a toilet with her (we were in a park). And the rest is rock and roll history.
I... wow, gosh, I don't even... what does a pigeon smell like, anyway?
When I open groups of girls who don't respond well to my approach, I've found that a common line they use is "We're not interested" and they'll return to their little huddle.
Since it's common enough among the negative responses, I'd like to know if you have any responses for this. I'm assuming that line is a shit test, and they're really hoping you'll overcome the test and show yourself to be the attractive guy they're filtering for.
A woman said "no," can you please explain to me why this really meant "yes"?
How do you know who's a slut? here's a quick guide:
1. Reach hand down pants.
2. If she has a pussy, she's a slut.
Women are horrible hateful things, and I just wish I could have one.
[Q: A girl was supposed to meet me but flaked out, and this bothers me.]
[A:] WRONG, if you are still thinking about her, she has achieved her goal of getting you emotionally invested in her.
Yeah, because when I don't meet guys and don't talk to them, I'm trying really hard to get them invested. (And their obsession with me is thus my fault.)
Ive already gotten the name of this HB7 that works in a record store (bought a couple of CDs in the process) and now i need some ideas on how do i go back in and #close her.
Wow. You got her name. That's some serious progress bro, it means she's dripping for it, better seize that opening. ...Was she wearing a nametag by any chance?
I chatted up this one girl who was selling those heat pad things. We were talking bout it. The whole conversation was fairly playful. I brought up how I could use it after a work out. She gave no compliment even tho I was peacocking my pecs and biceps. Made her laugh about how she knows nothing about how these things work. Conversation was very fluid, up until I ran out of stuff to say...
She was very intent on talking about nothing other than the pad thing she's selling. I need to figure out how to transition from talking bout the crap they're selling to personal stuff.
She's a salesperson. Of course she'll talk to you; she has to talk to you as long as you're keeping up some slight pretense that you're talking about the product. But if every time you try to pry into her personal life she goes "um, yeah, so another thing you can use the heating pad for is...", this is not your failure in technique, this is a very clear message she's sending you.
Never try to logically or through verbal communication make woman to change. Doesn't work at all. Women thought by actions only.
Woman not thought logically or verbally this anyway, that's for damn sure.
And that's the end of the page. That's the end of ONE RANDOM PAGE on a PUA site. What I'd find if I actually went looking for bad stuff is presumably beyond my worst nightmares.
The theme that stands out the most, interestingly, is not manipulation or even straight-up misogyny, but an absolute inability to hear "no." You'd think, with their emphasis on doing a lot of approaches and not getting attached, PUA doctrine would be to instantly accept a "no" as "your loss, toots" and move on, but these guys twist themselves in knots to explain why "no" means they're getting there, they just need to try harder! I hate to use the phrase "rape culture," I think it's usually applied ridiculously, but... if a guy thinks that not calling him means you want him to fall in love, what do you think he'll interpret "no, I'm not ready for sex now" as?
And the really depressing thing, which I haven't mentioned in the quotes, is the age range of the posters. Some are older guys in their 50s, a lot are in college or the post-college drift, but a dispiriting number identify themselves as high school boys. I guess it's not uncommon for guys to go through a phase where sexual frustration manifests as misogyny, and hopefully these are the guys with the best chance of growing out of it and moving on, but I worry that overexposure to PUA will freeze them in this state. Constant othering of women and reinforcement of the messages "it's not her choice, it's your game," and "when you feel bad it's the woman fucking with you" seems like it could really mess with the head of someone too young to have real-life perspective.
I wish I had some way to talk to them. I really want to make these guys understand how and why to act like goddamn humans, and it frustrates me that I have no means of doing so.
Monday, April 19, 2010
The Ordinary Guy With A Girlfriend.
In all the weird convoluted discussions of PUAs and Nice Guys and Beta Males and other such critters, you know which species never gets mentioned? Even less than the sub-model-appearance woman? The ordinary guy who has a girlfriend.
You see them every day. In fact, they probably make up the majority of the men you work with, go to school with, and socialize with. They're totally unremarkable guys, not all hot and successful, not all socially dominant, and they have girlfriends or wives. Generally just one apiece, and not all these girlfriends are super hotties or anything, but they're women and they usually have sex with their boyfriends and care about them.
It'd be silly to call these guys "Alphas," they're not the center of attention anywhere and they're not pulling models by the busload, but they get laid on a regular basis, they go on dates and do snuggly couple stuff with their girlfriends, and they seem reasonably happy.
It seems like if you can't get laid at all, it'd be better to try and become an ordinary guy with a girlfriend than to go straight from training wheels to the Tour de France by aiming for Alpha Male status. Approaching hundreds of women, putting on a "cocky and funny" act, every aspect of "game"--it's obvious that ordinary guys with girlfriends don't do that shit. Your average Joe Schmoe at the tire shop hasn't heard of PUA, doesn't have "Natural Game," isn't Brad Pitt and he works at the tire shop, but Jane Schmoe loves him anyway because that's how people usually work it out. (Now, Jane Schmoe might be a 4 or 5, but Joe loves her anyway because that's how people usually work it out.)
It's counterproductive, creepy, and crazy to think that the only options in life are World of Warcraft or a polygynous sexual cornucopia, when most normal straight guys just have a goddamn girlfriend.
You see them every day. In fact, they probably make up the majority of the men you work with, go to school with, and socialize with. They're totally unremarkable guys, not all hot and successful, not all socially dominant, and they have girlfriends or wives. Generally just one apiece, and not all these girlfriends are super hotties or anything, but they're women and they usually have sex with their boyfriends and care about them.
It'd be silly to call these guys "Alphas," they're not the center of attention anywhere and they're not pulling models by the busload, but they get laid on a regular basis, they go on dates and do snuggly couple stuff with their girlfriends, and they seem reasonably happy.
It seems like if you can't get laid at all, it'd be better to try and become an ordinary guy with a girlfriend than to go straight from training wheels to the Tour de France by aiming for Alpha Male status. Approaching hundreds of women, putting on a "cocky and funny" act, every aspect of "game"--it's obvious that ordinary guys with girlfriends don't do that shit. Your average Joe Schmoe at the tire shop hasn't heard of PUA, doesn't have "Natural Game," isn't Brad Pitt and he works at the tire shop, but Jane Schmoe loves him anyway because that's how people usually work it out. (Now, Jane Schmoe might be a 4 or 5, but Joe loves her anyway because that's how people usually work it out.)
It's counterproductive, creepy, and crazy to think that the only options in life are World of Warcraft or a polygynous sexual cornucopia, when most normal straight guys just have a goddamn girlfriend.
Friday, March 26, 2010
The Beta Male.
NOTE TO PEOPLE READING THIS POST:
1) Yes, it's sarcastic. The things below? Not actually true. I thought this was apparent to anyone who had spent time on Earth.
2) If you post a bitter trolly comment, I won't let it through moderation unless I have a funny comeback.
3) Go out and make some friends. You might or might not get laid. Either way you'll be happier and know more about how humans actually work.
-Holly Pervocracy, 5/1/2012
There is a frighteningly large population of heterosexual men for whom not getting laid has become a lifestyle and an identity. They're "love shy," they're "beta males," they're "average frustrated chumps," they're "incel," they're "nice guys."
These are the tenets of their belief system:
* The word "woman" refers exclusively to slender, outgoing, fashionable, conventionally beautiful heterosexual white women under 30 who aren't too slutty. Other types of woman aren't undesirable so much as nonexistent.
*With this extreme restriction on female existence, there are far fewer women than there are men, so competition is fierce. Only the rare lucky or skilled man is able to get a woman.
*Women are not, inherently, attracted to men. A woman would certainly never pursue a man or initiate contact with him; at best she accepts applicants and judges them harshly.
*Women get an enormous thrill out of rejecting men. It's like having an orgasm while winning an Oscar and eating chocolate-covered bacon. God it's good. When a man submits his Application To Get Laid to a woman, she looks for any excuse to reject him, because she's just itching for that thrill. A woman's ideal evening is rejecting fifteen men and going home alone, and it's up to a man's luck or skill to break that streak.
*Friendship with a woman is an extremely drawn-out form of rejection, in which every time you meet and she doesn't fuck you is its own little mini-rejection. The only reason some men remain friends with women is that they continue to hold out foolish hope.
*"I love women!" Women are like sports cars you can stick your dick into. They're good to be seen with, good to use privately, and just plain fun to own. Of course these guys "love women"--who wouldn't love an awesome toy like that?
*Some men are alpha males, and everyone likes them and they can get lots of women while acting like total assholes and it's no fair. These men are chosen by random lottery at birth and did nothing to deserve their status.
*The vast majority of men are beta males, and can never ever have sex because the alphas are taking all of the women. Women meet in secret to trade lists of known beta males; this is why a totally unfamiliar man can walk into a totally new venue and all the women will just know they're supposed to ignore him. It's certainly not anything he does.
*As women are not attracted to men, a man's attempts to be traditionally "attractive"--being well-groomed, smelling good, appearing healthy and active, dressing presentably, acting good-natured and sociable--are completely pointless and no effort whatsoever should be made in these areas.
*Talking to women is a totally different skill than just talking to people, which is how someone can have an education and a job and not be a hermit and yet truthfully say he can't talk to women.
*The only hope for a beta male is an intensive course of schooling that will enable him to mimic the stereotyped behavior patterns of the alpha. These behaviors are so diverse and bizarre they merit their own post, or series of posts, or series of posts that I promise to do and then forget about because there was a shiny thing.
Fun fact: wolves in nature do not have "alpha/beta/omega" social systems! This only occurs when unrelated individuals are confined together in a way that never happens in the real world. Wolf packs are actually more like nuclear family units, in which the younger males don't mate because the females are their mother and sisters, not because they're "betas." When the males get older they'll go off on their own and a lot of them will find females and mate.
And presumably the ones who don't spend a lot of time hanging out and telling each other that it's not their fault, it's just those damn bitches.
1) Yes, it's sarcastic. The things below? Not actually true. I thought this was apparent to anyone who had spent time on Earth.
2) If you post a bitter trolly comment, I won't let it through moderation unless I have a funny comeback.
3) Go out and make some friends. You might or might not get laid. Either way you'll be happier and know more about how humans actually work.
-Holly Pervocracy, 5/1/2012
There is a frighteningly large population of heterosexual men for whom not getting laid has become a lifestyle and an identity. They're "love shy," they're "beta males," they're "average frustrated chumps," they're "incel," they're "nice guys."
These are the tenets of their belief system:
* The word "woman" refers exclusively to slender, outgoing, fashionable, conventionally beautiful heterosexual white women under 30 who aren't too slutty. Other types of woman aren't undesirable so much as nonexistent.
*With this extreme restriction on female existence, there are far fewer women than there are men, so competition is fierce. Only the rare lucky or skilled man is able to get a woman.
*Women are not, inherently, attracted to men. A woman would certainly never pursue a man or initiate contact with him; at best she accepts applicants and judges them harshly.
*Women get an enormous thrill out of rejecting men. It's like having an orgasm while winning an Oscar and eating chocolate-covered bacon. God it's good. When a man submits his Application To Get Laid to a woman, she looks for any excuse to reject him, because she's just itching for that thrill. A woman's ideal evening is rejecting fifteen men and going home alone, and it's up to a man's luck or skill to break that streak.
*Friendship with a woman is an extremely drawn-out form of rejection, in which every time you meet and she doesn't fuck you is its own little mini-rejection. The only reason some men remain friends with women is that they continue to hold out foolish hope.
*"I love women!" Women are like sports cars you can stick your dick into. They're good to be seen with, good to use privately, and just plain fun to own. Of course these guys "love women"--who wouldn't love an awesome toy like that?
*Some men are alpha males, and everyone likes them and they can get lots of women while acting like total assholes and it's no fair. These men are chosen by random lottery at birth and did nothing to deserve their status.
*The vast majority of men are beta males, and can never ever have sex because the alphas are taking all of the women. Women meet in secret to trade lists of known beta males; this is why a totally unfamiliar man can walk into a totally new venue and all the women will just know they're supposed to ignore him. It's certainly not anything he does.
*As women are not attracted to men, a man's attempts to be traditionally "attractive"--being well-groomed, smelling good, appearing healthy and active, dressing presentably, acting good-natured and sociable--are completely pointless and no effort whatsoever should be made in these areas.
*Talking to women is a totally different skill than just talking to people, which is how someone can have an education and a job and not be a hermit and yet truthfully say he can't talk to women.
*The only hope for a beta male is an intensive course of schooling that will enable him to mimic the stereotyped behavior patterns of the alpha. These behaviors are so diverse and bizarre they merit their own post, or series of posts, or series of posts that I promise to do and then forget about because there was a shiny thing.
Fun fact: wolves in nature do not have "alpha/beta/omega" social systems! This only occurs when unrelated individuals are confined together in a way that never happens in the real world. Wolf packs are actually more like nuclear family units, in which the younger males don't mate because the females are their mother and sisters, not because they're "betas." When the males get older they'll go off on their own and a lot of them will find females and mate.
And presumably the ones who don't spend a lot of time hanging out and telling each other that it's not their fault, it's just those damn bitches.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Cosmocking: February '10! (Part One!)
Lavender cover! Anna Faris! Her dress is a little small and has weird boob-stripes but the fabric looks super nice, I bet you could've made a great dress out of that fabric! Size of the word "SEX" on the cover: 76 point! Also 28 point, in another place! Because just one "SEX" isn't nearly enough!
Now let's take a moment to recognize what's not in this issue of Cosmo: any acknowledgement that anyone disagreed with the part in that last issue where they advised a woman to stay with and confront a blatant potential abuser. Every one of the reader letters they printed was fawning. Also written with an eerily similar word choice and sentence structure to the editorial content. Cosmo's so delightfully self-contained. I wouldn't be shocked to discover they write a year's worth at once and just dole 'em out over the next twelve months.
Prime-Time Lesbians: Is your guy suddenly a couch potato? We bet it has to do with all the girl-on-girl love on TV. Christine Woods seeks a female soul mate on FlashForward, and Katie Cassidy has kissed more than one brunet on Melrose Place.
Fun fact: lesbians were originally designed to arouse women with their sexuality. Just some wacky backwards trivia for you.
Also, "brunet" is masculine, "brunette" is feminine. FYI.
Sexy: [picture of Robert Pattinson]
Skanky: [picture of Billy Idol]
Oh Lord, there's an article by a PUA teacher. Oh Lord. PUA in Cosmo. What have we done to deserve this?
Before you write me off as a pickup artist and my students as sleazebags, hear me out--because it's often the guys with the least game who are the most worthwhile.
If a guy can't talk to me like a normal person--whether because he's laying on the "game" with a trowel or because he "can't talk to girls" as well as he can to humans--than I have to assume he doesn't think I'm a normal person, so he's definitely not worthwhile.
After dinner, we go "in-field" to a nearby bar so the guy can take what they've learned and practice it. More often than not, women shoot them down immediately. Of course, that's justifiable if they're trying too hard or [...] not hard enough. But sometimes they're rejected because they're a little nervous.
What am I, a fucking Olympic judge? I don't award or deduct style points. Deciding whether I want to be intimate with someone is a fuzzy process and it has a lot more to do with whether he makes us feel like an "us" (even for casual sex) than with difficulty, execution, and artistic presentation.
You know, I don't really like shooting guys down. It's awkward, it makes me feel guilty because I know rejection hurts, and it doesn't get me laid. Sometimes I feel like I have to be blunt with a guy whose appearance or personality doesn't do it for me, but I never want to play Missile Command with men's egos.
(Except PUAs. With them it's just funny. I know it only makes them bitterer but I have no mercy on PUAs.)
So next time you're approached, think about how hard it is for a guy to put himself out there. Give the less-than-perfect pickup a chance and, I promise, you'll end up meeting more great men than ever.
This is rich coming from a cult that always promises "how to pick up beautiful women." I don't see a lot of PUA instructors telling their disciples "give the mousy girl with a few love handles a chance and, I promise, you'll end up meeting more great women than ever."
Also, seriously, are there really bars out there where women set up booths with take-a-ticket machines and men line up to audition? It seems a lot more mutual in most places I hang out. I start conversations with lots of guys and it's not like this weird backwards thing. Of course sometimes we just end up conversing and that's all, and that's terrible because it means he loses the game. Who wants a bitch for her conversation, sheesh.
To give your bubbies a lift, slip silicone cutlets into your bra. Going braless? Try NuBra adhesive inserts.
Although I sometimes feel insecure about my breasts, I never wear "cutlets" or anything of the sort, because when I'm dressing up sexy I generally hope to get laid. That's the point of it, right? When I'm getting the girls all propped up and decked out it's because I'm meeting a man or I want to meet one. And if all goes well, I'm going to take that bra off, and I don't want a couple of cutlets falling on his thighs. Putting embarrassing gadgets on my boobs seems like I'm making a commitment to go home alone.
..."Bubbies"?
Q: My armpit skin is darker than the rest of my skin. Is there a way to lighten it?
A: Médecins Sans Frontières provides emergency medical care for millions of people in situations of war or desperate poverty. They treat victims of violence, epidemics, malnutrition, and natural disasters who have no other resources for medical assistance. A donation of as little as $30 can provide a basic medical supply kit that will save lives.
Please keep this in mind when I tell you that the solution to the armpit problem costs $2.50/oz.
Try Skype sex. Keep your camera pointed above your shoulders, so he sees just your O face.
That's totally not where he told me to point the camera. It's one thing to keep it above my shoulders at first, maybe even for a bit after he asks to see the rest of me (but it's hard when he asks so nice...), but by the time we're down to O faces we shouldn't still be teasing. Tease has to give way to passion eventually. Even on Skype.
While out, lick the neck of a beer bottle the way you plan on licking him later.
Classy as fuck.
(Weird confession: I actually do sometimes give beer bottles blowjobs, just because it feels cool and makes me giggle. I do this in the privacy of my own home and feel like a dork even talking about it.)
Postorgasm, gently squeeze his testicles. It'll give him a sexy aftershock.
I'm not a dude so I don't know, but this sounds acutely unpleasant.
Have him fold his tongue like a taco and put it inside you. Then have him flatten it out.
Fun fact: only about sixty percent of men can do this. It's genetic! Funner fact: I can't imagine this really feeling like anything.
Set your cellphone alarm for 3 AM, and then wake him for a quickie.
And on this entirely practical and considerate gem, we end part one. This issue was so ripe (and my time so limited, because it's getting late and some of us have to work in the morning, honey) that there's going to be an entire part two soon. I just can't miss out on giving "Are You Turning Your Boyfriend Into A Girlie Man?" its full due.
Tune in soon for the exciting conclusion!
Now let's take a moment to recognize what's not in this issue of Cosmo: any acknowledgement that anyone disagreed with the part in that last issue where they advised a woman to stay with and confront a blatant potential abuser. Every one of the reader letters they printed was fawning. Also written with an eerily similar word choice and sentence structure to the editorial content. Cosmo's so delightfully self-contained. I wouldn't be shocked to discover they write a year's worth at once and just dole 'em out over the next twelve months.
Prime-Time Lesbians: Is your guy suddenly a couch potato? We bet it has to do with all the girl-on-girl love on TV. Christine Woods seeks a female soul mate on FlashForward, and Katie Cassidy has kissed more than one brunet on Melrose Place.
Fun fact: lesbians were originally designed to arouse women with their sexuality. Just some wacky backwards trivia for you.
Also, "brunet" is masculine, "brunette" is feminine. FYI.
Sexy: [picture of Robert Pattinson]
Skanky: [picture of Billy Idol]
Oh Lord, there's an article by a PUA teacher. Oh Lord. PUA in Cosmo. What have we done to deserve this?
Before you write me off as a pickup artist and my students as sleazebags, hear me out--because it's often the guys with the least game who are the most worthwhile.
If a guy can't talk to me like a normal person--whether because he's laying on the "game" with a trowel or because he "can't talk to girls" as well as he can to humans--than I have to assume he doesn't think I'm a normal person, so he's definitely not worthwhile.
After dinner, we go "in-field" to a nearby bar so the guy can take what they've learned and practice it. More often than not, women shoot them down immediately. Of course, that's justifiable if they're trying too hard or [...] not hard enough. But sometimes they're rejected because they're a little nervous.
What am I, a fucking Olympic judge? I don't award or deduct style points. Deciding whether I want to be intimate with someone is a fuzzy process and it has a lot more to do with whether he makes us feel like an "us" (even for casual sex) than with difficulty, execution, and artistic presentation.
You know, I don't really like shooting guys down. It's awkward, it makes me feel guilty because I know rejection hurts, and it doesn't get me laid. Sometimes I feel like I have to be blunt with a guy whose appearance or personality doesn't do it for me, but I never want to play Missile Command with men's egos.
(Except PUAs. With them it's just funny. I know it only makes them bitterer but I have no mercy on PUAs.)
So next time you're approached, think about how hard it is for a guy to put himself out there. Give the less-than-perfect pickup a chance and, I promise, you'll end up meeting more great men than ever.
This is rich coming from a cult that always promises "how to pick up beautiful women." I don't see a lot of PUA instructors telling their disciples "give the mousy girl with a few love handles a chance and, I promise, you'll end up meeting more great women than ever."
Also, seriously, are there really bars out there where women set up booths with take-a-ticket machines and men line up to audition? It seems a lot more mutual in most places I hang out. I start conversations with lots of guys and it's not like this weird backwards thing. Of course sometimes we just end up conversing and that's all, and that's terrible because it means he loses the game. Who wants a bitch for her conversation, sheesh.
To give your bubbies a lift, slip silicone cutlets into your bra. Going braless? Try NuBra adhesive inserts.
Although I sometimes feel insecure about my breasts, I never wear "cutlets" or anything of the sort, because when I'm dressing up sexy I generally hope to get laid. That's the point of it, right? When I'm getting the girls all propped up and decked out it's because I'm meeting a man or I want to meet one. And if all goes well, I'm going to take that bra off, and I don't want a couple of cutlets falling on his thighs. Putting embarrassing gadgets on my boobs seems like I'm making a commitment to go home alone.
..."Bubbies"?
Q: My armpit skin is darker than the rest of my skin. Is there a way to lighten it?
A: Médecins Sans Frontières provides emergency medical care for millions of people in situations of war or desperate poverty. They treat victims of violence, epidemics, malnutrition, and natural disasters who have no other resources for medical assistance. A donation of as little as $30 can provide a basic medical supply kit that will save lives.
Please keep this in mind when I tell you that the solution to the armpit problem costs $2.50/oz.
Try Skype sex. Keep your camera pointed above your shoulders, so he sees just your O face.
That's totally not where he told me to point the camera. It's one thing to keep it above my shoulders at first, maybe even for a bit after he asks to see the rest of me (but it's hard when he asks so nice...), but by the time we're down to O faces we shouldn't still be teasing. Tease has to give way to passion eventually. Even on Skype.
While out, lick the neck of a beer bottle the way you plan on licking him later.
Classy as fuck.
(Weird confession: I actually do sometimes give beer bottles blowjobs, just because it feels cool and makes me giggle. I do this in the privacy of my own home and feel like a dork even talking about it.)
Postorgasm, gently squeeze his testicles. It'll give him a sexy aftershock.
I'm not a dude so I don't know, but this sounds acutely unpleasant.
Have him fold his tongue like a taco and put it inside you. Then have him flatten it out.
Fun fact: only about sixty percent of men can do this. It's genetic! Funner fact: I can't imagine this really feeling like anything.
Set your cellphone alarm for 3 AM, and then wake him for a quickie.
And on this entirely practical and considerate gem, we end part one. This issue was so ripe (and my time so limited, because it's getting late and some of us have to work in the morning, honey) that there's going to be an entire part two soon. I just can't miss out on giving "Are You Turning Your Boyfriend Into A Girlie Man?" its full due.
Tune in soon for the exciting conclusion!
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